So this is my one of my favorite songs. It has a tendency to make me cry. It's called And So It Goes sung by Billy Joel. I thought it fit the character of Inuyasha perfect. Hope you like. Rate and Review please.
DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I do not own Inuyasha or And So it Goes.
Lyrics: Bold italic
Inuyasha's thoughts: italics
Memories/Flashbacks: Bold
And So It Goes: An Inuyasha songfic
In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lover's past
Until a new one comes along
He had loved her once long ago. She had brightened up his days, and had made him feel like he belonged on this place called Earth. She was a miko, the protector of the jewel of four souls. He was a hanyou, born into a society where no one accepted him because he was just a bit different. They met at the crossroads, and their lives were forever changed. She wanted a normal life not having to carry the weight of the entire world on her fragile shoulders. He wanted a place to call home and someone to make him feel he actually belonged. They felt the fear, they felt the agony, they felt the despair but neither one of them could turn away. Fate was knocking and they couldn't run. They fell in love and planned to be rid of the jewel that tormented their souls. The hanyou would become a man of the norm, thus releasing his lover from her burden. But evil lurked in the shadows; the early morn of their meeting an evil force known as Naraku would pit them against each other. He would cloud his true form, and take the shape of the lovers. Attacking her, chasing him, and causing their blood to be shed on the ground; Their last breaths full of hate.
It would not be until fifty years after her death and his supposedly eternal sleep that the jewel would return inside the body of a fifteen year old girl. Dragged down the well by a Mistress Centipede the girl with a resemblance similar to the hanyou's lover would set him free. An arrow through his heart, she would awake him with her touch and the tender sound of her voice. Setting him free from eternal darkness and the bitterness placed upon him by deception. She looked similar to the miko he had once fallen for, but she was different somehow. Her actions were not the same as the priestess he had fallen for fifty years ago. She was not cold, dark, and illusive; she was bright, feisty, and warm. He felt somewhere deep within his soul something he thought he had once felt before with her; love.
She looks so much like Kikyou, but the two are nothing alike. Kikyou had wanted me to become human for her, but Kagome doesn't seem to mind that I am half human and half youki. Although my heart still yearns for Kikyou, I feel something deep inside me erupting. Every time she looks at me with those elaborate mocha eyes or touches me with the those delicate fingertips my heart starts pounding. What could be wrong with me?
I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I've said too much
My silence is my self-defense
Could love really concur all? If that's true then why was the miko and the hanyou's faith in one another broken so easily? Had they really truly loved one another, or was it just another rose-colored glasses moment? Inuyasha wanted a place to call home, and Kikyou wanted the weight of the world lifted off her shoulders. One way for that to happen was the shikon no tama or the jewel of four souls; it was what Inuyasha was seeking and what Kikyou was protecting. Falling in love could bring them both happiness, and stop the shattering of all things that seemed unstable. But one foul twist of fate would kill it all, and bitter rivalry and suffering would take the place of all hopes and dreams of a better tomorrow.
Kagome came into my life fifty years after the death of Kikyou. She tipped my world upside down, and made me think of things in a different perspective. Even though I have just begun to open up to her I feel I could tell her most everything. But then there is always that shadow of a doubt hanging over my head. What if Kagome doesn't really like me as a hanyou? What if she doesn't feel I'm worth her time? What if she betrays me like Kikyou? If I stay quiet, although I'd like to share my inner most thoughts with her, I'll be safe. I'll remain unharmed and sane so my heart will not have to endure what it went through with Kikyou. I will never again have to feel an arrow pierce through not only a vital organ, but my soul.
The cool ocean lapped up against the shore of the untouched beach. Making their way through the ghastly forest a demon slayer and a monk were the first to touch the white sand. Smiling to the monk, the demon slayer called for her neko to come to her side. Bounding through the darkness the neko soon appeared, a small kitsune on her back. Growling with relief and pleasure the neko collapsed by her master's side. Lifting the kitsune off the neko's back the monk knelt down beside the demon slayer who was stretching; a small yawn escaping her lips. Deep within the forests depths a young miko and a white haired hanyou walked side by side. Looking at the all red clad demon, the priestess curled her lips into a delicate smile. Frowning slightly the hanyou starred into the mocha orbs of the girl beside him. Why did she have that look on her face? Was it something he did?
