hey guys so i had to file this under something. surprise im still writing im just been busy lately with cramming as much knowledge into my brain as i can. braining is hard work guys and i still find time to write. anyway ive been able to write how things make me feel personally, it's something ive not been able to do at all before so i would manipulate characters. but ive finally got it! so each chapter is a different story, real fake you be the judge tho i will say now that the story you are about to read is true as hell.
THAT RED FEELING
Fear, it pumps through my veins. I try to push it away, it refuses to leave me. The clock ticks, time moves faster than i would like.
"You should be over this stupid fear by now. It's childish." my mind tells me.
My body is flooding with fear. A prick of the finger is ok. That isn't the part that my mind is saying no to. It's the bigger needles.
That pinch in my arm, going in and making me cold. I unintentionally tense up. My arm goes cold and i'm told to squeeze my hand. I can't no matter how hard i try.
The harder i try, the more i can't feel my arm. My body doesn't like this, my mind is stubborn though. The pinch in my arm hurts, my arm goes numb. My body forces tears out, i try to fight it. I have no control. I can feel it leave my arm, it slides out smooth.
Even now i can feel it in my arm. That cold feeling spreads along my arm, the warm blood flowing in a perfect line down my arm.
The longing for that feeling, getting colder. Fade slowly and not realize that too much blood is gone. The fear and want for such a feeling. Even now my arm is going numb and tense, afraid of the needle.
Remove restrictions you have set for yourself. The fear pumps even faster now. Forgotten support is alone and cold. Noise begins to get louder around you.
It becomes harder to eat, my stomach clenches up. Knots are formed, and my insides are a complete mess.
The shaking of my arm starts. Triggered by a fear of what's soon to happen. "I'm not afraid, i don't feel it in my arm already. It doesn't phase you at all." i chant in my head, but it's not enough.
My heart continues pounding, it's almost time.
Support that i had, asked to be removed. My heart stops a few beats. Words fail and my mind takes over and it makes me start to cry. I freak out and my arm won't stop shaking. My voice wavers as i say i can't do it. Wanting to just run away, and knowing i can't leave without making people worry about me. All i can do is watch as a needle goes in another person's arm. Watch as they can do what i can not, anger at myself for being afraid of something so stupid.
My voice goes mute and i can only write to express words i can not say.
Words strike cords on other's hearts and they feel my fear and sensations in my arm as if it was them. They see it as clear as day. They realize writing is how i say what my voice won't let me. That understanding gives the words a deeper meaning to them and they can understand me.