A Twilight fan fiction based on the 80's movie The Last American Virgin. This story is part of the 80's Twilight Challenge. Visit our blog for other great stories: http(:)/liketwilightfursure(.)blogspot(.)com/
Full Summary:
Jacob, Quil, and Embry are three friends with one goal: getting laid. This quest consumes most of their time and all of their resources. Jacob is the shallow stud, with smooth moves and an abhorrent lack of remorse. Quil is the party meister, self-conscious but willing to throw down. Embry is a simple guy hindered by incorrigible sweetness and lack of initiative. The trio's misadventures take on a serious undercurrent when Embry falls for the hot new girl in school. Embry's circuitous attempts to woo Bella prove inferior to Jacob's direct approach. Embry has to suffer while learning Bella will become Jacob's latest conquest and his feelings for Bella cast Jacob's past exploits in a harsh light. The romantic interest jeopardizes their friendship which may turn pals into bitter rivals.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga or The Last American Virgin. No copyright infringement is intended.
Content warning: This chapter contains bad language, references to sex and substance abuse.
Beta: Shawnie
Pre-reader: Twiggs (Maggie)
Chapter One – Pickup
"You sure you know which ones go where?"
"I'm sure, Paul." Embry muttered while stuffing the stack of pink pizza boxes in the back of the station wagon.
"That's what you told me yesterday and I ended up driving twelve anchovies to a customer's house."
Paul followed Embry to the station wagon holding three six-pack cases of beer in one hand while the other held another stack of pink pizza boxes.
"Yeah, well that's 'cause of your lousy handwriting, I can't read the address!"
Embry rolled his eyes turning around to grab the other pizza boxes from Paul.
"You ought to spend more time in school instead of cruisin' around with broads in my car. Then you'd learn how to read," Paul said as he handed the cases of beer to Embry. "Now come on, hurry up. And this time, bring the car back!" Paul pointed a finger at Embry.
"Paul, you said I could have it tonight!" Embry whined.
"What are you trying to do? Ruin me? I ain't the rent-a-car business."
Embry huffed in annoyance while shutting the back door of the station wagon closed.
"Let's go. The pizzas are getting cold. And don't squish the boxes!" Paul yelled clapping his hands to Embry in order to make a point.
"Yeah, Yeah. I got it! Just because you're my boss doesn't mean you can keep bustin' my balls!" Embry stepped inside the vehicle and started the car.
"Be careful how you drive!" Paul's voice was faintly heard as Embry sped out of the parking lot and onto the busy streets of Los Angeles.
Embry cruised onto the freeway in the Pepto-Bismol pink station wagon. It had a generic Italian guy mounted on top of the car holding a pizza. The station wagon belonged to Paul but on occasion, Paul reluctantly let Embry take the car to school. But Embry and his two best friends, Jacob and Quil, used it to pick-up girls.
Jacob was the shallow stud. With his smooth moves and abhorrent lack of remorse, he could get any girl he wanted. Quil was the party meister, self-conscious but willing to throw down whenever his friends needed him. And Embry was the simple guy, hindered by an incorrigible sweetness and a lack of initiative. He was shy and timid.
But this semester, they had one goal: to get laid. What else were teenage hormone driven boys to do in their junior year of high school?
The beautiful California sun shined through the windshield and the palm trees passed him as Embry drove down the rich neighborhoods of Hollywood.
He finally arrived at his destination where he had numerous pizzas to deliver.
A cute blond opened the door, wearing a revealing low-cut top. As he stared at her tits, he promised himself he'd soon know what it felt like to have his dick handled by a real girl instead of having to jerk off in the shower every morning. Embry decided 1982 was going to be the best year of his high school career.
The night was young and Embry was going to meet his best friends, Quil and Jacob, at The Golden Bird. This was the dive everyone hung out at.
Embry pulled up at the popular dive in the pink station wagon. The parking lot was overflowing with kids from the local high school.
He turned off the ignition and climbed out of the car. Embry fixed his Navy Blue sports coat and slicked his hair back once more to make sure not a hair was out of place.
A garish neon 'Burger' sign flashed high over the dive. Embry came up to the drive-in window to order an ice cream when he laid eyes on the most gorgeous creature he'd ever seen. Her porcelain features were perfect.