"What's that for?" The hanyou grumbled stopping in his tracks.
"What's what for, Inuyasha?" The miko asked smile suddenly disappearing into a look of concern.
"That smile. Why were you looking at me like that, Kagome." Inuyasha questioned cocking an eyebrow.
"I'm happy I guess. I enjoy our time together, Inuyasha. That's why I was smiling." Kagome replied letting her lips curl once again into her trademark symbol.
"You like spending time with me? Doesn't it bother you that I'm not like everyone else?" Inuyasha murmured thinking aloud.
"I like you just the way you are. You don't have to be like everyone else for me to enjoy your company. Why do you think it would?" Kagome wondered sighing.
"Doesn't matter." Inuyasha mumbled now walking away.
"It matters to me. I wish you'd open up to me a little more." Kagome whispered trailing behind.
"If I open up to you, you'll turn your back on me like the rest of the world. Keeping to myself is the only way I can protect the rest of me from becoming broken." Inuyasha thought replying to her words with saddened amber eyes.
And every time I've held a rose
It only seems I've felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose
I guess loss for me started with my mother. I was born of a human mother and a youki father. My mother Izayoi was always there for me when I needed her the most. When I was young and the villagers would scorn me, my mother would always hold me and tell me there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. She taught me to never pay heed to the words of the villagers because they didn't know the Inuyasha she knew. Though she tried her best to hide it, my mother was discouraged. I knew deep inside that she knew I would never live a normal life; that I would never be like everyone else. And when she left this world for the netherworld she told me to never forget who I was. I was not a demon, a human, or even a hanyou. I was Inuyasha the son of the beautiful human Izayoi, and the powerful youki Inutaisho-sama.
Kikyou was the next thorn on the beautiful red rose that pricked me. I was alone in the world after my mother's death. My father had died long before she, and my half-brother Sesshomaru disowned me. We no longer thought of each other as kin; he was a full youki and I was a hanyou, and that's the way it would forever stay. Being alone had done cruel things to me. I was mocked and scorned for being different; I wasn't accepted by demon nor human. I fit nowhere in this complex sphere created by a higher ranking being. The jewel of four souls seemed like my only hope. I had heard the rumors of it's immense powers, and knowing this automatically thought I had a chance at life by becoming a full fledged youki. The jewel could make that happen, but in my quest to take it into my possession I became sidetracked by it's protector. She was a powerful miko that went by the name Kikyou. She had been entrusted the jewel of four souls by a village of demon slayers. She was to protect the jewel at all costs and keep it pure. No malice was ever supposed to reek havoc on the shikon no tama, yet it was tainted when she fell for me. Kikyou and I hated one another at first; there was no trust whatsoever. I was a demon and she was a human, some barriers were not meant to be broken. Despite the fact that we hated each other love soon combusted leaving us in a tizzy. Blinded by love we could no sense the evil in the air around us. Before we knew it we were making plans to turn me into a human, and live a normal life. This dream though was all corrupted by Naraku; the hanyou with a black heart. He pitted Kikyou and I against each other and we died out of misconception. Her death unlike mine though was eternal. Thus another person was taken from my life leaving me alone once again.
Loosing both my mother and my first love really opened my eyes to one obvious fact of life. Everything must go wither we want it to or not. This is why I cannot bear to open up to Kagome in fear I will lose her like the other important women that were in my life. If I keep my exterior hard and cold, there's a chance she can be saved. There's a chance that she will not fall victim of cruel fate. If I can keep Kagome at arm's length, there's a chance she won't fall in love with me like I know I am falling in love with her.
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break
Inuyasha didn't ask Kagome to stay. He didn't ask her to linger by his side. He had actually warned her that it was better to stay as far away from him as possible. Yet every time he tried pushing her farther way, the closer she rebounded. There was no getting away from this girl from the future; the reincarnation of his past. Although at times he pushed her over the edge, made her cry, and left her in silence she never strayed to far away. It was evident in her eyes that she had feelings for him, though it never came out in words.
