Title: Closed Up
Author: OpheliacAngel
Pairings: Maggie/Allie
Genres: Romance/Angst
Rating: Teen
Summary: It's not lost on her that someday soon she will never again know what it feels like to have arms wrapped around her, the person clutching her so tightly not afraid of contamination, or that Maggie will turn on them.
A/N: Written for femslashficlets for prompt #028 - mood.
Soundtrack: David Wingo's 'No Answers,' which features in the film.
She can feel it crawling up from within her sometimes: a need to lash out in anger and need, the need indescribable but heavy in its presence all the same. Eventually, it will become clearer in her mind as the need to feed, but she'll hold that off for as long as she can. Her father's always told her how strong she is, strong like her mother was, and while she wasn't strong enough to stop this she will show her father proud by holding herself together until there's nothing left.
Everything these days reminds her that this virus is a physical thing, that it will take her over and leave behind nothing but her body. Ravaged. Blackened. Rotting.
Running after prey.
She simply won't be anymore.
She loves Trent, but she won't have their relationship labeled as 'more in common than not.' As 'we're both infected now so let's go back to how it used to be.' There is no going back, there is no salvation.
There is only this disease, not a barrier between them but a barrier between Maggie and everything else.
If she chooses to remember anything, she'd choose this: Allie's arms wrap around her tightly, as if she knows she is losing her best friend in the whole wide world and it's unpreventable but not unimportant. Allie's lips brush the side of her neck and Maggie squirms away, the 'not in the mood' flitting up to her lips but choked back because she can't say it. Not to Allie. Not to strong, completely capable Allie who stuck by her. Even in this.
It's not lost on Maggie that someday soon she won't be able to recall it. Will never again know what it feels like to have arms wrapped around her, the person clutching her so tightly not afraid of contamination, or that Maggie will turn on them.
She avoided Allie for as long as she could because she couldn't trust herself. Allie trusted her all this time though, which makes everything hurt so much more.
"I love you."
Maggie nods, she doesn't have enough strength in her to do more. She promises that she'll see Allie next weekend and then turns her back. Allie has always been relentless however, a hand on Maggie's shoulder startling her in a way she soon won't be able to afford.
"Come and see me before then, if you want?" Allie babbles now. "We can always go for a drive, or even just sit and talk. Whatever you want, Mag."
The nickname nearly brings her down to her knees. The other thing she wants to remember is Allie's hand, splayed out over her heart. Maggie's name a real thing on Allie's lips.
"I love you too, Allie."
She doesn't tell her best friend that she's not in the mood to talk anymore, not in the right frame of mind to talk or even just stand there, next to her. Can't tell her that last night was fun, but it's the last fun she'll ever have. Part of why Maggie doesn't tell her these things is that she can't, but the other half is because Allie already knows. Allie's a master of not caring, not caring in all the ways that matter but that Maggie can't let matter now.
She let's Allie kiss her though, lips so warm against her mouth, pressing into her skin so desperately as if Allie's about to fall over. There is no exchange of saliva, they're careful. It's too bad because Maggie's no longer in the mood to be careful.
That's why Maggie watches Allie in her car rather than be there, sees her hands grip the steering wheel as she sobs violently.
Maggie isn't in the mood to go down there again, to tell her that she'll be okay, one way or another. Mood has nothing to do with it, but if Maggie wants to lie to herself then she has the right.
She pulls the drapes together, slumps onto her bed and let's the music take her away.
FIN