A/N: Probably the only similarity between this and 'Meet me in St Louis' is the title. Oh well. Anyway, this is a Christmas fic for the talented, amazing, super swick PartiPooper! Fwend, you are the toast to my tea, the Lily to my Marshall, the Mingey to my Gary (just... let's pretend that doesn't sound awful, okay? You know what I mean) and the Matt to my Trey! You make me so happy and I hope I've made you just as happy with this fic! (An AU of mine which I know is one of your favourites). Merry Christmas, fwend!
Eric's hands wouldn't stop fidgeting during the cab ride, wringing at his lap now they had taken a break from fussing with his rented tux.
The constant, vibrant glow of Manhattan had been exacerbated by the festive season. Choreographed light shows of acidic red, sour green and Christmas motifs were as restless and excited as a little kid who had ate one too many candy canes. They were migraine inducing as they whirred and filtered through the taxi windows, nauseating pressure on Eric's lurching stomach.
"Dude," Eric nudged Kenny beside him. "Do I look alright?"
"What?" Kenny replied, brow furrowed. "This is, like, the tenth time you've asked me that since we picked you up."
"I think you look great, Eric," Butters piped up. He was sitting shotgun, craning his neck to properly address Eric and Kenny in the backseat.
Eric didn't take much stock in what Butters had to say; the guy was a platitude dispenser at this point.
"Kenny?" Eric again nudged him.
"Fuck!" Kenny snapped. "Yes you look fine, alright?!"
Eric responded with a scowl. He wasn't offended by Kenny's harshness, just embarrassed. He had placed so much unnecessary emphasis on this evening that he was now eye-rollingly neurotic.
"Why are you such an asshole, man?" Eric muttered, staring out the window at the lights, no matter how irritating.
"Why can't you just shut your damn mouth for a minute?" Kenny retorted.
"Don't fight, fellas!" Butters pleaded, before forcing brightness into his voice. "It's Christmas!"
"I don't give a shit what time of year it is…" Eric grumbled.
"Yet you care so much about what you look like?"
Eric's chest stung, another aloof defence fallen.
"It's a big night," he shrugged, but his words were flat.
"No, it's not," Kenny reminded him. Eric wasn't looking but he imagined his asshole of a best friend was smirking. "Besides, all the guys in there are going to be wearing tuxes just like you."
Eric rolled his eyes, breath catching in his throat.
There's only one guy at this stupid ball who I care about.
"Yeah, I know that…" Eric replied.
"Wait," there was an eagerness to Kenny's tone, smug and obnoxious like when he knew something Eric didn't. Or when he had found something out that was none of his business. Eric shifted in the seat. "This isn't about that Kyle dude, is it?"
Just hearing his name made Eric's stomach knot and his face flush.
"Oh my God, it is!" Kenny exclaimed, before giggling like they were in high school again.
"No!" Eric snapped, playing into this uncomfortable teenage regression by being so petulant.
"Yes!" Kenny argued, laughing. "I knew you had a crush on him when we were on that assignment!"
Kenny's words sent Eric rushing back to the scorching heat, the peach sky at sunset, Kyle's peerless smile on the savanna. In his memory's haze, Eric had to be careful to not let a smile of his own spread across his face. One that could never match the dazzling quality of Kyle's.
"Shut the fuck up, dude! I didn't have a crush on him…" Eric shook his head, shooing the thought away.
Suddenly, the cab came to a stop, Christmas lights now interspersed with rapid camera flashes and the sound of a jostling crowd.
"Ooh, we're here!" Butters chirped.
Eric gulped, hand hesitating at the door, before he replied, "Then let's go."
Stepping out of the taxi, Eric smiled awkwardly into the cameras that weren't for him. He actually felt a little sorry for the animals he had photographed over the years. If they had felt half as stunned as he did now.
Ducking his head, Eric followed Kenny and Butters up the red carpet that led into the natural history museum.
"… They've been on the cover of Time magazine twice, they've won God knows how many humanitarian awards because of their conservation efforts! They were on the Forbes rich list last year, and poaching in this area has dropped by eighty five percent in the two years since they developed the reserve!"
"Wow, Butters anybody would swear you're writing their memoirs," Eric said, after Butters was done listing the achievements of the two hippies.
Kenny was chuckling into the back of his hand before Butters shot him a pouting look.
Eric felt his resentment for the successful pair was justified. They'd been trundling along the savanna in a twenty year old pick-up truck with failing air-con for hours, just to get to their fancy reserve.
"Okay, kid all you want, Eric, but these fellas are a big deal!" Butters said. Eric wasn't denying that. Beneath his annoyance, he was still rather in awe of these people. "It's a privilege to even meet them, let alone be allowed to film here!"
Eric rolled his eyes at the amount of ass Butters was kissing, when said asses weren't even present.
"He's got a point," Craig – their begrudging team leader – spoke up from the driver's seat. "It's kind of intimidating."
"Why, exactly?" Eric asked.
Like there's only one conservation charity in the world.
"Because they're the same age as us only a hundred times more accomplished," Kenny answered Eric's question.
"Seriously?" Eric replied, eyebrows shooting up. Envy and insecurity prodded at his mind.
"Yeah!" Butters jumped in. "They founded the charity five years ago, when they were both twenty four, and it became successful pretty much overnight."
"Holy shit…" Eric muttered, staring out at the vast, unyielding land from the tiny truck window.
"Don't be too envious though," Kenny added a thankful disclaimer. "What Butters forgot to mention is that their net worth on the Forbes rich list took their parents money into account too."
Eric slid a knowing look Kenny's way, he should have known these modern day saints came from money.
"Where are their headquarters?" Eric asked.
"New York," Butters replied.
Eric turned to Kenny and wagered, "Park Avenue kids?"
Kenny's aqua eyes were piercing against his newly tanned skin, glinting when he tapped the side of his nose.
Eric huffed, adding derisively, "bored and hanging off their parent's coattails too, no doubt…"
Butters' fair eyebrows drew together, mild indignation bubbling below the timid surface. "Hey, hold on-"
"I never said that," Kenny pointed out.
"But you were implying it?" Eric replied.
Kenny shrugged, "maybe," before the two erupted in undeniably bitter laughter.
