They stood there silently together, watching young Cole meet young Jose for the very first time in the icy courtyard of the children's home. The recent events ran fresh and clear in their minds, casting a shadow over the moment..
The glass of milk shattering, the running down of the dark alley, the shadowy menacing figures, the boy being whisked away – all these piecemeal shadowy haunting images now took on new meaning for Cole. As if a gate had been flung open, memories of Cassie from his childhood flooded into Cole's mind, drowning out other painful thoughts. He could not tell if these memories were always a part of his timeline or if they were something new manifesting into his past and giving his current present a new reality. Even he wasn't sure that made sense. Time travel is messy.
But with the sudden clarity of yesterday, he now saw all the details of the memories he had of Cassie when he was just a boy. The siren songstress of his childhood stood next to him in a soft halo of goodness and light. What was that doleful song she sang to him? It was always those soulful searching solacious eyes that had been with him during his darkest moments. He could remember the scent of her smooth platinum hair as he clung to her delicate, protective yet all-encompassing grip, as she whisked him away from harm. He remembers now, the jarring but unforgettable mix of feeling fear and complete safety all at once.
Cassie now stood next to him as the woman which Cole had felt the presence of for of all his life, but could only just now put a name to. He didn't understand this before Tokyo, but everything has changed now. How did he not know it was her all along, until now? Of course, Cassie could have no idea that he now felt with absolute certainty that she has always been in his heart and in his blood. Does she think he knew all along? Even he wasn't sure if he did or not. These new memories of his past are as confusing as they are comforting to him.
He looked at her with new reverence and trepidation in his eyes, and whatever feeling it was that he felt for her before, now deepened to a new and purer level.
"Are you sure we should leave him here? Maybe I could see..." asked Cassie hesitantly, her heart constricted at leaving such a beautiful young boy – this young orphan who will grow up to turn her world upside down – into the care of total strangers. Her brow knitted up in a small worry frown.
"Ah… he'll be alright. We'll make friends", said Cole, almost instinctively and calmly. He smiled at the obvious care and concern that Cassie felt for young Cole. It was touching. At the same time, his mind was racing with conflicting thoughts.
Of course both Cole and Cassie knew that Jose would grow up to betray their mission and put a knife into Cole in that nightclub in Tokyo, with murder in his eyes.
They watched as young Jose took young Cole under his wings. Cole smiled, more to convince Cassie that this was the right thing to do, even if at this moment, thoughts of rushing over and snapping Jose's little neck did flash through his mind.
But Cole did no such thing. He stood planted right there, stayed by the one thought that shouted loud and clear over all the other messy half-formed ones - If he had never met Jose, he might not have survived life in the wilderness until Project Splinter, and he might never have ever been the one to be sent back in time… and then he might never have been the one to meet Cassie.
No. His angel and guiding light. The only good thing in his miserable, debased life. He could never risk erasing her from his timeline. She is too important. She is too precious.
He convinced himself that it is something that must be. Young Jose must be allowed to live as a brother to young Cole. Because it is what brought him to Cassie at this moment, right now, to live in her time. Plus, he survived Tokyo, so what other damage can Jose possibly do? They are still a step ahead of the game, right?
Cole contemplated Katarina Jones' last words to him: "There's one thing you have to understand. The paradox, has the right and authority to travel back to your time. You live here now." He understood that this should have been bad news, but it was the best news that he had ever received. If this meant that he could live with Cassie by his side for at least a few more days - no splintering away, no being killed by Striking Woman and her gang of epidemic thugs - all the senseless pain of his life could be forgiven.
Cassie stood next to Cole as they watched young Cole received into care. She could feel her heart breaking in that moment. She had to breathe deeply to hold back the tears that threatened to fall from her overflowing eyes. Her breath shuddered. How she wanted to be the one to look after him, to keep him safe, and to show him how loved he is. How impossible she knew that would be to have both young and older Cole in her life in the same timeline.
