The Choices We Make
SUMMARY: The choices we make determine who we become. Is it too late for Blair to make the right one? Not if Chuck can help it. Set in 5x13
AN: I want to thank my loyal twitter friends Ivan, Rachel, Shawn and Mary for their help and support throughout the writing of this story, it really wouldn't have been possible without their love and support.
Blair woke slowly with the same unsettling sensation she had been feeling for the last month. The few times she allowed herself to think back to that tragic night were few and far between. Her baby was gone and Chuck was lost to her forever.
If she was unhappy before their short-lived reunion, it didn't come close to the heartbreak of losing Chuck and the promise of a life she so deeply craved. But that was the price she willed herself to pay so Chuck's life was spared.
It was crazy, she knew it, to believe that divine intervention was the reason he was alive. But for some reason, every time she really questioned it, signs only confirmed that the decision she'd made was the right one.
She shuddered as she thought back to that particular encounter in the chapel. She'd sought a way out, desperate to be free of her pact with God. Forces she had no power over were stopping her from having her happy ending with Chuck. She was powerless.
She knew in her heart that Chuck Bass was the love of her life, he was her perfect match. They shared a rare bond, one that people only ever dreamt of having. There just wasn't anything she could do anymore.
In time she would come to love Louis.
She had to believe that. It truly was the only thing preventing her from breaking her vow. She couldn't fathom the idea of entering a loveless marriage from the rest of her life. Louis' kind heart would eventually ease the pain of sacrificing the life she was desperate to live. She clung to the memory of the minutes before the accident. The look of pure love in Chuck's eyes when he promised to love her baby as much as he loved her. It took her back to the first time he admitted his own feelings to her. When, for the first time ever, he'd uttered those three little words.
With a defeated sigh she got out of bed. She had a long day ahead of her, it was going to be arduous enough without the constant reminder of what she had lost.
She smiled sadly upon the realization that today was a day she'd been planning her whole life, but the truth was; she couldn't be more unhappy.
As he sipped his morning coffee, Chuck wished he'd wake up from what was sure to be his worst nightmare.
If only it was that simple, he thought sadly. He couldn't explain what had gone wrong this time around. In the past, he'd screwed up royally but this time around he'd done it all right. He'd given her up so she'd have an honest chance a happiness, pure and simple love – as she'd once put it – but even a prince couldn't give her the happiness he brought out in her. So every night as he went to bed and settled in a deep slumber, he thought about waking up from this nightmare and finding the brunette he loved so much beside him the next morning.
There had been many unpleasant mornings.
What really killed him was the knowledge that Blair wasn't happy. He still had no idea what had happened while he was in a coma after that tragic night, obviously the loss of her baby had devastated her but something else was wrong.
She had made it clear that she wanted a life with him; her change of heart completely baffled him. There just had to be an explanation.
Maybe something could be done, though.
If only he could get her to see all he had to offer. He didn't have Louis' royal status, he couldn't make her princess of Monaco but together they were King and Queen of Manhattan. Hand in hand they ruled the Upper East Side. Next to him she was powerful, independent and feared by all. With Louis, she had to step down, give up the parts that got in the way of what he expected. Chuck just loved her for who she was; unconditionally.
Today was the end of the life he'd dreamt up for them. No shred of hope was left.
The only thing he could do at this point was have faith that the pain would lessen in time.
On the other side of Manhattan, at St. James Episcopal Church, Eleanor Waldorf-Rose watched her add the finishing touches to her perfect bridal look.
She couldn't help but notice how shaky Blair's hand was as she applied her Chanel lipstick, how she insisted on fixing her freshly curled locks Pierre had spent the morning on.
Ultimately, what gave away her daughter's uncertainty about her decision was when she insisted her custom-made Vera Wang wedding gown had to be taken off her because she couldn't breathe.
Of course, she could have written off her daughter's behavior as wedding jitters, but Eleanor knew better. The truth was, Blair's behavior mirrored her own the day she married Harold. She was restless too. Something felt wrong.