"Come on, guys!" Butters nearly whinged. "Getting to where they are today has required a lot of hard work! Regardless of how wealthy their families are."
Kenny nodded, shrugging again at Eric. "That's true."
"I guess," Eric yielded with a sigh. "And it was generous of them to let us film here."
"Well, not doing so wouldn't be charitable at all, right?" Kenny said.
The truck came to a jarring halt, and Craig looked unimpressed when he glanced back at his crew. "If you girls have quit gossiping, we're here."
Unbuckling his seat belt, Eric remarked, "terribly misogynistic, Craig."
A snort could be heard beside Eric, and when he looked in its direction he saw it came from Kenny, still grinning as he followed Butters out of the truck.
Eric was the last to exit the truck, joining Butters, Kenny and Craig as they looked up at the marmalade coloured lodge. Office, lookout, place of residence. The building wasn't too fancy or ostentatious, instead practical and complementing the colours of its environment. It was embraced by a wide, charming porch, sturdy enough to withstand the rainy season.
"So are the wonder twins meeting us or what?" Eric asked, through distant animal murmurings and insect chirpings.
Kenny laughed while Craig rolled his eyes.
"Just one of them I think," Butters answered, Eric's jokes were hit and miss with him. "Kyle Broflovski."
As if the name were akin to Beetlejuice or Sesame, the lodge door swung open and a smiling man clad in cargo shorts and a 'Broflovski-Marsh Wildlife Trust' t-shirt appeared.
"Hi!" The stranger smiled as he stepped down from the porch. "You're the film crew we're expecting?"
"Yeah, we're from Stripe productions," Craig replied, extending his hand.
"Great! I'm Kyle Broflovski." He beamed, giving Craig's hand a firm shake.
"Craig Tucker. Assistant director."
Kyle looked impressed by the title. "Nice to meet you, Craig."
Kyle went on to shake the hands of Kenny and Butters, a noble, admirable air about him that Eric found mildly agitating. But he bit back a grin at Butters' eagerness and how it so clearly surprised Kyle.
Finally, it was Eric's turn, and now face to face with Kyle he was unprepared for the onslaught of cuteness. He had already noted Kyle's copper hair, and he wondered whether this environment was suited to him. But now that he was close enough Eric could see that the sun had woven its way into Kyle's curls. And judging by the unmanaged frizz even the humidity had gotten to his follicles. Rather than being bronzed or burned pink, Kyle was simply smattered with freckles, sun drenched, which sharpened his verdant eyes sourer and decorated the bumpy bride of his nose.
"Hi," Eric said mindlessly, eyes still roaming Kyle's face when he extended his hand. "I'm Eric Cartman."
Pearly teeth shone from Kyle's grin as he shook the hand offered to him. "Kyle."
"So I've heard," Eric blurted, wishing any nearby quicksand would swallow his words.
Kyle rolled his eyes but chuckled.
Phew. That could have been horribly.
"Good one," Kyle resumed his grin but let go of Eric's hand. "So you're a…?"
"Cameraman," Eric said.
"I see," Kyle nodded. "Well, it's nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too," Eric replied, a lot fainter. His words had been sucked into some strange, enthralled vacuum.
"So, Kyle, it's just you here?" Kenny asked.
"Yeah, Stan is back in New York," Kyle replied.
"And Stan's your partner, right?" Eric jumped in.
Kyle turned to Eric again and smirked. "In a business sense, yes."
Eric raised his eyebrows, amused and taken back, but ultimately – deep down where only pathetic thought burrowed – pleased.
"Sorry," Kyle said, Eric couldn't tell if he was sincere or not. "The way you asked me that I thought you needed clarification."
"No," Eric replied with a half-grin. "None at all."
Kyle's eyes raked over Eric indecisively, before he addressed everyone, "So you guys have come a long way, huh?"
"Yeah, the rest of our team is filming a few hours away from here," Butters answered.
"You must he hungry then, after such a long trip!" Kyle said. "Believe me, the heat can really get to your stomach."
"You bet," Kenny commented.
"But there's plenty of food inside, so don't worry," Kyle assured them. "And afterwards, if you guys aren't too exhausted we can go on the tour I promised?"
"Yeah, sounds great," Craig replied for the group, 'assistant director' and all.
"Awesome," Kyle beamed. "Well, come on in and I'll show you around the lodge!"
As they followed Kyle inside, Eric was reminded how rare it was to see an ass look so good in cargo shorts.
"Yeah, it's uh, Eric Cartman?" Eric said to the girl manning the guest list.
The New York chill slithered in through the museum entrance as she searched for Eric's name.
"Ah yes!" She beamed, ticking off Eric's presence. "Enjoy your evening, sir!"
"Thank you," Eric nodded, before returning to Butters and Kenny.
"Wow, this is amazing!" Butters gasped, and Eric joined him in staring out at the sea of tuxedos, couture and diamonds. A graceful, exuberant tide rather than the raucous, immoderate storms that Eric had become accustomed to being tossed in at Christmas parties… Any kind of party, actually.
Ice blue and pearly lavender lights swelled at the base of marble columns, high ceilings and even at the feet of the famous, ancient skeletons front and center of the lobby. The lights' pale, frosty shadows met and refracted from the faint moonlight outside the high, far window. It should've made the building feel colder, but the syrupy symphony of a disembodied string quartet and the tinkling, self-satisfied conversation that had spread across the room, tempered the chill.
"Champagne on tap?" Kenny said, swiping two glasses from a passing waiter's tray.
"I'm pretty sure you have to pay for it," Eric commented.
"I don't think so?" Kenny replied, before he turned to Butters and handed him a glass. "What a way to ring in the holidays, huh?
Butters nodded with a grin, then downed the expensive drink. "Merry Christmas!" He giggled.
Eric smirked, but quickly turned his attention to the crowd, trying to spot a striking flash of scarlet hair and a smile that he was sure would pierce the entire room. One that would assuage the tight, persistent pounding of his heart like an arrow spearing a helpless target.
Hands placed firmly at his sides so they wouldn't fidget or tangle again, Eric finally spotted Kyle, nodding and smiling and kissing the cheeks of undoubtedly important people. Shining and aloof, the arrow had struck a tender bullseye without even realising it. So Eric just stared, vied for Kyle's attention though he was sure his silent calls would drown in the leagues of guests.
