A week ago it changed my life. Finally. After so long, it finally happened. I finally got what I always wanted. I got to be on a date with my fox. The love of my life. The one who heals all of my wounds just from the mere thought of him. My Nick Wilde. I felt my heart beating just as I was waiting on the chair, with a table, in a diner where he always goes to eat there every time he gets home from work. About six forty-seven at day my Nick shows up at that diner to eat his favorites. Blueberry pancakes and chicken sandwiches. You usually gets the three stacks of the pancakes while getting two big chicken sandwiches with ketchup and mustard only on it. A little bit of lettuce but not too much. Of course Nick, I know you got to be healthy. For yourself. For me.

Those sandwiches get torn apart by your fangs. Your claws holding it down as you rip the chicken patty apart like a savage beast. It was mesmerising to look at, even if the only way to see was by watching you with binoculars and on top of a store close to the diners window you always are near to. You always sit by that same table near the window. Could it be that you actually want me to see you devour the sandwich? Showing your canines as if you knew about it being my guilty pleasure? Granted it was something of a wet dream to think of whenever I look at your well brushed white teeth and how dangerous they looked. Always the same type of dream. Your claws digging into my back as I am on top with both of our bodies being very close and our clothing off. To feel the red lines start to form on my back. And your soft bites on my tough to break neck and shoulder. Marking me. Giving me the right to be claimed by you. By scratches, by teeth marks or as the cool kids say 'hickeys', by the taste of you. I wanted you bad, and you most likely knew I did.

Got off track, sorry. It's hard to stay focus when you do that Nick. Damn tease. I still love you. Anyways I remember just sitting there. Talking and laughing and feeling as if my heart was going to go explode from my chest. Being so up close to you, while being conscious instead of resting, was breathtaking. Your green eyes just looked of shiny emeralds. You was so close to me I could barely see my reflection in your your eyeballs. Hearing your voice, your soothing and amazing voice, and your laughter filled my ears. Gone were the voice of my victims. Gone were the voice of my targets. Gone were the ones who harmed you. It was only you I could hear. Your voice was helping my brain that oozed out my sanity. I felt like my mind wasn't slipping out anymore. Like my head didn't feel it was cracking open like a sledgehammer to the frontal lobe. Like your ex-coworker who thought it would be funny to mess with your work by "misplacing" your journal as if some cruel joke. His brain matter was like raw meat. Messy and just can break apart from squishing it in the palm of your hands. But one less annoyance to bother you.

You looked so good Nick. Your sharpest tie and shirt that matched green. Your brown pants. I could even smell the scent of male shampoo and bodywash being used on you. Mmf. It was tempting to reach out and sniff your scent but I didn't want our first date to be our last date. I had to play the innocence card to make sure you would be ok with me. I knew you cared about me and obviously loved me. Still, a girl always has to play her cards right just like a boy does. You were really interesting by the way. The way you acted towards me despite me looking like a psychopath. Why? Why did you act like such a loving fox to this messy, horrific, disgusting bunny which is me? Could you actually love me? Like love me for me? Even though my job both gets me high amounts of cash flowing into my bank account and blood clean up on my body every time I got a new assignment? Oh Nick, you sweet innocent fox.

I just loved how we talked about normal things. Being normal. I felt like my body wasn't being jittery. Like, I always get nervous seeing you. When you sleep, when you work on your journals, even when you shower. With my phone by my hand to record and take pictures I always shake from fear overcoming me. Yeah a crazy killer bunny who can rip open a predators jaw was afraid, which I did to that damned tiger lady who kept trying to get you into her arms, the stupid weak bitch. I just felt like a normal mammal being close to you. Maybe it was because of us just hanging out and having a cup of coffee. Maybe my mind was making sense and not going crazy like I do. I think I was being normal.

Everyone in the diner looked at me funny as I looked wild. The one big rhino male just looked at my and stared as if I was committing bloody murder. Oh I would have by plucking his eyes out with his crossword using pen and pouring his freshly made coffee down his eye holes til his brain was burning and hopefully melting if he just kept going on staring at me. But you Nick, you saw. You looked to the rhino and told him to stop bothering me. That tough skinned mammal looked at you with annoyance but then back at me as I looked at him with disturbing eyes. I know that the color purple would forever be his fear thanks to my pupils that will infest his nightmares when he closes his eyes to see only darkness. Now he will only see my mind corrupted eyes. With that he looked away.

