Foreword
hmmm i make this cause i read a yoosu fic
so sad and i start imagining things
iamfogotten's fic
my first oneshot
:D
oneshot cause I write a sad yoosu
Chapter 1 when you're with me you're killing me..when i'm not with you i'm dying
I love him
I love him too much
even he hurts me million times i still love him
I know he's cheating on me
he even cant stay faithfull for a day
yeah I'm a fool
but what can I do?
when you're with me you're killing me..when i'm not with you i'm dying
It's 11 pm and yoochun still not at home
he must be with yunho, maybe he's still sucking his cock at bar
he ask me to leave him
but I cant. I've tried really
everyone thinks I'm just to kind and such a fool still faithfull and be with him after all what he did
But I'm not
I've tried to cheat on him too but i just cant.
Ah yoochun is coming i better pretend to sleep.
Yoochun come and go to our room he stares at me and feel guilty as always but still do nothing.
Today junsu have nothing to do so he just go to bookstore. Buying a romance books.
Romance novel makes him better at least he knows that someone's out there people can have their happiness with love.
Not like him.
it's already 7pm and he decide to go back home.
He feels something's wrong with the parking lot. He doesnt know what's wrong but he feels it.
And suddenly someone from behind attack him and he just lost his consience.
he wakes up and try to remember everything and he remember he is still at parking lot
he tries to stand up but his back is killing him
I was raped?
I want to cry right now but i do not know why i cant cry
My life is so great by having a boyfriend who always cheating on me and right now i was raped
I laugh
I laugh my lives for being so great right now huh!
I try to wake up and go to my car.
I kept thinking what should I do?
how come i go home and meet yoochun?
I know it is not my fault but still
arghhh
I decide not to go home. I'll stay at hotel and turn off my phone.
I'm home right now
ahhhh why Junsu have to be stupid and innocent
It will be better if he is just like me
a jerk
and It's all my fault why do i have to asked him to be my boyfriend.
Junsu must already sleep right now like always
I go to our room to find junsu
But then
where is junsu?
I tried to call him but his phone is off right now
ahh maybe he stayed at jaejoong's
or maybe he starts to realize that our's realtionship is not worth it at all
and then I sleep
it feels a little bit weird not having junsu beside me.
After stayed at hotel for a week and turn off his phone junsu decide to comeback home
He will say nothing to yoochun about he was raped by someone he doesnt know
he cant tell yoochun.
he decide to cook to calm his heart and head.
although he doesnt know if yoochun will have dinner at home or not.
Yoochun go home a little bit early today.
Yoochun still wondering where's Junsu
he already ask changmin and jaejong but no one's know where's junsu
he surprised seeing junsu at home
he like it though
yoochun: where the hell are you junsu? and what happen with ur phone?
Junsu: ah chunnie, u surprised me . do u want to have dinner now?
Yoochun: ah sorry, and yeah I'm hungry but u do not answer my question yet
Junsu: ohhh sorry i left my phone at home and i met my brother. he insist me to go with him to jeju island. I want to call you but I'm just to excited meet my brother. sorry
Junsu lied to me
why junsu? do u already have someone?
and why I dont like knowing junsu lied to me
Juns u are verry bad liar u are just to innocent
I know fro, ur eyes that you are lying.
I feel so guilty lying to yoochun
but what should i say?
should i say to him
Nothing chunnie I just got raped at parking lot by someone I dont know and i cant meet u i need to calm my head and heart so i choose to stay at hotel and turn off my phone. Now I comeback and hope u still be with me
I cant right
even when i was faithfull to him he cant be faithfull to me
knowing me being raped must make him leave me
and I cant live without him
a week without seeing him make me dying already.
Junsu decide to go to bed after dinner and washing the dishes leave yoochun to watch tv.
he doesnt know why but he feels so tired and fell asleep already
but he wakes up suddenly when he feels someone hug him from behind
he startled try to push but stops when he feels kissed on his neck
he know it's yoochun he can feels yoochun without seeing him
cause he feels so safe and warm
he starts to moan when yoochun kiss his neck and touch his niple.
he really miss yoochun but when he start to enjoy yoochun's touch
he cant stop thinking how dirty he is and he still doesnt know who raped him
ther's a chance he will have std or even AIDS
He cant make yoochun have std or AIDS
he try to push yoochun
Junsu:" chuniie sorry not tonight i'm just so tired and all sory."
Yoochun:" are u okay su? U never say no to me before.
Junsu:" yeah I'm just to tired is it okay?"
Yoochun:" yeah."
what the hell with junsu
he didnt want to have sex with me anymore?
ahhh I'll cal yunho then
yoochun calls yunho
i hear him
he will go out ahh i really need his embrace but i can have sex with him really
Junsu:chunnie please dont go I'm sorry right
Yoochun: what happen junsu? u never protest about it before
Junsu: yeah but i really need u now
Yoochun: yeah but i cant have my need now with u right stop try to change me Junsu
Junsu: I never ask u to change chunnie please
Yoochun:" what? ahhh this is it ! u always want to make me guilty right i cant stand anymore junsu. I'm leaving u right now!
junsu shocked hearing yoochun breaking up on him
Junsu speechless
and he just starred yoochun's back leaving him
he feels so empty right now
he doesnt know what to do
I cant do this anymore
Ican have this live anymore
My hearts hurts too much and cant stand it anymore
I go to kitchen and take the knife
for once in my life I'll be egoist
I'll decide things for myself
God can choose me to fall in love with yoochun and suffer
God can choose me to suffer and raped by someone
but right now I'm the who will be choosing
I'll choose how and when I will die
I'm calm right now
I'm not stressed
ah but Icant suicide with knife
how if i have HIV and people who touch my blood will get it
I go to my dad's house
my dad is aleady asleep
i go to his cabinet and take a few bottels
and i go home
and then I'm driving
I do not know where I'll be going
i drive till my gas run out
then I walk till I cant walk again
i open that bottles
and drink it
and i feel sleepy and calm
goodbye yoochun
goodbye all
tonight I'm choosing mine over all of you
4 years later
Yoochun in his last breath.
Yoochun remembers all what already happen in his life
My name is yoochun
I have AIDS
yeah
I have AIDS because I'm hurting the one I love
2 years ago I know I have AIDS
and Yunho too
and I'm not angry
I feel like it's God punishing me for hurting junsu
4years ago Junsu found died
he died caused OD from morphine
he drank alot of morphine tha night
he got from his dad cabinet who had cancer
and that morphine is for him if he cant stand the pain anymore
I cant believe Junsu suiced
and icant stop blaming myself
jaejoong and changmin hate me
and Yunho leave me
I lived like a zombie after then
Then 2 years ago i know i had cancer
and I decide not to have medication
And I feel it right now
I'll meet junsu in a few momments
Junsu forgives me
yeah it sucks hahahaha