A/N: I know I haven't updated anything in a long time, I've been too busy with real life. If you're wondering where all but one of my fics have gone, they're all down for much-needed maintenance, when I find the time. Until then, I hope you enjoy this spin-off of The Smirking SOLDIER! (Oh, and I know that Zack doesn't have motion sickness, but I've given him the affliction for the purpose of this fic. Once again, I hope you enjoy this! -AtrophysFinest
Double-Dating at the Gold Saucer
Part of 'The Smirking SOLDIER' Series
All that could be heard on the Ropeway to the Gold Saucer was a sixteen year-old girl vomiting into a brown paper bag. While Tiffany was comforting her Wutaiian friend, John 'Atrophy' Valentine was enjoying a victorious cigar, along with Cid and Barret.
After a major battle against the Shin-Ra forces who tried to reactivate the Mako Reactor up in Mt. Nibel, New AVALANCHE (the new-and-improved version including the defects from SOLDIER.) had decided they needed a break.
After much deliberation in the Operations Room aboard the Highwind and much pandering from a certain materia thief, the Gold Saucer was the final choice. Zack had suggested Costa Del Sol, but he'd earned a slap on the back of his head from Aeris after reminding her boyfriend that it was the middle of Winter on the second continent, and the holiday wouldn't be the same in the winter sun.
As soon as the Ropeway tram reached it's destination, the whole of New AVALANCHE (who were crammed into the small tram...) managed to force their way out and onto the main concourse. When the group were together, Cid once again took the role of squad leader.
He lit a cigarette and glared at the member of staff who stood at the main entrance, daring her to reprimand him. The master pilot looked back over his shoulder to his team and glared at them, in a foul mood for some reason. "All of you bastards follow me if you want to have some fun! Otherwise, get back on that fucking tram and find your own way back to Junon!"
Not wanting to anger their leader, New AVALANCHE followed the Captain into the main room with the layout sign and tubes to the various areas of the park. Without a chance to react, one-by-one, Sephiroth, Angeal, Genesis, Yuffie, Nanaki and Barret all jumped into the tube labelled 'Battle Square'. This left Zack, Aeris, Tiffany, John and Cid.
The Captain didn't stay long. "Fuck this shit, I ain't being a fucking billy-no-mates for no cunt. Any of you fuckers need me, you know where I'll be." Cid lit another cigarette and jumped into the tube labelled 'Ghost Square', desperately needing a drink from the Hotel's new bar addition.
John merely smirked as he watched everyone leave. He turned to look at the remaining members of New AVALANCHE and folded his arms. "So, what shall we do?" Aeris jumped up and down on the spot. "Ooh, ooh! Let's go to the Round Square and go on the Gondola!"
Zack sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Nah, I don't wanna. Hey, don't give me that look, Aeris! We're all here to have fun!" John punched his friend's shoulder. "Just because you have motion sickness. It's any wonder you made it into SOLDIER."
The raven-haired elite glared at his teammate. "Hey, I resent that! I could SO outdo you on that martial arts game!" John's smirk widened. "Is that a challenge, Puppy?" Zack growled and folded his arms, turning his back to John and Tiffany while Aeris consoled her boyfriend.
Tiffany merely laughed, knowing that her partner was only fooling around. She turned to her lover. "Where SHOULD we go? I don't think the idea of the Gondola is very appealing." John smirked and unclipped his lance from his back, inspecting it for any damage.
"Well, how about we double-date with Zack and Aeris? As much as I'd love to try out the new Special Battle at the Battle Square, Sephiroth and New AVALANCHE will take all day there. We can always try it out another time. What do you say, Tifa?"
Tiffany grinned, nodded and leaned into her partner's shoulder. She kissed John's cheek and walked over to her friends. Aeris nudged Zack's shoulder and the former SOLDIER turned around and pouted at Tiffany like a child.
Tiffany smiled at the young couple and spoke to them. Her voice was in a higher pitch than usual due to excitement, her natural Nibelheim accent gaining ground over her recently-developed Junon accent. "So... John suggested that we double-date, since we're both couples, and, you know John, always got an idea in his head!"
Zack groaned, earning a chuckle from his partner. "Come on, Zack! You know he was only teasing! From what I know, you all teased each other in SOLDIER!" Zack smirked a little and looked at Tiffany. "Tell your boyfriend that we're in."
Tiffany grinned and turned to face her smirking boyfriend with a nod. John retained his smirk and motioned to the newest tube in the room, which was labelled 'Food Square'. John didn't care and just dived in head-first.
Tiffany jumped in next, followed by Aeris and Zack. When John exited the tube, he completed his dangerous stunt with a front-flip and ending with his signature victory pose, spinning the lance around his back and shoulders before clipping it back into place. He turned at the sound of a scream and smirked when he saw Tiffany roll out of the tube, her ponytail having come loose and causing the young woman to be completely covered in her own hair.
John grabbed Tiffany's wrist and pulled his girlfriend to her feet with an ever-present smirk. Tiffany grinned sheepishly and kissed John's cheek, giggling like a schoolgirl. John retained his smirk when he saw Aeris and Zack appear at the bottom of the tube.
Not a single strand of Zack's hair fell out of place. John pulled his friend to his feet while Tiffany helped Aeris stand. "Nice of you to join us, Zack." Zack punched the smirking SOLDIER's arm. "Shut up. Let's eat!" The two couples then made their way to the food court.