The emerald searchlights then swept across the crowd, in Eric's direction. His feet were rooted to the floor, frozen as if Kyle's gaze was the only thing that could thaw him out. Or melt him.
Their stares met, rather locked. As piercing as Eric suspected, stinging and sweet like biting into a golden delicious. But also calming, familiar, when coupled with Kyle's polished smile. It was clumsily mirrored by Eric's own uncontrollable smile as it spread across his face.
"I'll see you guys in a little bit," Eric's dazed words fell on deaf ears as he navigated his way through the crowd.
Kyle had followed his lead, and Eric prayed the lump that had risen in his throat would deflate by the time they met halfway.
A lovely setting, season, place. A reunion executed with such foreign perfection to Eric.
Kyle was clean shaved, freckles faded, tailor-made for events such as these Eric was sure. Like how he had soon adapted to life in Botswana, this was just another effortless layer to Kyle's multi-faceted being. Handsome and charming as usual, and Eric felt in awe again.
"Hi," Eric whispered, still drinking Kyle in.
"Hey!" Kyle grinned, he went to initiate a hug but shyness got the better of him. "Wow, how are you?" He asked instead, trying to remain unaffected but his roaming gaze wouldn't settle.
"Great, fantastic," Eric replied, smiling. "You?"
"Same," Kyle nodded, eyes finally meeting Eric's again. "You know, very busy. As usual."
"I can see that," Eric chuckled, staring around the pretty room and Kyle's eyes followed him.
"Everything looks wonderful, Kyle." He added, when their gazes finally landed on each other.
"Thanks," Kyle grinned. "Maybe pretty soon I can relax enough to actually enjoy it?"
"Have you had any champagne?" Eric asked.
Kyle shook his head. "Not yet."
Spying a waiter approaching them, Eric grabbed two flutes of champagne from his tray, emboldened by Kyle's surprised – but impressed – expression.
"Here you go," Eric said, handing a flute to Kyle although his palm had been moist against the glass.
"Thank you very much," Kyle replied, taking a sip.
"Uh, do we have to pay for these?" Eric asked, fearing that his smooth move would backfire later.
Kyle chuckled. "If it was anybody else, yes, but this is on me."
Eric blinked and smiled at being so set apart, he wouldn't be able to hold his drink if he left his rushing mind to wonder what it all meant.
"Well then, thank you," Eric replied.
"My pleasure,"
"So?" Eric raised his glass. "Cheers."
Kyle beamed, before lifting his too. "Cheers."
Golden brown and emerald embraced when the glasses clinked.
"I'm so glad you could make it, Eric," Kyle said softly, like it was only for Eric to hear. Again with the special treatment.
"Believe me, I wouldn't have missed it," Eric replied, and he hoped his reciprocated softness didn't dull his sincerity. "It's really nice to see you again, Kyle."
"Yeah, you too." Kyle's smile crinkled, and Eric felt his own fissures split and shift in his heart.
Eric didn't know if it was Kyle's attractiveness that made the tour entertaining, or his astounding knowledge about the wildlife. Running a charity like he did, Kyle obviously had to care for these animals, but the extensive research he must have done was admirable and definitely impressive.
"We're coming up to my favourite part of the reserve now!" Kyle said from the driver's seat of the safari jeep, as leisurely plodding elephants came into view.
Stopping the jeep, the crew peered at the large animals. Far enough away that their presence wasn't acknowledged, but close enough to garner a true appreciation.
"This is our wonderful elephant community!" Kyle said, with new exuberance.
Now that the jeep was parked, Kyle stood up in his seat. Shielding his eyes from the late afternoon sun, Eric could see him smiling at the animals in the distance.
"We have a pretty impressive herd, a lot of the cows are related and we've had a lot of new additions," Kyle said, he was still looking at the elephants. Everyone was. Eric was alternating his attention between the animals and Kyle. "Driving out here at sunrise and seeing a new little calf with their mom is always so overwhelming. It reminds me how incredibly lucky I am to do what I do, that I get to see these magnificent animals every day."
Eric looked up at Kyle and smiled, endeared and unnoticed before he turned his attention to the herd.
"These elephants can live up to seventy years, and at most could consume about four hundred and ninety five pounds of food a day," Kyle said. "As well as being the largest land mammals, they also have the largest brains in the entire animal kingdom. Except their eyesight isn't so brilliant."
Snickering softly, Eric thought that a career as a professional safari guide should be Kyle's plan B in case the charity went bust.
"Still, they're surprisingly good swimmers," Kyle continued. "Neat, huh?"
So adorable that Eric couldn't contain his laugh. Unfortunately, that laugh didn't go unnoticed. And in the thick savanna heat Eric felt a shiver go down his spine when Kyle detached himself from his favourite creatures to look and smirk at him instead.
"My dork levels are probably in the stratosphere right now, aren't they?" Kyle was addressing the question to everyone, but his eyes remained fixed on Eric. He rubbed the back of his neck. "I can't help it, I just love elephants!" Kyle laughed, before staring back out over the vast landscape. "And nobody else seems to appreciate them as much as I do."
The dejected tone of Kyle's voice was an itch Eric needed to scratch, a sore spot he needed to soothe.
"Uh, I do!" He blurted.
You really need to stop doing that…
"Excuse me?" Kyle asked, looking at Eric again.
"I said, I do…" Eric replied a little shyly, but he grew surer under Kyle's appreciative, pleasantly surprised smile.
"Since when?" Craig asked.
"Since always, Craig," Eric answered quickly, glaring at his boss. "Maybe you should start paying more attention to your crew?"
Craig shrugged as he returned to looking at the elephants.
"Wow, that's great!" Kyle grinned, before he sat back down in the driver's seat, twisting his body so he was facing Eric. "You picked the right job then, I guess. I'm assuming you've spent a lot of time around elephants?"
"Oh yeah," Eric nodded, that part wasn't a lie. "I see them a ton when I'm in this neck of the woods… they really are amazing."
Kyle's smile widened encouragingly.
"Photography is kind of my passion," Eric continued, aided by Kyle's persistent smile in his direction. "And while it's great to have footage of them, I'd love to have some pictures to add to my portfolio."
