AN/ This is the very first fanfic I ever wrote. It's not exactly one of my better written stories but finally (cue drum roll), after many years; I present the finished product!!!! To all the people who were supportive and waited for so long for this, I dedicate the story to you. I want to give a shout out to Igbogal: You were the most enthusiastic and faithful of readers. It's readers like you who give me a reason to keep writing. God bless.

Chapter 1 - Heartache

Lili woke curled at the back of the shuttle, and her newborn baby Ariel cradled in her arms. Ariel stirred but did not wake, and Lili marvelled at how beautiful the child was. She carefully sat up, trying not to wake her daughter, as she leaned against the bioslurry that constituted the walls.

For the first time, it seemed, she took notice of the strong presence of Taelon technology. She took comfort in the familiarity of it. It reminded her of home. Of Earth. Suddenly, memories began to surface. She remembered her earliest assignments; working with Boone, the pain at remembering his death; she remembered Augur, and how his genius had saved her so many times. She remembered the birth of Liam, and his becoming a companion protector. She remembered how much they had worked together, and how he and Renee Palmer had saved her family. She would miss Liam.

Memories of her past were painful to remember. It was painful to leave behind all that she was. Of course she was grateful for Vorjak, her husband, and she was grateful to the Jaridians for accepting her so warmly, but Jaridia wasn't Earth. It wasn't home, and Lili doubted it ever could be. With a twinge of guilt, Lili glanced up at the pilot seat where Vorjak sat, controlling the shuttle; the seat where she had sat during the many occasions she had piloted Da'an… That was the most painful memory of all. She remembered the closeness they had shared and she glanced down at her palm, almost feeling the coolness of his energy as he pressed his palm to hers… She felt her palm tingle as she remembered what he'd given for her and Ariel. He had given his life. Lili found herself in tears. I never even got to say goodbye…She thought, wishing that it hadn't turned out this way, wishing that she could see him one last time. But it was no good. No amount of wishing would change the past. The past, she knew she had to accept. But at least she could make sure that the future would be better. She could make sure that Ariel wouldn't be hurt like she had been.

That son of a bitch, Sandoval! She cursed to herself, suddenly angry. Angry at Sandoval for destroying her world, angry at Vorjak for so rudely snatching her away even though she loved him, angry at herself for not having enough strength, because if she had fought she would not have been taken away and none of this would have happened, and Da'an would never have had to give his life… Yes, I blame myself, she thought bitterly, wishing that there was some way she could make it up to him. But no amount of wishing and no amount of anger could bring it back. Even if it could, they would be light years apart, and she would probably never see him again anyway. Fresh tears started at this thought, prompting her to wonder at this sudden burst of emotion, but she realised something. You never really know what you have until you lose it, and she was feeling it with a vengeance. But why was she dwelling on the past? It wasn't like her. She was the strong one, the soldier, and she had to concentrate on the future, her future with Vorjak and Ariel. At this, she got up and sat beside Vorjak, but still she could not shake the memories of her friendship with Da'an…

"What troubles you, Lili?" Vorjak asked, abruptly disrupting her from her thoughts.

"It's nothing. I'm just tired, and I want to get Ariel home." She told him, disguising what she really felt.

"They will love her. We will be revered above all else." He assured her. Lili felt uncomfortable with that thought but didn't say anything. Vorjak seemed to notice her subtle discomfort.

"You will never be unhappy, I promise you." He told her, reaching out to hold her hand. Not wanting to upset him, she forced a smile, making out that she believed him. Inside, she was full of doubt. How could she ever be happy when she had just lost all that had been her life?

For Lili, the rest of the journey passed as though she were in Limbo. Time seemed to flow by, endlessly, and all she could remember of it was watching the nothingness that surrounded the shuttle, the velvet stretches of the universe lulling her into quietude.

When the shuttle finally landed on Jaridia, the new family found themselves surrounded by what seemed the entire Jaridian race. Cheers of victory were coming from everywhere. Lili felt uncomfortable at the attention. She felt even more so at the prejudice. Vorjak got out of the shuttle and started responding to the crowd with his own victory chants. Lili felt a little disappointed in his lack of compassion. Suddenly, he turned toward her, grabbed her wrist and pulled her out of the shuttle, showing her off to the crowd. In that instant, Lili hated him for exploiting her like that, after everything she'd been through. She had not given up everything for him, to be treated like an object. Holding back tears, she pulled away from him and ran away from the crowd.

Lili hid in an alien forest, familiar, yet unfamiliar. She held Ariel close in a protective gesture, letting tears roll down her cheeks once more. Ariel snuggled against her Mother, contentedly. How can she be so happy and content after all we've been through? An emotional Lili wondered. Ariel just gazed up at her with bright, innocent eyes.

"I know what you would say if you could talk." Lili told her daughter. "You'd tell me it doesn't have to be this way. Oh, if only it were that simply." Ariel simply smiled as if to say "why not?"

At that moment, Lili heard the crowd advancing toward the trees. Vorjak probably had everyone out looking for her. She felt a little touched that he was worried about her, but it was claustrophobic at the same time. Lili found herself running deeper into the woods, not stopping, not looking to see who was following her, not knowing where she was going. She ran and ran, fear overriding her commonsense as the daylight faded and time wound on.

Eventually, exhaustion began to kick in. Lili sank to her knees, trying to comfort Ariel as she began to squirm in Lili's arms. Ariel began to settle and, finally, the fatigue overwhelmed Lili and she fell asleep on the forest floor.