You're Not Gonna Get Away with Leading Me On

Something lately drives me crazy
Has to do with how you make me
Struggle to get your attention
Calling you brings apprehension
Texts from you and sex from you
Are things that are not so uncommon
Flirt with you you're all about it
Tell me why I feel unwanted?
-Super Psycho Love by Simon Curtis

"Hey, Miki, I was thinking we could—"

"Some other time, Mai."

It stung. Every time she rejected me, it stung. As my hands clenched into fists, I felt the tickets in my hand crumple into useless balls of paper. Tickets to see Miku Hatsune were hard to get, but I'd done everything I could to get these for Miki. She didn't even bother seeing what it was I wanted her for, did she? Her rejection was quick, without a single shred of doubt. I remembered again why I hated Miki with such vehemence.

I watched the wall as she breezed past me, walking confidently because she knew who she was. Miki was beautiful, and she knew it. She boasted it, flaunted it, did everything to keep it. Shining locks of cherry red hair, a piece drawn astray to mimic a fetish eroge players had, and ruby eyes that sparkled with stars. She never used to wear makeup, because she really didn't need it, but her style had changed since she'd entered high school. She kept her skirt rolled up short, teasing those who loved her by that half inch that remained to keep her secrets as they were. She knew she had nothing to show off when it came to breasts, so she let those long cherry locks fall in front of her blouse so that their beauty would distract the world from that one part of her that was missing. Her socks drew themselves up right under her knees, separating her from all the other girls who lifted them up and over the knees. She showed the smoothness of her pale skin this way, though, and Miki's legs were far too nice to be hidden any more than they already were. I never understood how her face stayed so free from blemishes despite the darkened makeup she used to widen her star-filled gaze, but she was as beautiful and perfect as anyone could ever be. And she knew it.

"Some other time," I murmured viciously, whipping a glare to her back as she drew away. It was a mistake to look at her; she'd been picked up by Gakupo, his arms around her waist as he lifted her feet off the ground. She laughed and cried out in overjoyed outrage, punching his arms with her delicate fists. She cried for him to put her down, and my hatred burned deeper at the flirtatious glint in her gaze. She must have felt my gaze; she looked to me with that same smile for a moment before turning her attention back onto the violet-haired boy. I turned on my heel and stormed away, unable to believe her. She was a monster. I hated her. But, at the same time, I was completely in love with her. Besides, her rejections usually came with an invitation within the next twenty-four hours.

. . .

It took only two hours for the invitation to come. I was at home, straightening out the tickets against the hard surface beside the trackpad of my laptop while I played a video online. My phone dinged to warn me that a text message had arrived, so I stretched across my bed to grab my phone off my bedside table, flopping onto my stomach to read the message.

MIKI: heyy maimai. sry bout earlier. bad mood. wanna get together?

I gazed at the phone, resentment lingering. Of course I wanted to get together with her, but I hated just being a backup. I was tempted to ask 'What about Gakupo?', but I knew she'd just brush it off with a laugh. I stared at the phone for a moment before sending my response.

MAYU: Just us?

My eyes turned to the tickets on my bed. They were for Saturday night. In the world of Miki, that was centuries away. Was it even worth asking her until then? I wasn't in the mood to get rejected again. My phone signalled a new message, so I turned my gaze back to the illuminated screen.

MIKI: duh. dtf?

I scowled at the phone, feeling the desire rising instantly in me. I froze before responding, though, as I always did. What were we? How could I define my relationship with Miki? I'd always assumed we were dating; we'd decided on that a few months back. She was always with other people, though, and barely even saw me sometimes. I had to wonder if she'd dumped me in her mind; dates were a rarity, after all, and calls like this were the closest we got.

MAYU: What are we, Miki?

I stared at the phone, waiting for her response. She always managed to avoid the question, though, so I had no idea what would come from this.

MIKI: horny? XP lol

I frowned at the phone, dissatisfied, and rapidly typed a response, lying in wait for what she'd have to say to it.

MAYU: I mean our relationship. What am I to you?

MIKI: do we rlly need 2 put a title on it?

MAYU: Yes.

MIKI: fine. come meet me n we can talk bout it k?

MAYU: We'll just end up having sex if I come over, Miki.

MIKI: lmao howd u figure out my plan? XP

MAYU: I'm serious, Miki.

MIKI: maimai cmon. u no u wanna

Yes, I wanted to, but this was so infuriating. I wanted to know. I wanted her to say how she felt about me. I wanted her to say that she wanted me, that she needed me, that I was the only one she needed in her life. I just stared at the phone, unwilling to respond. She wasn't taking me seriously at all, was she? It pissed me off. Eventually, my phone alerted me that she'd sent me a new message.

MIKI: fine then b like that. im going out with dell so ill ttyl

I gawked at the phone, disbelieving. She was really terrible, wasn't she? Just because I was upset, she was going to move on to Dell? I slammed on the buttons of my phone to send my response.

MAYU: Are you serious?

It took her a few minutes to reply; that time was my purgatory. I stared at the phone, imagining everything she could be doing with Dell right now. Were her hands on him; were his on her? Was he breathing that cigarette smoke into her mouth? Was her cherry-scented hair filling with his scent? How far was she willing to go with him? Though, really, that last one wasn't much of a question. Everyone knew that Miki was no cherry girl.