"Well, when you're done shooting I can take you out on a safari if you'd like?" Kyle asked. "If you have your equipment with you, then you could take a few photos?"
Eric blinked. "Really?"
"I'd be more than happy to," Kyle replied, before he nodded thoughtfully. "Sounds like a lot of fun."
"Okay," Eric nodded, stomach inexplicably knotting in excitement. "Thanks."
Small talk was something Eric often associated with tedium, one of the more daunting prospects of the holiday season and the carousel of parties it becomes. But with Kyle, it felt like they were picking up where they had left off, resuming their quickly made friendship weighted with coyness and chemistry. A friendship that had at least left questions swirling in Eric's head for months.
In the middle of a bustling lobby, filled with swishing evening dresses and flowing with Dom Pérignon, Eric felt like he and Kyle were reunited almost-sweethearts giggling and filling each other in on all that they had missed in hushed, excited tones.
Until he spotted a handsome couple approaching them. The dark-haired half of the pair tapped Kyle on the shoulder, dismantling Eric's daydream.
"Hey, Kyle, I talked to the caterers about the vegetarian hors d'oeuvres and-" the stranger stopped when he spotted Eric. "Oh, sorry, am I interrupting?"
Kyle glanced between Eric and his friend? Colleague? "Uh no, not at all," Kyle replied. "Never a bad time for introductions, right?" He chuckled and both men smiled.
"Stan, Gary, this is Eric Cartman," Kyle smiled brightly. "He was part of the documentary that filmed on the Botswana reserve last year," Eric shot the pair a polite look, trying to figure out where he had seen the grinning, blond man before.
"Eric, this is Stan Marsh co-founder of the 'Broflovski-Marsh Wildlife Trust', and Gary Harrison-"
"The tennis player! Yeah I know," Eric interrupted when recognition dawned on him. He extended his hand for the couple to shake. "Nice to meet you both."
"Nice to meet you too, Eric," Gary said as he shook Eric's hand vigorously, tone chipper.
"Yes," Stan added when it was his turn to shake Eric's hand. Stan slid a knowing look to Kyle, one that Kenny had shot Eric plenty of times before. "Especially after all that Kyle has told us."
If Eric was a tad more shameless and childish, he would have fished for information from Stan, even in front of Kyle. But he was a professional, at a black-tie event, so he simply grinned at Kyle, amused, and catalogued the embarrassed smile Kyle returned.
"So how did the filming go?" Stan asked Eric.
"Very well," he nodded. "Thanks again for letting us shoot there. And thanks for the invite too, this is a fantastic party."
"No problem," Stan smiled. "So, did you bring anyone with you tonight Eric?"
Out of the corner of his eye, Eric saw Kyle scowl softly at Stan and tried not to get too distracted.
"Um, I came with my friends but not a date, no," Eric replied, shaking his head.
"Oh, then maybe we should keep each other company?" Kyle asked, skirting the edges of flirtatiousness irresistibly. "Unless you need to get back to your friends?"
"They can take care of themselves," Eric replied, his grin unintentional. "But you're not too busy are you?"
"Not really, this is the part where I get to enjoy myself," Kyle said, eyes on Eric as he took a long sip of his champagne.
Eric nodded, his mind flooded with possible implications. "Then I'd like that."
"So I guess we should let you two catch up?" Stan asked.
Eric could see that Kyle was trying to nod as subtly as possible, and Stan smiled in understanding.
"It was nice talking to you, Eric!" Gary said, taking Stan's hand.
"Yeah, have a great time tonight!" Were Stan's parting words, ringing in Eric's ears even after he and Gary had left.
The sky was still streaked red, waiting patiently for the swollen sun to rise when Eric was sat on the lodge steps, waiting for something – rather someone – equally as bright. He'd had some coffee before he left camp – not exactly the coffeehouse blends he was used to in New York but passably did the job – and he was still exhausted.
Granted, his hours weren't traditional, and waiting for some of the more elusive, nocturnal animals to appear was a test of his thin patience that definitely took its toll.
But you must have a real crush on this guy if you're willing to get up so early without getting paid for it.
"Good morning," Eric heard Kyle say breezily behind him.
Eric stood up and turned around to face him immediately.
Since the tour, Eric had only seen Kyle a handful of times, when Kyle took an hour out of his schedule to visit the crew on their break, to see how filming was going. Although most of Kyle's conversations were with Craig, that didn't stop Eric from sneaking in the occasional smile and greeting, secretly delighted when Kyle reciprocated with his increasingly handsome smile.
However, the previous day Kyle had made it clear that it was Eric he wanted to speak to. Eric couldn't help but feel smug, even when they were just discussing the details for today's excursion.
"Good morning," Eric replied, eyes raking over Kyle's unfair loveliness while he felt zombified. "You ready?"
"Yep," Kyle nodded. "Whenever you are."
"Well, let's go," Eric smirked as they walked to the safari jeep together.
Their conversation migrated to the tall columns, and to one of the colourful murals that prefaced the museum's wings. The residual glow of the chilly lights danced on the illustrations and the painted, watchful figures eavesdropped on Eric and Kyle's catch-up.
"Stan and I are thinking about branching the charity out to marine conservation." Kyle said.
"Oh, really?" Eric asked.
"Yeah, it's something Stan's really passionate about," Kyle replied, glancing at the party before perhaps deciding that Eric was more interesting. "And while the charity is doing so well financially - more than we ever could have imagined - until now we haven't had the resources to branch out to that type of conservation."
"So how are you going to do that? Do you have any plans?"
Kyle sighed. "Well, first of all we need to do some extensive research, get the statistics in, and go out to the areas where whaling is a big problem." Despite the sigh, everything sounded so rehearsed and taken care of. The word 'effortless' sprung to Eric's mind again. "Then, we need donations, which means meeting with our PR people to start a campaign with clear goals."
"You say it like it's all so easy," Eric remarked, eyebrows raised as he finished his champagne.
"I've been doing this for five years," Kyle shrugged. "I'm used to it. This will be a challenge though, very tough but hopefully rewarding."
Kyle then nodded to himself, gaze preoccupied with future plans and outcomes, snowballing in green eyes.
