WARNING: Strong language, drug use, self mutilation.
Summary: A certain black haired student with glasses struggles with his hidden love for his best friend. Not knowing where else to turn to, he slowly breaks down.
If you don't like something, you ignore it. If it scares you, you ignore it. If it sounds ridiculous to your ears, you ignore it. If you simply can't accept its existence, you
refuse to believe it exists.
The monster under your bed.
The man in a red suit that gives you presents.
The scary beast under your stairs.
The fairy that buys your teeth.
The dark shadow following you at night.
The furry creature hiding patterned eggs around your backyard.
The ghost causing your floors to creak while you're asleep...
The fact that your best friend is slowly killing himself.
No one expected him to break. He was the most sensible, mature member of them all. No one saw his pain. His mask. Although he struggled, he was in full control of his body. No matter what happened, his act couldn't slip completely at once. So each day, he fought to maintain his cool, serious facade. Finding it harder and harder to keep up. The pain blocked by a hazy wall of drugs.
Kyoya Ootori sat at a small table in the corner of the host club, staring blankly at the screen of his laptop. Sitting in this corner, he was more unnoticeable than usual so he didn't have to try as hard to act normal. Not that he could succeed in acting normal in his current state.
'Damn I shouldn't have taken so many of those pills at once.'
The drugged up manager was surprised that the blonde idiot known as his best friend even believed these pills were Panadol. Well, I guess I managed to create a good enough lie. Ha ha. That pun was pretty funny. Pretty punny. Suddenly he burst out laughing at his own stupid joke.
"I'm so hilaariouss!" He whispered to himself, acting as dumb as any teenager on drugs would.
But soon after his smile dropped.
'Am I really that good at lying?' He thought, his mind suddenly filling with waves of self-hate. 'All I do is lie to them. Each and every day. Every. Fucking. Day. But isn't it their fault for not noticing? Yeah, that's right. It's THEIR fault.' His thoughts were interrupted by the other voice in his head.
'No no no, don't be a selfish prick, it's not their fault dumbass. It's yours. You started this shit by yourself, no one told you to smoke up every morning. No one ordered to stick a needle in your arm every night. Or to take pills in the middle of the fucking day. But you do, because you're a selfish asshole.' The voices were arguing with each other, again.
But in Kyoya's case, they weren't voices anymore. In front of his two eyes he saw someone. Not just someone, someone that looked exactly like himself. No, he didn't look like him.
He was him.
The feared shadow king was hallucinating another image of himself. One with no glasses, dishevelled hair and black clothing. A torn tank top, and tight black skinny jeans. He looked like a typical badass. And he was talking to him. Now of course Kyoya wasn't that stupid as to have a conversation with himself in a room filled with people, and frien- classmates. So he stood shakily, pushed his glasses up with one finger, and walked (with much difficulty) towards the door.
"Kyoya! Where're you headed, mon ami?" Tamaki Suoh asked innocently as he hopped up and walked beside his best friend.
'Shit.' Kyoya looked back at his hallucination who was currently standing behind the blonde. He was smirking evilly.
"So this is your beloved crush, eh? I can certainly see why you like him." The other Kyoya said quietly looking at Tamaki's ass.
"Eh, what was that Kyoya?" Tamaki asked confused.
The raven covered his mouth and looked behind his friend again, only to find that the badass 'him' wasn't there anymore. His eyes widened in shock, as paranoia took over.
'I-I'm going crazy... Why didn't I take the dealer seriously? He said this shit caused hallucinations. What was it called? Emtamy? Eftigy? E... It starts with E... Ecstasy. Oh god, I learnt about this in junior freaking high, why didn't I remember the side effects? Shit shit shit... I took too much, I probably overdosed. No no no, I'm gonna die. NO!'
"Ne, Kyooya! Talk to me!" Tamaki waved his hand in front of his friends face, looking into his eyes. And then he noticed. His eyes, they were different. His pupils were dilated. His eyes looked dead. And his face, there was sweat slowly falling from under his hair. His teeth were clenching repeatedly.
'I thought he took some panadol to make himself feel better this morning? I must admit, it didn't really look like panadol, I mean it was freaking purple for god's sake. No, ignore that thought. Kyoya wouldn't take anything like that. He's probably just coming down with a fever. '
The spectacled male felt a shudder running through his body before he attempted a reply. He was hungry. And thirsty. And tired. And scared. Dizzy. He had to get away from here, from him.
"Where I goo is nunnaya b-businessss Tamaagi." He managed a full sentence, but failing to hide the drug-induced slur in his voice. He stumbled out of the doors, nearly tripping over his own feet.
"Kyoya, are you okay?" The blonde continued.