MIKI: come stop me if u dont want me 2 go

I let out a hiss of frustration and leapt up from my bed, swinging harshly as I gripped the doorway to turn myself on my heel in my escape from my room. I bolted to the door and dashed out without a single word, slamming the door shut behind me. Damn that girl. She really knew how to get on my last nerve, but my attraction to her was all-consuming. Every thought I had was of Miki. I wanted to be the one by her side, no one else. Despite her faults, she was the one I loved most, even if she drove me crazy.

Miki's house was only a couple blocks away, so I ran the entire way and knocked desperately at her door, breathing heavily as her sister opened the door, gazing at me curiously. I panted to the lavender-haired girl, "Is Miki home?"

Yukari shook her head and informed me, "She hasn't been home yet. I thought she was out with you."

My hand gripped tightened on my skirt, but I kept my anger subdued enough to say to Yukari, "Okay, thanks. I'll just call her, then."

She gazed at me for a little longer, concerned, but something seemed to preoccupy her mind as she bade me farewell and returned back into the house. I began walking on my way home and sent Miki a text as I walked, frustration colouring the words in my mind.

MAYU: Your sister says you haven't been home. Where are you?

Even after I returned home, I never got a response.

. . .

The incident was forced to be forgotten, and, come Saturday, Miki was able to come to the concert with me. She was overjoyed, in fact, when I showed her the tickets. That in itself made their price worth it, but she was determined to make it even more worth my while when a particularly lustful song was performed by the diva. Miki didn't care about the people around us as she turned her body toward me, mine naturally turning toward hers in response. We were on the edge of the row, with a wall next to me, and she pushed me roughly against it, whispering nothings in my ears as she explored my torso with her hands. I felt a shiver run through me, but my self-consciousness turned my mind to our scenery. People were taking care not to look at us, it seemed, and I had to squeal in alarmed satisfaction as Miki's hands found their way under my shirt. She brought her lips quickly to mine, just a peck at first, but her visits became slower and more frequent as the song picked up. I closed my eyes, happy just to be hers, but my joy was short-lived. Once the concert was over, she forgot me, her attentions caught on some boy that she gazed at with those eyes, the ones she always gave me before leading me into my bedroom.

I hung back, unable to manage to do anything. She had been mine just a moment ago, but now she was all his. I hated her. I loved her. I didn't understand any of it. Why was she like this? Why did I want her? I was going to break if this went on any longer. I couldn't bear watching her with him. He should . . . She should . . . They should . . .

Die.

The thought didn't scare me as much as it should have. So, I hung back, watching them both. My mind was overpowering, thinking through all the plans that had begun forming. It wasn't hard to believe that I was capable of such thoughts. It didn't scare me in the least. It was who I was; it was who she was. This was simply how our relationship was. So, as always, I sat back and watched her do whatever she wanted until, finally, she came back to me, having given the boy her number, and we went outside to begin our walk home in the late downtown night.

"That was awesome, Mai!" Miki cheered, grinning at me. "Thanks so much for taking me!" Her eyes narrowed seductively then, and she said, "You know, Mai, I'm feeling really high energy after that concert. You could benefit from that if you'd like."

Of course I'd like to, and of course I was going to. But there was something I had to ask her first. "What am I to you, Miki?"

She fell silent then as we walked, and I simply stared forward, waiting for her response. Then, eventually, she sighed and wondered, "Can't we talk about this later? You're bumming me out."

"I love you, Miki." I said it simply, making sure she'd understand. "Do you love me?"

She laughed at that and gazed at me curiously. "That's a stupid question. Of course I love you."

"Only me?"

My next question was met with silence, and no answer ever came. That in itself was answer enough. It didn't stop us from making love in my bedroom, though, but it helped me make up my mind. So, once Miki had fallen asleep, I left the bed we were sharing and made my way to my kitchen. I shuffled through the drawers for a while, wondering which knife would work best. I chose the one that looked most impressive in the end and headed back upstairs, my heart set on what I wanted. Miki was just leading me on; she had no intentions of being mine alone; she'd brought it upon herself.

Miki woke up with a screech, so it was a good thing I lived alone. She looked at me in wide-eyed terror, freezing stiff when I smiled and showed off the knife as I straddled over her chest. She had woken up so quickly. I hadn't quite expected that, but it didn't matter. Miki shouted, "What are you doing, Mayu?!"

I smiled at her, having reached the end of the line. This was the only option. "Be mine and mine alone, Miki," was all I said, pressing my palm against her forehead to hold her head down. Miki screamed and cried, but I showed her no mercy. Each cut was deeper than the next, and my bed was soon stained red. When I was finally content, I pulled back and stared into her horrified eyes to admire my work. Then, satisfied, I smiled. "Just try to pick people up with a face as scarred as that, Miki," I challenged, grinning. Then, I lowered myself down to softly kiss her. Drawing back, I breathed onto her, "But I'll always love you, Miki, and you'll learn to love me like I love you. You'll love only me, you understand? I could do much, much worse, but, because I love you, I'll only go this far."

"You're crazy," Miki let out with a shuddering breath, hiccupping as her tears fell onto the bed.

"Maybe," I replied, pulling back and withdrawing from the bed as she remained frozen in terror, "but you led me on. It's your fault I'm like this, so you'll stick with me until the end. You'll be with me from now on." I moved the reddened knife so that the moonlight glinted off of it and smirked at her. "Right?"

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please review if you have the chance! Also vote on my poll for who else you'd like to see paired with Mayu this October! Also, this is like the yandere song. Just sayin'.