Another oneshot written while I was listening to my itunes. Inspired by the song Scarecrow by Between The Trees. This was originally suppossed to be just a Finn/Kurt centric drabble, but a few Warblers snuck their way into the story. Trigger Warning: Self Harm. -Insert Disclaimer-
"Kurt, just listen to me for five seconds!"
"I don't want to listen anymore!" the countertenor screamed from the other side of his door. He had no idea how his life had come to this. How he had ended up with tears streaming down his face and sobs trying to choke him from the inside out.
Had he taken a wrong turn? Had he done something so bad that the world wanted to turn against him and make every single moment of his life absolutely miserable?
He felt like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. Like everyone was tearing out little pieces of him and soon he'd have nothing left. He was trapped. Exiled to spend his life nailed in place and take whatever torment he received.
"Kurt!"
He ignored the words as he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to hold whatever was left together so he wouldn't shatter into a million pieces.
Everything had been taken from him. Slowly but surely everything was being taken away from him. What had he done to make it all so bad?
Was it because he was gay? He cried harder.
"I'll change!" he sobbed. "I promise! I'll stop being gay! I'll date girls! I'll like them!" he sobbed out to the world, choking as he held his arms tighter.
The voice on the other side of the door didn't speak anymore and Kurt felt ecstatic and even more depressed.
Yet another person being taken away from him.
He deserved this.
He was an abomination.
He wasn't made for this world.
He was gay.
And being gay was wrong.
That's what was drilled into his head time and time again. That's why Karofsky had tormented him until he had to leave his school. At least Dave knew that what he felt was wrong and tried to fix it. Kurt just embraced it. Flaunted it even.
That's why God was trying to take his father away again.
That's why his father had a heart attack.
He was being punished.
"Kurt, listen to me! He's fine! It was only minor, they said that your dad is going to be okay."
Kurt ignored Blaine's voice.
Lies, they were all lies.
Blaine was just trying to get him to open the door so they could take him away and force him to pay for what he was.
Kurt choked on another sob as he slowly stood up from his spot on the floor. His legs wobbled as he started towards the bathroom in his dorm. He knew how to fix this. He could make it better. If he just punished himself, then everyone around him wouldn't have to suffer because of him. He could get all of this out of him.
Kurt walked slowly into the bathroom, pulling open drawers until he found what he was looking for.
The little piece of silver heaven.
Isn't that what was supposed to happen to the Scarecrow?
They ripped him apart.
"Kurt! Please just open the door!" Blaine sounded desperate.
Kurt was in his own world now as he stared down at the razor, pulling up the sleeve of his button down until there was a smooth expanse of pale, unmarked skin. He could bleed everything out. Cause himself pain and then it would be better. It had to be better.
Kurt wiped the tears from his face as he placed the razor down on his wrist, dead center. He took in a breath before slowly pulling the razor up towards his inner elbow. He hissed at the pain and heard a screeching sound somewhere in his room. But he couldn't be too sure since he was focused.
There should be blood.
He should be bleeding now.
He started sobbing even harder, anger boiling over. This wasn't fair! His father was suffering because of him and he couldn't even punish himself! He brought the razor down again, pulling and scratching at different angles along his arm. He watched in silence as the long cut suddenly started to bleed. They all seemed like a train reaction.
One after the other each cut started to bubble a beautiful crimson red and he was filled with pain and fulfillment.
The fuzziness was starting to fade and he suddenly realized what he had done. Kurt choked on his tears as he started to hyperventilate. Staring between the bleeding marks on his arm and the bloodied razor.
What had he done?
A crashing sound made him jump and he turned towards the noise to see that his door had literally been taking off the hinges. And his brother was standing there before racing towards him.
When did Finn get so damn tall?
Finn dropped down on his knees.
When had he gotten on the floor?
"Oh, Kurt." His step brother whispered, taking the razor out of his hands. That's all it took for the brunette to lose it and collapse into his brother's arms in a sobbing heap. He clenched at the white t-shirt, twisting the material and splattering it with his own blood as he cried.
