Alright, I'm writing another story where my Shep will have a lot more going on, and this smutty version of this part of the story wouldn't have fit. But since I sort of liked I decided to share.

Important, this happened between ME2 and ME3 and Shepard is beyond pissed and hurt with Kaidan.

Have fun!

Earth, soon after the Collectors were defeated.

Kaidan had been tasked to accompany Shepard to one of the countless hearings she had been ordered to attend for the day. She had been under house arrest since she dutifully surrendered herself and the new Normandy to the Alliance after destroying the Collector home world and saving the human race, again. She was the strongest, most goal oriented, strong willed woman he had ever met and fell in love with. But that was over, he destroyed it and now she was with Garrus.

He went to her apartment in Vancouver near the Alliance headquarters to pick her up to yet another audience.

'Come in.' The voice came from the bowels of the apartment.

'Commander?'

'Don't call me commander, I'm on probation and for the duration I'm relieved of my duties. Did they wrangled you in to babysit me today?' Shepard spoke from behind the door to her room, her voice was terse and matter of fact.

'Yes, Anderson requested for me to come and escort you.' Kaidan turned his back to her door.

'Thank you Lieutenant.' He heard the door opening completely. 'I like to keep the windows open and let some air go through the room after I take a shower.'

Kaidan remembered that. She always had the internal ventilation system on high every time she finished showering. He also remembered her walking around her quarters with nothing on, picking out her uniform and laying it on the bed, and then brushing and drying her hair to later tie it back on a bun. His throat was dry.

'So, we have three hearings today. One in 2 hours, at 08:00, another at 11:00 and a final one at 14:00.' She stated.

'Yes. Maybe it's time for you to start to drink coffee.'

'Maybe Lieutenant, but you know I've never been much of a fan of coffee.'

'I remember...' He answered under his breath.

She came around him dressed in a turquoise silk chemise cinched at the waist and long enough to cover until the middle of her thighs. She was wearing boots so long that he wondered if they stopped at the top of her thighs or were actually pants attached to shoes. The thought of her in noting but those boots clouded his mind. She would be lying down on the bed, while he kissed her down her spine... tickling her with his breath all the way to the top of her bottom...

'What? Okay, I'm ready.' She picked up her black leather messenger bag and threw it across her shoulder. The strap nestling nicely from under her side swept braid down between her breasts.

Startled, Kaidan looked at her face and his heart skipped a beat. She was more beautiful than ever. She wore almost no makeup, just something to frame her brown eyes and the dusting of freckles on her skin was still there, just as he remembered. The healthy flush underneath combined with her full, slightly shiny lips, answering the question if he still loved her. Yes, I do.

She sat on the front seat to his right. With the seatbelt clasped and holding on to the last of his wits, he ordered the vehicle to go to the first hearing place.

The first two meetings were one after the other. He waited outside passing time by reading or playing games on his omni-tool. When she came he noticed how serene she looked. 'So, I'm thinking everything went alright.'

'To a point, Yes. They finally saw that even though I was at Cerberus, my practices were still Alliance and there wasn't anything in my actions to prove it otherwise.' She looked pointedly to him and begun walking. 'Let's go find somewhere to eat. I'm starving.'

His heart took the punch but he already knew he was wrong. Quietly he fell into pace with her and they went to a restaurant nearby. Lunch was quiet; they ordered steaks and traded nonsense about the past year they've been apart. After that, they left for the final and probably the longest hearing of the day.

Again he stood in the halls and waited for 6 more hours. By the end of the wait he was emotionally drained. He had grinded and re-grinded everything he told her in Horizon. Sometimes changing the scenarios, sometimes she slapped him, sometimes she kissed him and a couple of ones he shot Garrus between the eyes.

Around 20:13 the door opened and Shepard came out with a triumphant look on her face. Her solid steps took her to him and said. 'It's over. We can go now.'

They walked in silence and in the car he hesitated. 'So, you mean you have been cleared?'