Appearing on the beach beside the others miko and hanyou stopped by the sides of their comrades. Plopping down beside the slayer and monk Kagome wiped the remaining tears away from her eyes. Starring at Kagome quizzically the slayer stood up and offered the miko her extended hand. Taking it into her own gratefully Kagome rose off the sand and walked with the slayer away from the men. The monk turning to the hanyou with a reddened cheek revealing the print of a young ladies' hand cocks his head slightly. Starring down at the brown grain before him Inuyasha shook his head slightly. Is it really worth going into detail about? I've hurt her once again.
"Inuyasha, what happened in the woods?" Miroku asked eyes full of fear. It wasn't too often that Sango would intervene, so something must have really upset her.
"Is it really worth going into detail over, Miroku?" Inuyasha questioned brushing off a flat stone he found buried in the sand.
"Sango rarely intervenes when Kagome is upset. It worries me, Inuyasha." Miroku sighed pressing his hand into his forehead.
"Like I said, it's hardily worth going into detail over. I screwed up again, Miroku. My failure to be more open with her has sparked the water works." Inuyasha grumbled skipping the rock against the ocean's waves.
"Your failure to be more open? What was the subject?" Miroku pressed still unsure of what he really meant.
"It has something to do with my past. Something I'm not quite particularly interested in sharing." Inuyasha huffed searching through the sand for another stone.
"You know you can trust Kagome though, don't you Inuyasha? She's pretty good at helping people get stuff off their minds." Miroku persisted standing up to join him by the water's edge.
"She doesn't need to associate herself with my past. She's from the future and that's where her mind needs to stay. My past isn't any of her concern." Inuyasha growled skipping another stone across the drifting waves.
"She wants to be apart of your past though, Inuyasha. Sometimes actions speak greater than words." Miroku hinted nudging his shoulder.
"Feh! What do you know you stupid monk!" Inuyasha snarled hurling a nearby boulder into the on coming tide.
"I know that she loves you, Inuyasha. You may not be able to get that into your thick skull, but the signs are clear. Kagome Higurashi is in love with you." Miroku answered turning his back to the hanyou.
It wasn't long before Sango and Kagome came running. Bolting to Inuyasha's side panting Kagome collapsed onto the beach's shore. Kneeling beside her Inuyasha placed his hand on her forearm. Looking up into his amber eyes Kagome starred questioningly at his expression of confusion and worry.
"Kagome, are you alright?" Inuyasha asked never removing his hand from her skin.
"I heard a huge crash in the water. I thought you were in trouble." Kagome panted pressing her head into his muscular chest.
"It was my fault Kagome. I threw a boulder into the water." Inuyasha replied blushing from both embarrassment and the closeness of their bodies.
"You threw that boulder? You scared me half to death. Baka." Kagome mumbled rolling her eyes.
"Sorry. And not just for the boulder." Inuyasha whispered under his breath.
"Sorry?" Kagome asked confusion evident in her voice.
"I'm sorry I made you cry." Inuyasha answered releasing her.
"Don't be. My nose was probably somewhere it didn't belong just yet." Kagome murmured raising her hand to touch his cheek.
"I'll tell you about my past one day, Kagome. Just not yet." Inuyasha sighed taking the hand and pulling her tight against his chest.
And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
It wasn't my intention to fall in love, and yet I seem to stumble into the trap it sets for me over and over again. Kikyou had been my first love, and she was supposed to be my last. A hanyou such as myself is not supposed to find love a second time. It was rare to even find a first. Kagome is an accident, one I do not regret but wish I could save from fate. She wants to know everything about me; about my mother, my father, my love-life with Kikyou, and my tragic past. I don't want to permit her to see, taste, or as much as hear of it for I know she would only turn away. I know that the horrors of my past would change her view about me, and I cannot even bear to bring myself as much as to think of the expression she would wear when my tale was over. Although thoughts of regret, worry, and pain lie thick in my heart the feeling of love seems to be taking over. One day I'll share my past with this woman; one day she'll know the side of me I try my best to hide.
