J "Quidditch."
L "Chocolate."
J "Quidditch."
L "Chocolate."
J "Quidditch."
L "Chocolate."
J "Quidditch."
L "Chocolate."
J "Quidditch."
L "Chocolate."
J "Quidditch!"
L "Chocolate!"
J "Quidditch!"
L "Chocolate!"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
M "How long has this been going on for?"
R "The past 15 minutes."
M "Good God, I'm getting a headache!"
S "Yeah, me too, only it's a stomach ache, not a head ache."
M "Sirius, hon, that would be from all the food you ate at dinner."
S "All that food? All I had was 3 pieces of steak, 2 servings of mashed potatoes, 4 rolls, some broccoli, and let's see. . . what else?"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
R "WOULD YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?"
That worked. James Potter and Lily Evans stared at the usually calm, cool, and collected Remus Lupin. He was rubbing his temples in a circular motion with his eyes closed.
"Sorry?" James guessed.
"Now say it like you mean it," Macy Lark said. "And you, Lily Evans, should know better than to yell like that. It hurts people's ears. Sometimes I wonder if you know your own yelling ability."
"Shut it, Mac," Lily Evans growled playfully.
"Anyway, back to the matter at hand," started Sirius black, flipping at piece of hair out of his face. "We"—he gestured to everyone around him—"would like to know what the flip you two are arguing about."
"Well, James here said that Quidditch is the best thing in the whole flippin' world. I however, slightly disagreed"—"slightly my ass"—"and told him that he was clearly on something, because chocolate is, without a doubt, the best damn thing ever!"
"And then I said, slightly stronger, that no, Quidditch was indeed much better than chocolate and that it was clearly she who was on something."
"And again, I said, no, sir, chocolate wins hands down."
"And I said to her, no, ma'am, Quidditch wins. You can't play chocolate, now can you?"
"Well. . ."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well if you can't guess that by now, I'm not telling you. I wouldn't want to poison your innocent ears by telling you something like that, now would I?"
Pause. Longer pause. Deafening silence.
"OH! I get it. EWW! That's just wrong!"
"Anyway . . ." Remus started.
"Oh, yes. So then I said, well, you can't eat Quidditch, can you?"
"To which I politely replied, why yes, yes, you can. I almost ate the snitch in that game last year."
"To which I said, that doesn't count. You didn't eat it. You barfed it up."
"To which I said—"
R "ENOUGH!"
M "You know, I think I preferred them yelling at each other to them politely having a stupid little argument like this. 'To which I politely said. . .' My god they are so annoying!"
S "I couldn't agree with you more."
M "But you know, it would be better if they just started kissing because then my ears wouldn't fall off, and I could still hear! Oh, that would be wonderful."
S "Well, yeah, but then we'd have to hear 'Oh, James! Oh you're the best kisser! Oooo mmmm!' and 'oh, Lily, oh! I'm coming! I'm coming!'"
"SOD OFF!" Lily and James yelled in unison.
M "Mind readers?"
"NO!" they yelled again.
S "You sure?"
"YES!" again. In unison.
R "Oh. Be cause you seem to be saying the same thing as the other at the same time."
"I AM NOT!" They said together.
"STOP SAYING WHAT I SAY!" They yelled at each other.
"SHUT UP! YOU'RE SO ANNOYING! WOULD YOU STOP IT?" the shouted at the same time.
M "Oh, god, here we go again."
S "Yay!"
M "You're happy? Oh my god, what are you on?"
S "That was sarcasm, love."
M "Oh. Right. I knew that."
S "I know you did."
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
S "Would you please, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty please shut. up!"
R "Some of us would like to go to sleep sometime tonight!"
S "Sleep? What's that? I haven't had any of that since I came to this place."
M "Huh? . . . . Oh, because of Lily and James. Sure. Right."
M "JAMES ANTHONY POTTER AND LILIANA MARIE EVANS IF YOU TWO DON'T SHUT UP I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU! Slowly and painfully."
R "You know, I really wouldn't like that look she's got if I were you. If I were you, I'd start running. Fast."
L "She wouldn't really kill me. Would you, Mac?"
M "Oh, yes. Hell yes I would if you two don't shut up. and don't worry, Lils, I'll make sure Tuna gets invited to your funeral."
S "Tuna? I love that stuff! It's the best thing Muggles have! Food wise. Their mottycycles are awesome too!"
M "Not food Tuna, person Tuna. Her sister is Petunia. Tuna, Petunia? Get it? No. Ok. Well, yah know. And it's a Motorcycle. Not a mottycycle. geeze. Brush up on your Muggle things."
J "What are you talking about tuna for?"
L "Change subject! I will not tolerate listening to you four talk about my sister! Why would you want to anyway?"
M "Oh, Lily, Lily, Lily. Haven't you seen her lately? Oh, her face, her hair, her complection, oh, they're to DIE for."
S "They are? But Lilykins said she looked like a horse . . . "
M "Sirius, dear, that was dripping in sarcasm."
S "Oh."
M "Lily, would you please come on. I want to get going."
J "Hogsmead can wait. This can't. . . QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
J "QUIDDITCH!"
L "CHOCOLATE!"
M "God, is this going to end!"
R "AH! SHUT UP, YOU TWO!"
"Fine. I know how to end it." James said ruefully. "But it was just getting good!"
S "I don't care. End it now!"
L "CHOCO—"
Lily was cut off by a pair of nice, soft, warm lips. She threw her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. His tongue begged entrance to her mouth and she readily gave it. While their tongues engaged in a war of dominance, their friends stared.
S "He said he liked her, but I didn't believe him. See what I get?"
R "Look at that technique!"
M "Look at the tongue action!"
M "You know, I would rather that I didn't see my breakfast again. I'm not looking at my best friend snog his worst enemy. Its too weird and gross!"