New cases didn't always start in the morning, but this particular fugitive had broken out early in the day, and Julianne had been working hard ever since to gather information. Charlie, Shea, and Erica had left to visit a site, and Ray had stepped out to grab lunch. So when she finally looked up from her computer, she realized she was alone with Lloyd.
Lloyd made her nervous, but to be fair, everyone made her nervous: even Ray, who had faith in her skills when she had none. Lloyd made her especially nervous, though. He could read her like an open book. She worried what else he would see in her, things even more private and personal to her than her social anxiety.
She snuck a glance at him while she finished another database search. She was going to need that box he was looking through. Dammit. She hated asking other people for things, especially when they weren't done with them. Her heart started racing at the very thought.
Julianne took a deep breath and counted backwards from ten. She was overreacting. Lloyd had toned down his behavior quite a bit since Erica beat the snot out of him. Not that she was a fan of violence or anything, but Lloyd really had it coming. In fact, Julianne was amazed that Charlie or Shea hadn't punched him first, considering all the racist things he said.
Wait. Did assuming Charlie and Shea should be the most offended at those racist remarks make her racist, too? Crap.
She took another deep breath and tried to focus. She could do this. It was not outside her realm of ability to get up and ask Lloyd when he was going to be done with that box. Hadn't Lloyd helped her, anyway? Group therapy was a waste of time, and anti-anxiety medication made her thoughts sluggish, but Lloyd's advice had worked. She still asked strangers for the time, or directions, and yesterday she returned a blouse that didn't fit. A month ago, she would have let it hang in her closet forever rather than face the scrutiny of a store clerk. That meant something, didn't it? She could do this.
Julianne stood up and walked over to Lloyd's desk. Don't play with your scarf, she told herself, even though her hands felt like ice and her fingertips tingled. "Lloyd? When do you think you'll be done with that box? I need to look through it for my next database search."
Lloyd didn't even look up, just waved a hand dismissively as he continued to read. "I'll be done when I'm done… you mind grabbing me a cup of coffee? Thanks."
She wanted the earth to open up and swallow her, right then and there. Worse, she wanted to apologize for interrupting him and go get him that cup of coffee. But then, a tiny ball of anger formed in her stomach and burned away some of the butterflies. Standing a little straighter, she replied simply, "No."
Lloyd looked up at that, eyebrow raised. "No?"
"I'm an information specialist," Julianne replied, voice shaking only a little. "Not a gofer. And I need that box to do my job. We're teammates, Lloyd. If you need it more, that's fine, but you could at least tell me when you'll be done with it so I can plan accordingly."
Lloyd stared at her in silence while she waited in vain for Ray to show up, or for the building to collapse– anything to end her misery. But then Lloyd smiled, pleased and a little smug, like they were sharing an inside joke, and asked, "How's it feel to step outside your comfort zone?"
This was a test? Julianne felt herself flush, but she was more angry than embarrassed, and it kept the queasy feeling in her stomach at bay. "When are you going to be done with that box?" She asked flatly, ignoring his question.
She didn't raise her voice or even try to be intimidating, but Lloyd flinched anyway. "I should only be another ten minutes or so," he replied, looking apologetic. "Can I get you a cup of coffee instead? Or some tea?"
"Uh… coffee is fine." She watched him dart off to the break room, her anger and anxiety replaced with confusion. That was weird, she thought as she returned to her desk, but at least he was being nice. A few minutes later, Lloyd returned with her coffee. "Thanks," she smiled, looking up.
"No problem." Lloyd took a sip from his own cup. "Uh… Julianne?" She watched him expectantly but after an awkward pause, Lloyd simply shook his head and turned towards his desk. "I'll be done soon. I promise."
Julianne returned to her work, wondering briefly what it was Lloyd really wanted to ask her. Oh, well. Looks like she was the only one willing to step outside her comfort zone for now.