Finn held him the entire time, rubbing soothing circles on his back as he gently told him how everything was going to be okay.
Kurt could believe him.
He heard his brother asking Blaine to grab him some antiseptic and gauze without stopping the gentle rocking that he was using to soothe Kurt. "It's alright, I promise. Everything's going to be okay. I'm going to fix you up." He whispered softly as Kurt whimpered. "I'll put you back together Kurt." He whispered.
Kurt choked harder on the sobs that were in his throat. He whimpered as Finn pulled his arm out from between the two of them and started working on cleaning the cuts. Kurt didn't even feel the urge to fight anymore against it. He felt weak and tired. The stinging pain wasn't even enough to bring him back as Finn wrapped the gauze and tape securely around his left forearm. When he felt Finn start to move and a piercing scream he didn't know what was going on.
"Shh shh, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere." Finn spoke and Kurt shut his lips, realizing that he was the one screaming. He needed his brother. He needed Finn to hold him together.
Finn seemed to realize the same thing as he lifted Kurt into his arms and walked towards the bed, past where David and Wes were silently putting the door back on its hinges while Blaine cleaned up the bathroom. Finn somehow managed to change Kurt's shirt while still keeping his grip on the boy the entire time.
Since he had heard about Burt having another heart attack he had left Glee rehearsal. Instead of heading to the hospital, he headed towards Dalton. About fifteen minutes away he'd gotten a call from a very terrified Blaine telling him that Kurt was having a breakdown.
That's why Finn was in the car. He knew how broken apart Kurt was over the ordeal the first time. This time was like a punch in the face. After everything that had happened to him with Karofsky, the last thing Kurt needed was his father to have a heart attack. He had told Blaine the information of Burt's wellbeing and that he'd make a full recovery. He knew Kurt wouldn't believe it.
Kurt pulled himself closer to his brother as he heard the gentle humming and rocking. And soon they were moving once more.
"We're going to go see your dad. I'm going to prove to you that he's alright." Finn whispered as he carried Kurt through the halls of Dalton. Normally the boy would be embarrassed, but right now he would give anything to stay in his big brother's arms forever.
Blaine was in the driver's seat of Carole's van before he ever realized what was going on. Finn still held on to him in the back seat while David sat next to him, resting Kurt's feet on his lap, and Wes sat in the passenger seat.
Finn was happy that Kurt had friends who cared about him. Friends who would help him unhinge a door and keep their hands on Kurt just to let the boy know that he wasn't alone in the world.
"It's not your fault." Wes finally spoke, surprising all of them as Kurt turned to look at his friend in the front seat.
"You don't understand." Kurt whispered softly.
"Yes, I do Kurt. My little sister passed away when I was eleven and I thought that it was all my fault because I wasn't a good enough older brother. That I didn't love her enough. Didn't protect her. I blamed the entire thing on myself." Wes spoke. "But it's not your fault Kurt."
David nodded. "You're perfect the way you are Kurt. We all love you for it."
Kurt swallowed around the lump in his throat, still refusing to let go of Finn, who kept his tight grip on his little brother.
"I wanted to end my life when I was fifteen." Blaine spoke. "I thought that since I was gay, it was a sin. That it was wrong. That every bad thing that happened in my life I deserved because of who I was. But that's wrong Kurt. You don't need to change for anyone."
Finn nodded his head, stroking Kurt's hair. "I know how things started out between us Kurt. But you know how much I love you. You're my brother, Kurt. And I care about you too much. And if you weren't exactly how you are now, then you wouldn't be the Kurt I know."
Kurt bit at his lip. "I'm sorry guys. I was stupid. I did such a stupid thing."
"We all do things that we don't mean to do, Kurt." David spoke. "It's just how we prevent ourselves from doing them again that matters."
Kurt smiled as he buried his head into his brother's shoulder.
His breath caught in his throat as they pulled up to the hospital and he wasn't sure if he could handle this. But Finn was getting concerned with the blood bleeding through Kurt's gauze, so they had to go inside one way or another.
