Spoilers for GOF, OOTP, HBP, DH. (part epilogue compliant)
I (unfortunately) do not own Harry Potter.
Dear Harry,
I have a confession, I'm in love with you. I probably have been since I met you but I only realised during fourth year, seeing you risk your life in the Triwizard tournament almost killed me.
I'm sorry for being so nasty to you, when you rejected my handshake on the Hogwarts express I realised that we were never going to be friends, and I thought it was the only way to make you pay attention to me. To be honest, I always hoped that you were rotten to me for the same reason, but I know that was just empty hope.
Fourth year was like torture for me, wondering if you were going to get out of each task alive and wanting to dash over and hug you when you did; I hate to even think how awful that year must have been for you and I would have given anything to be able to comfort you. I was so jealous of the weasel, erm Weasley for being the thing you would miss the most, not that I wanted to be submerged under water for that long, terrible for my hair, but I wouldn't have minded if it meant being rescued by you.
It may not have seemed like it, but I hated that bitch Umbridge, the way she tortured you during fifth year, Merlin damn that women! I wanted to crucio her every time I saw her. But I had to pretend to support her methods and go along with the whole inquisitorial squad thing, my father would have disowned me or maybe even killed me, Merlin knows he was evil enough, if he got the slightest sniff that I was siding with the good. I wanted to scream out that you weren't lying and Voldemort really was back, but then I would have been dead, and I would never have been able to see you again, never got the chance to try and at least make friends.
When you started following me during sixth year (yes, I knew) I foolishly got my hopes up at first, but I quickly realised how ridiculous I was being and that you obviously knew I was up to something. It was a hellish year and the less said about it the better, I did feel like giving it all up at one point. just running away, but I knew I would never out run them and I wouldn't have wanted to really leave, not without you.
When you started dating the Weasley girl, my heart felt as though it had shattered into a million tiny pieces, you may as well have taken a hammer to it, it would have had the same effect. Then at the end of the year I heard you had split up, my heart started to beat again, but only for a second, because we all knew nothing was going to be the same, and I was pretty sure you wouldn't be returning to Hogwarts.
I spent months wondering where you were and if you were alright, I was terrified that you were going to get hurt, petrified that I was going to have to see you die, yes that's selfish I know. It was horrible having death eaters in my home, I knew that one day they were going to bring the news that you had been caught or killed, I thought to myself if that happens then I might as well confess everything and let them kill me too, I wouldn't want to live knowing that you weren't, Harry.
Then you were brought to the manor by some snatchers, I knew it was you as soon as I was called, I'd recognise those eyes anywhere, but I couldn't bring myself to say yes it's Potter, I knew that if I did you would be dead before the end of the day, so I lied and hoped to Merlin that the swelling wouldn't go down and you could somehow escape. And I was so relieved when you did.
I am forever indebted to you for saving my life Harry, I was so angry when that blithering idiot set fire to the room of requirement, if he'd killed you, I would have killed him! Most people would have just left me there to die, but you're not most people Harry, you're special.
Trying to look happy when Hagrid carried you from the forest was the hardest thing I have ever done, I wanted to scream, to cry, to run to you and shake you awake, but I had to hold back the tears and feign delight. It was just getting to the point where the tears were about to spill and I thought why am I even trying? I didn't want to live now you were dead, I was about to step forward and scream out my grief when someone shouted "Where's Harry?" I looked and you weren't there, the next thing I knew Voldemort was dead and I was being dragged away by my mother.
I felt so out of place sitting in the great hall, I couldn't even look at you, the grief and pain in your face was too much to deal with.
After the war I kind of shut myself away, nobody wanted to know me and I didn't want to 'make an effort' like my mother kept suggesting so I gave up completely. That was until Pansy convinced me that I was doing myself more harm than good and I allowed her to talk me into a trip to Diagon Alley, and who should we bump into but you, you and Ginny. I tried again, as you obviously know, to befriend you but you didn't want to know, I apparated home immediately and hid myself away again. I haven't seen anyone but family and Pansy since.
And now I find out that you and Ginny are getting married and, well it's like fifth year all over again, bye bye heartbeat. Nothing will change the fact that I love you Harry, but I want you to be happy and I understand that I would never make you happy, so best of luck to you and Ginny, and congratulations.
I just realised I didn't actually tell you why I love you, well here goes, I love your smile, I love your laugh, I love the way you blush at the smallest thing, I love the way you care about your friends and the way you would do anything for them, I love your eyes, I love your bravery, I love the way you fly, I love how gorgeous you are, I love how smart you are, I love everything about you.
I've probably freaked you out but I had to tell you how I feel, and I know you will never feel the same but promise me one thing Harry? Be happy.
Love always,
Draco
x
Sequel is now up, Dear Draco...