Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail. It would be nice if I did though. All the pairings I could put together~!
Ciel
The sound of ice shattering against stone resonated through the forest. She looked at the shattered remains of it, which were already starting to melt.
Though the icicle had missed her completely, she still felt its pierce.
She felt it pierce her, right into her heart.
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Juvia sat up, gasping for air. Her hands were shaking as she clutched the baby blue quilt around her tighter, as she rubbed away the tears that were falling.
She was safe, she told herself. In the protection of her bed, surrounded by the sheer navy curtains around it – she loved those curtains; they made her feel like she couldn't be hurt by anything from the outside.
But now, she realised, it didn't mean that she couldn't be hurt by anything from the inside. Because what she thought had protected her all along, was starting to hurt her.
The illusions were shattering, the delusions, the lies, and what she could see through the cracks scared her.
'It has to crack eventually,' she thought, as her hands shakily move towards the curtains, 'And I can't falter. I can't… I have to be strong.'
Though she was trying to be brave, as she pushed the curtains open. As she saw the sky beyond the windows, her tears fell.
They fell like the sad rain on that dreary, grey, winter morning.
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She trudged through the day in a blur.
Children were playing in the snow, their peals of laughter piercing the frigid, cold air.
She didn't see them, didn't hear them. Even if she did, she wouldn't have comprehended it. Wouldn't have realised how great their joy is.
She was locked in her world of misery, her heart encased in a block of ice.
But she knew – she hoped – that she had the strength to melt it.
Bells rang as she entered the guild. She tried to greet everyone cheerfully, hoping that she would seem like her usual, bubbly self.
Then, she saw him.
As she raised her hand to greet him and get his attention – it had already become a habit of hers – she stopped herself.
He looked slightly puzzled, as Natsu sent him flying to the other side of the guild with a fiery punch.
She wanted to go 'Gray-sama!' but she couldn't.
She plopped herself down on the bar seat, tracing the wood swirls on the counter, a sad smile on her face.
She never wanted it to turn out like this. She never wanted to be seen as a stalker, obsessed with him.
Since young, she had been a loner. She couldn't help it – the other kids wouldn't play with her, because it always rained around her. But once she learnt to control her powers, she felt that she controlled her life as well. Her feelings… she controlled them as well, refusing to feel hurt, to feel sadness, and denying herself of love.
Because when you protect yourself from sadness, so do you, from happiness.
But when she saw him, that fateful day, those feelings burst out of her. She had kept them in her Pandora's box – her heart. However, she couldn't manage to close it before the most important feeling – love – escaped as well.
Now that she thought about it, it would have been better if they just stayed in that box. Then, she wouldn't be feeling so hurt.
But she just couldn't help it.
Like the rain, she just kept falling, falling, and falling.
She fell so deeply in love, and now she was hitting the ground.
What could she do to reverse this? What could she do to not be seen as a creepy stalker by him? She was already trying to tone down her feelings, but the feeling that it was all irrevocable was always there; that because of her actions, he would never love her.
The wood swirls she had been tracing with her fingers resembled how she imagined wind would look like if they could be seen. Now, she realised, he was like the wind, as well. Like ice, wind was hard – or even harder – to grab hold of. The wind was unreadable, mysterious just like him – his scowls, smirks, it always seemed to mean more to her, but she couldn't tell exactly what.
Just like the wind, the harder she tried to hold on to him, the further she felt him slipping away.
She couldn't take it anymore. Her feelings were threatening to explode out of her. The noisy chatter didn't help, the sound of sparring between them didn't help either.
She stood up, and just ran.
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The shade of the tree blocked her from the winter sun's rays. She leant against its trunk, staring at the sea that was starting to freeze.
Had she, all these while, been lying to herself? Seeing all the signs, and interpreting them – twisting them? – into what she wanted to see?
She hoped not, and yet, she feared that it was true.
When illusions shatter, so do you. And when you lie to yourself, you realise eventually, that you become so lonely, and that it becomes so painful.
Had she, really? It all… her instincts told her she was right. But even if they were right, she shouldn't have become so obsessed, and just… let the course of fate happen.
It was all so frustrating.
She looked up, and realised, that the sky was blue now.
It always turns back to blue.
Was this a sign? That even though it hurts now, everything will be alright eventually?
She sure hoped so.
And with that, she finally let go.
Because though she still loved him, she realised that her actions were too much.
She let go, hoping that the saying was true.
That if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's meant to be.
She smiled as she looked at where the water met sky, and her eyes drifted shut.
Ciel bleu.
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Please leave a review!
Honestly, I'm more of a Graylu supporter. However, because of events in my life, I feel so relatable to Juvia. And so, I decided to write this, both based on Juvia, and me. This means a lot to me. I hope you'll leave a honest review! Constructive criticism is accepted – it helps me to improve.
I want to take this opportunity as well, to thank Sieg Leonhart, for being such a great friend, and always there to talk to. This is also inspired by him. Thank you.
Thank you for reading!