"So how about you, Eric?" He asked brightly. "What are your plans?"
Eric chuckled, glancing at the floor. He was a little embarrassed at his sparse calendar when Kyle's was already brimming with events.
"Honestly, I have no idea at the moment," Eric admitted. "This year's been busy so I'm thinking of taking a break. Enjoying the holidays, putting some feelers out for any jobs in the New Year."
"Wow," Kyle replied, smile widening. "That's pretty amazing."
Not exactly the reaction Eric was expecting.
"What is?" Eric asked.
"Having that kind of attitude," Kyle replied, rather astounded. He pinched the stem of the flute and slid his fingers up and down laxly. "Like, not knowing what you're doing next and being totally okay with it. It makes me feel scared for you, and a little jealous."
Scared and jealous seemed like an odd combination, especially when concerning Kyle.
Eric laughed disbelievingly before he explained, "well, for the first time in my life I feel like I'm secure enough to be able to take a break. A couple of years ago, I would never have thought about doing that… I couldn't have."
Kyle nodded, looking out at the lobby again, all these people here because of his efforts, representative of his achievements at such a young age. Eric knew Kyle had a lot to be proud of, that he was an intimidating, admirable presence. Despite the accolades and the money and the inescapable stamp Kyle had left on the world, Eric did feel pity. What was it in Kyle that was so relentless? Forever seeking more of himself? It must have been exhausting.
"If you're jealous…" Eric paused, unsure where he was going with this. Even more so when Kyle looked at him. "With the charity going so well, maybe you could take a vacation? If you wanted to? It would be well-deserved. It's plain to see that you and Stan both work so hard."
"Thanks," Kyle smiled gratefully, then he sighed. "But I think I'm in a business where you can't take breaks, you know?"
"What do you mean?"
Kyle exhaled, teeming with agitation. "I don't want to sound self-important, or like I'm doing God's work because I'm not. I know that. Stan and I are just one band-aid among a multitude of others. But my entire adult life has revolved around causes, fuelling a desire to help. It's addicting really, knowing you've provoked positive change, big or small."
"Still, you can get trapped in that cycle, that way of thinking," Kyle continued, gaze trailing, the cogs of his mind constantly turning. Eric wondered what he could do to slow them down. "When you dedicate so much of your time to trying to help others, it's hard to put yourself ahead of that. I'd feel like a let-down if I did," Kyle shook his head before his tone became too deflated, before Eric could jump in and attempt to be helpful. "Which is stupid because taking responsibility for yourself, caring for yourself is so important, and it immediately influences those around you. But I can't seem to shut off for even a couple of days, you know?"
Before Eric could retort, Kyle continued and Eric imagined those well-worked cogs sparking and spinning faster.
"But hey, I can't complain or feel sorry for myself," Kyle tried to say a little lighter, but it just came out shaky and slipped into seriousness again. "I'd hate it if I ever did that. I have personal stuff I need to work on and I'll get around to it someday. I know that I'm blessed to have this job-"
"Kyle," Eric interjected.
"Yes?"
"Do you ever give yourself a break?" Eric chuckled, but his question was genuine.
Kyle blinked. "No…" He answered, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat as realisation set in. "No, I don't…"
The noises of the ball drifted in during the cumbersome silence. Looking at Kyle's resigned, forlorn face Eric nearly squirmed in guilt. He hadn't prepared for this.
"To be honest, I haven't paid myself a lot of attention in years," Kyle admitted.
Eric's heart sank a little, despite the incredulous frustration; how could Kyle let himself fall to self-neglect when he was so worth preserving?
"You know, looking out for others – especially those who can't stand up for themselves – is really noble and admirable," Eric said, stopping to admire the smile Kyle shot him. "But you'll end up resenting all your hard work if you run yourself into the ground doing it."
That smile waned, but Eric could see that thoughtful haze settle in Kyle's eyes. Knowing that he had planted a seed of thought in Kyle's busy head – a mind probably abundant with ideas and plans that had or would eventually come to fruition – was undoubtedly satisfying.
"You're doing great, Kyle," Eric continued. "You deserve to take some time off for yourself, do something for you for a change. It can't hurt, right?"
"No," Kyle said faintly, before looking up into Eric's eyes and beaming. "No, I suppose it wouldn't."
Their locked stares had deprived Eric of the ability to reply.
"You could be a bad influence on me," Kyle grinned.
Then I guess it's only fitting that for me you could be a good one.
They hadn't been out of the jeep five minutes and already a huge elephant was approaching them.
"Eric, this is Daisy!" Kyle announced, walking over to the creature while Eric kept his distance. "Say hi to Eric, Daisy."
The noise of her trumpeting was almost deafening, her trunk casting a shadow as it was lifted in the air. Unfortunately, Eric was not so far away that he could have avoided being hit by it.
"Woah!" Eric exclaimed as he narrowly dodged Daisy's trunk, he tried to keep his wariness under wraps. After all, as far as Kyle knew he loved these things too. "I don't think it would be very wise to shake that, huh?"
"Probably not," Kyle chuckled, before staring up at Daisy.
"Looks like she wants to be the star of the photo shoot," Eric said, as he began to set his equipment up.
"Well, she's very pretty aren't you, Daisy?" Kyle asked, stroking Daisy's side, and being as distracted as he was, Eric felt brave enough to gaze and smile at him.
Daisy brought Eric back to reality however, swinging her trunk and nearly knocking over the tripod.
"Shit!" Eric said as he reached out to protect the camera.
Kyle gasped. "Oh my God! Sorry about that..."
"It's okay," Eric replied, moving the tripod further away. "It's not your fault."
"Daisy, that was bad!" Kyle scolded her as if she were a troublesome pet. "You shouldn't have done that!"
"She seems to really like you…" Eric remarked, mouth tugged in a half-smile.
"I hope so," Kyle replied, studying the giant animal. "She was sick when she was first brought in, we were really worried about her. I wouldn't leave her side, even when the vets were getting a little pissed off that I was there all the time."
Eric snickered, hopefully not letting on how endearing he found that caring, stubborn image.
"But they did a great job taking care of her," Kyle added softly.
"Okay, Daisy," Eric said, looking up at her grey, passive face. "You ready for your close up?"
Daisy trumpeted, and Kyle nodded and moved behind Eric.