Her long wavy locks of chestnut hair were beautiful against her milky skin. Everything about her was absolutely flawless. She wore a nice form-fitting light pink frilly dress. Embry stared at her in awe. His mouth hung wide open, waiting for a fly to make its home inside.
"I'll take a rocky road." The intriguing girl asked with a warm smile on her face.
"Pink bubble gum, please." A nasal voice resounded from the new girl's side. Embry hadn't even noticed her standing right next to the stunning being he was enthralled with.
"Pink bubble gum?" The girl with the chestnut hair giggled to her friend.
Her friend was dressed in a yellow off the shoulder shirt with a black skirt and black nylons."Yeah Bella…it's the flavor of the month," she responded while popping her bubble gum noisily.
Embry had somehow gravitated closer to the attractive girl without realizing it until she turned her head to face him.
Her lips rose into a slight smile as she eyed him warily. He closed his mouth and gave a small smile in return. It looked like he wanted to say something to her. She waited and her eyebrows rose in expectation, but nothing came out of Embry's mouth as he continued to ogle her. She pursed her lips and turned back to face the cashier.
"Rocky road," the guy behind the counter said, handing her the frozen treat.
"Oh, thank you." The sandy-blond haired girl handed some change to the guy behind the window before both girls walked away to where Bella's scooter was parked.
Embry didn't move a muscle.
"What do you want?" The voice pulled him from his infatuation.
"Um, a rocky road," Embry responded blankly while still gawking in Bella's direction. He saw her mount the moped scooter with her friend in tow.
"She's fine, isn't she?" Embry noticed he wore a name tag: Felix. His yellow uniform and matching cap had a ridiculous chicken logo on it. He nodded in Bella's direction.
"Yeah, do you know her?" Embry was in an almost hypnotic state still gazing at Bella.
Felix shook his head before answering. "Never saw her before in my life."
"Huh." He nodded back after receiving his ice cream cone. His eyes never left Bella until she was out of the parking lot.
He had to find out who this girl was. This was the kind of girl that haunted his best wet dreams. Embry pondered how he would get to know this girl – shit – he needed to find out her name first though.
Embry walked over to where he saw Jacob and Quil sitting. They both had stupid smirks on their faces. He nodded at them both before he sat down next to Jacob.
"Hey. You know those three chicks over there?" Jacob elbowed Embry in the arm.
"Where?"
"Right there," Jacob nodded in the direction of the table right across from them.
There sat two sexy brunettes, one with long hair, the other with short hair, and a buxom blond talking and giggling while drinking their sodas.
"You don't mean those three alien creatures sittin' over there, do you?" Embry retorted while all three eyeballed the girls.
"Quil's just telling me that they're easy lays." Jacob said with a smile in his voice. Quil nodded enthusiastically.
"You just think they're easy lays!" Embry laughed at both his friends.
Quil shook his head at Embry. "I'm not imagining. Listen, Embry...Brady's brother fucks that blond like he owns her."
Embry didn't believe this. He motioned with his hands towards the girls. "Bullshit. Will you look at 'em? They're virgins."
"They're not. I can tell by the way they walk. Right, Jake?" Quil unglued his eyes from the girls to glance at Jacob expecting his agreement.
"That brunette with short hair ain't no virgin, just…" Jacob practically salivated over her.
"...look at the way she's suckin' on that straw." Quil finished.
Embry rolled his eyes and started rising from his seat. "I'm wasting my time here. Count me out."
Jacob grabbed Embry's arm before he could fully get up and walk away. "Hey, cool it for a second, Embry. This could be interesting."
He sighed and sat back down resting his head on his hand and continued to eat his ice cream. He waited for Quil and Jacob to make the next move.
Jacob smirked, "Quil, why don't you walk over there…and invite the three ladies to our table?"
"No problem." Quil stood up from the table and pulled out a pair of sunglasses from his yellow vest pocket. He put them on thinking they'd make him look even cooler. Maybe he'd score double points with the ladies. He made his way over to where the girls were having a good time on their own.
Embry and Jacob sat back while they watched their friend work his magic.
"Hi girls, how's it goin' tonight?" They both overheard Quil as he approached the forbidden territory. All three girls stopped their gabbing and simultaneously craned their heads to look up at Quil like a deer about to get hit by a car.
