There are a lot of things Kakuzu hates. I would know, since I'm his Jashin-damned partner.
The item that tops the list of stuff he despises; spending money. The bastard can't stand having to pay a cent on anything at all. He looks like he's gonna throw up every time he gets the bill from a mission; one time, he even threw out all the light bulbs in the base to keep the damn electricity bill down. Pein in the ass made him replace them, but still, it was funny as hell to see our almighty leader wandering around a pitch black hideout and swear every time he bumped into a wall or some shit like that.
Aside from doling out cash for luxuries like food and water, he also hates being short-changed. A good example was the night we stopped in a small town to stay in an inn. It was fucking cold outside, and snowing like you wouldn't believe. Like ever other time the weather's made us take a break, we stopped in the dinkiest, shadiest motel the village had to offer, and like always, the miser paid in cash. But this time, the innkeeper tried to skim a single ryo off of Kakuzu's change. Big mistake.
Normally Kakuzu would off the guy, stash the corpse, and we could still stay a few hours in the inn before anyone caught on and we had to run. But this time, the Jashin-damned idiot was too damn noisy, and people came to investigate. We barely had time to grab his cash before we had to bolt. Thanks to that, we were back in the cold, I was swearing with rare form, and Kakuzu was getting seriously annoyed.
That's number three on his list of things he hates; me bitching.
Normally, the bastard can tolerate my complaints pretty well (or at least ignore them) but that night Kakuzu's patience completely went out the window, and he end up yelling at me to shut up and threatening to hit me. I had to keep quiet, because I really didn't feel like having my head knocked off in the middle of a blizzard.
Luckily for me the dumbass found a cave for us to stay in after that, so at least we weren't at risk of being buried alive by the snow pummeling us from the heavens. I was pissed beyond belief at Kakuzu by now, and walked straight to the back of the cave, curled up in a ball, and lay down with my back to Kakuzu.
A few minutes later, I was completely numb. Wonderful.
Fortunately, my plight was resolved when Kakuzu crawled over to me. He grabbed my shoulder and shook me, like he was trying to wake me up or something. I think he was going to apologize, until he noticed I was freezing to the touch. "Shit…" he muttered.
Somehow his cloak ended up unbuttoned, and seconds later I was being held against his chest with the flaps of his cloak wrapped tightly around me. Kakuzu was burning to the touch; he always is, now that I think about it.
At this point, I was still annoyed, but was enjoying the warmth of my partner too much to say anything. Besides, I knew he was regretting getting us thrown out now. Why? 'Cause that's thing number four on his list of things he hates; seeing me in pain.
I'm not talking about my sacrifices, dumbass. Like, when we're outside too long and I get heatstroke, or end up hurt on the battlefield. Kakuzu's allowed to hurt me in bed, and I can cut myself up for my rituals, but other than that, no pain for me, if he can help it.
I know for a fact the bastard likes to torture anyone who makes the mistake of harming me; I dunno why though. I guess Kakuzu thinks I'm his, which means he's the only one allowed to hurt my body. I know that that's why he caves on hot, cold, or rainy nights and gets us a room at a motel or inn; because he really doesn't want to see me endure that shit.
Anyway, we were sitting there on the cave floor, the snow blowing in from the outside, and the only thing that keeping me warm was his body heat. Not that that wasn't enough; I swear, the bastard's always burning up, like he's got a Jashin-damned fever or something.
Kakuzu looked like he wanted to throw up or something close to that whenever I shivered or swore from the cold. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the guy was pissed at himself for getting us into this. Obviously, this was all his fault, and at a later time and date I'd happily rub it in, but right then I didn't want to see him like that.
'Cause it makes me think that there's a number five on his little hate-list, and it's Kakuzu himself.
Kakuzu always wears that damn mask, along with his hood and cloak no matter how freaking hot it is outside; he really can't stand his body, no matter how many times I tell him he's drop dead sexy. Or smexy, rather. He's gotten this Jashin-damned idea in his head that everyone hates him; thinks he's a freak or something, which really doesn't help the problem.
