A/N: Hey, I'm not even sure if anyone is really reading Victorious fanfiction anymore, but I got an idea at like 4am and couldn't sleep, so I finally just got out my laptop and started writing. To anyone that reads my Victoriously Jade series, this does take place in that world. You don't have to read Victoriously Jade to understand it though. Much like I did with Wrecking Ball (also takes place in Victoriously Jade world) I had and idea and didn't feel like waiting to get to Season Three to write it. Basically it's the same with this story. This story takes place right before, during, and directly after The Blonde Squad episode. I'm pretty sure it will have three parts to it. I've had bits and pieces of all three parts written for awhile, and this morning figured out a way to get them all to work together. Yay for insomnia!

I don't have a beta, I'm sure there are going to be some ridiculous mistakes in here. I will come back and fix them later. I figure if I don't publish this now I never will. Please let me know if you like it, hate it, whatever (just try to be nice about it, I have no problem with criticism, but can't stand it when people are just RUDE.) I'm a bit of a review whore, and the more I get, the quicker I tend to write/update. (It isn't intentional, it's just nice to know people enjoy something you worked hard on, you know?)

Enjoy?

I Don't Know How

Part One

"Seriously?!" I shout, as my left foot kicks open the door to the student lounge, making a loud BANG and causing all four male occupants of the room to jump, and even making one squeal. I stomped up to Beck, interrupting whatever conversation he is having with Sinjin, Andre, and Robbie. Beck must have been going over some of the technical aspects with them about the shoot tomorrow, since they were all leaning over a diagram he had spread across a small table. All four guys heads whipped in my direction the second I enter the room, and they each take an involuntary step backwards, as I charge towards them. "You ask me to do a favor to be in your stupid film. Auditioning is just for show, I can't look like I am picking favorites. Please Jade, help me out," I begin to quote him in my all purpose manly voice. "And then this-" I sneer, and slap my stapled script into his chest, "is the shit part you give me?"

"Oh come on Jade, it's not that bad, you will be ama-" Andre begins to say.

"OUT!" I interrupt Andre, and point to the door, barely giving him a second glance.

"Um, all right…..I was just going to go pick up Larry anyway. It's almost time to film his first scene," Andre begins to ramble. "The bird can't be late for his big break, we'd never hear the end of it. Ha! Get it? Cause he can talk and…" I slowly turn my head to look at him and narrow my eyes into angry slits. "Yeah, um, I'm just gonna go now." Andre gulps quickly, grabs his coat and runs out of the room, Robbie and Sinjin follow closely behind him.

"Hey, where are you guys going?" Beck asks nervously, rubbing his hand through his hair.

He really needs to not do that right now. I'm fucking pissed as hell at him. He needs to stop that...that hand through his hair thing. He always does that when he's really nervous or uncomfortable about something. A small part of me wants to reach out and run my hands through those locks just one more time…...what? NO.

I shake me head once to clear the fog that Beck's stupidly gorgeous hair momentarily put on my brain. I'm fucking pissed at him. Gorgeous hair or not. He's an asshole.

"Uh- gotta go check the wigs!" Robbie yells, refusing to turn around.

"Birdseed! Gotta get birdseed!" Sinjin's squeeks.

I turn my attention back to Beck in time to see him sigh and grab the bridge of his nose in frustration. "What's your problem with the part?"

"Uh, my problem? You want to know what my 'problem' is with this joke of a part? My problem is I hardly have any lines-"

"YOU told me you were too busy rehearsing and performing with your band and could only film one night this week," Beck interrupts me.

"Well why did you have to make ME the dumb one? I could have been the evil brunette, all her scenes can be shot in only one night too." I argue, crossing my arms.

In the past, back when Beck and I were a couple, he would always create and write a character with me in mind. I was almost always the villain in his screenplays, and I loved it. So I can't understand why the fuck he would have me play the slutty idiot now.

"Everyone expects me to cast you as the villain," Beck shrugs. "Just like everyone expects me to cast Cat as the ditz. Casting you as the dumb one and Cat as the brilliant one is unexpected," he explains with a half grin.

"But yet somehow Vega still gets to be the lead," I say sarcastically. "Shocker!"

"Tori was the best fit for that part. Plus she is able to film every night this week, and-"

"Yeah, yeah," I cut him off, rolling my eyes, not in the mood to hear him gush about Tori fucking Vega. Again. I lean against the table with an aggravated sigh.

Beck and I both fall into an uneasy silent for a moment. I suddenly seem to be fascinated with the carpeted floor, and the chip in my nail polish on my right thumb. I can hear the wrinkling of paper as Beck can't seem to stop twisting my script back and forth thru his hands.

"So um, how are you?" Beck finally breaks the tension. "I mean, how have you been?"

