Stay
He always looks so young when he sleeps. It's almost like all that thinking he does all day, all those memories he tries to forget slip away. Almost. Problem right now is that he's not asleep, and he knows I'm not either.
Cloud has never been a cuddler; neither have I, for that matter. I need my space when I sleep, since I tend to turn and kick a lot. It suits me just fine that there's a good two feet between us on my bed. But when I wake up in the middle of the night, like I do every night, he's always clinging to his pillow. Maybe it's not so much that he's not a cuddler as he just never cuddles me. Again, I don't really mind, but I can't help but wonder if he's ever cuddled her. Probably.
He looks at me and sees me watching him. He never asks why I'm staring, because I always am. Not in public, of course, but here, I can't keep my eyes off him. His eyes meet mine and I know what he wants, what he always wants from me, what he only wants from me.
In a second I'm pinned to the bed, and he's exploring my mouth with his tongue. I try to take charge of the kiss, of at the very least the kiss, but no, he won't let me, and I quickly give in. He always has to be in control, to be top, and he's so damned forceful about it I almost always end up with bruises on my arms, waist, and thighs. I tried dominating him once. I got so far as holding his wrists above his head before I was thrown to the floor and he was storming out. Never tried that again; moody bastard.
His lips start to pull away, and when I try to follow he grips my hair to keep me still, hard. See what I mean about control? I think he gets off on it. But hey, as long as I get off with him I'm not complaining.
His other hand is roughly probing into me, checking to see if I'm still lubed up enough for another go tonight. Apparently he's satisfied with what was left from a few hours before, because he's suddenly inside. That's another thing about Cloud, no foreplay, no prep past lubricating, just straight to the point. He wraps his arm around my waist, simultaneously holding me still while angling so he can push in as deep as possible.
Maybe I should back up to how this all started. To be honest, I have absolutely no idea. He just showed up at Healin one day, I think he was supposed to be making a delivery for Rufus, but I never asked, and he started screaming at me. For the life of me I can't remember what about. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I scratched his bike with my bike the day before when I parked outside the bar, but I never thought he'd notice. Maybe he had a fight with his girlfriend that morning or something. Oh, yeah, he has a girlfriend; Lockhart finally got her huge tits on him after that whole Kadaj incident. Anyway, he comes in screaming at me about Gaia knows what, I start shouting back, and next thing I know I'm bent over the dining room table with my pants around my ankles and he's pounding away.
Kind of like what he's doing now. One hand is still pulling my hair, while the other is digging finger nails into my hip bone, probably going to draw blood soon if it hasn't already, but I don't notice any of this. The angle he's fucking at lets him hit that one spot every time, and soon I'm writhing and gasping. I try not to moan; whenever I start he'll do one of three things: One, he'll flat out tell me to shut up, two, he'll grip my hair harder or squeeze my arm or leg or something to shut me up, or three, he'll just stop altogether. I really hate when he does that last one, so I try to keep my moaning in check. He likes me silent as well as immobile.
As he's approaching his climax he speeds up, and I know my cue. I reach down and start stroking myself. He finally let go of my hair so he can grab my hips with both hands, pulling me into him as he thrusts as hard as possible, and I swear this time he might rip me in half. Now that my head is free I can inflict some damage of my own. As my orgasm hits me full force, I bite down onto his shoulder. I don't know if it's the bite or my muscles clamping down on him that sends him over the edge, but quickly he's grunting in my ear while his fingers dig into me again. I think it was the bite. He never objects to my teeth or finger nails. He gets off on it; some weird, masochistic thing, I think.
We both collapse, panting, and he rolls off of me. As always, there is now two feet between us again. I immediately roll onto my side, back toward him, and try to go back to sleep. That's when his phone starts ringing. Guess who that must be? He reaches down to the floor and pulls the phone out of his pants.
"Hello?" He actually answers his phone, which can only mean Lockhart is on the other end. "Yeah, I just go into town…. It went okay…. I just stopped to eat something…. Alright, I'll be home in an hour…. You too. Bye." How he managed to get his breathing under control so quickly is beyond me.
He cleans himself up, gets dressed, and is out the door in two minutes. No goodbye, no "Thanks for a good time, Reno, I'll be back later," which he will. Not even a pat on the head, "Good fuck toy." That's how it always is with him, a quick fuck, maybe a nap, then out the door. The only words he ever says are orders, "Stop squirming," "Shut up," and so on.
I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. We never touch, we never talk, and yet every time he leaves my bed feels so…empty. Sighing, I clean myself up with the tissues on the night stand, and then find my pants and my cigarettes. Out on the deck, I watch him start up his bike. He catches sight of my lighter and turns to give me a quick cold look. Immediately I turn away to take a long drag. Fuck him, I don't need him to say goodbye, he can glare at me all he wants. I wouldn't even be out here right now if it weren't for Rufus' stupid rule of no smoking in the house.
And off he goes, back to his wannabe wife, back to that orphan boy living with them, back to pretending he's happy with his little mock family. Of course, I watch him go, I can never stop staring.
A/N: If I ever manage to finish part 2 (which I"ve been trying to for months) I'll post it. Maybe some reviews would help me along? If not, I think this does fine as it is. Let you interpret Cloud's bastard quality as you like. Strangely, I actually like this bit, so let me know if you agree or not.