Open your eyes, dumbass. We're all freaks.
That's probably why he loves cash so much; 'cause he doesn't have to interact with it like he does with people. Yeah, as weird as it sounds, the dumbass actually has a list of things he loves. Like money.
Really, I don't get what the guy sees in the stuff; it's just currency, so what's the big deal? Now that I've told you number one, let's move on to the much more important other item on his list; me.
It took me forever to figure out that Kakuzu loves me. Probably had something to do with the fact that he had a royally screwed up way of showing his affections. Like, you know how some couples will kiss each other? Kakuzu bitch slapped me. Sure, he was trying to appeal to my masochistic side, but he could have been a little more forward!
And the other members still don't really agree with the whole "love" thing. Pein says my partner just tolerates me, but I think that's 'cause our leader's in denial about hiring a bunch of gay criminals. Konan says he adores me; I say that's taking this shit way too far.
Well, whatever. Point is, I think I'm part of the reason Kakuzu hates himself. See, screwups like the one that landed us in that cave really aren't all that uncommon for us. More often than not, the crap he starts makes both of us suffer; and like I said earlier, he hates seeing me suffer.
And that look in his eyes whenever he looked at me that night told me he hated himself for doing this to me.
Which is why, even though I was absolutely pissed with him then, I still snuggled closer to him. Yes, S-ranked criminals snuggle! Don't judge us. "Kuzu?"
"You cold?" he whispered to me. He was worried. Way too worried for my liking. Yeah, I'd probably catch pneumonia or something from the damn storm outside, but it wasn't like it could kill me or anything. He had better things to do than fret about me. Wait, did I just say fret?...whatever.
I thumped the side of his head. "Quit moping, dammit."
"I'm not moping."
"Yeah, and Jashin's not my god."
"Isn't that blasphemy?" That got him another whack. "Hidan…"
"You started it," was all I said.
He rolled his eyes and lay down, me still bundled up in his arms and cloak, and his back facing the mouth of the cave. Fine by me. His body was blocking the wind, and I seriously doubted the cold affected him too much. It was a win-win situation.
Except the Jashin-damned dumbass was still being all gloomy and crap. I needed to fix that.
He tried to fix it himself, though. "Sorry about getting us thrown out," he mumbled.
I could have gone on a grade-A rantage right then and there, but decided that it could wait until he wasn't depressed, and we didn't have anything else to argue about. You know, around the time Armageddon occurs. "It's fine," I murmured. "I would've just slept like this in a bed, anyway."
He started playing with my hair then. That's item number three on things he loves; touching me. Not like that, pervert! Ok, maybe like that, but not always! Jashin dammit…
Well, messing with my hair was a good sign at least. Now, on to my scheme! That's right, I had a plot to get something out of this disaster. I can be a manipulative little bitch at times, can't I?
"You know you're taking us out to eat tomorrow," I suggested whilst burying my face in his neck. I know that he can't argue with me when we're cuddling, and he knows I know too. Chock up another item on the list of things he hates.
"Hidan-"
"No complaints. You owe me, love. Besides, we never eat out anymore, Kuzu," I casually added.
I could feel his willpower give in at my words. Out loud, he sighed in defeat. "I hate it when you do that," he growled.
Yeah, I knew that, but didn't want to admit it. "What?" I innocently asked.
"Don't act naïve, Hidan. It doesn't suit you."
That got an argument started up, and we didn't quit until it was almost morning. It wasn't too bad, though. I know, since even though we could have gotten violent, we didn't. In fact, no matter how intense our bickering got, Kuzu never let go of me, and I didn't push him away.
Yeah, he hates a lot of shit. Spending cash, my whining, people in general, buying off-brand soda, and stuff like that. I could count on one hand the things he likes, and I didn't even need all the fingers.
That's fine by me. Because while we were lying there in the cave, resting side by side, with him holding me like I was the most important thing in the world to him, I knew where I ranked on that list. And that's all I really give a damn about.