My name is James Sutton. I had an accident and woke up in Hollyoaks village. Am I mad, in a coma or travelled to a parallel universe? Whatever's happened it's like I've landed on a different planet, now maybe if I can work out the reason I can get home.
---
James yawned and rubbed his eyes as he searched his pockets for his car keys. It had been a long days filming and he was ready to get home and crash out in front of the TV before bed. Shooting the final scenes between John Paul and Craig had been emotionally as well as physically exhausting and James was glad he had a few days off before he had to throw himself back into the role of a character he had come to know and love.
The tears James shed as John Paul walked away from the love of his life were genuine tears of sorrow at his parting from his close friend and on-screen partner Guy Burnet and James felt strange to think that the next time he walked onto the Hollyoaks set it would be at the start of a whole new phase for John Paul, a life without Craig and without Guy.
"See ya next week James," a voice called pulling the actor from his thoughts.
James turned to reply to the farewell in time to see a dark vehicle hurtling towards him. James froze, unable to move or think in the split second before the car struck him and everything went black.
---
James shivered. There was a deep pounding inside his brain and, as he slowly regained consciousness, he was surprised to find himself lying on the ground. Slowly dragging himself into a sitting position James whimpered as pain shot through every inch of his body. He felt like a car had hit him and then the memory of the dark vehicle racing towards him flooded back into his mind.
Looking around James was confused to see he was no longer in the car park at Lime Pictures. In fact his surroundings looked rather like part of the set for Hollyoaks village. But that couldn't be possible because Hollyoaks was fake and this all looked real, too real.
"John Paul, John Paul are you alright?" James looked up as a familiar figure came racing towards him. He smiled as the beautiful blonde woman stopped and leant over him, her soft eyes filled with concern, at last there was somebody around here who could tell him what was going on.
"I'm fine Gemma," James said struggling to his feet before realising that she had called him John Paul.
"Who's Gemma?" the woman asked touching her hand to James's forehead, "It's me John Paul… it's Carmel… we'd better get you home… you look dreadful."
"What are you on about Gemma? This isn't funny … first that car hits me and now…"
"A car hit you!" Carmel looked at the young man with increased concern. "P'raps we should get you to a hospital… you might have really hurt yourself… I should call mum…"
"Carmel is everything alright?" Carmel and James both turned to face the speaker who approached from behind and the three figures stood paralysed as they looked at each other.
James felt light headed at the sight of the young blonde haired blue-eyed boy standing before him. The young man was dressed in a yellow and green striped hooded top that looked all too familiar, as he had worn the same garment many times himself.
"John Paul?" James breathed, not quite believing that the name had left his mouth or that he appeared to be looking at a mirror image of himself, or at least of the character he had portrayed for the past year. "I don't understand."
John Paul and Carmel looked at each other in confusion as the stranger who looked frighteningly like the young McQueen boy crumpled into an unconscious heap on the ground.
---
As consciousness began to filter slowly back into James's mind he became aware of a soft pillow beneath his head. This was definitely an improvement on his earlier experience of waking up on the hard ground. As his awareness began to sharpen James could hear two voices talking above him.
"Well what are we going to do with him now?"
"We couldn't just leave him there Carm."
"I know that.. but look at him John Paul... I mean… it's a bit freaky."
"Where d'you think he came from?"
"I don't know... I wonder who he is..."
James forced his eyes open, wincing momentarily as the bright sunshine stabbed into his brain and then wincing even more as he saw the faces and Carmel and John Paul McQueen looking down on him. Except of course it couldn't be Carmel and John Paul because they were fictional characters and there was no way they could be standing over him with concern in their eyes.
"Ohh he's awake," Carmel said with a smile as she touched her hand gently to James's forehead. "How you feeling love?"
"Err OK I guess," James replied as he dragged himself into a sitting position and frowned in confusion at the two McQueen siblings.
Looking around the room James was startled by the familiarity of it until he realised it was a room he had occupied many time during his portrayal of the young McQueen boy. It was John Paul's room. But this seemed to be a real room, with four walls and a ceiling, unlike the cut-away set that James was used to. There were no cables or rigging above his head, no cameras or boom mikes pointing in his direction. It was just a normal bedroom. Or at least as normal as a bedroom could be that seemed to have walked out of a TV set and become reality. His eye flicked down to the bed to take in the blue starry duvet cover that had adorned the set so many times. It was all too much and James felt his head spin with the onslaught of such contradictory information.