"Say cheese!" Eric said, the camera flashing just as Daisy lifted her trunk.
Whilst Eric and Kyle were in the middle of exchanging college anecdotes, the string quartet slid into a romantic symphony, whooshing and indulgent, background noise capturing everyone's attention.
Spellbinding, well-dressed couples set down their champagnes and started to waltz, elegant if not for their adoring gazes and the sporadic ripple of laughter that underscored the music.
The symphony had rendered all the guests magnetic, except for two. The pair that had moved away from the dancefloor, fighting the resistance with self-conscious fidgets, tight smiles and lingering stares.
Jealousy welled in Eric's chest whenever he glanced at the gliding couples and remembered that he and Kyle were yet to connect. They had done so on every other level – or so Eric felt – and it frustrated him that he couldn't quite place what was holding him back now.
Eric coughed into his fist, he didn't want his voice to betray him with an awkward wobble.
"So, uh, Kyle…" He glanced at the dancefloor once again, to make sure he really wanted to do this. He looked back at Kyle and he was sure. "Do you want to dance?"
Kyle's lips parted, a crease in his brow.
"Excuse me?" He asked with a chuckle.
Not the reaction Eric was aiming for, but one he probably should have expected.
"Do you want to dance with me?" He repeated, admittedly a little shaken.
A smile dared to tug at Kyle's mouth, he glanced at the dancefloor before his gaze retreated shyly to his nearly empty flute.
"I'm a terrible dancer," he confessed, before meeting Eric's gaze. "I don't want to make you look silly."
Eric shook his head. "I don't care if I look silly."
"Well, I do!" Kyle retorted, the dancing couples were so alluring that they drew him in once again. "I don't want to be the worst dancer at my own party!"
"No one's going to notice, anyway!" Eric said, exasperated but with a smile in his voice. "Besides, you need to start doing things because you want to."
Kyle's huff was near silent, the sweet symphony and the enviously graceful couples were enthralling.
"You shouldn't have to always do things out of obligation," Eric continued, softer. "Or because you care about what other people think."
Kyle turned to him with a wry, challenging smile. "And who says I even want to dance with you?"
Eric smirked. "Because you answered my question with a non-sequitur," he pointed out. "And you keep looking at the dancefloor."
Kyle tried to scowl, but it crumbled into a smile, rolling his eyes.
"So?" Eric asked, holding his hand out. "May I have this dance?"
Looking at his guests with one last, hesitant breath, Kyle then fixed Eric a smile and took his hand.
Eric felt it would be wrong to conceal his grin, and squeezed Kyle's hand gently.
"Alright!" He beamed, as the two recluses emerged from their hiding place. "Rule number one of doing what you want, is to not think too much. Be impulsive. Two, if people start looking at you funny, tell them to screw themselves in your head. They're just jealous that they're not you. Got that?"
"Yep," Kyle nodded quickly, head bowed as they took their place among the other couples. But Eric wouldn't let self-consciousness get the better of him. "Got it."
Keeping their hands firmly locked (Kyle had held onto him a little tighter as he was led to the dancefloor), Eric wrapped his free arm around Kyle's waist, fingers splaying across his back, while Kyle carefully reached up and clutched Eric's bicep.
Kyle's nerves had encouraged Eric to push his own aside, and their intertwined fingers and sudden closeness were empowering enough for Eric to smile and say, "Then let's dance."
It was easy to fall into the steps, Eric had been watching the other couples closely from the side-lines and tried to remember how the leading men danced in all those romantic movies he had seen.
He tried to steer them back on course when Kyle missed a step, or got a little too close to Eric's toes, his encouraging smile dissipating Kyle's blush and his frustrated, disappointed glare.
"I look like an idiot, don't I?" Kyle asked, just when he seemed to be getting the hang of it.
"Not at all," Eric shook his head and chuckled. "Anyway, who cares? Just keep looking at me."
Kyle followed Eric's advice, and Eric could've nearly forgotten himself when he was drawn in by that emerald, transfixed gaze.
"Wow," Kyle nearly gasped it.
"What?" Eric asked, faintly amused.
After all, the idea that Kyle could have been just as enchanted by him was ridiculous.
Kyle grinned. "You're really good at this!"
Eric returned Kyle's grin, albeit nuanced with his own special brand of arrogance. "You sound surprised?"
"Not a lot of people dance like this these days," Kyle replied, he averted his gaze for only a minute to admire the others dancing around them. "Myself included."
"Well, you're doing it now, aren't you?" Eric asked, before deciding to surprise Kyle with a twirl, slightly ungraceful, but Eric couldn't help enjoying how closely Kyle returned to him.
But nearly balked when Kyle pressed himself even closer, unabashed and unexpected of the man Eric was quickly getting to know and falling for even quicker.
"It's a shame you haven't got a boyfriend or girlfriend to do this with," Kyle observed, setting Eric's heart to race and words to dry up in his throat.
Well, if you're willing to fill that vacancy-
Kyle hesitantly resumed his pose, weighted with doubt before he let Eric lead him again.
"I don't need one," Eric finally responded, settling back into the rhythm and Kyle's arms. "And was that a pick-up line?"
Kyle smiled and shrugged, furiously and irresistibly ambiguous. "Just an observation. I'm curious."
A shiver prickled, rather than slid, down Eric's spine.
"About what?"
"Why you're single,"
Eric sighed, if Kyle could be ambiguous so he could he. "Let's just say I'm not exactly meant for two." He responded, in favour of spilling his heart and hang-ups on the dancefloor.
Kyle nodded wordlessly before he spoke up, "I understand."
The coquettish nature of the conversation had disappeared, but Eric didn't care. It had been replaced by further honesty, which they seemed to be extracting more easily out of each other as the night went on.
That revelation, Kyle's empathy, was yet another knot to tie them up, another magnetic part of each other slot. All that could bind them would reveal a bigger, beautiful picture, so precious that they would try not to wreck it, to not falter. Just one of them needed the guts to say, 'we're great together!'
"You do?" Eric asked softly, he was dying to hear more.
"Yeah," Kyle nodded, eyes scanning Eric's face. "When there are bigger things to worry about than relationships, they kind of take a backseat. They're… they're not something I usually have the time to make work, you know?"