Where this day was supposed to be the happiest of Blair's life, she knew all the pieces didn't fit. The man who would soon be waiting by the altar was not the man that would bring her daughter unconditional happiness. That man would not be seen today, he would most likely be mending his heart while suffering through the worst heartbreak imaginable.
Eleanor Waldorf-Rose knew she had to do something, she couldn't bear the thought of her daughter suffering through a loveless marriage and waiting to live her true love once she was in her mid-forties, if ever.
So Eleanor excused herself gracefully of her daughter's private room and exited quickly, before it was too late.
So far, Blair's day had passed in a blur. She remembered the excitement of one day getting married as a little girl. Already, she'd planned every detail in her head, which ended up in her famous scrapbook.
Every detail had been thought out; her bridal gown, her hair & make up, the bridesmaid dresses, the flowers, the tables, the venue, the entire menu…
Had all the excitement which had built up in her disappeared? Her fairytale dreams were coming to life and there she was, a mere spectator. What was wrong with her!
The wedding had been thought out perfectly, she had spent months making sure every detail was taken care of, but there was always something that seemed to be missing, she couldn't quite put her finger on it though.
Her dress fit perfectly, Vera Wang had even been gracious enough to change the original dress. She silently thanked her mother for her tight connections with the endless list of designers she knew.)
The St. Regis ballroom had been set according to the color scheme she'd initially planned on, matching the bridal party's gowns adequately. The flower arrangements matched her bouquet marvelously; soft pink peonies could be seen at each table and other various spots of the room.
Her planning skills hadn't failed her in the least, but the fact remained that she felt empty inside. She couldn't shake the feeling that this day was wrong.
She had to be honest with herself and admit the truth she'd known all along; the reality she'd be faced with the second she walked down the aisle. The most important piece was wrong.
The groom.
It was always supposed to be Chuck. But she'd made a promise to god, his life was insured because she'd promised to marry Louis. Who was she to tempt fate and risk her one true love's life? If anything were ever to happen to Chuck, she'd never forgive herself. She had to this, for Chuck's sake.
Even if that meant she wasn't truly happy. She was convinced she'd come to love Louis, in time. Of course, not like she loved Chuck.
After all, there was only one Chuck Bass.
Only one stubborn pain in the ass, only one infuriating, handsome (oh so handsome), smirking Charles Bass. The man who's natural musk she'd sworn to hate years before, he smelt of a perfect blend of Scotch, Cigars, Caramel and Sin. And oh, the sins they'd shared together were almost too much to think about.
God, she really had to pull it together or she'd end up saying his name in her vows. Although, the words she'd prepared for her prince were futile compared to what vows Chuck could inspire.
She wished with all her heart it could be them up there, like it was supposed to be; like they had promised each other that night, in the back of that town car.
No words could describe the relief and honest to goodness happiness she had felt in those moments.
His declaration of love at the Empire where he promised to take care of her and her baby, to love them both, his promise for them to become a family. And then later in the car, where they were on their way to Louis, she was going to abandon her childhood dreams to be with the real man of her dreams.
A tear rolled down her eye as she remembered their happiness had been taken away from Nate's vengeful cousin, Tripp.
She quickly recovered, realizing she wasn't alone and that if she didn't pull herself together her bridesmaids would realize not all was perfection in the princess' heart.
She took a deep breath, hoping to god it would be enough for her to go through with would be the most difficult decision she'd ever have to make. Thankfully, time was on her side, she still had time to gather her thoughts and her courage to face the upcoming hours.
To Chuck, this was without a doubt the longest day of his life.
He was now a changed man, he had completely turned his life around. Except for his old Scotch, (which he didn't consume nearly as excessively as before) all of his nasty habits had been kicked out of his life.
Sorrow had become his most persistent companion but he'd learnt not to resort to old habits, to were merely hiding reality until it came crashing down.
His therapist had thought him to seek out healthier outlets such as yoga which had become part of his daily routine, but today all he wanted to do was be alone. Of course, he still welcomed Monkey's presence which wasn't nearly as overbearing as Nathaniel's or Serena's.