John Paul looked carefully at the man sitting on his bed, turning his head this way and that to get a better look. It was like looking in a mirror, but more so, as this reflected image looked back at him in three dimensions, querying his face with a frown.
"Where exactly am I?" James asked trying not to feel foolish at the question.
"You're at our house," Carmel replied kindly, "You fainted in the street so we brought you back here... My name's Carmel McQueen by the way... and that's my brother John Paul... you too do look awfully alike!"
"Carmel McQueen?" James repeated with incredulity.
"That's right."
"Except that's not really possible is it?" James insisted.
"Is it not?" Carmel frowned her non-comprehension.
"Well no... I mean Carmel McQueen she's... in fact the whole family are... well it's just... it's not real is it… I don't understand how this place suddenly exists... what's going on? Where's Bryan and the rest of the crew?"
"Bryan who?"
"Kirkwood... the director..."
"I think you must have hit your head love," Carmel said with growing concern in her eyes, "Maybe we should get to you the hospital."
James rubbed his eyes. Maybe he had hurt his head. Maybe even now he was lying unconscious in the car park and this was all some crazy trick his mind was playing. But if it was all some kind of hallucination or dream, James sank his fingers into the softness of the duvet beneath him, it was the most real feeling dream he had ever experienced.
"Who are you anyway?" John Paul asked the man who shared his face.
"My names James... James Sutton... I'm an actor... I play... what I mean is… I think I play... I think I'm you…" The more he spoke the more the confusion tumbled around James's mind until he wasn't even certain what the truth was.
John Paul took a step forward until he was only inches from the man resting on his bed. His hand trembled as he reached it out to touch the arm of the stranger and they both gasped as a strong jolt of electricity shot through them as they connected.
Despite the sudden surge that rushed from his fingertips through his whole body John Paul didn't remove his hand from the curious stranger. There was something more familiar about him than just his face but he couldn't quite work out what it was.
James looked into the young man's eyes with something approaching breathless awe. It wasn't just that the face looking down on his was his own; it was more than his own. The vibrancy in the startling blue eyes of the man seemed incomprehensible and James wondered if that was what people could see when they looked at him. Was that what all those crazy women on the internet meant when they talked about his eyes? For the first time James realised that they might actually have a point.
"I'll put the kettle on," John Paul offered slowly, almost reluctantly, removing his hand from James's arm, "You could probably do with a brew."
James couldn't hold back a smile at the offer. It was such a John Paul thing to do that it felt both comforting and frightening.
"Thanks," James replied in a shaky voice, "I… I think I'd like that…"
"Don't worry sweetheart," Carmel said smiling gently at the confused and confusing man as John Paul left the room, "I'm sure we'll sort this all out soon."
"But you're not real," James said under his breath, "None of this is real…"
James closed his eyes and listened carefully to the sound of his own breathing, hoping that when he opened them again the world would be back to normal and he could forget this strange incident ever happened.
---
James sipped his tea slowly. Despite never having said how he liked his drink James noticed that it was perfect. The exact strength and sweetness he always preferred. James laughed quietly to himself, after all everyone knew that John Paul made the best brews in Hollyoaks! Shaking his head James had to remind himself that John Paul and Hollyoaks weren't real. No matter how solid the young man perching on the end of the bed might look, James knew that he was some mysterious figure brought to life by his imagination and probably the result of his accident.
John Paul looked over the rim of his mug at the mirror image of his face. The man leaning against his headboard looked so like him that it made John Paul nervous. He was identical, except that he looked some how older, as if John Paul had aged a few years and then walked into Hollyoaks village to confuse him.
The two men watched each other silently for some time as they drank their tea. The absence of Carmel's gentle presence now that she had left the room cast an awkwardness between them that seemed impossible to breech.
"So who exactly are you?" John Paul asked in an attempt to both break the silence and maybe find out what was going on.
"I said... my name's James and..."
"No - I don't mean your name... WHO are you... why are you here... what is it you want... and why did you say that you think you're me?" John Paul's mind was racing with more questions than he had words to express, the largest one being why this mysterious man possessed the most hypnotic eyes he had ever seen.
"I don't really know," James answered quietly, "And even if I tried to tell you... I don't think you'd believe me."