'Yes. That part of my life is closed. I've finally been cleared.' She took a deep sigh. 'I'll still be watched and monitored, they want to see if they can catch Cerberus trying to contact me and I'm ok with that. I believe I'll probably be reinstated in a few months.'

'That is good to hear Shepard. So you have more freedoms now?'

'Yes. I can come and go as I please, but I cannot leave the city without requesting an escort and only for urgent business. All my communications are still being monitored...' She laughed. 'The Illusive Man will never contact me again, I tried to explain it to them but they were stubborn. Well, it's their time and money, not mine.'

'Would you mind if I took you home through a different route?'

'Alright, I guess my somewhat freedom can take that.' She gave him a small smile.

He punched a route on the car's panel and they took off. The ride was quiet. Shepard kept looking outside her window and taking deep breaths every now and then.

'Is everything alright Shepard?'

'Yes, Lieutenant.' Each Lieutenant she spoke his heart ached a little more.

They arrived at the Stanley Park. Kaidan got out of the car and opened Shepard's door. She had a puzzled look on her face.

'I thought you would like to come here.'

'It's a nice place, Lieutenant.' She gave a small smile and leaving her bag behind she started walking towards the gardens.

They entered the gardens, it was late at night and the bustle of people was long gone. There was only one or other caretaker here and there. They walked down a narrow stone path that Kaidan knew would take them to where he wanted to show her.

A short silent walk with Shepard's eyes drinking in the lush surroundings and Kaidan watching her every move, they arrived at a gently illuminated lake side. It had a soft slopped grass surround that ended in a shore of small pebbles leading to the water. Shepard stopped at the sight. The place resembled her grandparent's place.

She got out of the path, walked and sat in the middle of the grass, still warm from the day's sun. Kaidan approached her and sat beside her. Not too distant, close enough to still feel the heat of her skin.

He broke the silence with his bedroom raspy voice. 'Yeah, I remember. You spoke about your grandparent's home with so much longing that it stuck with me. Today I saw an opportunity and seized it.'

'Thank you Lieutenant.' Her voice was breathless and a little shaky. 'I haven't been there in years. Maybe when all this is over I can go back there.'

'Shepard... Joan... will I ever hear you speaking my name again?'

She looked at him and the hurt he saw in her eyes rivalled the one she gave him in Horizon. She had to still feel something for him to look at him like that. It was all or nothing, this was his chance.

'I'm so sorry, I was beyond wrong. I judged you and all my words were filled with my grief of losing you. I was lost without you and it took me a long time to get myself functioning again.'

'I can understand that Lieutenant. I forgive you.'

Kaidan's heart sank at hearing his title again. After a long silence, he was startled when she spoke again.

'I was lost without you too. I woke up at a medical facility, the place was under attack and I had to fight my way out of there. My face was scarred and still healing; I could see the red light of the implants in my eyes.' She looked away from him, as if ashamed.

Kaidan stood still, afraid that if he moved he would scare her and he would never know what happened.

'I was taken to a Cerberus base, I think it was the one we raided before going to Earth, and there I met the Illusive Man. He explained to me what was going on and in simple words told me he would give me all the resources I needed to take down the Collectors and stop the Reapers. After the wild goose chase the Council and the Alliance put us through after the Citadel attack I weighted the odds and decided to go for it.'

'I can't deny that now knowing you had complete control of the situation I would have done the same thing.'

'Yes.' She looked at him. 'I had a good team and when Garrus and Tali joined me I knew I could take anything down.'

'I'm sorry I didn't go with you after we met in Horizon.'

'Yes... I'm sorry too. After that I knew I needed someone who would not only fight along me but would go to hell itself by my side.'

'Garrus...'

'Yes.' She stared at the quiet lapping ripples of water in the lake. 'I opened myself to him and he helped me to pick up the pieces.'

Now it was Kaidan's time to look at the lake. He had lost her. I lost her... and his heart broke all over again.

