My Note

by andewscott

What would happen if the trials killed Sammy under any circumstances? This is Dean's extremely depressive suicide note which lies between the bodies of himself and his baby brother.

That night was the night when it all hit me.
Each and every second of my life as a hunter so far.
I thought knew I was doing the right thing, and I was sure about how I would feel about killing a monster or a demon when I went to bed.

Apparently, I didn't.

That night, I knew I was killing people who were once humans, they surely did not want to be this way.
I knew I dragged Sammy into an endless loop of killing things.
I knew that the people around me always got hurt as I walked down this road.
I knew I should have just stopped.
I knew I should have walked out to a different road.
I knew that I shouldn't let him do it.

But I did it. I let him.

Now I look at Sammy, I look at him sleeping. Or that's what I want to believe.
I know that I can't lie to myself anymore.
I know that I failed him.
I know his heart is not beating anymore.
I know that I shouldn't have let him do it.
And I know for sure that I don't deserve to be the one alive.

So whoever it is who found both of us dead, we did this to yourselves. I did this to us.

I'm leaving this behind, my note, hoping that someone will someday understand what it all means.