"Try me... you'd be surprised what I can believe!"
James took a deep breath and looked at the young man who he knew so well and yet hardly knew at all. "Well for starters... I don't think you're real..." James paused to gauge the man's reaction but John Paul simply stared back unflinchingly.
"OK," John Paul replied calmly, "And how would that work then?"
"I... I think I got hit by a car..."
"Yeah you said... but there's not a mark on you..."
"Well that's cause I'm not here... I mean we're not here... not really... the way I figure it I must be unconscious... in a coma or something and it's making me imagine you... this place and everything..."
"So I'm not really here... I don't exist?" John Paul couldn't believe he was repeating such a ludicrous idea.
"I can't see any other explanation..."
"And why would you imagine me and my family?"
"Well that's obvious..."
"It is?"
"Yeah... like I said... I'm an actor and I play John Paul McQueen in a show called Hollyoaks... so my damaged head has obviously conjured you up for some reason." The more James explained the situation the more reasonable his idea became and he felt relieved that this nightmare would be over as soon as he woke up.
"So... if you're me... then you would know all about my life right... so go on tell me something..." John Paul challenged.
James smiled. It would have been the sort of proof he would have requested himself, they were so alike that it was scary.
"How's Craig?" James asked.
The pain in John Paul's eyes was instant and James felt guilty as large tears started to form of the surface of those deep blue pools.
John Paul turned his face away as he wiped at the tears that were tumbling over his cheeks.
"What d'you know about Craig?"
"How long is it since he's been gone? A few days… a week maybe?"
"Six days," John Paul replied sadly.
"I'm sorry," James said quietly. Despite his conviction that this John Paul McQueen was nothing more than a figment of his fevered mind the pain on the young man's face still tore at his heart. He could remember only too well the moments that John Paul had to say goodbye to the love of his life. After all he had only filmed them a few hours ago, or at least what seemed like a few hours ago.
"Why are you sorry?" John Paul said in a challenging tone as he got to his feet. "Why should you care eh? It's not like I'm real is it… It's not like I exist or I have feelings… It's not like I have to face every morning wondering if I've made the biggest mistake of my life…" Tears began to tumble over John Paul's face and his shoulders shook with silent sobs and he turned to face the door, leaning his forehead against the cool of the wood.
"Shit… look… don't cry… I really am sorry… it's just…" James got to his feet and approached the weeping man, patting his shoulder in a futile gesture of compassion. "I didn't mean to upset you… but you've got to understand… I know how you feel – what's happened – cause I lived it too…"
"In this TV show that means I'm not real?" John Paul asked moving to look at James again. John Paul's soft blue eyes flashed with anger at the man who dared to deny his existence, writing off his pain as if it were merely a scriptwriter's folly.
"I know it's not what you want to hear," James said kindly, "But it's the truth… you… Hollyoaks… everything… it's just… entertainment."
"Who the hell do you think you are?" John Paul's lips curled back in a snarl as his fists clenched at his sides. "What gives you the right to come into my home and tell me that what I've been through… everything I've suffered was for someone else's entertainment…"
"I'm sorry but…" James felt his conviction slipping away as he watched the young McQueen's chest heave with deep angered breaths. "It's the truth… it has to be… it's the only explanation…"
"I'm not real?"
"No…"
"Then this isn't real." Without warning John Paul's fist connected with James's jaw sending the man reeling as the sudden force of the blow crashed into his face. Raising his hand to protect himself from any further assault James flinched as John Paul walked calmly towards him. "Funny," John Paul spat, "That looked like it felt pretty real to me."
"You're not real…" James insisted in a less confident voice than he had used early.
"No?" John Paul said in a deep growl, "then this isn't real either."
James tensed for another attack but instead found himself suddenly pinned himself against the wall as John Paul's hands pressed into his shoulders and the young man's mouth unexpectedly collided with his.
John Paul had meant to hit him again. To make him hurt as much as John Paul was hurting. But in a split second his body made a different choice and instead of punching the man John Paul found himself kissing him. James's lips felt soft, strangely familiar in a way that felt wrong and yet so very right.
James stood paralysed as the man who didn't really exist kissed him. John Paul's kiss was hard, filled with the aggression that his early punch had been fuelled by, but also filled with something else. A wanting, a longing, a confusion but most of all the need to be real.