Something in Eric's chest stung at that… warning? Admission? It felt like rejection.
Eric sighed. "Well, those two seem to manage just fine," he said, glancing at a content Stan and Gary.
"They're perfect for each other," Kyle remarked, studying the perfect pair. "I guess it's about finding someone special."
Eric could only see Kyle, and he wondered whether he was already there. But what happens if your special someone doesn't feel the same way? Is passion more often unrequited? Is a connection sometimes so strong that you see the other person as a mirage?
These questions danced in Eric's mind as he and Kyle were slowly gliding across the dancefloor, and he was still preoccupied with them when Kyle tried to meet his eyes.
But it was only when the questions hushed, was Eric able to finally search for answers that were written on Kyle's face.
And he liked what he saw. Hell, he was excited and nervous and giddy at what he saw.
Just like the questions, the music ceased, followed by a raucous round of applause.
"Ladies and gentleman," The emcee announced. "If you'd like to make your way to the Theodore Roosevelt Memorial Hall, the auction will begin shortly."
As conversation replaced symphony, Eric and Kyle reluctantly slipped out of hold. But Kyle denied them total separation, his fingers skimming down Eric's arm before tangling both their digits.
"Hey," he said softly, only Eric could hear him.
"What?
"You wanna see something more exciting than an auction?" Kyle asked with a wicked smile and gleaming eyes that Eric couldn't refuse even if he wanted to.
"Sure," Eric nodded.
Kyle bit his lip before he instructed, "follow me."
Eric was already being led away before he could respond.
"But wait, the auction…" Eric said, suddenly remembering it wasn't just the two of them. "Shouldn't you be there?"
The gleam in Kyle's eyes flashed apprehensively before he tugged Eric closer to him.
"Stan can take care of it," Kyle replied. "Come on!"
But Eric was limp, trailing after Kyle with a racing mind and a pounding heart.
"When did you start doing this?" Kyle asked as he watched Eric take pictures of the elephants and the savanna.
"Um, my mom bought my first camera for me when I was nine years old," Eric said, not used to conversing when he was taking photos. "Just a cheap disposable one, you know? But I loved it, I took pictures of just about anything."
Kyle chuckled, and when Eric thought back to the nine year old version of himself, strolling around town, taking pictures of even the most mundane things, he snickered too.
"In the library there was this big book on photography, and the photos inside fascinated me," Eric continued. "Not just the subjects, but the perspectives the photographer chose, the filters they used to really bring out a subject's potential…" Eric stopped himself before he got too breathless." I was blown away. But jealous too because I couldn't achieve that on my little disposable camera, and I didn't know where to begin."
Eric took Kyle's silence as an invitation for him to continue.
"Eventually I saved up enough money to buy a camera like this," he said, gesturing to the camera in front of him. "And I read tons of books on photography so I could get the most out of it. Nothing too complicated, "Photography for Dummies" or something like that."
The words of all those guides he had read were still seared in his memory.
"When I started high school there was a photography club," Eric continued. "I signed up immediately and was president by the following year."
"So when did you become interested in film?" Kyle asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you work on documentaries… did you take a film class in college?"
"Oh, yeah, I did," Eric replied. A great job this might have been, but it was hardly a passion. "I thought it would be useful, to broaden my horizons, but being a director like Craig isn't something I'm all that interested in. I could do it but, no. I get good money but I guess I'm just holding out until I make it big with my photographs."
"Oh…"
"But, hey, it's a pretty sweet gig," Eric said, he wasn't ungrateful. "Like I said, it pays well. And I get to travel, see more of the world than most of the guys from my hometown ever will. I'm able to meet incre-"
Eric stopped himself again, and turned to see Kyle leaning against the jeep, a patient smirk on his face.
"Interesting," Eric amended. "Interesting people."
Kyle nodded, and glanced at the camera.
"Can I take a look?" He asked.
"At what?"
"Some of the photos?"
"Oh yeah," Eric said, remembering himself. "Sure."
The photos flashed on a small screen, and Kyle's boots crunched against the dry savanna floor as he made his way over to Eric.
"What do you think?" Eric asked, with Kyle looking over his shoulder.
"They're beautiful," Kyle said, his voice so close that goosebumps could have risen on Eric's skin even in the African heat. "Really, it's… I see this place every day but… maybe that's the problem? I've become immune to how breath-taking it is. Seeing the landscape from a different perspective, kind of makes me appreciate it all over again."
Kyle's words elicited a small smile.
"That's the great thing about photography," Eric mused. "This isn't a scene in watercolours or oils. It's not abstract or slippery, it's real. It doesn't take hours upon hours to recreate either, it's captured in a minute and lasts forever."
A strange pressure weighed down on Eric's chest, it was the gaze of another.
Eric's hand was becoming hotter and damper in Kyle's, as he was led down darkened corridors.
"Where are we going again?" Eric asked, the noise of the ball seemed to be fading along with Kyle's inhibitions.
"You'll see," Kyle offered as an answer. "We're almost there."
"Are we even supposed to be here?" Eric asked, he was glad that Kyle was being spontaneous, a little selfish, but the last thing he wanted was for Kyle to get thrown out of his own party.
Though he supposed if that were to happen, there were plenty of other fun activities he and Kyle could be doing in Manhattan on a Friday night.
In fact, Eric was so busy dreaming up such a scenario that he didn't notice Kyle had stopped and spun around to face him.
"Well, well, well," he teased, looking up at Eric. "Who's the cautious one now?"
Irritation and arousal battled inside Eric. "Sometimes it's good to be cautious," he pointed out.
"I have the feeling you're making these rules up as you go along," Kyle replied, before he turned around and continued to drag Eric to their mysterious destination. "Besides, Stan and I rented this place so we could have total access to it."
Their shoes clacked against polished floors, echoing in the quiet of the empty corridors before they came to a flight of stairs. Kyle jogged up them a little brisker than Eric was used to, but Eric was more than willing to keep up with him. In everything they did if encounters like these were to happen more frequently.
They reached the second floor, and Kyle led Eric in the direction of The Whitney Hall for Oceanic Birds.
"Here we are!" Kyle announced, not letting go of Eric's hand when they entered the room.