'God damn it, he's still following me?' "Fine as ever Tamaki, why do you ask?" He asked, his vision blurring in front of him.
"Don't lie to me Kyoya, you're acting weird." Still worried.
"I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about." He lied, feeling a wave of nausea pass through him.
"Why do you keep lying to me?! I'm your best friend!" Yelled.
Wiping away the sweat, Kyoya replied "It is rather hot today, don't you think?"
"It's storming, for god's sake! Stop being so selfish! LISTEN TO ME!" Losing it.
"Oh look at that, it's raining." The raven stated in a small voice.
"ARGH! I HATE YOU! All you care about is yourself!" Crying.
"Is that what you really think? Good." A large roll of thunder was heard.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN GOOD?! DO YOU WANT ME TO HATE YOU?! YOU ARROGANT ASSHOLE!"
Yes. Yes I do. Because I deserve it. "Now now, Tamaki. You know me, I wouldn't lift a finger to show care for anyone in the world." Except you.
"I knew it. You never think about anyone else except yourself. I can't believe I even tried to become friends with you."
"I don't know why you tried." Thank you so much for helping me.
"People like you... Shouldn't exist. They should just di-" BOOM. Thunder.
He couldn't take it, Kyoya booked it. He ran, and ran away. No footsteps behind him.
He ran outside, and waited under a tree near the gates. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes, he lit one as fast as he could and desperately shoved it between his lips. Breathe in. Immediately, he felt calm. The smokes were laced with marijuana, his own doing, and they brought him down from his paranoid high and into a relaxed one.
And at that moment, his "clone" reappeared. A bitter chuckle left the Kyoya in the uniform.
"I'm crazy anywaay, I might as well have fun with it I guess. What should I call you? Kyo? Ootori... Tori? Yeah, I like that. You're Tori." He decided, not even trying to refrain from slurring now.
Tori laughed and raised an eyebrow "Tori? That's a freakin' girls name, and thanks for hearing my say in the matter, cuckoo." He replied sarcastically, making a crazy sign with his finger at the end.
"Haha, you look more feminine than me anyway, what is that, eyeliner? Psht, pulease. You look like a gay faggot." Kyoya shot back, giggling like a child.
Not looking as amused as the source of his existence, Tori smirked bitterly "Me? If anything, you're the faggot. You gay sissy. Falling in love with your best friend? Pathetic."
After a short silence, Kyoya walked away from the tree, closer to his hallucination. Staring into his eyes while thinking of a comeback he grunted "Shit, I can't think of anything to say... Tsk. Ooh, I know! Fuck you." He said immaturely, giving Tori the finger and sticking his tongue out. Very childish. But what can you do when your higher than Mount Everest?
A slow, very slow, applaud was heard coming from Tori. "That was the best comeback I have ever heard. Honestly, you're the best." Sarcasm, sarcasm.
Kyoya burst into song "I WANNA BE THE VERY BEST LIKE NO ONE EVER WAAS! TO CATCH THEM IS MAH REAL TEST! TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAU-"
"KYOYA!" Wait, that wasn't Tori's voice.
Tori smirked and waved just as he side stepped, revealing the man the shadow king was in love with, wide eyed and teary. With a small yelp, Tamaki pulled the drug out of his best friend's hand and apologized. Yelled, screamed, cried, sobbed. But the raven just stood there, hand covering his mouth, staring blankly at nothing, according to Tamaki. But no, he was staring at Tori.
"What are you staring at me for? Talk to him, you idiot!" Tori spat.
"Tori... Help me. Please, he found out, I don't know what to do!" The uniformed student yelled .
"You really are an idiot. A stupid, drug addicted, kid. Relying on your own imagination for help, what the fuck am I supposed to do?" Tori growled, snatching the cigarette from Tamaki's hand. "This ought to straighten you out a bit." He said, pressing it harshly against the skin of Kyoya's already scarred wrist.
"KYOYA, STOP IT! PLEASE! I'M SORRY" Tamaki screamed. What?
Tori disappeared again. Salty tears ran from a certain blonde's eyes. Kyoya looked through his glasses at his hands, one holding a cigarette to his own arm. The other clenched, the burning object burning the scars of it's wrist. And then pain. So. Much. Pain.
'I'm crazy.' The fire stick burnt open the cuts on his wrist. 'I'm crazy.' Blood. 'I'm fucking crazy.' Laughter. 'It hurts.' Hysterical laughter. 'Haha, but I deserve it.' Screamed laughter. "I deserve it." Sobs and chuckles, yells and laughs, screams and cries, tears.
Dizzy...
Sway, sway, stumble.
Falling...
Faaalling...
Into warmth. Arms.
Darkness.
Next chapter: Help him (Tamaki's POV)