Since his accident, his best friend and his sister had been keeping a close eye on him, obviously worried about how far he'd go to in order to get Blair back.
Well, she'd made sure he knew that any attempts were useless. But the blondes of the Non-Judging Breakfast Club hadn't exactly been privy to this piece of information, which he was grateful for. Those two could be so smothering at times.
And today of all days, he was glad he didn't have to interact with anybody, because except for his staff; everyone he knew would be at Blair's wedding.
At least I don't have to worry about a pity party, he muttered sardonically to himself, wishing this event was a figment of his overactive imagination.
He only dreamt of waking up from this joke of a nightmare and finding Blair next to him, nestled in his arms. That was something he had dreamt of every single night since he woke up from his coma.
He had hoped she'd come to her senses, but obviously Prince Louis the Frog was too much of prize to pass up. He was doomed to spend his life alone.
Just as he was lost in thought, the elevator chimed, signaling a visitor. He shot up, not expecting anybody as everyone he knew was heading to the royal wedding by now, he sighed in annoyance but was cut off mid-sigh by one person he was not expecting to see.
"Mrs. Rose?" Chuck was floored to see Blair's mother in his penthouse today of all days. The woman had never shown her face in his apartment, so he guessed the situation ought to be critical for her to arrive on his doorstep the day of her own daughter's wedding.
In their formative years, Eleanor Waldorf had never been his biggest fan and their interactions were only made more awkward when he started to show an actual interest in Blair. He couldn't blame her, he didn't exactly match his best friend's 'golden boy' reputation.
But over the years, as he showed determination in his pursuit of Blair, he noticed how she softened with time. He also had Cyrus Rose to thank for that change in the Waldorf woman. Blair's stepfather had truly changed Eleanor and when he and Blair were dating for that almost-year he grew quite attached to the Waldorf-Rose clan, they were people he had hoped to call family someday.
But that hope had now vanished, Louis Grimaldi was going to be their son-in-law.
"Charles, I need to speak with you." The usual business tone in her voice had slightly faded, but he could see the panic in her eyes. He could only hope Blair was ok.
"Can I get you anything to drink? Maybe some sparkling water?" He asked her politely, still anxious to find out what was going on.
"Scotch."
He poured a healthy amount of his favorite amber liquid before handing it to Eleanor.
"My daughter has planned the perfect wedding. All morning, I've had a feeling that we had forgotten something until it dawned on me what it was, you." She looked at him pointedly, for emphasize her point.
"Excuse me? Did Blair send you?" A surge of hope filled him instantly just like the butterflies he had felt for Blair all these years.
"Of course not. She has no idea I'm here." Eleanor responded matter-of-factly.
"When I married Harold, I was restless; something felt wrong. At the time, I blamed it on wedding jitters but I was wrong. When I married Cyrus I was calm, overcome with happiness and in a state of perfect serenity. Everything was perfect." As Eleanor told Chuck about both her marriages she couldn't help but smile towards the end of the story.
"I want my daughter to be happy the first time around.
"So, are you going to help me stop this thing?"
Chuck merely nodded as no more words were needed. He quickly grabbed his jacket and they both hopped into the elevator as fast as their feet would carry them. He was glad to have Eleanor on his side, his next conversation would require all the courage and convincing he could manage. If anyone could do it, it was him. He was Chuck Bass after all.
As Blair looked at her Cartier platinum watch, she realized it would only be moments before she would be walking down the aisle to marry Louis, and in a few hours she would become Princess Blair; Mrs. Blair Grimaldi.
Why did it sound so wrong? This wasn't the way things were supposed to be at all. Several weeks beforehand, she had been determined to put an end to the charade she was living. She had made up her mind and decided that there was no denying where her heart truly lied, with Chuck. She just wished things had been different! There was just a force far more powerful than them preventing them from ever being together.
