We love but once. The great gold orb of light
From dawn to even-tide doth cast his ray;
But the full splendor of his perfect might
Is reached but once throughout the livelong day.
We love but once. The waves, with ceaseless motion,
Do day and night plash on the pebbled shore;
But the strong tide of the resistless ocean
Sweeps in but one hour of the twenty-four.
We love but once. A score of times, perchance,
We may be moved in fancy's fleeting fashion—
May treasure up a word, a tone, a glance;
But only once we feel the soul's great passion.
We love but once. Love walks with death and birth
(The saddest, the unkindest of the three);
And only once while we sojourn on earth
Can that strange trio come to you or me.
~The Trio, Ella Wheeler Wilcox, 1883
She was about to be wed.
Tessa couldn't wrap her head around the fact that in less than twenty-four hours, she would become the wife of William Herondale. The two of them had made a name for themselves, the shape-shifter and the Shadowhunter with a bad attitude.
The forever twenty-year-old girl sighed and heavily plopped onto her temporary bed. Charlotte had insisted they had a traditional Shadowhunter wedding in Alicante. Everyone had to do a lot of dirty work to allow Tessa into Idris and book a wedding in the Accords Hall. Alicante was gorgeous, Tessa had to admit, but she didn't like everyone going through so much trouble for her.
With her head hidden beneath her hands, Tessa allowed herself to peak through her fingers and glance at the dress in front of her. The golden silk of her wedding dress glimmered atop of her wardrobe. She thought back to the first time she wore that dress- well not the exact one. She thought of being engaged to Jem and the days that tore them apart.
When Tessa agreed to marry Will, he suggested she wear the same dress that she had planned to wear when she was Jem's. She remembered the alien weight of the fabric against her skin when she first wore it, and the nightmarish memories that came along with being in it. Tessa had found it ridiculous to go through the trouble of finding a match that was up to Will's standards just to honor Jem, considering Will found an excuse to see him weekly, but complied to his wishes.
Tessa closed her fingers and began to shut out the world just as there was a knock at the door.
"May I come in and see my beautiful bride?" Will's honey-sweet voice came through the door.
"Isn't there a Shadowhunter tradition against that?" Tessa teased.
"Who knows? There's a rule for absolutely everything. It's such a hassle."
Will slipped past the door and made his way towards Tessa. His black hair gleamed and his usual smirk was replaced with a genuine smile. He crossed the room in a few short strides and found his place next to Tessa. He took her dainty, gloved hands and rubbed circle across them with the pad of his thumb.
"Are you nervous?"
"No, I'm not nervous. Why does everyone keep asking me that? Am I supposed to be nervous?" Tessa snapped.
"Well something's obviously wrong. What's the matter?" He asked gently.
Tessa sighed for the one-hundredth time that hour. "I just don't know if this is the right thing to do." She felt a knot in her throat and looked away from Will before he could notice her glossy eyes.
"Of course it is. Tess, I love you more than anything in this whole universe. I know with all of my heart that this is the right thing to do. But if you don't feel the same as I, I'd understand. Just please tell me before tomorrow."
"Of course I feel the same as you. I don't know why I'm so hesitant. I just have this nagging feeling that something's off." She subconsciously grabbed the golden angel hanging from her throat. "Everyone's probably right. I'm just nervous. Don't worry about it."
"Tess, please look at me." When she didn't, Will placed his hand under her chin and moved her to meet his gaze. She had managed to pull herself together and rid herself of the tears in her eyes, but she still avoided his piercing gaze. "I'm going to stop bothering you about this now. But just promise you'll talk to me if you change your mind in the slightest."
Tessa nodded and brought her brown eyes to meet his blue. "I love you Will. Believe me. I have loved you for so long now, and I want more than anything to marry you tomorrow. But doesn't it feel wrong? Jessie's gone. Nate's gone. Jem's not going to be by your side. Hell, I could to outlive you by hundreds of years. But I guess none of those things will ever go away."
"You're right, all of those things are terrible. But you're also right that we will have to deal with all of those things for the rest of our lives, and all we can do is move on. I wish Jem and Jessamine were here too. By the Angel, I never imagined getting married without James by my side but I accept that I can't, and that's what you need to do too."
The room fell silent for a few moments when Will stopped to think. Tessa watched him with curious eyes. She had never been able to figure out what was going on in his mind and she didn't think she'd ever be able too. Even if they lived together for hundreds of years, his thoughts would always be a mystery.
"I miss him too you know. More than you think. But we need to stop acting like he's dead." Tessa placed her hand on Will's shoulder.
"He might as well be."
"Will. You still see him all the time. I know it's different now, but like you said, we just need to accept that it's different and learn to live with it."
"You don't understand what it's like to loose a parabatai. What it felt like when I felt him die, no words can describe. We were more than brothers, and now the most I can see him is once a month for a few minutes."
Will's beautiful blue eyes shone with water. Tessa hated to see him this way, and she hated to know that she was the only one who could see him this way. He had such a strong shield that he only took down when he was with Tessa and the few moments he could be with Jem.
Will laughed, a sarcastic and short laugh.
"What is it?" Tessa asked.
"It's the eve of our wedding. We should be dancing and celebrating. But here we are having a pity party for ourselves."
