A/N: More emoness this oneshot. Gets kinda happy near the end, though. This one is after the movie, if Ed and Al eventually returned…and brought someone supposedly dead along for the ride by mistake. Just so you know the setting.

I've always thought Ed and Envy needed to have an argument like this, so they knew exactly why they were trying to kill each other. The German thing is because, well, I don't want Roy, Winry or Riza…anyone except Al listening in. They don't speak German in Amestris XD.

Homunculus?

"Won't you just DIE already?"

"You're one to talk."

Ed and Envy were locked in yet another battle. Ed didn't know it, but both of them were conversing in German, leaving only Al knowing exactly what they were saying.

"Fine, you're not dead, but WHY do you insist on following me around?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

A chill went up Ed's spine at those words. The homunculus knocked him to the ground and put a foot on his back. Leaning close to his ear, Envy said, "You and your brother have the closest bond I've ever seen. Because you're brothers."

"And?"

"And? Even after you knew I was your brother – "

"The resurrection of my half-brother!"

Envy dug his heel deeper into the small of Ed's back. "Your brother nonetheless. And still you hate me, and still you try to kill me. So I return the favor, and it's the payback game again."

"As I recall, you've been the one trying to kill me." Ed managed to trip Envy, and they were locked in battle again.

"You've had a mother, a family, a life of your own! You have everything I've ever wanted, and you treat me as the bad guy?"

"It's your problem, palm tree! Every time you see me, you see Hohenheim, that's it, isn't it! You think he only abandoned you, that you're the only one allowed to be emo and psycho, when he left me, too!"

"At least your mother cared!"

"Because I'm a human being, not some soulless imitation."

Ed regretted what he'd said immediately, especially once Envy stopped dead in his tracks. The battle-crazed face softened, and he closed his eyes.

"That's right. It's okay for you to hate me, because I'm not human. I'm no better than a robot, am I?" The purple eyes snapped back open, turning red in blazing anger.

"No-" but before Ed could get more than that out, Envy kicked him across the field.

"I'll kill you for good this time, Ed! You – BASTARD!"

With that, gone insane with anger, Envy clapped his hands together and hit the ground. A pillar of stone spiked up from the ground where Ed lay, his back making an ominous cracking sound.

"Wait…ENVY, STOP! WAIT!"

Envy was too far gone, but Al got the message. "C'mon, Roy, Ed needs help!"

"So I see."

Envy turned, but was too late when Al kicked him in the head, and with some handy alchemy, had him pinned to the ground with stone bars.

Ed, thankfully with just a sore back, stood above him. "Envy. You just did alchemy…"

Envy's eyes cleared. "Wh-what?"

Ed smiled at his once-enemy. "Envy, who told you you were a homunculus?"

Envy snorted. "Dante, but humans can't eat Red Stones!"

"Normal humans, no. Humans with mercury flowing in their veins? Yes."

"I'm still confused."

Roy finally snapped. "You two! English please!"

Ed nodded, and switched to the language he had grown up speaking. "You told me you died of mercury poisoning. However, once when we were fighting, I ended up with some of your blood on my jacket. I noticed that one, there was mercury in your blood – the metallic smell more emphasized, and wouldn't cling to my skin, only the cloth of my jacket.

"Eating mercury would probably cause permanent amnesia, and I'm not sure from this point, but I think that mercury and Red Stone probably creates a chemical fusion that gives you extremely fast healing."

"Then how can I shape-shift?"

Ed's features blurred, like paint dripping down a wet canvas. Everything went grey…

…and Envy opened his eyes, full of tears he rarely shed. The dream was over. He was a homunculus for sure…he'd tested his blood. No mercury. Nothing.

The same dream for two weeks – ever since he'd been dragged through the Gate back to Amestris. In truth, he hadn't even revealed to Ed he was back, let alone fought him again or challenged him.

He was sick of this. For half a century he'd been seeking revenge…and now he didn't even have the courage to do that.

Digging in the drawer of the house he was sleeping in – the owners off on holiday – he found a large knife. He was out of Red Stones.

Envy drew the knife across his throat, and finally, William von Hohenheim died.

The owners of the house came back from their honeymoon, and stopped dead at Envy's corpse.

"Wh-what…" stammered Rose.

Ed could only stare at the body of the man he'd sworn to kill himself.

A/N: aw poor Envy-kun…

Just so you know, I cried reading this myself. The mercury explanation is good except for the shapeshifting. I needed that one incongruity to make it just a dream.

I like EdxRose when it comes to het. Deal with it.