He couldn't tell when the feelings set in. He just knew they wouldn't go away. Countless nights were spent tossing and turning in bed,desperate to shove the images to the back of his mind. The whiskey smooth voice played over and over again,torturing him in so many ways. Frustration was building up with each passing day with no way to satiate the raging needs. He didn't know how to get rid of or drown out the desires.

Mac tried shoving them aside with paperwork and wrapping his mind around cases and evidence. But it seemed that even those could not fend the urges off. And it didn't help matters when his body couldn't figure out how to manifest the growing rage that he couldn't name. It often escaped as anger when he was with a suspect. Or,it came as annoyance when the conference room got to loud.

Sometimes it resulted in digging his heels in a little to much on a decision he was hellbent on keeping;which was starting to get him into trouble. It would turn into rage when he found Danny and Stella arguing over something rather stupid as he would yell at them and call them immature. Mac's mind swirled in so many directions that he couldn't keep track.

Whatever was eating away at him was hard to control,and he would visibly tense at the slightest change in his environment.

When he was told to fly down to Miami to help with a case,Danny watched Mac's grip on his phone tighten considerably before he hung up and threw it out the open door of the office.

The sudden act of uncontrolled rage alerted everyone who was in the path of the phone. But poor Don was the one to get hit with the phone. The device landed in his hand as he rubbed the side of his head.

''Are you okay?''Danny asked cautiously.

''I'm fine.'' Though the stomping out of his office and the snatching his phone from Don's hand said otherwise.

No one knew what was wrong with him. Stella thought it might have been the constant five hours of sleep or less catching up on him. Danny thought it was just the stress of work. Don and the rest of Mac's colleagues didn't know what to think.

...

The plane trip was a few hours long,so he slept through it,finding that sleep had calmed the burning needs inside ever so slightly. But it wasn't enough. His body tensed as it jerked awake when the plane landed. Making it to the terminal with his luggage,Mac was greeted by Frank and Natalia;a huge relief,but at the same time,there was a feeling of emptiness born.

''Where is Horatio?''

Frank and Natalia looked at each-other,weighing their words heavily.

''He's at the lab hiding in his office. He won't let any of us in,''Frank stated.

Mac tilted his head in confusion.

''We don't plan on bothering him. He's...suffering a mental breakdown...''Natalia all but whispered.

They made their way to the car silently,and the New York detective finally asked.

''What happened?''

''...Divorce...it wasn't pretty...''

Tangling his fingers in his hair,Horatio pulled stubbornly at the memories in his head that he'd made with Julia. He'd been loyal to her. He'd earned his keep. He never hit her,never brought harm to her,and had always tried help her whenever she needed it. He loved her. He'd done nothing wrong.

It was when he walked into his bedroom and found her asleep with someone else that he realized all his love and loyalty had never meant anything to her. He didn't even wake them right away. He just staggered out of the room,eyes wide with pain and shock and a heart beating faster than normal.

He remembered feeling the tears sliding down his face,and he remembered being surprised that he could cry. He had actually stopped to look at the tears he'd wiped onto his hand... and then he'd woken them the only way he knew how.

Sighing to himself,Horatio made his way into the house,the keys from the hummer barely jingling in his hands.

He eased the door open,dumped the keys on the table and hung his blazer on the back of a chair.

Gently rubbing the back of his neck to relieve it of several kinks,he relaxed and exhaled softly. That was when he noticed the house was dead quiet. Wandering upstairs,he expected to see Julia either sitting up reading or asleep.

Quietly opening the door,his heart stopped in his chest. She was asleep,but someone else was had their arms wrapped around her. There was a strange smile on her face as she lay cuddled up this other man's arms and clothes were strewn about the room.

He wanted to yell to wake them. Wanted to scream his throat raw at the sight. He opened his mouth,and nothing came out. His voice was caught. Staggering downstairs to the dining room,Horatio covered his mouth with his hand like he was getting sick. His stomach churned and he dropped to his knees. When he lurched,stomach acid burned his throat.

All that hard work thrown away in a single night. He felt tears sliding down his face. He paused when he saw one drip onto the floor.

He wiped a few tears away onto a hand and stared.

''I'm...crying...?''

He shook his head to clear it of shock and pulled himself to his feet. He needed to get them out of his house. His sidearm was still at his side,and he was quick to remove it and put two bullets in the floor. The hurt and sorrow was gone from his face when he heard rustling upstairs.

He heard voices of panic.

''I didn't think he'd be home this early!''

''That doesn't help anything! Do you think he saw us?''

''What else?! He doesn't normally waste bullets in that hardwood floor that he spent weeks trying to perfect when he bought this place.''

They were quick to make it downstairs.

Julia hadn't even bothered to dress. She'd just pulled her robe on. Her partner had dressed himself completely. Horatio didn't even look at them as he gathered suitcases from the closet and kicked them towards his wife's feet.

''Tell me,dear,what are these?''

''Suitcases,''Julia bluntly stated.

''More precisely,they are empty suitcases. Pack them and leave.''

''I'm...sorry,but...run that by me again?''

He turned swiftly,his eyes were empty.

''You stay at home and refuse to get a job,while I put my life on the line every day. But at least I know you're safe. You have it easy. You never know if I'll come home. I've spent several nights in a row at the department working. How many people have you brought home while I've been gone?''

Julia refused to answer,and she was grateful for a distraction when she heard sirens near the house. The door was opened by Frank of all people,and as everyone was being confronted,Frank pulled Horatio into the kitchen away from everyone else.

''Horatio,are you okay?''

The redhead was silent,his gun still clasped in his fingers.

''Horatio?'' Frank shook his shoulders ever so gently,but there was no reaction. Eric appeared in the kitchen.

''Is he alright?''he asked softly.

''He's shutting down.'' The world dimmed as he fell into sweet unconsciousness.

That had been two and a half weeks ago. Horatio had taken a week off of work,and when he came back,he slammed the door to his office and locked it.

He'd literally been living in his office for days,not even reporting to crime scenes.

Horatio was suddenly aware that someone was knocking on his office door and picking the lock,but before he could get to it to prevent it from being opened,it was shoved open.

Please review!

Chapter 2 eventually. ;)