Okay so I had this idea last night (or early this morning possibly) and it was going to be a one shot. However, as usual when I write one shots I got a bit carried away with description and decided to split it in two. If I have time today I'll write the rest, if not then maybe tomorrow, maybe next weekend depending on how much work I have and depending on whether the rain holds off long enough for me to go out on a hack this afternoon.
Anyway, this is basically just venting some Bonnie based anger, a bit of Jacamo (because I realized how awesome their friendship is, there's just so much sass!) and some Janny fluff towards the end.
Enjoy!
Jac Naylor is a fascinating character, to any outsider just passing by they would see the cold, heartless bitch that she liked to think of herself as. However, those few that know her well enough, that can break past the 'Naylor-defense-system' and hack in to the recesses of her being would know that this is far from the truth. In reality little Jacky Burrows hadn't had the same upbringing as most of the doctor's in that place, she hadn't had the first-class, private school education that snotty Harry Tressler had, she didn't have the loving and supporting family that she had heard Mo belongs to, in all truth Jacqueline had had her heart battered and bruised so many times that she no longer held the ability to trust. In the grand scheme of things, the reason she seemed so cruel and distant from anyone and anything was the fear that was carved straight through her very core like 'Blackpool' through a stick of seaside rock.
As she sat in her office one morning with just a few hours to go until the end of her 12 hour shift she thought back to events of the past few months. The one person that stood out in the whole of that was by no surprise the father of her child. To even think of the 'skinny Scottish nurse' recently was becoming in all sense of the word, exhausting. The emotions that surfaced and bubbled away inside her at even the slightest mention of his name were just too much work to control. On one hand she hated him, she hated the fact that she had fought through so much to conquer her biggest fear and open her life up to him with the key to her own flat, only for him to throw it back in her face and trot off with 'her'. She hated the fact that 'she' had control over him, that as much as it annoyed her, he would no longer worry and flap around her like a 'baggy kilt' at every kick or sign of life. In all wholeness she was jealous of 'that woman', the woman that had the ability to open herself up, to let him know that she wanted him, while all Jac Naylor could do was push him even further away every time her came close to loving her back. On the other hand she knew deep down that among all the hate, and the anger, and the astronomical terror inside her, she loved this man and cared for him almost more than she did her own child. Because as much has he irritated her, and embarrassed her, and left her generally confused, he was still the father of this child and she couldn't think of anyone more suited to the job.
She thought back to a few weeks ago, it was the day 'she' arrived, in the madness of the hospital as it was she and the 'rugged Celt' had just been maced with hairspray by a tarted up barbie bride and her Cruella Deville mother-in-law as they fought over the chubby little man on the bed they were surrounding. She remembered how in-sync they both commented on the 'stink' of the chemicals and she had smirked as his complaints about her 'racist wit'. She also remembered being stood there in nothing but a very tight vest top and her blue scrub trousers while doing her best to avoid turning round so her wouldn't see how 'fat and ugly and stupid' she looked. She finally took the leap when she though he wouldn't see but she obviously underestimated him in her tired state and she watched his mouth drop as her saw her 'bump'. She kept a straight face in an effort to ignore him and avoid the awkward compliments her was trying to give her but he kept staring at her, making her feel uncharacteristically self-conscious. She remembered distinctly when he reached his hands out towards her expanding abdomen and thinking that perhaps this could be what it would be like living with him, which surprisingly she didn't vomit at the thought of. However she also remembered the few times before when they had actually had physical contact with each other. When she felt the first kick on the ward and he knelt down while they were both grinning like teenagers, but she had to escape before she let herself get too comfortable. When she had just told him about 'the diagnosis' and he reached out for her hand in the MDT meeting, but this time it was him that let her go, all because she put up 'the defenses' and actually wanted to get to the end of the discussion as quickly as possible without her brain overloading with thoughts and everything spilling out in front of her colleagues. Most recently when she had done the exact same thing to him, when he had walked in on her reading up on success rates of Antoine Malick's operation and she had let him go just as quickly as she got close, part of her told herself that it was just revenge pure and simple, but she knew that really she just couldn't let herself get attached, Really, the only reason she ducked out and escaped the room as quickly as she could was because at that moment in time she could barely trust herself not to break down and cry on him if they so much as got too close.
Back in the present day she pulled herself out of her thoughts and flicked her eyes up to the clock on the wall, time was still ticking on as slowly as ever but she realized that it was unfortunately about time for her to go and check on the ward. So she heaved herself reluctantly out of her deathly uncomfortable office chair and waddled, with about as much grace as a pregnant woman can, onto the chaotic ward. After a quick scout around the occupied beds, doing obs and checking stitches etc etc she returned to the nurses desk with a scowl which didn't go unnoticed by Mo who was sat there typing up notes.
"Miss Effanga. Any idea why none of our patients seem to have been attended to by anyone with half a brain in what appears to be hours?" The Registrar spun round on her chair to face Jac with a look of confusion, bordering on anger.