The door opened, interrupting her from her train of thought and she was so grateful for it. Thinking about the fact that Chuck and her would never be together made her heart break more with every passing moment, surely this was God's way of punishing her for all her misdeeds over the years.
"Don't be angry with me." She swore it was the first time her mother had spoken to her than way, almost begging her not to resent her for what was about to happen. It seemed utterly ironic to Blair as she had gone out of her way, more times than she could count, to not disappoint her mother. But this time, it was her turn to see the worry in her mother's eyes.
"Why on earth would I be angry with you?" Blair was truly baffled with her mother's statement. It just didn't make any sense, Eleanor Waldorf-Rose never apologize to anyone, but her she was apologizing to her own daughter. Today was not the day for a sudden personality make-over.
But before she even had a chance to respond, her mother push the door further as if to let in another person.
Before she knew it, Chuck had approached the door, making a move to enter the room. She couldn't believe it, she was barely keeping it together and that Mother Chucker was going to make it a whole lot harder. Was there anything he wouldn't do to get under her skin?
Everybody was shooed out before she knew it, whether the words escaped her mother's mouth or her own didn't matter, since Chuck had appeared she was on autopilot for anyone else around. Before long, they were alone in the room, save for the silence suffocating the air around her.
"What are you doing here? You promised to stay away, it was the one thing I asked." She knew she wasn't fooling anyone with her attempted cool exterior, least of all Chuck. But how could she open up to him now?
She was fighting an internal battle; as much as she wanted to leave with him right now, he had to believe she was making this choice for the right reason, even though it felt like the worst mistake in the world.
"I was planning on staying away but even your own mother seems to think you're making a huge mistake." Thanks mom! If she couldn't fool her mother, how was she ever going to make Chuck believe that this was for the best?
He'd followed her instructions though. She knew he wouldn't show up and put himself through the torture of watching her marry another man. She could only imagine how much pain she would have felt if he'd ended up marrying Eva. Oh god, she would have never survived it.
Was he experiencing the same kind of pain? She knew she was hurting him and that he loved her, but it was only in this moment that she had taken the time to think about the amount of pain he was going through.
She loved him beyond reason and the only thing stopping her in that moment from running away with him was the pact she'd made. His life was not something she'd ever consider risking. She may have been selfish in the past but she wouldn't play around with this. They had agreed, whether they were involved or not, the games were over and this was one gamble she wasn't going to chance.
"Well, you can assure my mother that everything is fine, and everything will go as planned. I'm afraid you've wasted a trip." Her mask was perfectly in place, she was cool as a cucumber. She was pushing him away as far as possible but she could tell by the look in his eyes he wasn't backing down, this would prove to be much more complicated than she had anticipated.
"Your mother may misinterpret you, but I never have. Blair, look at yourself, you're a mess; a beautiful mess still. But seriously, you can barely hold it together." His voice softened as each word escaped his mouth. He could tell with a glance how unhappy she was, he needed her to be happy or else all he'd sacrificed would have been futile.
"I'm perfectly fine, thank you very much. Now if you don't mind, I'd appreciate if you'd leave so I can finish getting ready." She turned around quickly, in an effort to avert his gaze. But her efforts proved useless, within moments her spun her around and grabbed her hands.
"Blair, please. Tell me you don't love me. Tell me it's not me you want to marry today! I know you're in the deepest pain at the moment but you don't have to do this. No one who truly cares about you expects you to follow through with this. We can all see in how much pain you are." The look in his eyes pleaded her to face the truth, and honestly began to break her resolve.
"Chuck, I "She was quickly silenced by the smooth finger he lay on her supple lips.
"Tell me I'm wrong. Look me in the eye, and tell me everything I said is a lie. And I promise I will walk away." Chuck waited from a verbal response from Blair, he could tell she was fighting with internal voices, she was fighting the truth she was only now letting herself to hear.
When she finally looked into his eyes, the first thing he noticed were the tears forming in her deep brown eyes. The reason he was bringing up all this wasn't to hurt her, he just wanted her to be honest with herself.
