I'll Carry You Home
This is an Aurikku (AuronxRikku) one chapter songfic. I hope they are allowed still, been a while since I posted one. It's a little different to other songfics I've done, in the fact that the song lyrics will come at the top but the story that was inspired by them will follow underneath - it's slightly long. I hope you enjoy it and aren't put off if you don't enjoy the song personally. :)
I'm unsure how to edit this so that the fonts are smaller or something - so I'm sorry the song lyrics are so large. The song is "Sweet and Low" by Augustana - I really feel the lyrics suit the couple Aurikku.
:)
Anywhere you go, anyone you meet
Remember that your eyes can be your enemies
I said hell is so close, and heavens out of reach,
But I ain't giving up quite yet, I've got too much to lose,
Hold me down, sweet and low little girl
Hold me down, sweet and low and I will carry you home,
Hold me down, sweet and low little girl
Hold me down, and i'll carry you home
The rain is gonna fall, the sun is gonna shine
The wind is gonna blow, the waters gonna rise
She said, when that day comes look into my eyes
But no ones giving up quite yet, we've got too much to lose,
Hold me down, sweet and low little girl
Hold me down, sweet and low and I will carry you home,
Hold me down, sweet and low little girl, Hold me down
And i'll carry you all the way When you say you're fine
But you're still young and out of line,
When all I need's to turn around To make it last, to make it count,
I ain't gonna make the same mistakes
That put my mama in her grave
I don't wanna be alone
Hold me down, sweet and low little girl
Hold me down, sweet and low and I will carry you home,
Hold me down, sweet and low little girl, Hold me down...
Sweet and Low - Augustana
Auron was tired and worn, desperate for sleep, but as he had been unable to close his eyelids for longer than a moment, he had replaced Kimahri as the camp's guard. He stepped toward the edge of the mountaintop, and surveyed the distance. It was so beautiful. The dark sky was still broken by orange colours that were left by the setting sun. The orange didn't help to ease his...thoughts. He couldn't define what those thoughts were...nerves? Worries? Sadness?
He shook his head at the sky, and a star shimmered slightly at him. "You just can't let me sleep, can you?" He laughed bitterly, a wry smile crossing his wrinkled face. Turning back and facing the camp, he saw those familiar little boots sticking out of one of the tents. "You really can't." He muttered, this time with much more sorrow in his voice.
Facing the sky again, turning his back on his troubles, he wondered exactly how it was that he came to this point - what it was that had been bothering him ever since the Moonflow.
He chuckled, and decided that in her place, the oranges in the sky would do for now.
"It's been a long pilgrimage Rikku, although, I don't know why I'm saying this. I don't usually state the obvious. Just taking one look at you in Macalania, freezing, in your tiny, flimsy Al Bhed clothing...watching you fall to the ground sobbing on Bikanel Island - or watching you comparing scars with the others...a small, little thing like you - fighting battles made for people like me.
It's a funny thing, Spira. The Spiral of Death, this world filled with pain and sadness. And you, an Al Bhed - brought up in the midst of the pain - persecuted by everyone - unable to hide who you are, because of your beautiful, green orb eyes. This, little girl - still so alive and happy despite everything."
He frowned.
"Alive...unlike me. Why are you doing this Auron? Moping over this child...No..."
He laughed at the sky, imagining her flailing arms, her shrill yell.
"I don't think you'd like me calling you a child, would you? I'm sure you all know, my secret. I died ten years ago, and I probably deserved it. I was a failure. My story ended, cut down by that...woman...failing to save my friends, wasting my life killing people in the name of Yevon and saving Spira, when it was all just a...joke. You don't believe in the Farplane do you? I'm not even sure I do...where does a killer go? Where does a failed Guardian go when they fall? There isn't a heaven at the end of my story, there's nothing..."
He sighed, looking over his shoulder at the campsite. "I guess I shouldn't be so negative. So long as I have something to live for...a summoner to protect on their pilgrimage, then...it's not so close after all. And...I have you in some way."
The stars smiled at him encouragingly.
"I...I...remember that time in the Thunder Plains...after all was said and done, and we went into the Travel Agency. "She's worse than the storm." Maybe I didn't mean it...but, I gathered you knew that anyway...Sitting with you, curled under my coat...watching the lightning hit the ground...maybe you realised big things like us, we weren't so..."scary" after all. You said; "I still prefer the inside of this big ol' smelly coat than the outside of this stupid agency though!!""
He laughed, a long, loud laugh, tinged with the smallest bit of sadness - but her voice was so vivid in his mind.
""So, maybe Sir Aurie, I was thinking...I could stay under your coat for the rest of the trip?!" You knew I was stubborn...and when we left the Travel Agency, even I thought I couldn't do it...but...I could never not give into you, and your green eyes. And in the end, I didn't just hold you under my coat the whole way, I carried you in it - "Carry me home Sir Aurooooooooon!""
The orange in the sky seemed to be fading, but...maybe, just maybe, if he carried on telling her his story, his imaginary Rikku might stay to listen.