"Sometimes pity parties are what is needed. Even the best heroes take time to wallow in their sadness. And you are the best hero of all."
Will scoffed. "Oh, I wish. I've hurt so many, even the one I love most. Tess, I've hurt you countless of times but yet you still stay with me. Why is that?"
"I'm already going to Hell because of you." She said lightheartedly. "I might as well stay with you for the long run."
"Even God is jealous of what I've done to you. If he were to send you to Hell, it would be out of spite." The familiar arrogance and snarkiness that Tessa loved was back in Will's voice.
Tessa scoffed. Her eyes traveled to Will's perfect lips as she bit her own. "Why don't we give him another reason to be jealous?" Before she met Will, Tessa would have never imagined herself acting as she was. She was raised to act how a lady should, but after living with the Shadowhunters she saw how ridiculous that was.
"On the night of our wedding?" Will feigned disapproval. "How scandalous."
He pushed the sleeve of her dress down her shoulder and brushed his lips against her skin. The young warlock felt her pulse begin to race and knew Will noticed it too.
"Oh, my dear, Tessa. What are we ever going to do with you?" Will murmured into her neck.
While he was talking, Tessa took the opportunity to warp her slender legs around Will's hips. The two of them fit perfectly together, no matter what position they were in, like a puzzle made out of the same two pieces.
Tessa tangled her hands in his dark hair and pulled his mouth to meet hers. She parted her lips and engulfed herself in him. The Shadowhunter placed his hands on the small of her back and pressed her closer and closer until there was no space left between their bodies.
The kiss tasted of hunger and desperation, as if one would disappear if they parted. But it also tasted of adoration and love. They couldn't get enough of each other. When Tessa pulled back, Will moved closer.
The shadowhunter moved further onto the bed and tore his jacket off before working on Tessa's blouse.
Will growled. "Curse this. Why does women's clothing have to be so complicated?"
"Oh you poor thing." Tessa laughed. "Let me do it." She reached behind her and began stripping until she was in little more than a corset. From there Will took over and unlaced the corset and yanked off the rest of what remained. Tessa yanked his shirt up and over his head and pulled down his trousers, leaving them both completely exposed.
"You are so beautiful." He whispered into her collarbone, planting small, quick kisses all across her skin.
Tessa took over and kissed him across his razor sharp jaw that she loved so much, down his neck, and to the small white scar on his collarbone.
"I love you so much." Tessa moaned onto him.
"And I, you." Will picked Tessa up by the waist and flipped her so that she was lying underneath him. He smirked a smirk that could beat the devil's. "You are so-"
There was a knock at the door. "Tessa, dear?" The voice behind the door belonged to Charlotte. "I've got a bit of a surprise for you. May I enter?" Her voice was filled with enthusiasm.
"Shit." Will mumbled. He sprang up and quickly grabbed his clothes and ran into the adjoining room.
"Er, one moment please." Tessa called. "I'm not decent at the moment." She could hear Will snicker in the other room.
"Take your time, dear." Tessa could hear Charlotte bouncing on the balls of her feet.
She gestured to Will to come help her lace up her layers of clothes. Once he was done she shooed him away and opened the door for Charlotte. She walked into the room and instructed Tessa to sit down in the love seat in the corner of the room.
"I wanted to get Will in here too but I couldn't find him." Charlotte said.
"You called?" Will strutted in from the other room.
"By the Angel, Will. What have you been doing in here? I've been looking for you all over the place. Oh well, sit down won't you." She turned to face the door and raised her voice a bit. "Okay, come in."
They heard a swish of robes on the floor and in the doorway stood Brother Zacharia.
"James." Will stood and crossed the room, but stopped abruptly. He shook his head and continued to Jem and engulfed him in an embrace.
Neither of them had gotten used to seeing Jem like he was now. He didn't have the mutilated face that marked the rest of the Silent Brothers, but he still seemed so much different. His hair and eyes were no longer the strange shade of silver, but instead a deep shade of black. He looked healthier than Tessa had ever seen him.
Charlotte nodded and escaped from the room to give the trio time alone.
"But how are you here? You're not supposed to see old ties unless it's an emergency." Will asked.
Charlotte summoned me. She said that she had already bent plenty of rules for your wedding, so she might as well break a few more. Congratulations by the way. Jem spoke through their minds. That was something Tessa would never get used to. He looked around the room and smiled. What have you to been up to? Something very improper by the looks of it.
Tessa felt her face grow hot. "Oh, hush up." She laughed but quickly grew sober. "I've missed you so much, Jem. How long can you stay? Can you stay for the wedding?"
I must be on my way tomorrow afternoon, right before the wedding I'm afraid. I will try to stay as long as possible. I hope to see you in your dress. I know you will look beautiful.
"Why thank you, old friend. I do loo rather ravishing in it." Will oozed happiness.
It felt so good to be back with Jem. They had had meetings before, but all of them lasted no more than ten minutes. The three of them sat and talked for the rest of the night before Will announced that he needed his sleep.
"I am getting married tomorrow, you know. I must look as good as possible. Can't have bags under my eyes on my big day. I will see you both later." Jem nodded and headed out of the room, waiting in the doorway for Will. "Goodnight, my love. I'll see you in the Accords Hall." He pecked Tessa on the cheek and glided out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
His smile could light up all of London.