A/Ns:
Zombiesquirrel: Hello!
Morbidpixie: Hello!
Loony Loopy Lupe: Hello!
Zombie, Morbid, & Loony: *in a sing song voice* H-E-L-L-O!
Zombiesquirrel: Hello, and welcome to a series of fortunate events…brought to you by…the P.A.M.A, or the People Against Mary-Sues Army!
Morbidpixie: *nods* We as the P.A.M.A thought it important to express our dislike of Mary-Sues.
Loony Loopy Lupe: Therefore, we've decided to organize a series of…uh…stories that will lead to the demise of any Mary-Sue that just happens to come within our grasp!
Zombiesquirrel: Exactly! So sit down, put all propriety behind and enjoy the show! Oh and please…do review!
Harvesters of Sorrow: Volume One
Chapter One---"The 'Sue named Laila"
Laila boarded the train that started her fifth year at Hogwarts, and like any non-canon-character she was at the top of her class, was a prefect; had her mother's horrific body, and not to mention the fact that she thought that she was close to having her first boyfriend…ever. Even though she thought that Draco Malfoy, the love of her ill-fated life, was going to be hers, something on the line of her puny life said no to her wishes. You see, like any other non-canon-character, or Mary-Sue, she tried to fit in with every other canon character when it came to what had happened in Draco's first four years at Hogwarts. She dreamed, hoped, and sometimes prayed for her dreams of eternal love with Draco to come true; yet, as time passed by, her dreams seemed to be farther and farther away from her reach. While she hoped for the impossible, someone far in the west constructed plans for her demise.
In the hills of the Sierra Nevada lay an abandoned cave, which didn't seem like a cave at all once a person walked in, instead, it looked like some laboratory out of a funky science fiction movie from the fifties. This laboratory was so high-tech it did not seem of this world, and that's because it wasn't, for you see this laboratory belonged to no other than the elite P.A.M.A, or People Against Mary-Sues Army.
Just as the sun started to set in that part of the Mountains, the leader of the Zombiesquirrel squad, Zombie, sat down to talk to her squad about the newest mission.
"My troops," she said, "as you may have heard, we've got a new task at hand."
The troops stood with joy and adrenaline, for their leader, Zombie, was the master at sabotaging all non-canon-characters. The troops muttered words of excitement while Zombie, along with her trusty mini-balrog, Perrigirn, stood aloft on a large scaffold before the troops.
"Silence," she muttered, as she petted her mini-balrog.
The room fell silent, "As you know, the P.A.M.A wants the best for all of you, especially for your careers in this organization. Having said that…I will not accompany you in this mission…however, I will oversee your work…" she added.
The first-officer, Morbidpixie, raised her hand, "Yes, Morbid?" asked Zombie,
"Lieutenant, what about the 'Sue, I mean, aren't you going to…" said Morbid, but was cut short due Zombie's interruption.
Zombie grinned, "That part will be easy for all of you…bring the 'Sue to me…alive…. It's been a while since we've had some live entertainment," she answered evilly, "if you know what I mean."
"Isn't that right, Perrigirn?" she asked; Perrigirn looked up at the owner and grinned evilly.
Her troops cheered with glee, and it was after a small cheer that the troops went over to the secured weapons cabinet. At the weapons cabinet, the troops were dispensed every weapon possible. The troops were each handed an ultra fantabulous, phantasmagoric, extraordinary, and amazingly talented eraser of doom; the cheese of death, poisonous white-out and the magic spork from hell. Zombie's troops stormed out towards the aerial pick up area, where they boarded the special fighter-jet that traveled at huge speeds (which was graciously given to the P.A.M.A by G.W.). As the special fighter-jet took off for its destination, Zombie watched from the same spot upon the large scaffold, along with her mini-balrog.
"Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, I've got a wonderful feeling everything's goin' my way…. Oh yes…everything's going my way," thought Zombie, and then, Zombie felt a slight tug.
Zombie looked to her left, and saw that Perrigirn sat there, with his little hungry eyes that begged to have a 'Sue for dinner,
"Aw, is my little Perrigirn hungry?" she asked,
Perrigirn nodded, "Well, don't worry…. Soon, you shall have a Mary-Sue of your own…and if all goes well, I'll take you out for a nice little hunt," she added.
Perrigirn grinned as he and Zombie disappeared into the darkness.
Meanwhile on the Hogwarts Express….
Laila was now on the scarlet train that she supposedly rode since she decided to be a canon character. She supposedly loved the train, since it connected her from Hogwarts to the United States; since we all know that somewhere along the line she must've been an American Transfer that moved to London, England, for no coherent reason. As the train marched down the tracks, the sound of what seemed to be a fighter-jet was heard above the train. While the other students sat in his or her canon ways, something in Laila's gut told her that the noise above her wasn't good. Her Gary-Stu of a brother, Dominic, sat next to her and tried to conform with the rest of the students, who seemingly didn't find the noise of a fighter-jet alarming.
"Dominic?" she asked in her annoyingly-non-canon-voice, "What do you think that noise is?"
Dominic looked at Laila and shrugged nervously, "I don't know," he whispered, "but I don't think it's anything bad…none seems to be bothered by the noise."
"Right," Laila replied confidently.
Later in the day, Laila thought in her stupid little Mary-Sue way that sooner or later, the fighter-jet would pull away in some other direction, in her mind she hoped that it would go to Iraq, but wait, how does she know about Iraq? Good question, she knows about Iraq because she's not a canon character...ah, wonders never seize. Anyways, the noise that the fighter-jet produced continued through out the remainder of the trip to Hogwarts. When the train finally made its stop at Hogsmeade, the fighter-jet continued to fly, only it seemingly flew towards the Forbidden Forest. "It couldn't be…could it?" Laila asked herself, as she looked out the window. Yet Laila knew that only time could tell her what the deeds of the fighter-jet were, and in her case they were anything but good.
TBC………
A/Ns:
Zombiesquirrel: I must say…for first time substitute lieutenants…you guys aren't half that bad!
Loony & Morbid: Why thanks…wait…we haven't done anything yet!
Zombiesquirrel: Right! Anyways….
Perrigirn: Roar…*looks at Zombie with sad and hungry eyes*
Zombiesquirrel: Aww, poor, poor, Perrigirn…. Don't worry darling…your time will come.
Perrigirn: *flies into Zombie's arms for a small nap*
Zombiesquirrel: *strokes Perrigirn, the little demon, as it falls into a small slumber* No problem! Well, we hope you enjoyed the first chapter…and we promise…more is still to come! But, if you can't wait that long…you're more than welcome to click on our profile where you'll find a link that will grant you access to some of our older works…. Enjoy!
Much love,
Harvesters of Sorrow