In the Battle Square
Yuffie screamed as loudly as she could, right next to the Corel giant. Nanaki had gone off to admire Dio's collection. "Yeah, Genny! Kill those monsters!" Barret snarled and watched the three former SOLDIERs cut, thrust and parry their way through every opponent the Special Battle had to offer.
Before the final opponent was to show its face, the three warriors had to navigate the slot reels, which have always been more of a hindrance than a help. (Gold Saucer tradition.). Sephiroth, Angeal and Genesis had gotten incredibly lucky with their previous slots, Lucky 7's. The most recent slot they had gained was Time x30 Damage, which means the fighters took damage depending on how full their time gauges were during their last fight.
Genesis strayed from hitting the slots button on the machine next to himself and his two allies as he didn't want to tempt fate. However, he decided to do it this time. Angeal's HP was in the yellow, at 100.
As soon as Genesis slammed his hand down on the well-worn button, he shut his eyes tightly, refusing to look. He opened his eyes when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. Genesis turned to look at the hand's face and grinned when he saw Angeal stood next to him, grinning as he inspected his Buster Sword.
"Thanks for the Cure." Genesis retained his grin and charged into the final battle with Angeal and Sephiroth.
In The Food Square
Tiffany had fixed her hair on the way to the new food court and stopped when her eyes studied the various choices offered to them in the vast buffet. Her eyes widened when she saw a group of four people and grabbed her gloves out of her backpack.
John noticed her reaction and grabbed her shoulder, stopping her. Tiffany turned her head to look at her boyfriend and John shook his head. "No, Tifa, They're not our enemy, not today. They're on holiday, so are we."
Tiffany nodded and kept her leather gloves on, not wanting to take any chances. John understood and kept close watch on the group sat at the table, ready to draw his lance at a moment's notice. As the four-man party moved towards the food, one of the members of the potentially-hostile group stood up and drew his weapon.
John leaped over a metal barrier and stood face-to-face with his potential opponent. The hostile man growled. "What the fuck are YOU doing here!?" John reached for his lance and kept his hand on it. "We're on holiday, the same as you. We have no quarrel with you, nor do you have one with us. It seems, however, that YOU have a quarrel with ME."
One of the man's colleagues stood up and placed his gloved hand on his friend's shoulder. "Reno, stand down." Reno's thumb hovered over the 'CHARGE' button on his nightstick. "Rude, shut up. Look, Valentine, give me one reason why I shouldn't fry you right now."
John smirked. "If you do, you'll cause a riot in this place, and you'll be poisoned faster than you can blink. You're not wearing a Star Pendant, I see. You'll be sick for weeks. Good luck trying to heal yourself. But, being a Turk, you know all about that, having done your research on me. Now, my girlfriend and my friends want to enjoy our holiday. You want to enjoy yours, too. I'm not looking for a fight. Don't try and fight me when I'm hungry. I'm deadlier than usual."
Reno's eye twitched and he sat down, folding his arms as he looked away. John smirked and looked at the ever-silent Rude. Rude sighed. "Sorry about Reno, he's in a foul mood." John nodded at the Turk and walked to the food area with Tiffany, Zack and Aeris.
Tiffany's wine-tinted eyes widened at the choices of food available. Having already grabbed a tray, crockery and cutlery, she decided on a huge slice of Nibelheim Apple Pie for her main meal. Aeris raised an eyebrow at her friend and was met with a cheeky grin. "Aeris, I'm on holiday!" The Ancient just shook her head and chose her own food.
Zack's stomach turned when he saw the meal that John had chosen. John smirked evilly and lifted his plate up to Zack's face. The raven-haired SOLDIER winced and pushed the plate away. "Cut that out, man. That plate of slop looks foul. What the HELL is it!?"
John's smirk grew as he inhaled the aroma of his plate of 'slop'. "This, my young friend is Wutaiian duck in a rich plum sauce. When I was in Wutai during the war, I had tried this and fell in love with it."
Zack's eyes widened. "How the HELL did you survive on the hostile continent, full of the enemy, to try one of their dishes?" John grinned. "Well, let's just say that I was in the rural areas which Shin-Ra had occupied at the time."
The raven-haired SOLDIER merely grunted and then chose his own meal, mock-rations from SOLDIER. The would-be rations even had the same kind of silver-foil packaging. Aeris had shook her head and muttered something about old habits dying hard.
When the two couples had chosen their beverages, they sat down in a booth near the giant glass window which looked out onto the various saucers of the park. Aeris took a sip of her drink, the famous Mythril Ale, which was brewed in Kalm, before glaring at her boyfriend.
Zack groaned as he ate. "What have I done now!?" Aeris pointed out to the window. "Look! It's the gondola! We could have gone on their, but, no, you HAD to have motion sickness!" Zack whined and continued stuffing his face with his mock-rations.
John merely smirked and looked out of the window, enjoying the fireworks. When the couples had finished their meals, they left their cutlery, crockery and trays on the table for the waiters. John had placed 10 Gil in coins as a generous tip.
As soon as the couples left the Food Square, they decided to head to the Speed Square, just to torment Zack.
Once the double-date was over the couples went their separate ways, Tiffany walked with her boyfriend, hand-in-hand and grinned. "Did you enjoy that?" John smirked and nodded. "Whenever I'm with you, I enjoy every moment."
As soon as the pair kissed in front of the large window, the pyrotechnic chose the perfect time to launch the fireworks, closing the night in a magical flurry of colours.
The End