Nick, why? Why did you defend me like that? He was tall and could easily yell at you back but you still did it? Just for me? Oh Nick. I am lucky to be your favorite type of female that you find attractive. It lasted for about two hours and fifty-one minutes with us laughing and discussing our lives. While I had to fake most of my life I was interested to hear about yours. Your deepest secrets being trusted with me, I could feel myself bubbling in my stomach with joy that we came to the "Trusting" stage in a relationship.

I remembered us walking down the street as you were heading to the bus stop since you never could drive. I should had brought my car over to you. It was "Shadow Black" to keep hidden whenever I am stalking my prey. You would had loved it. We just kept walking down with us still talking like we was still in the diner. Only except the smell of eggs and batter was replaced by air and smell of car's gasoline. The Zootopian Dream. I'm glad we both hated it.

There you were at the bus stop with me. Normally it would end with just having us say "see you tomorrow" and me going home to have my dreams and home-made Nick Doll to keep me company and to fill my mind with dreams before the job I got tomorrow. A tiger who has stolen money from my client. It will be messy for sure. However it changed. The day ended differently. Why? Because you, Nick Wilde, told me that your life was changed because of me. For the greater good I questioned. And you just looked at me and gave me that angel like smile. You said yes I did as he slowly went down to both of your knees to reach eye level with me. You didn't have the look of cringe. My eyes were baggy, I haven't showered last night since the water bill went out, my clothes looked weird as I wanted my outfit to match my personality. I was a freak of nature. A true monster. Yet you looked at me as if I was your treasure. As if, I was a good hearted rabbit.

Then we both heard the bus coming but you still were eye contact level with me. Maybe you thought you was dreaming? Like the world around you was a matrix and this wasn't reality. Honestly I get that all the time. The world around me always felt like a crack for my cracking mind. Then to my left the bus came and opened it's doors with it going to drag you away from me. Nick I wouldn't last a day without you. Please don't leave me here. Please. I need you. I need to be close to you so I can feel like your normal rabbit soon to be girlfriend and soon to be wife. Please. That was what my mind was saying after the seconds of the door opening. But then my world felt unreal.

Mwah.

A kiss on my cheek from your lips as you grinned and smiled. With a shocked expression on my face you said that we should meet up again tomorrow. My voice was gone, only I could nod as you blushed and said goodbye to me as you walk down and got into the bright yellow and green bus. I swear the color of it made it feel like it would be nicknamed the "Banana Bus". I just stood there stunned. Like my body was stiff as wood. That really happened. After about five months, twenty-nine days, fifty-one hours and twenty one minutes of spending time together as friends we now reach the new level. Into the love relationship. So it was a date. In my mind I kept saying it wasn't to not seem like some sort of stalker to you. Well, more of a stalker. But it actually was. You did ask me out on a date. I'm lost for words.

Now here I am at the seventh night waiting for our date since your fucking boss wouldn't let you catch a break. He will meet his grizzly end eventually, I promise you that. But now, here I am. Looking at you. Sleeping soundly on your white bed with your light gray sheet to keep you warm. Snoring softly but yet so cute too. Your breathing is so odd, but I guess the smile on your face indicates you having innocent joy filled sleep. Your unconscious body isn't so stiff as it used to be after you finish your work. You seemed fully relaxed Nick. Did I do that to you?

I must have. I must have really been this angel of yours that saved your sanity and saved your life from being miserable. Hehe. That's pretty much. A dumb bunny who has mental health issues and is the one that ends the life of a mammal brutally that even homicide detectives will have bile coming up from their throats and out their mouths. Me. I am what is saving you. Not just from protecting you from the bullies who have now closed caskets but I appear to make your day bright. From texting me when you feel bored, to having our causal phone calls while I am doing my job and you doing yours, to even our first actual date. I'm surprised Nick. I still will never know why you are dating a horrific mentally insane mammal but I guess that is your liking.

So Nick. I never really got to say much before you left. Never said goodbye, Never got to say anything but just look stunned and surprised. So I want you to remember that on our next date tomorrow I want you to know that I love you. I won't say it until you say it first, but I will return the kiss to the cheek so we both can be even. After I am done with my job and having to obviously need a shower after the bloodfest and after you are done being a writing journalist, I would say we go back to the diner. A new fresh day but this time I will be sure to return the sweet kiss.

Sweet dreams Nick Hopps. Hmm, Nah, Nick Wilde is a better name. I will be Judy Wilde. A fitting name for me. Goodnight Nick, I'll be in your dreams to feel you. To smell you. To have your hands and arms on me as I do for you every single time I drift into dreams. I'll be making sure tomorrow we will get our date for tomorrow. Right now I need to make sure your boss gives you the day off tomorrow. I hope for his sake that he got some tetanus shots ready to be used.