"You what? I told Little Miss Sunshine and March to go round and check on everyone!" The consultant rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath,
"Well why doesn't that surprise me?" at that moment the aforementioned pair chose to practically fall out of the lift laughing like a pair of drugged up hyenas. As they wandered over Mo stood up next to Jac and whispered,
"I'll take F1 if you want, you look like you could do with throttling a nurse." The redhead replied with a curt nod as Mo walked up to Zosia and waved the nurse away in a vague direction before taking her across the ward to find her the most tedious jobs possible.
'She' walked up towards Jac with a sickeningly bored expression on her face, obviously she'd given up trying to win her round with smiles and niceties.
"Nurse Wallis, would you care to explain why bed's 5, 6 and 9's catheters haven't been emptied, why bed 3 hasn't claims not to have seen a nurse since last night and why Mr Walton's dressing looks like it was put on a 3 year old?" Really she new that there were other nurse's and 'she' probably wasn't to be completely blamed but right then she was the one stood in front of her like butter wouldn't melt. She continued to stand there, hesitating in her reply before Jac just got sick of her and commanded, "Well don't just stand there. Go and do something about it!" As the nurse turned around she rolled her eyes and hissed, "Incompetent bloody nurses." Unfortunately 'she' heard and spun back round on her heel,
"Excuse me?" her eyes widened and she stalked back to the nurses station where the consultant was now facing away from her, flicking through notes. She walked round the other side of her so she was in her line of sight and continued, "What did you just say to me?" To this Jac just rolled her eyes and continued working as she sighed,
"Look if you can't hear me then go and get your ears tested, it's free on the NHS you know, because I haven't got the energy to be repeating myself to pointless little nurses." The look in the woman's eyes soon changed from shock to fury as she stood still in front of Jac.
"Why do yo think you're so much better than me eh? After all, I'm the one that's got Jonny, who've you got?" At the mention of his name the consultant's attention was grabbed and she shot her gaze back up to 'her'.
"To be honest with you I couldn't care less what you think right now, all I want you to do your job, before I make my way up to Ms Campbell and get your useless arse fired!" By this point Jac had gradually taken step by step close to 'her' and was now towering over her in an intimidating fashion. In a split second, without a thought to it the nurse raised her hands and forcefully shoved the pregnant consultant a little too hard, causing her to lose her precariously placed balance and toppled backwards a little too far. Luckily at that moment Mo had been returning to the nurses station and managed to put her hands out and steady the redhead by her shoulders but not before her side hit the hard wooden desk behind her. The registrar threw her a look of concern which she shook of lightly as she regained her balance. Meanwhile 'she' had decided that is was all or nothing and had completely let lose, practically screaming across the ward.
"It's about time someone gave you what you deserve you evil witch! The reason Jonny's with me and not you is that you're cold and cruel and you don't care about anyone! I've know people like you before, everything just comes to you on a silver platter, I know-" Quickly Mo interrupted harshly,
"You know nothing about her!" To this the nurse shot her a glare and continued while Jac just stood there taking it all in and believing it. Mo had however been fortunate enough to learn to see through the ice wall she put up and could see everything behind her eyes. As she was stood right next to her she slipped her fingers around the redhead's hand and gave a reassuring and friendly squeeze. She made no reaction other than to shuffle the tiniest bit closer to the woman, in some sort of bid for safety. 'She' meanwhile, was still shouting aggressively at her,
"You think that just because you're a consultant you can order everyone about in such a rude manner and not feel any rebound from it, well you're wrong, because all you've done is make people see you for the bitch you really are! You know what, I'm so glad that Jonny's agreed to stick around for that baby because I really bloody pity that child with a heartless cow like you for a mother!" Suddenly a deep voice from behind the nurse uttered just one word
"Bonnie." Jonny's voice wobbled slightly as he spoke and his face was etched with hurt. He walked round the desk behind 'her' and faced her, "what are you- I thought I could trust you..I thought you understood, but..." Mo placed a hand on his shoulder as he stuttered and struggled to understand what he'd just heard, she said his name quietly and as he looked at her, tilted her head towards the other side of the ward where he could see Jac hurrying towards her office.
Luckily pregnancy had somewhat altered the consultant's gait so Jonny soon caught up with her rushed waddle and jumped infront of her. He noticed the tears filling her bright green eyes as she tried to hold it in and stood straight in her path shooting her a concerned look. She sighed and shakily forced out
"What do you want Nurse Maconie?" He mirrored her as she attempted to step to the side to get past him and spoke sternly but with care,
"Jac." She swallowed hard to try and stop herself from crying and spoke firmly again.
"Stop it Jonny." He copied her again as she tried to step to the other side.
"Come one Jac, I can see you're upset." She spoke again, softer this time and Jonny heard the plea in her voice,
"Jonny...please." The look on her face made him stop as she slid past him. As she walked into her office she felt her vision go slightly hazy but ignored it as Jonny called her name once again, causing her to turn round in the door way.
"Jac, I'm sorry." Before she could register what he had just said there was a piercing pain across her back and side, she felt her legs turn to jelly beneath her and heard the vague sound of him calling her name as she fell.
Dun dun dun! By the way, the title will make sense later on. :)