April:
It was Christmas and it felt good to be home, lying in my own bed and surrounded by the people I love. As I hear the hustle and bustle of the door, it reminds me of a time when life was much easier. Brenna and I would wake the other person up if she was sleeping so we could go downstairs and open our presents greedily. We always checked to see if Santa had eaten all of our cookies and drank our milk that we had left out. Mom would be making her famous Christmas dinner, ham with all the trimmings and dessert was to die for. She would always make us a pecan cake with vanilla frosting. It was heaven. I couldn't get enough of it & would always take my finger and lick the frosting from the pan.
I get out of my bed and reflect how lucky of a person I really am. I think about those who don't have the traditional holidays and instead spend time at the airport waiting for the next flight or those who can't celebrate due to work obligations. I never knew how much this day would mean to me until now. The simplicity of it makes me aware that I should never take little things like this for granted again. We may never live to see another day.
My thoughts then shift to the hospital that I was enclosed in for 30 days. While battling my cancer treatment, I couldn't help but think about Leo's last message on my phone. After listening to it and seeing his family at the hospital, I knew that my life would never be the same. I had panicked at the thought of never seeing Leo and it made me realize how much he means to me. I'm not sure without his comforting words and support that I would have made it this far. He believed in me more than I believed in myself. Even though we were "cancer buddies" I felt like we were more. I know he felt that same way when I looked in his eyes. I'm not sure what happened to Leo since I haven't heard from him and of course his family would never tell me. The hospital couldn't release information because I'm not family. I will always wonder. The tears start coming down my cheeks and I know that I need to pull myself together. I can't go down looking like a mess. I wipe the crocodile tears off my cheeks with the back of my hand and close my eyes to calm myself down. I hear the doorbell ring and my mother calling me down. I tell her that I'll be down in a minute.
I walk down the stairway and into the living room. Everyone is sprawled out on the floor singing songs and eating cookies and candy. I couldn't help but smile. My mom calls me into the kitchen and she tells me how happy she is that I'm home. I give her a huge hug and tell her how much I love her. We both laugh and cry. She tells me that she has a surprise for me and I couldn't imagine what it could be. I was surrounded with my family and friends. She tells me it's in the living room and it's hiding underneath a tree. I walk out into the living room and try to figure out what she means when I see it.
I've never been so happy in my life to see the gift underneath the tree. Brenna was pushing me towards it and told me it's real. It won't break. I turned around and saw my mom with the biggest smile on her face. I ran to it and stood underneath the tree with my gift. I couldn't help but reach out and touch it. I wrapped my arms around it and breathed in the clean scent. It was real and I couldn't be happier. Leo was here. He tilted my face up and leaned down to kiss my lips softly. If I was in heaven, I didn't want wake up. It was the best Christmas I ever received.