My name? Roxas. Who am I? I'm a nineteen year old college student who is the most anti-social college student you will probably ever meet. I live next to someone who is the exact opposite; you know? Mr. Social, the one everyone wants to be around, be best buds with, and even date? Yeah, him. His name is Axel, a twenty one year old college senior who lives in the dorm next to mine. It's been a couple months now, but I already know enough about him to know that he's a total flirt. He's the guy who, when he asks how you're doing, expects a full answer because he genuinely cares; but the worst thing about him, is that he's a playboy. He thinks he's all that, and he is, but he's so cocky about it. He's always having these pretty girls over late at night, and often times it sounds like they stay the night. And guess who gets to hear them all night long? Yep. Me. I hear his bed squeaking and I hear him moaning and I can hear him yelling someone's name, although it's not very clear. That's how I started to hate him, cause as much as I'm ashamed to admit it, hearing him makes me hard. I keep one hand over my mouth because I'd die if he heard me responding to his love making; then I touch myself, trying desperately to hold back my moans and not to make a mess that could leave behind any evidence. Not like I need to worry about anyone finding evidence; I've never invited anyone inside my dorm before.
Anyway, he does it a lot, two or three times a week, and it's annoying when I'm trying to study or when I'm trying to sleep. Usually I put in my headphones because I don't want to admit that his pleasure turns me on. Cause at the same time, I don't want to admit that I like it when he talks to me. He's very nice to me, and pretty much anyone he comes across, but still I can't help but feel special when he flashes that gorgeous smile at me. As dorm neighbors, we run into each other a lot, but most of our conversations are just small talk; he only calls me blondie and I doubt he even knows my real name. But he's still sweet in the way he holds doors open, smiles often, and offers to help people with their problems and to just listen. He's super friendly and is always making conversations where everyone around him is smiling and laughing. He makes you want to be near him; he draws you in like a magnet, giving you no choice but to be attracted to his breath-taking smile, iridescent green eyes, and gorgeous red hair. And now, I'm stuck. I'm stuck because as much as I don't want to, but I can't help but smile when he's near. I can't help but give him the cold shoulder every now and then, or how I make smart-ass remarks, only because I'm afraid to grow used to this attention. I'm afraid that if I'm nicer to him, he'll be even nicer back, and I'll be forever lost in a friendship that is hopeless. Cause not only is he a playboy and a flirt and cocky about it all, he's still perfect. And worst of all, he's clearly straight.
I woke up one day, a bit late compared to my usual routine, and when I opened the door, he was in the hallway in nothing but a towel.
"Going to shower blondie?" He asked, holding his shower caddy in one hand and placing other just above that dangerously low towel hugging his curvy hips.
"What do you think?" I asked, holding my towel and my shower caddy as I walked with him into the bathroom. I always preferred to strip and change within the shower stalls, for my own comfort.
"Which stall do you want?" He asked and I shrugged. There was one that had an extra shelf to put all your clothes and stuff, but I didn't want to seem selfish.
"You want that one, don't you?" He asked, pointing the one I had just described.
"Doesn't matter."
"You know, that one is my favorite. We could share it." He leaned close and I shivered at his chilly voice compared to the idea of sharing a steamy hot sexy shower with him.
"You serious?" I asked, pretending to be disgusted at the idea and he laughed.
"Oh please, as if you weren't staring at this." He pointed to his stomach and chest; he had a point, he was right.
"I was just wondering when you were going to put a shirt over that." I said and he rolled his eyes.
"Don't worry, I get a lot of guys who like me."
"Excuse me?" I asked, offended.
"A bunch of gay guys think I'm hot and they like me, so don't act like you're pissed when you're just scared." Axel brushed by me and into a stall as I heated up inside, turning red.
"I'm not scared of a selfish prick!" I yelled and he went into a shower stall, closing the curtain behind him.
"Whatever!" He yelled as if he were amused while he turned on the water and I went into the farthest stall. I did my best to hurry so I could get back to the safety of my dorm, and when I turned off my shower, I didn't hear his running either.
I dried off and wrapped the towel around my narrow waist and when I opened my curtain, I saw him standing right there.
"WAH!" I screamed, scared and surprised to find him silently waiting.
"See, you are scared." He said plainly in his towel.
"What the fuck are you doing you creep!" I put my hand over my heart.