She could still feel the clutch of young Cole's frightened but trusting arms around her neck, and the feel of his light body coiled against her side, as she rushed him out of harm's way. She could still hear how his quickened breath had slowly stilled against her embrace, as she softly whispered a sad but beautiful song into his ear - a song that her mother sang to mourn the loss of loved ones. A song she sang to herself those many empty nights after Cole had splintered away, leaving her all alone again. She could still feel the baby soft silkiness of the hairs on young Cole's head, as she gently soothed him from the horrors he was forced to witness in the alley, and from the grief he must be feeling.
She suddenly wanted to reach out to touch Cole, who was now standing next to her as this rugged, beautiful and battered man. Finally, the Cole that she might be allowed to keep.
She had watched the shattering of everything that was good in his young life right before her eyes, as Palid Man squeezed the trigger and emptied the bullets into his father's beating chest. What must he be thinking right now? Would he blame her? She pushed these dangerous thoughts aside.
His father was a strong and virtuous man, and she could see where all the goodness in Cole came from. The goodness that even the savage hand of his life could not stamp out of him. She mourned his father's passing in that very moment with a deepness of sorrow that she had never felt before. Perhaps she felt that it was her fault.
In her desperation to save Cole, she also destroyed his young life. And ultimately, she knew that the overriding reason why she needed to save him from dying was because she wasn't ready to let him go again. She could not bear to grieve his death once more. The guilt twisted in her heart.
She had to tell herself that the "future her" had good reasons for leaving Jones' 2015 address in Cole's pocket, even with full knowledge that these events would inevitably happen as a consequence. She had to believe it that it had to be for the greater good of the mission. Yes, that must be it.
Part of her is consoled by the fact that another consequence of these terrible events is that Cole is now part of her present, permanently, and she can finally engage in a fair fight against time to keep him by her side for as long as she can.
As to Aaron... that snake in the grass. Her feelings of anger and revulsion at what he did are is equalled only by her disappointment in him… and herself. She had allowed him to take advantage of her loneliness, listened to him belittling and chiding her obvious growing attachment for Cole as misguided. She had given in to him as he doggedly persisted in pursuing the relationship with her in spite of her reluctance. At the time, she had felt so helpless and hopeless about her feelings for Cole, because she did not know how she could hold on to Cole for more than a moment each time, never knowing when she would see him again. Even she wanted to believe Aaron that her feelings were childish and silly, because that would have been easier. But now she knows that love is never a mistake.
Aaron was a distraction from the void. At the time, she rationalised being with him because of what he could do to help keep the mission alive. Help the mission. He always fought to derail her from the mission. In the end, he crossed the line and almost destroyed everything that both her and Cole had risked their lives over and over again for. Aaron had meant for Cole to be killed. This thought was too much to bare.
She will never, ever let Aaron be a part of her life again. The relief she felt with this realisation was palpable.
Now that Cole could never be splintered away from her again, there is no one else. She could stop trying to talk herself out of her feelings for him, and to finally allow them to come to the fore. And now the conflict between her heart and her mission to stop the plague has been healed by the paradox. All the pieces have finally fallen into place. Her heart thumped deeply in her chest. She could almost hear it beating through her ears.
When she dared to look over to Cole, she met his tentative gaze from under the feathers of his brooding lashes. Behind the dark gaze of his heavy lidded gentle eyes, she could see forgiveness and tenderness for her. And maybe even something more. And once more her mind turned to the thought that all of this had to come to pass for them to stand here together today, together to fight for another day.
Perhaps this was always meant to be a part of their story. Because Jones was right. He is so much more to her.
Cassie could feel the tension spark in the hair's breadth that stood between their bodies. They leaned so closely together, yet did not touch. How many times have they stood like this, almost touching, drawn to each other's gravity like two planets in orbit? A current charged through the millimetre's distance between them and she could feel the hairs on her arms stand up, causing a warm tingling sensation to ripple over her skin. Remembering how young Cole clung to her and didn't want to let go, she found the courage to close the distance.
With a deliberated move, she slipped her hand into Cole's and wove her fingers between his, and in that instance felt the perfect moulding of their touch.