Pyramids of stark light ripped through the otherwise thick darkness, revealing lush vegetation, quaint trees, and scenes and sounds reminiscent of the rainforests Eric had visited whilst on assignment.
"What is it?" He asked.
"The butterfly conservatory!" Kyle replied. "See, look!"
Before Eric could respond, Kyle tugged at his wrist, weaving through the room swiftly and enthusiastically despite the lack of light. They stopped in front of a glass pane, a large tank of some sort that housed perpetual daylight and a condensed jungle inhabited entirely by butterflies.
"Wow…" Eric whispered. Scenes like this weren't unfamiliar to him, but seeing these creatures all in one place, varying in species, was rare indeed.
"I thought you might like it," Kyle said beside him, his hand had grown lax in Eric's now, but it appeared neither were ready to let go.
"And these are real, right?" Eric asked, eyes still on the exhibit.
"Of course they are!" Kyle laughed, before he said softer, "They're beautiful, aren't they?"
"Yeah, and there's so many of them!" Eric replied, he still couldn't believe it.
"Five hundred, I think?" Kyle ventured a guess.
A smirk tugged at Eric's mouth and he whispered, "holy shit… "
The scene was beautiful, idyllic, quietly extraordinary, but Eric was drawn to his and Kyle's phantom reflection in the glass, a reminder that he and Kyle were alone, chastely linked.
There was that pressure in his chest again, brought about my taut silence and-
"I framed that picture you gave me…" Kyle spoke up, and when Eric turned to him Kyle was already there, waiting.
The gaze of another.
"You did?" Eric asked, but he could barely register the words leaving his mouth.
Kyle nodded, eyes roaming and lingering on Eric's lips. "Every time I look at it, I think of you…" he said wistfully, but it was enough to make Eric buckle. "That day…"
Eric nodded, while he scrambled for the appropriate response.
"It was pretty awesome," he blurted out and immediately regretted it.
Kyle smiled tightly and squeezed his hand, undeterred.
"I couldn't wait to see you again," Kyle admitted, warm bodies touching but Eric would happily embrace that added heat. "I've really missed you."
A different kind of warmth, inhibitions melting to reveal an honest centre.
"I've missed you too, Kyle," Eric replied, pulling Kyle closer to him, stares locked. "Tonight has been amazing."
A small smile formed on lips Eric was dying to kiss.
"Has?" Kyle questioned, his voice humid. "It's not over yet."
Eric's heart thudded in time with the artificial jungle's thrumming.
"It's not?" He whispered, eyes hooded and Kyle was hazy and sultry in his vision.
Green helplessly circled Kyle's widened pupils as he shook his head, and reached up to claim Eric's lips.
The sun was setting on a fantastic day, both Eric and Kyle had made numerous promises to head back to the lodge before it got dark, and yet here they were; sitting on the hood of the jeep, staring out over the savanna that was saturated in evening colours.
"I could stay out here all day," Kyle said.
When Eric glanced at Kyle, the sunset in his eyes, he wondered why he hadn't been immortalising someone as beautiful as him.
"Yeah," Eric replied, voice distant, preoccupied. "To be honest I would happily stay here than go back to camp."
Kyle chuckled, and Eric bowed his head to hide his endeared smile.
"Thanks, Kyle," he said. "For today."
"You're welcome," Kyle replied, drinking Eric in inexplicably. "So when are you leaving?"
"Two days," Eric answered, more aware now that their time together was finite.
They had only known each other a matter of days and the loss seemed impossible, ached more than Eric was expecting.
"Oh," Kyle nodded, casting his gaze over the landscape again. Ancient, dependable. But his stare returned to somebody more fleeting. "Maybe I'll get to see you guys before then?"
"Oh yeah," Eric too nodded, a bit more vigorously. "We'll definitely come say goodbye."
"Cool," Kyle's peerless grin dazed Eric like a camera flash. "I'd like that."
The sound of heavy footsteps drew their gazes away from each other.
"Hey, look its Daisy!" Kyle laughed, when her huge shadow loomed over the jeep.
"Ha, she must have known we were leaving!" Eric replied, watching as Daisy lifted her trunk more tentatively than when they first met.
"I think she's saying goodbye to you," Kyle smiled.
"Bye Daisy!" Eric grinned at her, waving. "It was a pleasure working with you."
Daisy trumpeted in response before lowering her trunk.
"She'll probably remember you forever," Kyle said gently, the words bristled against Eric's heart and reconnected their stares.
The unexpected intensity made Kyle fidget. "S-since elephants are supposed to have good memories," he added a little shakier.
"Right," Eric chuckled, but it was hollow, so absorbed was he in Kyle.
"So how long until the photos are ready?" Kyle asked.
"I'll start working on them when I get back to New York," Eric replied.
"Oh…"
"What?"
"It's a shame," Kyle sighed. "I'd like to see a finished version before you go."
"Well, I can always email them to you?" Eric asked, but he sensed that maybe Kyle getting those pictures or not wasn't the problem. Still, he wanted to ease the sting of their separation in whatever way he could. "Or better yet…"
Jumping off the hood of the jeep, Eric opened the door to the backseat and fished around inside his bag.
"What are you looking for?" He heard Kyle ask.
"This," he replied once he had pulled out his Polaroid camera.
Kyle raised his eyebrows as he laughed, possibly confused as to why Eric would bring that with him.
"It won't be perfect and nicely edited," Eric said as he slung the camera around his neck. "But it will be instant."
"That's good enough for me," Kyle said with a snicker, leaning back.
Eric knew what he wanted to capture; the distracting, captivating sunset that they had been admiring. A memory created in seconds.
The fog of the photograph dissipated as Eric shook it, and he inspected it before handing it to Kyle.
"Here!" Eric grinned. "How do you like that?"
Eric had shown his photographs to important people before, or rather, people whose approval he needed to seek. But giving that Polaroid to Kyle, a person who had been in his life for only a short time but who wouldn't leave his memory so quickly, had his hands shaking and his stomach twisting with the possibility of rejection.
"It's great," Kyle said, his smile wide, and when he looked up at Eric his eyes were brimming with words neither of them could articulate, "thank you, Eric."
Eric stared down at the camera in his hands sheepishly before he replied, "no problem."