One may have interpreted his actions as selfish but he wasn't doing any of this only to have her back by his side, but because he believed he could make her happy, bring a smile back to her beautiful features once again.
"God, Chuck. Of course I love you. But you don't understand, I wish I could be with you but I can't." The tears she had been fighting finally trickled down her delicate cheeks, displaying her emotions to Chuck. It was no news to him, he knew how she was feeling. He was simply giving his best shot at breaking her resolve.
"What don't I understand? Will you tell me what happened? Please!" He knew his voice sounded desperate. And he had never let anybody witness that side of him expect for Blair, and maybe Nate on occasion.
"I… I just can't Chuck. But I'm doing it for you, I need you to be happy, this is the only way." She wished the usually commanding tone of her voice would return but right now it was nothing short of weak.
"Happy?! How could I ever be happy with you preparing to marry a man we both know you aren't in love with? For heaven's sake, it was only a few weeks ago you were getting ready to run away with me, wherever we wished to go and now you can barely look at me." He finished, thoroughly defeated, he didn't know how else he could get through to her.
"All of this is for you, and something you'll understand." Her words seemed final, but still amidst his pain, Chuck slowly got closer to Blair. Perhaps his actions would have more of an impact on her than his words, he'd attempt anything at this point.
His movements were cut off by the door swinging open. The blonde beauty behind was none other than Serena. She eyed them warily for a moment before directing her gaze to Blair pointedly.
"B, you have to tell him."
"S, don't you dare. It's not too late to revoke you maid-of-honor status. I'm sure Penelope will be more than happy to fill in." Both siblings displayed a hint of a smirk, as a glimpse of Queen B was making its appearance.
"Would you ladies care to let me into this conversation I seem to be isolated from?" Chuck attempted to sound relaxed although he knew the truth was about to come out. Of course Serena knew the secret Blair was keeping. She wouldn't let Blair make this huge mistake; there was too much at stake.
The staring match going on between Blair and Serena only last a few moments before their blonde friend decided to answer Chuck's question.
"Blair isn't marrying Louis because she loves Louis, she's doing it to protect you." New tears formed in Blair's eyes with each word her best friend uttered.
Sensing she'd given her best friend the necessary push, Serena left the room.
Silence flooded the room for a while before either of them were able to breathe a word. But Chuck realized it was time to say something, Serena's statement couldn't just be ignored.
"What's that supposed to mean? Protect me, how is this protecting me? I have nothing aside from my work. And that means nothing without you, my life is so empty. You told me I was everything to you, just like you are to me. Yet you've thrown it all away." Chuck's emotions were quickly shifting. He'd been heartbroken, desperate but now he was becoming confused and nearing anger. Why would she protect him? And how on earth was this protecting him? He'd never been through so much pain in his life.
"It's not like that, I had to make a choice!" Blair's voice broke, she'd meant to keep this secret as far away from him as she could. But clearly, Serena had other intentions.
"Yes, you chose Louis. You've told me before, and quite frankly, I've heard it too many times at this point." Chuck was growing tired of this, Louis had a title to offer to Blair but he hadn't made her happy in a while, he felt completely powerless.
"No Chuck, that's not it. I chose you, your life. When you didn't wake up in the hospital I wanted to die, because you were dead and I had no way of having you back. So I did the only thing I could, a pact."
She explained the pact she made with god and the nurse who appeared as an angel.
She knew telling him was the right thing to do but could she face the humiliation her and her parents would face if she went through with cancelling the wedding?
It was then she realized the door was slightly open, and she remembered the distinct jam of the door as Serena had exited the room. Had Sophie been spying on her?
Instead of guessing, she walked toward the door and opened it swiftly. The person on the other side of it was none other than her fiancé. A million questions went through her mind in less than ten seconds.
"Louis." Blair whispered practically inaudibly, still Chuck heard.
"So this is why you agreed to marry me even after running away with him?" Louis' disgust towards Chuck couldn't have been more obvious. He clearly despised the man, even though he'd been polite to his fiancé's ex on occasion, the rivalry between both men was no secret to society.