I bite my lower lip for a moment. "I've been," I shrug, standing up and grabbing my script back from Beck's hands, my thumbs inadvertently brushing his fingers softly as I grabbed the bundle of paper. I'm sure I imagined that small gasp I heard from Beck when my thumb grazed his hand. It was nothing. Even if it felt like an electric shock to me (God I've missed that feeling!) he doesn't look affected at all. Right. Why would he be? We broke up.

I start walking towards the door. "I really do hate this fucking part Oliver," I tell him as I turn around once I'm a safer distance away from him, and lean one arm against the door frame, crossing my right leg in front of my left.

"I knew you would," Beck surprises me by saying quietly, walking up to me. "But it's good for you to step out of your comfort zone once in awhile," he says, he raised both hands a moment like he was going to rub them down my arms, but suddenly caught himself. He quickly threw his arms down and his side and glanced down at his scuffed combat boots.

"You DO realize I'm the lead singer of a band and we play at the Gorilla Club every weekend, right?" I ask, arching an eyebrow at him.

Beck rolls his eyes. "Yeah, because the Gorilla Club makes you so uncomfortable," he scoffs, gently knocking me with his elbow..

I stare back at him in shocked surprise. I mean, yeah, as a customer, I'm totally cool with that place. It's my version of a Chuck E Cheese's. But as a paid performer, um…...not so much. Their clientele isn't exactly known for being the most friendly and encouraging type of people. Daniels only asked me to sing in the band a couple weeks ago. It's all still pretty new to me. I mean, Ryder's still a senior in high school, but it's only because he had to repeat a year back in middle school. All the other guys are in their mid twenties. Doesn't Beck have any idea how stressful that is on me? I'm only 17, (as they like to remind me EVERY FUCKING DAY) and if I flake out or fuck up, there are a hundred other girls just waiting to take my place.

I know Beck and I have been broken up for a few months, but he WAS my boyfriend for three fucking years. Out of anyone, he should know my insecurities. Should understand what it's like for me to perform feeling like if you hit one wrong note- you're done. Like you have to be perfect every fucking time. Because if you aren't- there's twenty Vega's just waiting to replace you. He used to understand that about me. But…..now...well, we are not together. He doesn't HAVE to remember all that shit anymore.

I hate that I still expect him to.

"You know, as soon as I cast you in that part I had to change her name to Tawny," Beck says to me with a sheepish grin.

"Ha! I knew it!" I clap my hands together at Beck's admission. "I TOLD Cat and Vega that you did it on purpose. Name this stupid bimbo after my favorite character from The Scissoring," I can't quite hide the smile that's attempting to stretch across my face. "That's just mean." Beck just grins at me. There's a couple beats of silence, but unlike before, this was a rather comfortable one.

"You know," he says after a minute or so, "this is not only the longest time we've been alone together at the same time, it's also the longest conversation I think we've had since before, um, well, you know," Beck says almost gently.

I feel my body stiffen at his words. "Really? I hadn't noticed," I say it like it doesn't matter, like I haven't been a hollow shell of myself these past couple months. "Been kinda busy with the band, and-" Suddenly we hear the sound of shattering glass, and I feel my phone vibrate on my hip. I fish it out of my pocket and read the text. I sigh and smirk. "Speaking of the band, Ryder is demanding to know why the fuck I'm 15 minutes late to rehearsal. Shit," I flip my phone so Beck can get a glimpse of it. "I better get going. I'm sure the idiots are probably doing a beer bong or something while waiting for me. I've gotta get there before they get too hammered," I explain, with maybe the smallest hint of an apology in my tone. Maybe.

So I slightly exaggerated just how quickly I needed to get to rehearsal. Yeah, the guys (and I) all tend to drink when we are rehearsing and performing, but not quite to the extreme I made it sound. But I am starting to feel like I am being slowly suffocated in that room, with just Beck and I. It was starting to feel like old times for a minute- joking about the character's name change- and as much as I love and want at least a friendship with him- it HURTS. It hurts so damn bad.

"Be careful Jade," Beck says seriously, and I just roll my eyes and begin to walk away. "I'll see you here, tomorrow night at seven, right?" Beck calls after me, just before I turn the corner.

"I'll be here," I yell, not bother to turn around, concentrating on texting Ryder back.

"Oh and Jade?"

"Yeah?" I turn around curiously, wondering what Beck forgot to tell me.

"Watch out for broken glass," he says in a sing-song voice with a smirk, nodding towards the phone in my hand.

I smile coyly. "Or else you will fall down on you ass!" I sing some of the additional lyrics I had added to my favorite song of Shapiro's. I hear Beck's laughter follow me down the hallway and out the door of Hollywood Arts.

A/N: SO...let me know what you think! Oh...and my Matt- the ending is just for YOU!