Cole did not flinch. He gratefully squeezed his hand tighter into hers, and it took her breath away. A rush of warmth, stronger this time, spread through her arms and reverberated throughout her body, awakening a warm ache between her legs. She squeezed her thighs together and took another deep but silent breath, to still the rush of giddiness flowing up into her head.
On the surface he tried to look calm and cool, but all Cole could really concentrate on was the melting and perfect feeling of Cassie's soft, velvety, slender hand which unexpectedly ended up in his, and what this feeling was doing to his head. Never in all his wretched and tortured life could he remember feeling the intoxicating and loving warmth of a beautiful woman's hand in his like this. The total trust, the total surrender, and the aching gentleness of that simple gesture was something that he had no access to in his post-apocalyptic life. That this feeling came as a gift from the hand of his vintage woman, almost broke him.
Until recently, most of his encounters with Cassie involved a good deal of death, pain, and violence - which he felt guilty for and wanted so much to make up to her for. He was determined to take every opportunity he could to bring something good into her life.
Feeling Cassie's hand holding onto his, he felt her protectiveness and possessiveness towards him, but he could not be sure that he wasn't reading too much into it. He was never very good at this stuff. Besides, he didn't know what to think, being a person from a different epoch – what if this was something that normal people did with each other in Cassie's time? He had so much to learn, and he didn't want to screw things up so early.
But in that moment, all he knew was that he never wanted to ever have to let her go. In that moment, he felt that their two worlds had collided head on for the very first time. Before this moment, he had agonised for so many nights back in 2045, that they might just be condemned to forever be ships passing in the night. He remembered the bitter defeat he felt as he wondered helplessly about how he could ever beat Aaron for the chance to be with her. He didn't have to worry about that selfish quivering shadow of a man anymore, after what he just did.
Cole didn't dare to look directly at Cassie's beautiful, serene face, in case his eyes would betray his feelings of yearning and longing for even more of her. What if he was mistaken and making more of this than he was supposed to? What if holding hands doesn't really mean as much in Cassie's time as it felt to him right now?
Cole decided that it would be wise to hold his cards close to his chest for a little longer, and to try to hold back his aching, hungry heart from making any rash moves right now, because the last thing he wanted to do was to scare her away. Plus, he now had time and he intends to cherish every moment of it with her. To do right by her, as much as he is capable of doing in his hamfisted post-apocalyptic way. All of this is unchartered territory to him.
So he just held on more deeply to her hand and allowed his thumb to slowly stroke her forefinger meaningfully, slowly up and down once, before letting it rest back onto her smooth knuckle into a steady grip.
He can't deny that his cock had involuntarily twitched at her touch, and he looked down to check that he didn't have a boner showing through to give his position away. They still have a mission to accomplish after all.
Silently they stood like this watching little Cole make friends with Jose, until all the children were called back inside for dinner, and it was just the two of them again. They now needed to find a place to stay, because he's just blown up her home and office with his paradoxical resurrection, along with Palid Man and his thug. Who knows if they survived? They couldn't go back there now. They might be looking for them there right now. And his personal mission now included protecting Cassie from any harm. So they needed to think and go somewhere safe to regroup, before making any more moves.
Cole and Cassie were now on the run from Striking Woman, her followers, and her informants. Aaron was now an informant and must be considered dangerous. Cassie looked down at her fist and touched the back of it, making sure to never forget how good it felt to smack Aaron in the face when he told her what he had done and tried to force her into the car and away from Cole. Good - I hope it hurt, she thought to herself.
"Where can we go to disappear and lay low until we figure out what to do?" Cole asked Cassie. He is not familiar with this 2015 city in the same way as Cassie, so he had to trust her judgement.
"I know a place in Chinatown where you can rent rooms cash in hand. Real off the book stuff. I once treated a patient there who needed not to be found. I don't think anyone would suspect that we would go there. I think we will be safe there, at least for tonight. C'mon, let's go before we're spotted. They must know to look for us here at the children's home."
