WONDERING

Author's Note: Takes place after 1x02, and also, I just freaking love Chicago Fire, okay. Some spoilers for upcoming episode synopsis.

Synopsis: In Firehouse 51, Dawson wasn't the only one who had a crush.

SOMETIMES Shay wondered if Casey knew. She wondered, when she saw the two of them talking together, if he noticed how Dawson's eyes would light up, and how she had to bite down her lip in order to stop herself from smiling too big. She wondered if he realized the subtle changes in Dawson's voice when she spoke with him, and the hint of disappointment that always managed to come out whenever he brought up his fiancée, Hallie. She sometimes wondered if he was oblivious to Dawson's crush, or just choosing to ignore it.

The night, at the bar, while Shay was drinking her beer, she watched as Casey, Hallie, and Dawson interacted with each other. She saw the way Dawson's eyes quickly glanced at how Casey's hand was lovingly, and protectively, over Hallie's shoulder, and the brief second when you could see in Dawson's face, the moment the air got sucked out of the room. Shay knew that Dawson would have given anything to be Hallie at that moment. She knew this not because Dawson had expressly told her so, but because out of all the things she wondered when she saw Casey and Dawson together, was, most importantly, what it was like to be him.

She knew Dawson was upset, because she knew how much Dawson loved Casey. When she had told her about some of the rumors she heard—about Casey no longer living with Hallie—the excitement and hopefulness in Dawson's voice wanting to know more about their situation was more than evident. Later, when Dawson had found out that Hallie was still attending the barbeque, and everything seemed to be okay between them, Shay had been on the receiving end of Dawson's crushed hope. The way she had said, "Nice Intel. Thanks," had played over, and over again in her mind, as if she, of all people, didn't know what it was like to love someone who would never feel the same way.

The next morning, when Shay had arrived at work, after saying 'hi' to the guys, she immediately made her way to the ambulance and began her morning routine of stocking up on supplies and taking inventory.

"Morning," Came Dawson's familiar voice from behind causing Shay to turn around. Dawson was standing with a tray of coffee in her hand with only two cups left.

"Morning," She responded as she took the cup Dawson gave her. "Thanks."

"I thought you might need it considering I saw Corin at the bar last night," Dawson said as she climbed into the back of the truck.

Shay took a sip of coffee, and welcomed the warmth as it hit her throat. "I dropped Corin off at her place after we left the bar," She said as she nestled the cup in her hands.

"Oh," Dawson said genuinely surprised. She looked at her partner's face and noticed there was something else there. "What is it? She seems like a nice girl."

"She is. She's very nice, and sweet, it's just…"

"You're not in love with her."

Shay had to admit to herself that Dawson had been half right with that claim. The last time she had truly been in love was almost over four years ago, but that had ended badly. It wasn't that she was not open to opening herself up again it was just that being with Corin had made her realize that her heart had now belonged to another.

Dawson gently touched Shay's arm, and for a second, Shay's heart skipped a beat. "Your secret is safe with me."

Shay gulped. "Oh, and what secret would that be?"

As Dawson let go of Shay's arm and leaned back, she said, "That you've turned into Severide. Who knew you were such a player?"

Shay gaped at Dawson, and then grabbed a roll of gauze and threw it at her. They were both laughing as Dawson fumbled to catch the gauze before it hit her face.

When they were both done laughing, they stared at each other for a long time, and Shay had found herself biting her lip to stop herself from smiling too big. She was about to say something, when she noticed Dawson's attention turn toward Casey, who had just entered the firehouse.

"I'll be right back," Dawson said as she got up.

"Okay," Shay said, trying to hide the disappointment. "I'll be…" She watched as Dawson quickly jumped out of the ambulance, and made her way over to Casey. "…Here."

From the back of the ambulance, she watched as Dawson stopped Casey, putting her hand on his arm. She couldn't hear what they were talking about, but she heard them both laugh, and she could see the smile on Dawson's face. Just for a minute, as she was watching all of this, she felt as though the air had been sucked out of the ambulance.

Shay sighed heavily and turned her attention back to the inventory report. She didn't even notice that Dawson had come back, and was pulling herself back into the back of the truck. When she finally looked up, she noticed that Dawson no longer looked happy.

"Everything all right?" Shay asked. It's what close friends and partners would do.

Dawson sighed before saying, "He's marrying Hallie. I don't know why I even thought I stood a chance."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Me too." After a moment of silence, she said, "God. This has to be the worst feeling. To love someone and have them not love you back."

"Tell me about it," Shay said.

Dawson got up again, this time heading toward the front of the truck. "At least you don't have to deal with this kind of thing. You're lucky."

Shay only half smiled, and underneath her breath, she mumbled, "Yeah. Real lucky."

Once Dawson was at the front of the truck, Shay turned her attention toward Dawson, who was picking up things on the ground. She wondered if Dawson noticed the way her eyes lit up every time she saw her, or how her voice changed when they would plan girls' night out. She wondered if Dawson ever caught her biting her lip in order to stop herself from smiling too big, and noticed the way her eyes would roll when she talked about Casey. She sometimes wondered if Dawson knew she had a crush on her, or was just choosing to ignore it.