The first time he registered something as wrong was when Dean had stared at him like he was worried.
Which was weird. They were having a simple conversation, nothing worrying. Simply talking about Dean's next hunt and if Cas wanted to come with. He couldn't, of course, but it was nice of Dean to ask.
He told Dean as much, but Dean was still staring.
"What?" He asked, confused.
"Dude, you were silent for like a minute." Dean said. That wasn't right. Cas frowned. He had taken a pause, to think over somethings. Ultimately, he had decided he was too busy to go with Sam and Dean. The decision only took a few seconds.
But if Dean said he paused that long, maybe he did.
Or maybe Dean was just exaggerating, a tiny voice in his head said.
Yes, that seemed most likely.
He rolled his eyes. "The pause was a few seconds at best Dean."
"What? But-"
"I need to go." Cas said, suddenly sure he was going to be late to what he has to do if he spent more time here, talking to Dean. "I'm busy."
"Er, alright, bye man." Dean said, still staring and frowning.
Cas left without saying goodbye.
xXx
At first, the staring was just Dean, who seemed to still be feeling guilt over him staying in Purgatory. Cas could think of no other reason for him to have started worrying over something so unnecessary as him pausing to think in conversations.
Of course, he was of no fault for Purgatory. Dean wasn't at fault for really anything. Everything had been Cas's decision, Cas's mistake.
It was why he was working so hard to help Heaven now, said a little voice in his head.
Yes, yes it was the reason. All of his mistakes were much better repented here, on Earth in the mercy of his brothers and sisters. Staying in Purgatory was just another mistake that hurt the ones he loved and he had to repent for that too.
So no, none of this was Dean's fault, and Dean didn't have to spend time worrying over him, especially over nothing.
He had tried to tell Dean some of this, to get him to focus on better things, but Dean just stared at him again. First in confusion, then in shock, then in sadness. He couldn't quite figure out what was wrong, but when he asked, Dean went from looking like he was going to explain to staring at him once again in seconds flat. And then he just shook his head and said it was nothing.
It was nothing important, a voice in his head said.
It probably wasn't important, he decided, telling Dean he had to go.
He was busy after all.
xXx
After that, Sam had taken to staring at him as well. Cas would have been annoyed that Dean had drug his brother into worrying over nothing, if he didn't find it nice that the brothers cared-
But they are making it hard to do your job, a voice in his head said.
They were. They were spending more time staring at him than helping him save his brother. It was getting irritating, and if he didn't think they had his best interests in mind he would snap at them-
They are stopping you from doing your job. A voice in his head said decisively.
"Stop staring at me." Cas snapped. Sam jolted, obviously not expecting to be caught staring. Dean just scowled.
"We aren't staring at you-"
"Yes you are." Cas cut him off. "Nothing is wrong with me. I don't need your worry."
Dean just shook his head. "Cas, man, something is wrong. You aren't-"
They don't trust you, a voice in his head said.
Of course they do, he thought. They had too. They had too after everything.
"I'm fine Dean. Why won't you take my word?" He asked. He prayed Dean would.
Dean didn't.
"Because we can't trust you to tell us the truth on things like this!"
They don't trust you, the voice in his head said eagerly.
They don't trust me, Cas thought, paling.
"Dean-" Sam tried to cut in. Dean didn't let him.
"Cas, man, I didn't mean it like that-"
Your job, the voice said.
"My job," Cas said. "I need to finish my job. An angel is in danger. Help, or don't. It doesn't matter."
He tried to leave the room, not wanting to look at them anymore, when Dean grabbed his arm.
"Cas-" Dean started.
Your name is Castiel, the voice said.
"My name is Castiel." Cas-Castiel snapped, almost immediately nauseous at the name change. Still, he ripped his arm away from Dean and walked out of the room.
He was busy.
xXx
He didn't save his brother. The thought upset him, even if he had no choice. It was sad that Samandriel had been beyond reasoning, and that Cas-Castiel had to kill him in self defense.
And he didn't realize he had gotten hurt, but he must of. He wiped the blood off from around his eye as Sam and Dean, once again, we're staring at him.
"What happened, man?" Sam asked, looking between him and Samandriel, worried.
Bring the body back Castiel. The voice in his head said.
"He attacked me." Castiel muttered, turning to pick up the body. "I need to take his body back to heaven."
"Wait, Cas, he just attacked you out of the blue?" Dean asked. Castiel frowned and stopped what he was doing.
Yes of course that's what happened. The voice said.
"Yes of course." Castiel said. "Do you think that I would just kill him?"
"What? No, that's not what I meant-"
Castiel. Bring him now. The voice said.
He was needed in Heaven.
"I'm needed in Heaven." He said, lifting the body. "I need to take the body there."
Sam and Dean exchanged a look but he didn't have enough time to think about what that meant.
"I'm sorry. I need to go. I'm-"
"Right, you're busy." Dean snapped, annoyed. And maybe worried.
He left without thinking about it.
xXx
Dean was calling him. Both in prayer and on his phone. His messages said that he wanted to talk.
You don't owe him anything. The voice said.
Castiel couldn't help but think that that wasn't true. Castiel has messed up on a lot of things. He shouldn't have gotten angry. Dean shouldn't trust him. Castiel has given him no reason too.
So if Dean wanted to talk, Castiel will talk. Maybe even apologize.
He almost, almost, heard a sigh but didn't let it stop him from flying to Dean. He landed in front of Dean. Dean who looked nervous. Dean who had matches. Dean who lit the holy oil-
He gasped, momentarily panicked before he blinked and realized that nothing was happening. Dean had no matches. There were no flames. All there was was Dean looking at him determined.
He blinked.
"Dean?" He asked. Did he smell smoke, or burning ground? Was that part of the hallucination that he apparently just had?
And here he thought he had gotten rid of those.
Dean's jaw worked for a minute, as he debated what to say. Sam had shown up in between blinks and Castiel figures he just didn't notice him before.
"Hey buddy." Dean finally said, voice soft. Castiel blinked, not used to the tone. "Thanks for coming. I just..."
"Dean?" He asked again, as Dean trailed off. Sam wasn't saying anything, letting his brother talk apparently.
"I'm sorry Cas." Dean finally said, and Castiel looked at him in surprised. "I'm sorry about all of this."
"Oh-" Castiel cleared his thought, not expecting this. "It's ok. It's not your fault. I escalated the fight. I am the one sorry."
Dean just shook his head before running his hand through his hair, sharing a look with his brother. He looked back at Castiel. "I'm going to fix this."
"Dean there's nothing to fix." Castiel said confused. Dean just looked determined.
"I'm going to fix this."
Castiel don't know what he meant but couldn't help but believe him. Some part of him, buried deep, suddenly knew that he was getting out of this.
Dean always comes through on his promises.