So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
Lying underneath the stars, a roaring fire roasting the tender soles of their feet, the group of travelers peered up into the night sky. Kirara lying by Shippo, Shippo lying by Miroku, Miroku lying by Sango, Sango lying by Kagome, and Kagome lying by Inuyasha. Arms folded across his chest, Inuyasha lost himself staring up into the night sky. Nudging his side lightly, Kagome smiled at the hanyou dragging him out of his thoughts. Starring into the girl's mocha orbs, the half-demon let out a sigh. Could the monk be right? Could Kagome really be in love with me? Rustling her hair for a moment, Inuyasha turned away from the smiling teen, flipping onto his stomach. Following in persuit, Kagome proceeded to role over onto her stomach as well.
"What's a matter? Are you okay, Yasha?" Kagome asked cocking her head lightly.
"I'm fine. Just thinking I guess." Inuyasha replied combing a claw through his silver strands of hair.
"Hey Sango?" Miroku questioned a small smile gracing his lips.
"What is it?" Sango yawned turning to the monk.
"Would you take a walk with me?" Miroku asked getting up off the ground.
"It's late. Besides you're a lecher and you'll try something funny." Sango retorted rolling her dark eyes.
"No funny business, I swear! You can beat me to a pulp if I try anything stupid." Miroku pleaded offering her his hand.
"No funny business. Hands above the waist and no touching of the breasts." Sango warned a small blush creeping across the bridge of her nose.
"You have my word." Miroku answered lifting her off the ground.
Walking hand in hand, monk and demon slayer walked the beach. Lying on their stomachs in the crabgrass and sand, Kagome and Inuyasha soaked up the heat from the dying embers of the fire. Sitting up, Inuyasha watched the figures that were Miroku and Sango fade just like the tide. They were happy together just as he wish he would someday be.
"Inuyasha? Inuyasha?" Kagome called snapping a finger in front of his face.
"Hu? Yeah what is it, Kagome?" Inuyasha asked forcing himself to focus on the girl beside him.
"There's that face again. What's up with you tonight? You seem so different." Kagome whispers a hint of concerning glinting off her orbs.
"It's nothing. I'm just lost in thought." Inuyasha answered resting his chin on his knees.
"Pardon me if I'm getting into your personal bubble, but what are you thinking about exactly?" Kagome questioned starring intently at his hunched up form.
"Unrequited love." Inuyasha replied nonchalant.
"Unrequited love? Is it Kikyou you are thinking about tonight?" Kagome suggested feeling her throat muscles tighten.
"The exact opposite exactly." Inuyasha sighed feeling a wave of tears rush into his amber eyes.
"Inuyasha…" Kagome trailed off.
"Why did you choose to stay with me, Kagome?" Inuyasha asked tears now slipping down his pale cheeks.
"Inuyasha! Inuyasha, this isn't like you! What's the matter?" Kagome cried shocked at his state. Crawling over to him she threw her body onto his, embracing him in the tightest hug she could muster.
"I need to know. Why haven't you left me to die like Kikyou? Why haven't you given up on me like my father? Why haven't you wallowed in self-pity like my mother? Why haven't you tried to end my life like Sesshomaru? Why haven't you scorned me like the villagers? Why haven't you disappeared?" Inuyasha sobbed finally letting go of the built up rage.
"Because I'm not like them, Inuyasha. I couldn't stand the thought of being without you, or be the one to end your existence. I won't wallow in self-pity because there isn't a reason too. I'm not ashamed to be with you. I haven't given up on you because you are my strength. I will never scorn you, because I like you the way you are. And I won't disappear because I am here to stay. I am in love with you Inuyasha, and that feeling will never go away." Kagome reinsured him rubbing his back.
"Then Miroku was right." Inuyasha murmured almost to himself.
"He told you I liked you? Maybe it's better you know then. If you don't want me to stay with you then I'll leave, but if you feel the same way as I do tell me now before I drown." Kagome whimpered pressing her forehead to his.
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
"Don't leave." Inuyasha whispered inching his lips closer to hers. "I'm ready to open up again."
Well isn't this story just peachy perfect. I hope you liked it as much as I did. Please RATE AND REVIEW! Thank you all very much!