So, I guess you sort of get a lot of these essays, considering the nature of children, who are very forgetful, about losing their retainers. You've probably gotten excuses from "The dog ate my retainers" to "Martians came down and vaporized my retainers," but, I bet people have never blamed losing their retainers on their genetic make-up.
See, way back in the day, my mom had some major braces (major painful sounding), and retainers, of course, afterwards, which really stunk for her, considering she played the flute, and piccolo, which, believe me (I play them, too) is most certainly (ooh, that sounded kind of old white dead guy writer-ish) not easy. So, back to this oh-so-tragic story. One day, she ate lunch in the band room. They probably didn't have handy-dandy retainer cases when there were still dinosaurs, so she had to set her retainers in her very non-descript brown lunch bag. She was, being a girl, very distracted by her conversation and threw away her entire lunch bag, retainers and all, at the end of the lunch period. Later, after she realized her little, okay major, oops, she went back to the band room of her school and straight to the garbage can. To her dismay, the trash had (classic) been taken out, of course. So, she had to go find the janitor, and, together, they dug through the dumpster, which was, of course, filled with very non-descript brown lunch bags.
So, therefore, I blame losing my retainers on my genetic make-up. Also, I wouldn't have had such a messed up mouth if it wasn't for her in the first place anyways. See? IT'S ALL HER FAULT!!! Unfortunately, my story is very typical, so I'm going to make up one. Here goes.
One day, I was visiting a small town called Forks, Washington, which exists under a near-constant cover of clouds (sounding familiar, Twilighters?). So, the authorities there got the memo about vampires. Now they check everyone for fangs, even though vampires don't have fangs. So, as Police Chief Swan called me up for mouth-check, I smiled all big, revealing my complete lack of fangs. Of course, being all serious and wanting to protect the oh-so-innocent people of Forks, he said "Please remove all appliances possible from your mouth and put them in the bin here." He handed me a small blue tray. "Thank you very much," he said monotonously as I placed them on the tray. Of course, being the home of vampires, and not werewolves, the people operating the screening machine were evil and melted my retainers.
Okay, so that story isn't true, and, sigh, there is no such thing as vampires or werewolves. But, there is still genetic make-up. The loss of my retainers is completely my mother's fault. Now, if only she'd buy that.