"Seriously, will you count me out, Jake?" Embry whined again.
Jacob looked at his friend like he had a third eyeball on his face. "Hey, do you want to get laid or not?"
"I'd rather fuck Godzilla than them." Embry snapped while they both stared on as Quil kept trying to persuade the girls into joining them.
"Do you have the key to your grandmother's house?" Jacob perked up and asked Embry when he saw Quil finally convince the three girls to come back to their table. Jacob smoothed his short hair back and lifted the collar of his black leather jacket.
Embry glanced around nervously as he fixed the collar of his blazer as well. "No, but we can go to my house. My parents went out."
"Perfect." Jacob grinned broadly.
The girls finally arrived at their table with Quil.
"Hi ladies," Jacob gave them a smoldering look with his irresistible smile.
"Hi." All three girls said in unison.
"Sit down." Jacob motioned with his head to the three empty seats in front of him that Quil had pulled up to the table.
The girls giggled and blushed. The guys chuckled, feeling proud and accomplished, like cavemen who had just clubbed frisky females and dragged them to their cave.
"I'm Jake. This is Embry," Jacob motioned to his friend. "You've met the Big Apple, Quil."
The girls nodded and giggled.
"I'm Kim," The first girl smiled meekly. Kim was the more reserved out of the three.
The buxom blond introduced herself. "I'm Claire."
The brunette with the short hair eyed Jacob. "Hi, I'm Leah," she sat across from him and rested her hand on his.
"Let's not let the party go on without us, girls." Jacob said smoothly with a crooked grin on his face.
"What party?" Leah piped up curiously.
"Oh, well the best party in town, sweetheart." Jacob answered in a flirtatious tone while smiling seductively. He elbowed Embry in the arm, "Tell 'em about it, Embry."
The girls turned to look at Embry waiting to hear the information of this infamous party.
Embry looked at Jacob anxiously then cleared his throat before returning his gaze to the girls, smiling. "Yeah, it's gonna be great. There's great music and people, and..."
"What about drugs?" Kim cut him off.
Quil jumped in to answer. "Well, we have uppers, downers...a little bit of smoke. All kinds, right guys?" He turned his gaze on Jacob and Embry.
They both nodded fervently. "Uh-huh."
"What about coke?" This time Claire asked in an innocent voice.
"Yeah?" the other girls wanted to know.
"Coke?" Jacob repeated.
"Yeah." The three girls parroted, nodding their heads.
Jacob smirked slyly. He knew exactly what these girls wanted and glanced at Quil and Embry. "Yeah, lots of coke." He reassured them.
"Of course," Embry gave a tremulous smile.
Quil gestured with his hands making the shape of a large bag. "Yeah, we have a whole big...plenty of coke."
All three guys laughed and nodded. The girls looked at each other like they were communicating their answers telepathically to one another.
"Well, what do you say, ladies?" Jacob cocked a brow.
"No. I say no." Kim whispered under her breath to her two friends. The girls consorted, trying to decide what they were going to do.
"Told you they were too hot to trot," Quil muttered to Jacob.
Jacob kicked Quil under the table. "Shut up."
"Ow!" Quil ground his teeth while rubbing his shin.
The girls continued to whisper and nod to one another. The more reserved one of the three, Kim, seemed to agree with her two friends that were whispering into her ear all the reasons why they should go with these guys.
"OK." Kim finally said.
"OK, what's the verdict, girls?" Jacob grinned widely.
Leah spoke up for the three. "Well, as long as you keep your hands to yourselves...and get us home by twelve." She smiled and nodded, as did Claire and Kim.
But Kim frowned at the last part of Leah's sentence. "A quarter till twelve! You know I have to be home at a quarter till twelve," she griped to Leah.
Leah shook her head and grumbled. "Kim!"
"You guys fight later," Claire glared at Kim and Leah while scolding them in her high-pitched voice. "We have a party to go to, right?" She turned back to the guys and smiled like the dumb blond she was.
"Yeeeah!" Jacob, Quil, and Embry had cheesy grins on their faces while they replied in unison. They knew they had these girls eating out of the palms of their hands.
This was certainly going to be a fun and unforgettable night.