"You're the boss. Lead the way." Cole smiled indulgently at Cassie, feeling proud of her decisiveness. What would he do without her?
Cassie took hold of Cole's hand once more and led him away between the buildings, down the tree lined path alongside the park, and they bundled into the first available taxi to carry them away into the bustle of the city as needles falling into a haystack.
They sat silently at the back of the taxi, holding their thoughts and words until they reached the safety of total privacy. Cassie never did let go of Cole's hand.
The room wasn't much. It had one window that opened up a short metre away from the wall of another building. A room with no view. It was perfect. No one looking for them could possibly see in. But they drew the dusty blinds down just in case. In the middle of the room was a simple bed, furnished with sheets, a single quilt, and a couple of pillows. The room felt cold as the only radiator seemed to conk in and out of service with a will all of its own. There was a wooden desk and a chair, with peeling chips around its edges. It had obviously not been used for any serious work in a long time. On the wall, hung a faded poster for an obsolete cigarette brand, illustrated by a painted Shanghai lady caring for her fat, jolly baby.
Cassie suddenly realised that all the papers she had been pouring over were destroyed in the blast - the blast that left Cole laying naked on the floor. She blushed involuntarily at the memory of finding Cole there with nothing to cover his body. She had noticed every curve and sinew of his limbs and muscles and remembered thinking about what it would feel like to wrap her body around his. The scene imprinted more deeply in her memory than she realised at the time. If she closed her eyes, she could still see his chest heave up and down, the soft fuzz of hair that trailed down the lower part of his navel to the place of his well-formed manhood. Yes, she did look. Her face was now definitely very warm.
When he saw her expression, Cole looked at her face with an inquisitive but uncertain gaze. He touched her arm gently and asked if everything was fine. She smiled nervously and was about to instinctively invent a little denial, but bit her tongue. You don't have to talk yourself out of your feelings for him anymore! She thought. But that doesn't mean you have to come on too strong either. So she just nudged him backwards playfully and changed the subject.
"Are you hungry? I'm starving. We need to lay low tonight, but that doesn't mean that we can't order in some food." She absent-mindedly leafed through the takeaway flyers strewn on the desk by the telephone, pretending to read the items on offer even though she found it difficult to string the letters on the page together into comprehensible language.
"Sure, but only if the food is prepared and delivered by the general himself." Teased Cole, trying to lighten the situation, even though he knotted up inside. He wondered what it was that made Cassie go red. She was looking at the bed. Was she embarrassed to realise that there was only one bed in this room? He could take the floor if it made her more comfortable. Yes, maybe that's it. Maybe he read it all wrong earlier and got a little ahead of himself, he thought sadly. It wouldn't be the first time he had to sleep somewhere cold, and at least he wouldn't have to worry about scavs attacking him in the night. He shook his head lightly and let out a breath through his nose, like a small balloon deflating, then he stood up straight and looked ahead across at the desk. This did not get past Cassie.
"What is it Cole?"
"You can take the bed Cassie. You don't have to share it with me. I can take the floor if that's what you would prefer."
Taken aback by Cole's completely divergent reading of the situation, Cassie shook her head perhaps a little too vigorously and sighed "No. God no. Why would you think I'd want that?" She could see the complete confusion on Cole's face, and decided she needed to offer more. "I need you to be by my side, Cole. You need to know that." Immediately, her face turned pink again. She couldn't explain why she felt so embarrassed to utter those words, because they were the truth. Smoothly done, Dr. Cassandra Railly. Smoothly done.
"Oh." blurted Cole, as he let her words sink in through his thick post-apocalyptic skull. He looked at his hands and wondered what he was supposed to do. He just wanted to play his cards right, but he never anticipated how difficult it would be to know what is the right thing to do, especially now that he was here to stay in 2015. But if he didn't say anything, he might really then have blown it. Think, Cole. Say something… human. He had to learn to live as a normal human being again, and not as a time traveller. I need you to be by my side, Cole. Did she really just say that?
