Quinn stared at the album she hadn't dared to touch in over a year. Opening it meant reliving the heartache and the pain that she had tried so desperately to escape. By having this album, she could remember but only when she wanted to. On her terms, when she felt the time was right.
Its pink cover mocked her. Pink is happiness, the color of Quinn's princess gowns when she was little. Pink was always her favorite color before Beth. Now, it was just a reminder of what could have been. She had always appeared so strong when it came to the adoption, making it seems as though she had never considered anything else. Inside, it killed her. No one ever saw her cry herself to sleep at night while Puck was downstairs playing video games. Tracing hearts on her stomach and telling her baby that she couldn't raise her. Laying there staring at the clock and hoping that time would stop so she would never have to face the reality.
Opening that album would mean she would have to look into the eyes of the little girl she had let go. As hard as she tried, she could never forget those eyes. Beth had Puck's eyes. Those dark, chocolate eyes. Everytime Quinn saw Puck, she saw Beth. She couldn't bare to look at Puck anymore, let alone have a conversation with him. Looking at him meant she had to face two memories, Beth and a love that she thought was real. She knew she wasn't strong enough to face both at the same time.
Since Beth was born, she hadn't looked at a picture. Shelby had sent pictures to her but she never opened the envelopes. Seeing pictures of Beth growing up meant that she would have to face the fact that Beth was real, not just a dream. Beth was alive and growing in a home nearby. The pictures would mean the Quinn was a mother, whether she wanted to believe it or not.
Her mother had made this album for her. "You're going to want to remember her. Trust me. I'm a mother", her mother had told her. What does her own mother know about being a mom? She knew how to abandon her children the moment her life wasn't living up to June Cleaver's standards. All the pictures and letters from Shelby had been put in the album. It was time to face it. Time to stop pretending it didn't happen and face the truth.
She was a mother. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't forget the one person she held close to her heart for nine months. Her daughter.
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