Broken
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone from 7th Heaven.
A/N- this is what I think Ruthie felt right after Martin left. One shot. R&R.
Hi. I'm Ruthie Camden, the preacher's daughter, and the loner. I have no friends, nor do I want them. I only want one person, and that is Martin.
My whole family feels sorry for me. I even feel sorry for me. I can tell that my mom is worried sick about how I barely eat dinner, or how I don't socialize unless forced too. I sulk around, and it drives everyone crazy. But who can blame me? I'm crushed.
About a week ago, I lost my best friend and the love of my life, all on the same day; Martin. He used to be like a brother to me…he even lived in the same house while his dad was off fighting in Iraq. But it all changed when something terrible happened.
I'm in a state of denial, wishing that Martin would call me like he used to… wishing that he loved me. I always knew, in the back of my mind, that we would never be together. Now, it was impossible for us to even be seen together. Now, he is a father.
Martin is a daddy…the fact is hard to comprehend. Every time I think about it, I start to cry and want desperately to move on. I blame my pain on everyone. I blame Martin, for leaving and sleeping with Sandy. I blame Sandy for existing and sleeping with him. I blame Simon for knowing her, and also knowing Martin. I blame Rose for being her friend. I blame my family for keeping it a secret from me. But most of all, I blame myself.
I'm such a horrible friend. Instead of helping and comforting him, like I know he would have done to me, I got mad at him. I wonder what would have happened if I talked it out with him. I wonder if he would stay. I wonder if I could have talked him out of running after Sandy to take care of the kid. I wonder if he would have loved me.
In my religion, we believe that God has a plan for everything, and he does everything on purpose. I wonder what he was meaning when he made this happen. What was the lesson that I was supposed to learn? That having sex is bad? That it's bad to love someone?
I'm so confused and broken. How can a guy do this to me? He's just one guy, but he had such an impact on me. I didn't even know how much I loved him.
That old saying applies to me, how you don't know what you have until it's gone. Martin is gone. My love is gone.