Well this evening I watched the season 5 episode Fight, which was in fact the first ever Voyager episode I ever saw a number of years ago and was hooked! So having re watched it this evening I decided to take a break from finishing my other unfinished story and do a sort one based of that parting sentence from our Kathryn, "See you in the morning…." What would the morning after fight look like?...
See you in the morning.
Kathryn's face drew in to a smile as her door chime sounded; right on time "come in" she called turning to greet the visitor.
"What's this?" The ships first officer smiled as he saw the plate she was holding.
"Bacon butties" she told him with a twinkle in her deep blue eyes. When she saw the slightly unsure look on the commanders face she laughed, placed her hand gently on his chest and said "don't worry commander I have egg butties for you."
The commander a strict vegetarian due to his religious beliefs felt relived "thanks" he smiled. He knew his captain, he knew she respected his beliefs though she did not share them, or hold any religious beliefs of her own.
"Tea?" she asked over her shoulder as she moved away with her back to him as she stood at the replicator.
"Please" he smiled taking a seat at her sofa uninvited and tucking into one of the egg butties. "I feel like I have done six rounds with the Borg" he said between mouthfuls.
"not that far off" Kathryn told him handing him his tea, picking up her mug of steaming black coffee and her plate of bacon butties "how was your night?" she asked sitting down beside him feeling relaxed.
"A banging headache but the boxing helped me unwind." To which she snorted and shook her head "what?" he demanded.
"I didn't think boxing after all you went through would help you unwind." She pointed out sipping her coffee.
Chakotay smiled letting his dimples show. When he turned to her he saw a distant look in her eyes, she wasn't smiling. She looked drawn and tired, almost ill "How was your night?" he asked her gently.
Allowing her eyes to slide shut she whispered gently "fine"
"Fine?" he asked keeping his eyes on her for he knew her well enough to know she wasn't fine.
"well I was up most of it" she admitted finishing her breakfast and turning to look out her view port behind her, resting her elbow on the back rest of the sofa she was sat on and her chin on the palm of her and "thinking" she admitted keeping her eyes on the stars beyond.
"Kathryn" Chakotay whispered placing his hand on her knee for support.
"Chakotay it was" she began and then stopped closing her eyes again "well it was hard."
"What was?" he gentle support ever present.
"Seeing you-" but then she stopped and looked at him wide eyed.
"Crazy" e finished for her.
"You're not crazy" she insisted deeply placing her hand on his chest to try to support him.
"I was"
Kathryn had nothing to say in reply to that. They both knew he had gone crazy in chaotic space, at least now they knew the reason and it was all sorted, but that wasn't what Kathryn had been talking about. "I was going to saw afraid." She whispered meeting his confused eyes "It was hard seeing you afraid."
"We all get afraid from time to time Kathryn" he reminded her. Then he looked at her took his own deep breath and said what had been playing on his own mind "you were brave and strong" when she looked at him confused he went for the kill "I knew what you did" he almost accused.
"Oh?" she asked knowing what was coming and sending her defences up.
"You sent me back in" came his deep voice and Kathryn sensed a hint of accusation which Chakotay had tried to keep in "you sent me back in to communicate with them knowing full well it would terrify me"
"I am sorry" she whispered turning back to her view screen, a safe place to be, these were the same thoughts that had plagued her all night.
"You knew I could end up with lasting brain damage, stay permanently crazy" he voice was raised now.
"I did what I had to do." She stated coolly setting her jaw and allowing her voice to become unwavering in its husky words "you would have done the same"
"I wouldn't have been as brave" he said not taking his eyes from her as she thought for control.
"Chakotay?" he saw her lips move but the words barely came out into the question she had intended them to be. Still she would not look at him.
"If it had been you instead of me" he told her sharply "for me to make that order, it would have killed me."
She turned to him ever the captain, always with a Starfleet reason "I wouldn't call it brave, Starfleet training teaches"
"Really Kathryn?" he asked knowing her whole body was feeling a strain, emotions were flying everywhere, he just wanted her to admit it, admit she used him and she used his attraction for her to get what she wanted.
"Chakotay" she said deeply almost ordering him to stop this conversation "you're ok, we came out of it"
"And the captain? She still feels guilty?" he pressed.
"Chakotay please" she was almost in tears, so many conflicting emotions her tiny frame to take.
"What?" he demanded not letting up.
"You're angry" she whispered looking at him.
He stopped for a second and realised he was breathing hard, his fists were clenched at his side and he was almost shouting at her relaxing a little she said in a slightly softer voice "I won't lie to you Kathryn, yes I am angry" to which she turned away, forcing him to grab her arm and physically turn her around to look at him. "You used me" he spat into her face.
"I knew you would understand" she insisted pulling away and standing up.
Chakotay realised she wasn't denying it as she had thought. It made him soften just a little as he stood behind her and growled into her ear "Do I understand?"
"I don't know" she told him softly as she turned to face him "I hoped that you-"
"Damn it Kathryn" he shouted cutting her off looking into her eyes.
"I am sorry commander" she stated coolly straitening her uniform and collecting up the dirty breakfast dishes as though trying to end the conversation.