The nurses immediately set to helping Kurt while Finn sat with him and the three Dalton boys went to find Carole and see how Burt was doing.
It turned out Kurt needed stitches for his first long cut, and Finn held his hand the entire time, trying to distract him from the uncomfortable tugging.
"Kurt, maybe you should see someone." He spoke silently.
Kurt shook his head, careful not to move his arm from where the doctor was stitching. "I won't ever do this again. It was painful and scary and stupid. I have no idea what came over me."
"But what if you start to feel like that again?"
Kurt looked up. "I have you. And Blaine, Wes, and David. I have Carole and Daddy and Mercedes and Tina and even Noah." Kurt spoke.
"You have everyone Kurt. All of New Directions cares about you. We care about you." Finn spoke, gesturing to himself and what Kurt was guessing was the three Warblers patiently waiting for him. "You have to promise me if it ever gets that bad you call me. Or anyone. Someone. You can't ever do this to yourself again, Kurt."
The countertenor nodded his head shyly as the doctor finished with the stitching and put the bandages over the wound, neatly covering away the evidence. "The thinner ones shouldn't scar. After the large cut is healed, you should put some cocoa butter on it every day to make it more likely to go away." The Doctor spoke before nodding his head and leaving the room.
Kurt stared at the gauze for a long time before looking up at Finn. "Thank you." He whispered. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come in and helped me out."
Finn smiled his goofy smile as he helped Kurt up and out of the room. "What are big brother's for?" he grinned as they met up with Carole and Kurt's friends.
"Oh baby." Carole spoke softly, wrapping Kurt in her arms and peppering his face with kisses. "Don't you ever do that again young man! We're going to have a long discussion when you come home, you got that?" she spoke sternly, although she still held Kurt close.
The smaller boy nodded his head and hugged his step mother close to him before pulling away. "Daddy?"
"He'd heard."
Kurt bit at his lip.
"None of that, Kurt. Your father is a strong strong man. He'd going to be perfectly fine. He's more worried about you right now. So how about you head on in and assure him that everything's okay?" she spoke, ushering him towards the door.
Kurt walked into the familiar room, the clean smell assaulting him along with the familiar beeping. He was met with his father's brown eyes.
Tears streamed down his face as he ran to his father, careful of the wires as he held him close. "Oh daddy."
"You gave us all quite a scare Kurt." Burt spoke gruffly.
"You should talk!" Kurt cried, wiping at his tears.
"I'm tough." He grinned. "But I think I'll start paying more attention to that diet you set me up with." He chuckled.
Kurt smiled. "You better."
"And we will talk about this." Burt spoke, nudging the bandaged arm.
"I'm sorry daddy."
"Don't be sorry for being yourself Kurt. We'll just have to help you find better ways to control your hurt, okay?"
Kurt nodded his head.
"How about you head on back to Dalton and thank those nice friends of yours? Get some sleep."
"Okay dad. I love you." He spoke, kissing his forehead.
"Love you too kid."
Kurt smiled as he made his way out. He stared at Blaine, Wes, and David, hanging his head down. "I-"
"Don't you dare say you're sorry." Blaine spoke, pulling the male close to his arms and into a hug.
"Why not?"
"Because we're all friends, Kurt." Wes spoke, joining the hug along with David.
"We're all here for each other, no matter what." David added as Kurt buried himself into his friends.
Once goodbyes were exchanged and the four were in the car, Kurt let his head fall onto Finn's shoulder and he was soon in his brother's lap once more, feeling content at the soothing circles.
Tomorrow was going to be another day where everything would be confronted.
Tomorrow Kurt would throw out the razors in his bathroom and invest in a journal and art kit.
Tomorrow he would sit down with his family, just to remember that they're still whole.
But tonight?
Tonight he was going to fall asleep, content with his mistakes.
Content with knowing that his friends were there to put him back together.
Just how the Scarecrows friends helped put his straw back into his body.
Kurt knew that he had a long healing process in front of him.
But with his friends and family, he could survive his little journey to Oz.