Title: Periphery

Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made.

Rating: K

Character/s: Hotch/Morgan - pre-slash

Summary: Drabble 1: Hotch wants that which he doesn't dare take.

Prompt: Hotch/Morgan, pride, "I will not bend, no matter how much I want to break."

Of all things, Aaron Hotchner never pictured temptation as the thing to be his undoing. One chaste, dry kiss in the moments following a near lethal confrontation and suddenly Derek Morgan was all he could think about. The way those lips had felt, even for a second, against his. The musky smell of the man, the eyes with dilated pupils staring at him filled with shock at his own actions, as though he had been more surprised by the fact that he had kissed his boss than Hotch was. It was starting to become a problem.

Nothing had been said since. He had of course noticed Derek watching him, as he was sure he had been noticed watching him back, and he knew what Derek was doing. He was waiting.

Waiting for Hotch to, one way or another, make the decision about what would happen now. Was it because Derek already knew what he wanted? Or because he didn't. Was he waiting for Hotch so he could move past all this, or was he waiting for Hotch to keep him from having to decide at all. What was he thinking? What was he feeling? He felt as though he could drown in the uncertainty because, truth be told, he didn't know what to do either.

They where sat on the plane, returning from a case with everyone around them asleep and Derek listening to music through his headphones. Hotch, having formulated a plan, nudged his knee to get his attention, waited for Derek to remove the headphones and asked, "You want to grab a drink when we land?"

"Sure." Derek replied, a hint of cautious speculation coloring his tone.

Taking the leap, Hotch swallowed the lump in his throat and asked, "Where do you want to go?"

He was giving the man an opening. He would be concerned that his actions where slightly manipulative where he talking to anyone else. But Derek was a brilliant profiler and Hotch knew that, amongst professionals, his little tricks weren't manipulative, but actually painfully transparent.

Hotch saw the light of understanding glisten in Derek's eyes and knew he would receive one of three possible answers.

One, Derek would let Hotch know that he wanted something to happen between them and suggest either Hotch's apartment or his own. A personal setting with just the two of them.

Two, he would answer that he didn't want their relationship to progress beyond friendship by suggesting the go to the local bar they always visited with the team for downtime amongst friends.

Of course the final and less desirable answer was not only the one he was most expecting, but was also the one he got.

"Where ever you want." Derek answered in a smooth voice.

'Damn him.' Hotch thought. Well, at least he had his answer now, Morgan was waiting, and would continue to wait, for Hotch to make the next move.

If only Hotch felt he had it in him to do that because good god did he want it.

He could fool himself into thinking that his hesitation was entirely down to the obvious problems associated with a relationship between a unit chief and his subordinate or down to concern about compromising the integrity of the team. It would be really easy to make himself believe they where the motivations behind his reluctance because they were, in a big way, very important factors.

However, Hotch was not a fan of self-disillusionment and so admitted to himself, he was just too proud. Not only was he inexperienced with same sex relationships and therefore extremely nervous about it, but he couldn't get over the childish notion that, well, Derek had started it.

Trying not to chuckle at his own petulance, Hotch decided that it kind of was rather unfair of Derek to make a move on him, confuse him like this, and then just walk away and expect Hotch to be able to figure out what to do.

Even knowing that Derek sensing his confusion was exactly the reason he had backed off didn't help. Because his feelings were making him flounder. They were making him nervous and self conscious and Hotch did NOT like it. It made him defensive and when he was defensive, he became stubborn.

He just knew he'd make a jack ass out of himself if he tried to do anything and refused to put himself in a position to be humiliated, he'd had enough of that as a child.

With a sudden awareness of his surroundings, Hotch realized Derek was staring at him. He was waiting for Hotch to choose where they would go for drinks. Choose where their relationship would be going. 'Oh god, I don't know how to do this.' Hotch thought, beginning to panic.

"If you're offering, I could use a few cold ones. Meet at the usual place?" Hotch had never been more grateful in his life to hear Rossi's voice, obviously not asleep as Hotch had thought. He had also never been more grateful for the agents penchant for inviting himself along places without asking.

"Sure, sounds great!" Hotch answered with relief, surprised to hear Derek respond simultaneously with a confirmation of his own, oddly enough sounding even more relieved that Hotch.

As Rossi settled back into his seat with the smile of a promised night of drinking, Hotch considered what possible future his and Derek's relationship could have. Both of them were seemingly too proud and too damn unsure to do anything about it. What hope did they have? Where they just to spend the rest of their lives skirting along the periphery of something more but neither mustering the courage and humility to reach out to it.

Hotch just knew that if he could put everything aside, all the fears, all the uncertainty and take a chance, that they could be something great. They could be so much both to and for each other, he didn't doubt that. The one thing he did doubt however was his ability to strive for it. There was so much weighing his mind and his emotions down that he didn't think he could ever even dream of simply pushing it aside. And he was sure that the temptation to do just that, held back by his inability to act on it, would indeed be his undoing.

End.