Hazard 13: Yo yo yo…this is a FMA fic…durr.
Night Joe: It's in the FMA section, so yeah…
Death: Huh…I believe that universe steals souls from a parallel universe.
Hoboslayer: Hey, FMA's the anime that has the fat dude who eats anything, right?
Hazard 13: Yeah, so?
Hoboslayer: And the girl who shoots people?
Hazard 13: Yeah, I think Night knows more about it than me.
Hoboslayer: You're like a combination of them!
Night Joe: No, he's not a hermaphrodite…or is he?
Hazard 13: No, I am NOT.
Hoboslayer: Yes you are.
Death: You stupid mortals have no sense.
Hazard 13: Hey. YOU'RE the one who owes me a 50 from that hearts game…anyways, everyone…this is a pointless story of what might have happened if I had been sent off to the FullMetal Alchemist reality instead of FE 7. In FMA, the storyline is before the first episode, during some of the earlier missions not seen, although Ed is still trying to find the Philosopher's stone.(You may have to read another story of mine, "The story of me and my friends and other people", in order to understand how I ended up in the FMA universe. Oh, and the first chapter of "Banished." Sorry.)
Also: I don't own FullMetal Alchemist, or I would be really happy. But I'm not that happy. So there.
Song: Vermillion Pt. 1 and 2 by Slipknot
The Stranger:
Chapter 1: Wrong place, wrong time.
As I stepped into the pentagram Death had drawn upon the ground, I felt a strange sensation, like being pulled down into thick mud, and not being able to do anything about it. The grey world faded out as everything turned blue, and I saw nothing at all.
"Come on Brother! Make something out of this glass full of water!" Yelled Al Elric, from the armor in which his soul resided.
"Alright, can we keep walking then?" Responded Edward, the elder of the two, as he stopped walking for a moment. "Mustang'll kill us if we don't get back soon enough."
As he grabbed the bottle, he felt something, a strange feeling, like one such as a buildup of static electricity. He stopped and dropped the bottle, which crashed onto the dusty ground, immediately getting soaked up.
"Brother? What's wrong?" asked Al, seeing his brother drop the bottle.
"I-I really don't know. Something's about to happen. I can feel it."
A dark hole opened up in the air above the two, and a boy in his mid-teens tumbled out from it.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHH SSSSSSHHHHHHHIIIIIIIITTTTTT!" I yelled as I crashed down towards the ground, next to a short dude, and a suit of armor. OW!
"GODDAMNIT! Where the hell am I?" I asked the dumbfounded pair.
"A few miles from Central City. Who? How?" answered the shorter guy, who came up to about my neck.
"Okay…Where am I?"
"Are you from another country, like Ishbal?" asked the suit of armor. I was surprised to hear that he was very young.
"No. No. No." I intoned. "I'm in Fullmetal alchemist."
"Huh?" the midget-y guy "That's me."
"Dude, yo. You're Edward Elric, you're Alphonse Elric, and you work for Roy Mustang, the Flame alchemist, and…" I trailed off.
"Yeah, so lots of people say that, cuz I'm famous, remember?" Ed replied, with a smile on his annoying face.
"Okay, then. Your mother was Trisha Elric, and you tried to resurrect her, and HE" I pointed to Al, "lost his body, and you lost your arm and leg. Your mechanic's name is Winry Rockbell and lives with her aunt or grandma who's name is Pinako." I paused for air, trying to remember anything else about the show.
"Who are you?" asked the armor.
"A cybernetic organism." I said, trying not to laugh.
"A what?"
"I'm human, and my name is Hazard 13."
"What kind of name is that?"
"What kind of name is Ed?"
"A great one."
"Goddamn midget." I said, remembering his weakness.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL I CAN'T BE SEEN BY AN ANT!".
"You." I replied, still smiling.
"Oh, OK. HEY!" he yelled.
"Whatever. Can I like travel with you? I have no idea where the hell I am, and no money, either."
"Alright, but just because I have to report you to the Colonel." He said.
"Too bad I lost my supplies." I muttered, swearing.
"What about that bag you're wearing on your back?" asked the high voice of Mr. Armor dude. I felt on my back, and-
"YEAH!" I yelled, feeling the weight of my backpack.
I opened it up, grabbing two belts. I started stringing throwing knives, my pistols, and my other weapons on my belt, and I grabbed my katana and Iron bar, putting them onto my back. I zipped up my bag, and got up. The others were staring at me. I opened my bag and took out my black raincoat, covering all the weapons.
"How did you get so many weapons?" asked Ed, who was now on his guard, his good arm on his metal one, which, I knew, meant that he might change his arm into a sword at any time he wanted.
-1 Hour later, in Mustang's office.
"So let me get this straight. You came out of a portal made by Death, because you were banished from another world by a being that grants wishes to people through a book?" asked the calm voice of Roy Mustang.
"Yup."
"Fullmetal, I need you to write a report on him too."
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!" yelled Ed, who had been reclining on one of the chairs in front of the Colonel's desk. He got up and left the room, taking Al with him.
"Hawkeye!" yelled the Colonel. I got up to stretch, mistakenly, because the Colonel saw all my weapons through my raincoat. He immediately pulled one of his gloves from a drawer, and I knew I would be fried.
"Air Render!" I yelled, knocking the glove from his hand. I pulled out my .45, pointing it at the wall next to him, even though it was still on "safety", just as Lieutenant Hawkeye opened the door, and seeing the situation, shot me in the back. I crumpled to the floor, and I muttered a quick "OWW!" as I felt the sting, which in turn felt like twenty knives repeatedly stabbing me in the back. I got back up, putting my hands in the air.
"Dude, why did you shoot me?" I asked.
"You were pointing a gun at the Colonel." She replied.
"Was that some sort of alchemy?" asked the Colonel.
"No, it was just a Fighter Tech." I replied, and the Colonel looked at me still.
"You wouldn't understand." I said, quickly.
"How come my bullet didn't kill you?" asked the Lieutenant, from behind me.
"Here." I said. "look at the inside of my coat. It's made of a material called Kevlar. It's strong enough to stop some bullets." I replied. The Colonel and Hawkeye exchanged looks.
"Incredible."
"Huh?"
Both spoke at the same time, but both still looked confused. I took the opportunity to ask Mustang a question.
"Hey, flame dude. Where should I stay? Cuz Death won't probably be able to find me for a while."
"Death? Is that some sort of code name?" asked Hawkeye.
I knew this would be a long day.
Hazard 13: So whaddaya think?
Night Joe:…
Hoboslayer:…
Death: I would never pick you up from there, because I owe you money.
Hazard 13: Crap. Hey, Night, Slayer, what's up?
Night Joe: …
Hoboslayer:…
Hazard 13: Whatever…why won't you talk to me! Yeah…read, review, flame, critique, just give me feedback, Goddamnit.