Chakotay watched her turn and walk her captain's walk to recycle the plates as he growled "commander?"
Grabbing the sides of the replicator for support, letting out a deep breath and hanging her head she hissed through gritted teeth "what more did you want?"
"I had hoped for more" he whispered softly. When she didn't reply or didn't even look at him he asked her almost demanding "do you think I am crazy?"
Without hesitation she spun round to face him wide eyed and certain of what she was saying as she said clearly "no"
He let his eyes meet her determined ones and he saw a certainty in her answer that swelled him with love for this woman "I didn't thank you" the words tumbled out before he could explain their meaning.
Kathryn's eyebrows drew together in confusion and she pulled her head back as she asked with confusion "thank me?"
"You gave me permission to have a vision quest" he reminded her "you knew the risks"
Kathryn tilted her head to look at him asking in a deep voice "so in that situation it was ok for me to take the risk, but in the other-"
"no in the other it was ok" he said softly cupping her face him his hand causing her to try to pull away but it wouldn't work he wouldn't let her go "the problem was you showed up in Sick Bay being all affectionate, stroking me, touching me, holding my hand, touching my face, talking in that-"
When he stopped she asked as tears almost formed in her deep blue eyes "That?"
"That voice you know turns me on" he finished letting his eyes meet with hers and feeling very confused why she was crying "you used all that when you came to ask me to do it for the sake of the ship" he accused "how could I resist that?"
"I didn't-" she began but when she saw the fierce anger in his eyes she closed her eyes and whispered "Chakotay I had no intention of using those things against you"
"Then why did you do it?" he demanded.
"I was concerned" she told him honestly "I wanted you to know I cared" then with a sorry sigh she closed her eyes and shook her head "I didn't think it through that much"
The silence lingered for a minute as Chakotay turned away he said "after I agreed you stroked my face" and then spat "like payment"
"No!" she shouted horrified he would think such a thing of her "Chakotay"
"Here and now, in the normal situations you never touch me that way" he pointed out.
"I am the captain, you're the first officer" she growled in defence.
"You were still the captain and I was still the first officer yesterday in sick bay" he pointed out disgusted with her feeble defence he had thought better than that.
"Yesterday you were, you-" she whispered as he eyes filled with tears "I-" she gulped "I thought you could have died"
"but now I repulse you" he pointed out forcing himself to stand with his back to her though he knew she was crying and he wanted to hold her and tell her it was going to be ok.
"No" she told him wide eyed shaking her head, begging him to understand without her having to say it "You're here now, your well"
"Yes" he hissed.
Closing her eyes she whispered "When I thought you could die I wanted you to know"
"Know?" Chakotay demanded turning to face her and seeing how broken she looked "Know what Kathryn?"
"That I cared" she spat opening her eyes and fixing them right on his.
"I know you care" he pointed out; he could see there was more to it than that.
"no Chakotay really care" she whispered wishing him to see "I didn't want you to die or go-" she sopped as she turned away "go crazy without knowing I-" but she couldn't do it, she couldn't finish the sentence.
"You what Kathryn?" Chakotay demanded he was fuming now, still after all he had said she was still trying to use his feelings for her against him. When she wouldn't reply she demanded "Kathryn?"
Closing her eyes and wiping away her tears she found the courage to talk and what she said took Chakotay completely by surprise "When we came back from new earth you were angry with me."
"What has new earth got to do with yesterday?" he found himself asking. In three years she had never once mentioned it, never once mentioned the time they had once shared a loving romantic relationship. He often wondered if he had forgotten.
"It has everything to do with yesterday" she shouted now "it has everything to do with every day"
"Kathryn you're talking in riddles" Chakotay shouted back shaking his head.
"I can't love you here on Voyager like I could there on New Earth." She whispered softly letting her eyes fall on his as she let what she said sink in.
"Love me?" he gasped stepping towards her he hardly dared to beloved his ears "Kathryn did you just say love me?"
Shaking her head and stepping back he regained her command mask, the way she always dealt with these emotions. Straitening her uniform she made towards the door saying "commander you and I are both late for our sifts"
"No captain I want to talk to Kathryn" Chakotay growled so angrily it made Kathryn stop and turn to look at him.
"Commander" she growled back.
"You said love me" he wouldn't let up.
"I expect you on the bridge in five minutes" she spat.
"Kathryn tell me" Chakotay shouted advancing towards her making her back away "tell me and then I'll let you walk out of here if it's what you feel you have to do but tell me" he grabbed her wrists and wouldn't let her go though she struggled "are you trying to tell me you love me?"
When Kathryn realised her struggles were no good she stopped fighting him she whispered simply "yes" then she met his eyes and growled "now let me go"
Chakotay let her go and looked deep into her flushed face, she did not back away instantly she held his gaze and let a flash of love and deep concern escape her blue eyes before they glazed over into her command mask and she turned towards her own quarters door "I'll let you go to the bridge Kathryn, but I will never let you go." As the doors swished open and she with her back to him went to walk outside he shouted "you will be mine, that is a promise"