Authors note: This story is full of angsty goodness because I am feeling pretty full of angst right now. So not much romance in this one
Disclaimer: Own Naruto? Why not me, I have not a penny to put in my pocket.
KakaSaku implied
Selfish
She doesn't see a reason anymore. There is always supposed to be a silver lining to every cloud, but try as she might, she just can't see it. What is the point? Every day she asks herself the same question. Why do I even need to live anymore?
No one cares truly for her. She has friends, yes. And maybe, they might be sad for awhile. But in a few months, or she hopes at least that long, they'll move on. They won't let her not being there weigh down on their lives, she was never that big a part of it anyway.
After a maybe a year, possibly two, they won't even linger on thoughts of her. She is gone, a distant memory in their lives/ At least this is what she imagines life would be like without her.
That's one thing she always wanted to see. She always wanted to sit and watch life carry on without her. She wanted to find their reactions, would they cry? Would they be depressed? Probably not. She confides to herself, they're not even that close, why would they possibly care?
She slit her wrists. She let her blood fill the bathtub that she lay in, and as she died, she felt no pain. She can watch now. She can watch life carry on without her.
And she does.
She watched her friends. They cry all the time. She never meant to have that big of an impact on any of their lives. A few begin to drink, all the time. They cry too after they drink enough.
Some have even questioned a suicide of their own.
Why? She thinks to herself. Why do they care so much now? She was selfish you know. She didn't realize how deeply so many people cared for her. She didn't notice that so many people loved her. She was too wrapped up in her own self loathing.
She cries as she watches them. I never meant for this to happen, they were supposed to move on. She is selfish in that now, she doesn't want them to move on, she now wants them to mourn her memory forever.
Maybe some will. It's a possibility. But more likely, people will not begin to forget, or move on, but they begin accepting. They realize that now, they can't do anything about it. Blaming themselves because she's gone.
One man keeps blaming himself though. He was her lover, he should have noticed. She watches him the most of course. She loved him more than herself, she didn't believe she deserved him. And maybe she didn't. That's a possibility.
She cries when she watches him cry. She cries when he drinks. She cries for him, because she loved him, and he loved her too. But she was selfish is dieing only for herself.
She never truly considered the others. She wanted to die again. She didn't want to watch them hurt themselves over her anymore. I'm not worth it. She whispers in his ear. "Yes you are." He whispers back. But he's not talking to her. He's talking to the empty air. He doesn't know she's there.
Then again, he's drinking. It's a possibility.
This is her hell. She realizes that as she watches him drown in torrents of pain. She must watch this until he dies and comes to join her. Then they can cross to the other side, but only together. I love you. She whispers in his ear.
He doesn't reply to the air this time. He really can't hear her. I was selfish. Gomenasi, Kakashi.
End.
Well, wasn't that a barrel of laughs… okay not appropriate at the moment I know. Anyways reviews, reviews, reviews!!! Please!