"Harry Potter!" quothe the Goblin. "yeah, that's me" said our happy handsome hero Harry. "Lord Potter, we have grave news for you. Albus Dumbledore and the Weaslys and the Minister and some random muggleborn girl have stolen 20 million galleons from you!" "Oh my god!" screamed the 15 year old. "How much do I have left?" "Not much," replied the Goblin, "Only 2 septillion galleons. And one galleon =50 pounds." At this point, a disgruntelled reader enters, and slaps the author in his or her face. "Are you genuinely that stupid?" asked the reader. "That is more money than exists in the world. What the hell am I doing reading this shit? Fuck fanfiction."

"Let the will reading of Sirius Orion Black commence. To Harry James Potter goes 20 billion galleons, the Black Manor, three castles, 12 townhouses, and Microsoft." Harry looked flabbergasted. "How is that possible?" he asked. The Goblin responded "That's how economics works."

Hi. My name is Harry. I'm super in love with Draco Malfoy because he's so dreamy with his blonde hair and stuff. I wonder if he dyes it. I'll just have to see if the carpets match the drapes. *insert graphic sex scene which overuses the words moan, stroke, masculine, heady, soft, hard, and oooohh, and which does not understand the meaning of the word gape with relation to sex.* "Draco" I said. "Let's get hitched right now." Draco looked at me and smiled. He was happy because as a racist pureblood, he knew and understood Muggle idioms, and then he said "yes Harry." I was extatic. In a world allegedly stuck in the dark ages, gay marriage is absolutely and totally normal and expected. Also, Severus Snape is probably a vampire, and I want to bang his voice.

So like, there was this one guy but he was al not normal cuz like he was a wizard right? Whatever youve red the books so u no who im talking about anyway. He was like, super hot, because sitting on a broom gets your muscles real big, and I no that fersure because real talk, thats how anatomy works. But anyways, like Harry Potter. He was abused and stuf, but hes still really hot, and he met me Sally Perky one day while he was walking in the park. I was the most cute she was so hot like, people saw her and they were like "what is this I don't even" because she was just sooooo perfect. So harry met her and they had lots of babies, and then after that, Harry used the power of love, and then he talked it out with Voldemort, and then they were friends, and Voldemort changed his name back to Tom, and Tom was like, an uncle to Harry and my Sallys babys.