Affliction, a kingdom hearts fanfic

A/n: Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "WHY DID YOU PUT AFFLICTION UP AGAIN??" Because, my friend, I thought it over and decided to fix the ending. It doesn't show how Xemnas reacted to the song, so I'm taking down the old version and putting up the new and better one! I'm adding more than a new ending, so read the whole thing again, 'kay?

Summary: Take what I left you for the pain and do your best to forget my name. Slight XemSai, one-shot, hopefully better than the summary sounds!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of Senses Fail's songs. Just the fic and this here big ass cup of Dr. Pepper.

( - -) A Moonlit Shadow presents… (- - )

Affliction

Saix leered at the tape he had set on his superior's desk, turning his back on the 'message' and making his way out of the room silently, making sure he had left no trace of his being there other than the recording lying on the pile of papers. It was hard to keep the penitent shadow of a feeling from showing in his eyes, but it wasn't impossible. There was nothing he could do to make amends now.

He knew his death had been nearing. It had been haunting him lately, ever since the Key Bearer and his friends had killed off the Organization.

All but the Luna Diviner and the superior.

Saix admired his superior, more than he would as a close friend. Xemnas was trying to make something meaningful out of completely nothing for Organization XIII, and now there were only two out of thirteen of his Organization left.

The blue haired Nobody never told the Enigmatic Man of his 'feelings', nor had he ever planned to. It would get in the way of Kingdom Hearts, and Saix didn't want to be an impediment. Not to the one he loved, or thought he loved. After all; Nobodies cannot feel.

He made a deliberate gait down the ghastly sallow corridors in the Castle That Never Was, swallowing a lump in his throat with great exertion and took a deep, shaky sigh. The castle seemed so empty without the annoying giggle fits of Axel, Demyx and whoever they brought along for their mischief. Xigbar was no longer there to annoy the hell out of the Luna Diviner. No one was left.

Saix never thought to make the best of their company while they were still here, and for that he held remorse.

He was literally walking towards his own bereavement, but he wasn't going to stop himself. Sora and his friends were going after Xemnas, and Saix was going to stall them with everything he had.

If it was going to help Xemnas, he would do it.

The Nobody sighed again, looking up at the high, arched ceiling before enclosing himself in a black, egg-shaped portal. That was the last of this 'home' that he would ever see.

- -

"Xemnas, is Kingdom Hearts ready?"

The tawny-eyed man lowered his arms, bowing his head slightly as his second-in-command appeared out of nowhere. "Very soon." He responded blandly, the usual cold tone in his voice as he spoke.

"…Then I can end this charade?" Saix asked, keeping his sharp eyes on the Enigmatic Man's back.

Xemnas paused for a split second, then turned half around and nodded slightly to the Luna Diviner. "Indeed."

Saix watched Xemnas's icy gaze for a few moments, and then forced a sadistic grin to surface on his face. "How I've waited to hear that." He stayed silent for a few moments, the grin disappearing. "Xemnas?"

"What, VII?"

Just that hint of annoyance in Xemnas's reply made the empty space where his heart should've been pang with anguish. He shook his head, turning around with a slightly bowed head. "Never mind, it's nothing that needs to be mention. I apologize for wasting your time."

And with that, he disappeared into a portal once again. This time to look death straight in the eye and take what was coming for him.

- -

Saix was dead.

That was the only thing running in Xemnas's mind. His second-in-command, his colleague, his friend, was dead. How could he have been so daft and let him die right in front of him? He watched Saix die under the haunting pale light the heart shaped moon gave off. No, he didn't die.

He was killed.

Xemnas noticed it before, everyone did; Saix had some sort of atrophy with Kingdom Hearts and lunar activity. Maybe if he hadn't been so attached to that damned moon, he would still be standing next to the silver haired Nobody with that same, stoic face and those overly-expressive eyes.

The Enigmatic Man had retreated back to his room and sat at his desk with a frustrated glare set on the tape that had been set on the mahogany surface. A note sat on top of the tape with 'Xemnas' written on the front of it. In Saix's writing.

He didn't want to open it. He didn't want to open the note and remember that Saix was dead. But he knew he had to.

Xemnas reached for the piece of paper, opening it and reading it over several times before crumpling it up and throwing it on the floor beside him in aggravation.

'Xemnas,

I apologize for letting you down. I foolishly lost the battle I swore I would win. I cannot express how sorry I am for being unable to meet your expectations.

Then again, Nobodies can't feel, right?

Please play this tape and listen carefully to the words. It's in song, so you might want to replay it a couple of times to get all of the lyrics.

Sincerely,

Saix

P.S. You were everything to me, my friend. Don't ever forget that.'

The amber eyed man grabbed the tape, pushing it into the black recorder and holding it to his ear. What was this song going to be about…? He pressed play, listening to the words as they sounded aloud.

Calling all cars we've got another victim

Cause my love has become an affliction

But what did you expect from me?

What did you expect from me?

I'm sorry but I think I failed to mention
That I lied at my very first confession
What did you expect from me?
What did you expect from me?

'Cause this has been building since I have been breathing
And I know how it's going to end

So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down
And now that I'm gone
Try to forget me and just move on
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now
You knew all along
Try to forget me and just move on

Oh my dear, what have I gone and done now?
It's curtain call, I'm about to take my last bow
What did you expect from me?
What did you expect from me?

Without giving away the entire ending
I ruined the evening again

I don't have love left inside, inside
And I don't have love left inside, inside
Are you desperate for an answer?
I don't have an ounce of good left in me now
That's why I walked out

I am not the one that you should blame

So take what I left you for the pain

I am not the one that you should blame

So take what I left you for the pain

And do your best to forget my name.

Xemnas's eyes widened after he had played the whole tape, the lyrics echoing in his head. He knew now. He knew what Saix was trying to tell him.

Saix loved him.

But why hadn't he told him before he left Xemnas all alone? Why did he tell him so late in the game?

Because he never got the chance to. And that was entirely Xemnas's doing. He had been so preoccupied with Kingdom Hearts and its progress that he hadn't realized Saix was hinting his love for him, never being direct but making it hard to miss. All those days they spent alone, together as nothing more than friends, Saix mentioned a great number of topics having to do with this. How did he not realize what he was trying to say?

All this talk about realization, and Xemnas had come to another one.

He felt the same way about the deceased Nobody. He never thought about it, but now he knew.

It was too late. Saix was dead, he had faded into darkness. And Xemnas was too foolish to do anything about it.

Looking up through the large bay window at the heart shaped moon, he clenched his hand around the recorder in self-hatred.

That moon, what it had done to his beloved, what it had caused him to miss…

It meant nothing.

It was naught but an affliction.

( - -) And We Close The Curtains... (- - )

Yep, there's the always depressing (but better version of) Affliction. Is it sadder? Did it make you feel worse than it did the first time?
Because if it did, then I did what I meant to do. That sounds heartless, yes, but it was what I was aiming for.

And the song was cut off at the beginning and end, so I had to type both of them up...the 'preview' button was being stupid. That's why it's spaced...

Heh, hope you liked it…