After a long silence, she looked at him. Her eyes burning his skin, he looked back. 'Shepard...'

She kissed him. With all of her she kissed him. She drank him in as the parched desert soaked water and he lost himself in it. His hands went to her waist and he held her so tight she lost her breath. 'Kaidan..' His name was a moan on her lips. Her hands were in his hair and shoulder feeling all of him.

Her back touched the grass and he followed on top of her. Her legs parted and he found his place there, now closer than ever pouring out the longing he had bottled for her. His lips were on hers demanding and possessive, her hands on his back, legs locking with his, anchoring him to the planet with her. He started kissing her cheeks, neck, ear... she was so sensitive behind her ears... down her neck reaching her cleavage and inhaling the scent of her.

Shepard's head was reeling in bliss. Everything about him was new and familiar, she surrendered to him and while he was making way down her neck, she was holding him so close her nails were probably leaving a path on his back, under his clothing.

Kaidan felt her nails on his back and surged forward with his hips, grinding on her. Her breath hitched and he knew she was his again. She started pulling his command tunic up, hands hungry to touch his skin. He helped the process until his chest was exposed to the warm late night summer breeze. Shepard missed him so much. She ran her hands up and down his chest, taking pleasure on the feel of his skin on her fingers.

Kaidan raised his torso to give her space and also so he could caress her face... fingers trailing down where he kissed, they arrived at the top button of her chemise. She gave him the most sinful smile and he started undoing them.

Button after button, belt buckle and a few more buttons her chemise parted completely revealing Shepard in a sheer black bra and small black lace panties. Her boots were as he suspected, tall enough to rise to her thigh tops, stopping two inches before her sex. He was already hard, but now he was borderline desperate.

Shepard gently guided his lips towards her chest. He pushed her bra down and scratching his five o'clock shadow on her full breasts and sensitive peaks he admired seeing them pucker. His lips connected and he could almost feel the pleasure spreading on Shepard's body. He suckled her in abandon, one nipple after the other.

'Kaidan...' Her hands were fumbling with his trousers and her deft fingers found him hard as rock. He was velvety soft, hard, long and deliciously thick... She explored all of him testing the waters at first with gentle squeezes and soft pumps. He moaned into her body, changing positions to lie at her side and free his hand that was already making its way down to her sex.

He kept alternating with kissing her lips and her breasts, not knowing which offer was sweeter. His hand had finally reached her sex and she was hot and wet from craving him. He lifted her panties and cupped her with his full hand. She was already leaking and one then two of his fingers entered her. His mouth was on her lips to swallow her moan when he started to move them and gently rub her apex.

When his lips went back to her nipples she crashed under him. A powerful orgasm took over her body. Exactly like it used to be when they were together. She whispered on his lips. "Kaidan, I need you inside me.'

Taking her panties off and pocketing them, he came back on top of her and poised himself at her entrance. 'I dreamed about this more times than I dare to admit, Joan.'

She smiled at him, hands caressing his shoulders, his hair. This powerful woman could be so tender and gentle... 'Me too Kaidan, me too.'

Kaidan slid inside her with practiced ease. She was so ready to receive his length that her tightness had no issues adjusting to him.

Laying there, locked into each other, both said 'I still love you', at the same time. They were at that moment complete and invincible. Kaidan started to pump inside her, kissing her to muffle her soft moans.

Harder and faster he drove her wild and all thoughts were lost to her. She was flesh and blood running a thousand degrees hot with the love of her life giving himself to her in abandon.

She came again... full and sated, her body squeezed him until he lost himself in her too.

Coming down from it, they held each other for a long time. He at one point replaced her panties and closed her garment, and she helped him make himself presentable again.

'Joan, where will we go from here?'

'I don't know Kaidan and I honestly don't care, as long as you are by my side.'

He smiled and nuzzled her neck. 'I'll be there, for as long as you'll have me.'

Well, this is my first publish. I hope it was ok. If you really liked or hated it, I would love some feedback. 3