"Cassie, you need to know that I feel a little out of place right now, and I am having a little difficulty knowing how I should stop living as a time traveller and as a normal human with a normal timeline from now on. I don't even know whether I am reading what's going on here -" his finger tracing the space between the two of them "- correctly, or completely back to front. But you have to know, there is no one else in this world that I would rather be figuring out how to be a normal - well, ish - human being again than with you, and I would never do anything to jeopardise that. I wouldn't be anywhere else in the world right now, not even Florida, if it meant leaving you again."
Wow. She did not expect to hear those words from Cole, and every word he just said touched her to the core. Cassie realised that so much that has passed between them had been left unsaid. No wonder he wasn't sure if he understood the situation right. She strode towards Cole and placed a hand on his face and stroked his cheek tenderly, looking into his eyes as she fought to find more words to put things into perspective for him. She rested her face against his chest and wrapped her arms tenderly around his back as she dug deep for the right thing to say. She pressed her body more tightly against his for a moment, to make sure that he wouldn't bolt before saying what needed to be said.
"You really have no idea how lonely I felt without you all this time when you would splinter away without a second's warning. For so long, the only permanent connection I had to you was through the work we started together. It's you Cole. It's you that had become the first and last person I thought about everyday for all this time. I never did get over it when I thought you died in Chechnya. My world fell apart when I thought you died. I cried over you for so many nights and I had no one to share that grief with. Now that everything has changed, I never want to be apart from you again. I want to be in this together with you from now on. I hope after what happened earlier today because of me -" and the sad image of Cole's father's lifeless body flashed before her eyes "- you can eventually forgive me for. I don't know how I could have carried on if I lost you again. I had to save you. I had to."
The weight of her words hit him with a force he had never felt before, and filled a gaping crack in his heart. So it is true, this really is the beginning into the unknown that he had never really dared to hope for. All those times he talked to Jose about coming back to have his wicked way with the vintage woman, he had never seriously thought he had a real chance. And even if he did, he would want to cherish every moment slowly, like carefully peeling the wrapping paper off from the best present he would ever get. A surge of feeling welled up through him and he wanted her to feel everything he was feeling for her right now. He gently peeled Cassie's face back from his chest so that he could look into her eyes. There was unmistakable sadness and tenderness in her expression.
"Cassie, there is nothing to forgive. You hear me? Nothing to forgive. You are all I have hoped for and more. I've come back for you so many times and now I'm never going to leave your side. You will never have to be alone again, so long as you would have me with you." And with those words, he cradled her face gently between his palms and slowly brought his face close to hers. Still looking into her eyes, their noses brushed softly against each others, as their breath quickened with the closing of the distance that had previously existed between them through a wall of unspoken words. Now the walls were coming down.
"James Cole…" panted Cassie through her breath, as his warm lips took hers softly within his. It was a gentle kiss, as he closed his mouth slowly over her upper lip first, tasting her velvety softness melt into his lips. He pulled apart for a brief moment and let out a shuddering breath. He felt weak and giddy in his head as stars clouded his vision momentarily. He closed his eyes and brushed his forehead against the side of her precious perfect face to steady himself. Then he opened his eyes again and looked at her, and almost died when he saw the longing in her eyes for more.
Happy to oblige, he kissed her more deeply this time, parting her lips with his soft, nimble and hungry tongue, tracing her shape and savouring the sweetness of her mouth with slow, deliberate and sensual strokes. She responded eagerly with sighs of relief between each gentle brush and suck of lips, and slow dance of warm tongues, her hands now bravely feeling the contours of his neck, his arms and waist. He circled his arms more closely around her body and brought her into a protective embrace, as their mouths continued to explore each others longingly. They kissed like this for a long time before they finally broke apart.
With a boyish smile, Cole said playfully: "So how about that take away? I'm hungry. And you most definitely need feeding. Don't worry. No more splintering. We have time, for a change." A smile of pure happiness rose through Cassie's face. We have time, for a change. These were the happiest words she has heard in a long time.