"The thing is Rikku...rain falls, sun shines...things go on...and you could never understand that could you? You just wanted time to stand still - Yuna to stop her pilgrimage - us all to go back to somewhere "fun" and just...I don't know, live. But...in the end...I saw what you meant. If I could make time stand still, it would, right now. This moment - we'd just stay here - you and me, or maybe in that moment we first met - when I had to force you to open your eyes to look at me..."
Uh...okay...No good? The sky echoed.
"Very good," Auron smiled, sadly. "How could I turn down your eyes? It wasn't too long ago now...but...do you remember? The Calm Lands took so long to pass, that we ended up wandering around alone together for awhile, gathering supplies. We were always quite the fighting pair. Besides, you always needed protecting..." Auron snorted, rolling his eyes, knowing what would come next.
HEYYYY! His sky Rikku yelled.
"Okay, maybe I needed protecting that day. I don't know, you got too much for me to handle Rikku...I just...these feelings...and knowing what was coming in Zanarkand...but you, you...you looked into my eyes...well, eye..." Auron looked at the ground, ashamed still of the scars he earned through his past failures, "And you said "Don't give up yet! If Yuna won't then we shouldn't! And I won't ever give up on you Sir Auron!""
A strained smile hid behind his oversized collar, and he brushed his forehead, pushing back his hair and rubbing his tired eyes.
"Look what you've done to this old man, worn him down with your image...I just want to keep you safe Rikku. I want to take you Home and look after you, but I can't even do that. The one time you could have been safe - and now your Home is gone...all I wanted was for you to be safe. I don't know...could I even leave you somewhere? Knowing that? Could I just take you someplace and leave you there to be at home and safe? I can't leave my duties, a Guardian can never leave their duties to their summoner...but...how could I ever leave you? The will to protect you is greater than any I've ever felt. And that's why we are still here, still travelling - I can't give up my duties to my friends, but I can't let you be - you've held me down, kept me safe and sane and rational...made me feel...happy. And what do I make of it? I stay up all night and talk to the sky."
Auron shook his head. What had he been thinking? Talking to the sky like it was her? Telling it everything he felt?! Had he ever even done that before? He sighed, what a shameful excuse for a human - unable to even converse appropriately with others - telling his feelings to a sunset that he thought resembled the shirt of the girl he...
"The girl I kissed in Macalania. When the others were asleep and I...you kept me up again. But this time, you were awake too. And we kissed and I..." He frowned, giving up. "I'm just a stupid old man. Stupid. I can't even tell you how I feel, I can't even act properly around you - what am I meant to do?! Maybe it's just as well I'm as cold and dead as this useless mountain..."
He kicked at the floor, throwing snow off of the edge with his boot. Angrily, he grunted and pushed up his sunglasses. But...as he turned to return to his campfire, the orange seemed brighter than ever. Sir Aurie?? And maybe, just maybe it wasn't his imagination, and the stars were glowing green on this night. He shook his head, brushing his hair back quickly, looking at the stars was like looking at her eyes, and he could never say no to those eyes. C'mon Aurie!
"It doesn't matter Rikku. All of this doesn't matter because..." He was rushing, the words leaving him breathless, he was forcing out his feelings, maybe he could finally say everything he had to say, for once. "I'll always be there, I'll always be there to protect you, even if I'm dead...Because I'm dead! I died but I lived on and I met you, and now I have a reason more than any other to live on until Sin is gone from this world. And I'll make sure that everything is easy for you, and I'll block every attack and insult that comes your way even when you don't mind - even when you want to be strong for yourself - because I am going to be strong for you! You're still so young...you're still a little girl...and I know you hate that but it's true - but I can make you feel like you are stronger than the world because I...because of how I feel for you - every look and touch, every second I protect you - every moment I breathe - in this broken old body - every moment that I breathe longer than I should it is for you."
The stars twinkled, and the words kept flowing, like a waterfall, like they were meant to be, like the Moonflow on that day they met, like Macalania lake on the night they had their first kiss...
"I won't let you turn out like every other person on this planet - Spira is a spiral of death but I won't let you see it any longer, I won't let you get sucked in. I'll protect you from Sin - like I should have protected Braska, like I should have protected my family, my mother - I'll protect you from everything - because I want to be with you, I don't want to stand alone here anymore."
He sighed, the power that was behind the words felt like a great weight, and the second he closed his mouth he felt like the weight had lifted, like his energy had gone, and like he could finally sleep easy. But...
"Maybe I can't carry you home, but if I could stop time it would be here, you and me. And this would be home enough for both of us. If you held me I'd be home."
He looked up at the sky, and watched as the orange flashed, and faded into black. And there he was, stood on the edge of Mount Gagazet, alone again - standing in the dark - an old, dead ronin, and all his sun and light had faded and left him. He sighed, but as he did, small, soft fingers entwined themselves with his, and he caught his breath.
"I love you too Aurie." She smiled.