"Louis, I'm sorry. I can explain." Blair tried to rationalize how she could explain the decision she'd made in her mind moments earlier.
"Explain what? Do you intend on joining me at the altar or not?" Louis looked at Blair expectantly while Blair struggled to come up with an appropriate answer?
"I'm Sorry, I'm sure you have much to talk about." And in seconds Chuck was gone.
Several hours later, Chuck paced around the living room in his Empire penthouse. Had Blair gone through with the wedding? Gossip Girl hadn't posted anything since that morning… Surely Queen B getting married would be something she'd rush to post about? But no, nothing.
Neither his best friend nor sister had contact him, Lily, herself, hadn't even called. They were probably too wrapped up in the magic of the royal wedding to spare a second thought to Chuck. Alone again. Typical.
What a year it had been, he thought. He'd involved himself with Raina to save his father's legacy, which ultimately drove Blair into the Prince's arms, he'd driven himself into the darkest despair he was sure no one had ever experienced and before he knew it he'd spent a wonderful few hours with Blair in another world; dancing – love making, they'd share such a precious evening together before he sent her back to Louis. What had he been thinking in that moment? He'd shut down all feelings for several months only to have his heart broken when seeing Blair again and finding she was pregnant. With another man's child.
How's that for a slap in the face?
But nothing could match the pain from having his Blair back for less than an hour and all hope of their future shattering at the same time.
And here he was now, once again in his penthouse, alone. He couldn't fathom happiness without Blair, but he couldn't see himself spending his life with anyone else either. The only thing he could do was dive into his business, live a similar life his father had led. He had a new-found respect for the man his father was; just like himself, he had lost the love of his life. Granted, the circumstances were worlds apart but similar all the same.
The chime of the elevator disturbed his train of thought. Obviously Nathaniel had had enough of the party and decided to retire for the night.
But as he looked up, he wasn't faced with his best friend but rather, the love of his life, dressed in an entirely different attire. Gone was the white Vera Wang gown, she was now wearing the most breathtaking scarlet red gown.
Could she torture her any further?
As much as he loved purple, the one thing he couldn't resist more than Blair, was Blair in red. The color had brought out the vixen in her he was only ever privy to.
"Blair, what are you doing here? Or should I call you Princess now?" The sorrow in his voice didn't go unnoticed by the woman standing across from him.
"Well I doubt the royal family would appreciate that since I've severed all ties with the Grimaldis." She knew she had to elaborate some more, but she was anxious for a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
"When you left, I explained everything to Louis, starting with the fact I couldn't marry him to the fact I was irrevocably in love with you. Obviously, neither he nor Sophie was happy, which explains how long it took me to get here." As words escaped her lips, her smile grew fonder, hoping it would soothe his worries, and moreover, he'd believe the reason she'd come to him.
"You, you didn't marry him?" Chuck could barely speak, the words he uttered came out as a mere whisper.
"No, how could I? When the only man I ever want by my side is standing in front of me." Her smile was genuine and gave him the confidence to take a few steps closer to her.
She took his hand to emphasize the words she meant to speak next.
"Chuck, it's over. Louis has left, I'm yours. I'm so sorry for leaving you. I love you, and I'm never leaving you again. Forever is ours." Tears escaped her deep brown eyes, pleading him to take her back despite all the pain she'd caused him.
He'd once vowed to make up for all the pain he'd caused her, and this was her way of reciprocating his vow.
"Just promise you won't leave again, ever." He closed his eyes for a split second, adamant to savor the moment which he believed would disappear in seconds.
"I promise, this is forever." As she breathed the words, Chuck found the peace he'd longed for all this time and as his eyes searched her own he found his answer.
They were going to be okay.
THE END.
A/N 2: This is a separate oneshot from my collection, my next update will be for You're All That Matters to Me and I also have other oneshot projects. Please prompt me for any ideas you may have via PM or twitter ( chuckblair107)
Reviews are immensely appreciated.
Xoxo
M.