"Cas, just shut up; we gotta find Sammy." Dean kept his eyes on the road and one hand on the steering wheel. "This is dangerous, Dean." Castiel sat in the passenger seat next to Dean. "Everything I do is 'dangerous.' " he grumbled. "This is worse." The angel kept his eyes on Dean. "They have Sam, Cas…. We just need to get Sammy…" He was drowsy. The sun was going down quickly. "Dean, I know. Not even I know what we're going against. We just have to be careful." "Well obviously. I'm always careful." The hunter pushed down on the gas peddle more and Cas jumped at the increase in speed. "Yes… Fine… We'll get Sam." Dean didn't reply, instead he floored the accelerator, making the '67 Impala whine with the forced speed.
Cas could feel Dean's frustration ride through the car. He set his eyes on the road, away from Dean. He also wasnt sure if he should speak or not
"Look, I'm sorry Cas." Dean finally said. "I..I'm worried, okay?"
"Yes… I understand" he kept his eyes on the road "you care about him"
"Don't you?" Dean snapped; but instantly regretted it. "Shit, I'm sorry, Cas. I didn't mean it."
"Yes, I care about him. But I care about you to" he glance over momentarily then back to the road
"I know, Cas." Cas bit his lips together and nodded."And Cas," Dean continued "I dont /care/ what we're up against, because you should know - I'll rip out all the souls I need to and gank all of the sons of bitches it takes until I get Sammy back. Are you with me?"
"Yes, Dean" he looked over "I am 'with you' "
"Good, because we'll be merciless together."
Miles and miles they rode, finally stopping for gas in a small town in Illinios. Cas looked around absentmindedly "why are we stopping?"
"Need to fill up." said Dean, closing the door as he got out. "And grab some grub. Want anything?" he added.
"No" he shook his head.
Soon enough they were back on the road. "Are you okay, Cas?"
"Yes" he looked over "yes I'm fine, Dean. Do not worry about me"
Dean looked as Cas fully, for the first time since they hit the road. He looked tired, but was trying to hide it. "I do, you know." he said finally.
"You don't have to. I'm here for you, not the other way around"
Dean pulled the car to an abrupt stop. "No, Cas! That's not fair."
"We are going to get in a car crash"
Dean ignored the comment, they were on an empty road anyway. "Cas. You've done enough."
"No I haven't"
"Why?" Dean yelled.
"I have to keep you alive"
"Well Cas, keeping you alive is part of my responsibility too."
"It's easier for you to die than it is for me to"
"Not true." Dean argued, like a child.
"Yes, very true." He noticed that Cas was smiling. Cas was entertaining his childhood arguments. Dean shook his head and focused his eyes back to the road as he drove further. He couldn't help the barley noticeable smile, Dean was funny when he acted such way. His eyes glance over the man several times before looking to the road again.
"So let's talk game plan" Dean finally said
"Right" he nodded once "what exactly do you think it is though?"
"I've just been driving East, cuz lets face it Cas, there is only east."
"When do you know to stop?"
"I dont." for the first time, Cas heard fear in Dean's voice. He looked to the floor of the car, out the window, then to Dean. Castiel didn't know what to say after hearing the tone of his voice. He had his mouth open, ready to speak, but he couldn't. There was silence for a few more miles.
He felt the slightest bit embarrassed, sittin there with his mouth hanging slightly open. "I am sorry"
"For?"
"How you feel. I am sorry you feel that way…. All upset… And… Yeah" he looked to the road again
"It's all right. I-I'm sorry I dragged you along"
"It's fine. I want to be- i mean- come with you." Dean looked back at the road and drove further. His face was the slightest bit pink, with his words coming out wrong and even words not coming out and all. But he tried to ignore it as he faces the windshield and watched the fading yellow stripes on the ground pass by as they drive.
"Do you want to stop?" Dean finally asked
"If you want to" Dean was debating it: sleep vs. finding Sammy. Cas watched Dean as he thought and drove. They finally pulled over at a small motel. He looked to Dean then the motel, finally stepping out of the car then shutting the door nicely.
Dean ordered them a room and then took a whiskey bottle out of the mini-bar. He poured a glass and took a sip. "I need help, Cas"
"With what exactly?"
Dean banged the glass down. "Everything, Cas! I dont know where to look, Hell, I dont even know what I'm looking for!"
"Just calm down" he looked him in the eyes "I don't know either… But we can figure it out." Dean said nothing but drank some more.
"I am sorry that I am lack of use to you at the moment"
"You've done more than enough. And don't you dare argue" he added quickly
"I obviously haven't if you need assistance"
"Dammit Cas." he took another sip. "Lately it's like… I dont even need help. I just need…the company"
"I can give you that"
"Thank you" Dean finished his drink.
"You are welcome" he nodded once and let his eyes rest on the hunter. They sat in silence some more. Cas let out a casual sigh and relaxed a little, still keeping his eyes on Dean.
Dean looked up at Cas, as if he just realized he was there. "S-Should we go to bed?"
"If you are tired"
Dean got on to his single bed, knowing that Cas was watching him. Castiel only sat in a chair since he didnt need to sleep. Dean couldn't sleep with Cas watching him, but he didn't know how to say so to Castiel. He saw that Dean couldn't sleep "Dean? Are you ok?"
"Just…restless"
"Any thing I can do to assist you?"
Dean shut his eyes. "Yeah, I wish." he thought.
He heard nothing so he tried again, but in more of a whisper "Dean?"
"You're fine, Cas." Dean said
"Are you sure?"
"How would you help?" dean finally asked
"I don't know…" He shrugged slightly "comfort you somehow?"
"How?" Dean asked again
"If you need to talk, or I could get in bed with you, or something, I don't know" he racked his brain to find a way to make Dean feel better
Dean's face went blank. Did he just hear what he thought he heard? "Come again?"
"I uh…" Cas was comfused not understanding the reference. "I asked you of you wanted to talk or for me to get in bed with you" he says. Tilting his head sideways.
"I mean…" There is no way Dean was going to refuse this opportunity "If..that's what you want." he shifted over.
Cas smiled a little. He walked over to deans bed hoping this would make his friend feel better. There was something else that compelled him to do this but he couldn't figure out what it was. He took off his trench coat and lied down next to dean awkwardly on his bed. More silence. Dean debated pouring himself another drink. Cas could feel the awkwardness of this situation. Trying to fix it he slowly lifted his arm and placed it on top/ almost around Dean. As much as Dean would never admit it, he was comforted. No one had held him this securely before. He nestled his head into Cas' shoulder blade. Cas turned a light shade of pink as dean did this. He tugged Dean if possible even closer to himself. Dean let out a sigh, warm breath grazing over Cas' chest.
"Dean?" He said suddenly ruining the perfect silence. "May I ask you a question?" He asked.
"Yeah, Cas?" he said looking up at the angel
"Have you ever devolved feelings" he paused knowing this question would ruin what ever was happening right now. "For a man?" He asked looking up at the fan.
Dean was really careful as to reply. "I dont know," he finally said. "But you should know Cas," he added quickly "It's not at all unnatural"
Cas was silent after that not knowing if he was daring enough to ask this next question. "What do you think of me?" He asked suddenly.
He looked at Cas suddenly. "Where is this coming from?" Dean took time to think about his answer again, finally he decided it was time for the truth. He kissed Cas' neck softly before Cas had time to reply. Cas suddenly smiled, not his usual small smile but a large grin. He leaned over letting his own lips find deans. Together they spend the night in an embrace. Dean was scared for what may happen once they found Sammy, but in the mean time he had a little moment of comfort to soothe him.