"I just wanted to see if I left something in here the last time I was in this stall. Chill." He put his hand on my side and scooted me over. His warm, soft hand touched my bare skin, and I couldn't help but shudder in content.
"There's nothing over there." I said, staring at the empty stall.
"Hm, guess not. Oh well."
"What, what are you missing?" I asked, hating how curious I am.
"Why, do you want to help me find it?"
"Well, it depends what it is," I said, getting a bit shy.
"Tell me, yes, or no?" He leaned in super close to my ear and I could feel my body heating up.
"I think I'll pass." I said, moving around him so I could scurry back to my dorm. In the privacy of my room I took care of my erection.
Dammit! How did he make me hard just by whispering in my ear? Perhaps it was because I was staring at his thin pure red happy trail that continued down to more red, and past that, the fucking towel covered. My imagination always got the best of me, and I couldn't help but let it ride as I dreamt of his husky voice beckoning me to him.
I made sure to be extra quiet as I came and when I cleaned it all up, I sighed, feeling trapped into my room until I was sure that he had left for class.
A week had passed and I hadn't talked to him. We made eye contact a few times, but it never went beyond that. That's the kind of guy that Axel is: He's popular and well liked, but so much so, that unless you're a big shot, you can't expect him to make time for you. Yet he's still so kind deep down inside, that he's still friendly to anyone he passes by. That's why I'm so damn torn around him. Part of me hates him and sees him as that cocky spoiled brat who can get whatever and whoever he wants without even lifting a finger. At the same time, he's such a good guy, that it's impossible to completely dislike him. If anything, I'm just jealous, and of what, I can't exactly put my finger on. I mean, I wish I were as tall, as muscular, as well-liked, and as social as he is. But as I think about it more, I'm jealous of whatever it is that makes him smile so beautiful; or maybe, it's not a thing. Maybe it's a person. As shy as I am, I could never have a real conversation with anyone, much less Axel himself, but oh how I dreamt of confessing how badly I yearn for his company. Of course I'd never say such things. In the end, I know I'm not the only one who feels this way about him, and since I could never compete against the crowd he hands out with, my silence is as best as I can do. Even if it weren't, silence is all I know how to do.
It's challenging though, when he takes the time to wave or say hi as we're walking past each other in the hallway. I want to say something, but I usually freak out and just flash a pathetic smile before I lock myself in my dorm.
It's a pretty common scenario, so much so that it's nearly routine. After that week passed, I saw him again, and I even contemplated initiating a wave this time, but since he was with a group of three girls, I decided to just turn on my ipod and turn up my headphones to show that I was being unsocial.
He waved to me and I gave an acknowledging head nod before I locked myself in my room. Then, he threw a party. Right in his fucking dorm from eleven at night till four in the morning. He was blasting music and there were way too many people to fit in that tiny confined room, and I could tell that alcohol was involved. I couldn't take it anymore, so I knocked on his door, angry, tired, grumpy, …you get the idea.
"Hey, blondie boy!" He was intoxicated and his shirtless body and friendly smile were intoxicating me.
"Dude, it's four am and I'm tired, call it a night will ya?" I rubbed my head to show I was serious.
"Ah, don't be jealous, you're welcomed to come on in!" He grabbed my arm and threw me inside his cramped dorm room. Our entire floor was partying in his room; everyone but me.
"Who's the blonde cutie?" Some blonde girl asked pointing to me.
"Larxene, this is blondie." I growled; we lived on the same floor for how long and she didn't even know my name?
"That's not my name." I grumbled but Axel was already going for another beer.
"I think you've had enough." I took it from his hand and he pouted.
"Maybe you haven't had enough!" He poked my chest and laughed and I rolled my eyes, wanting to leave, even though I knew I'd regret leaving his side, because it was when I was with him when I wasn't truly alone.
"What if someone calls security? You can get is a lot of trouble." I said and Axel blew me off with a wave of his hand.
"Take the stick out of your ass and live blondie."
"The name is," I started, but was interrupted by a tall blonde with a mullet Mohawk who turned up the already loud music. I growled, getting frustrated at how everyone there lived on our floor and even though I didn't really talk to them, I knew that I had seen them walking into rooms with keys; and still none of them seemed to recognize me besides Axel. I guess that's my fault though. It just shows how kind Axel is to acknowledge me.
"Alright Demyx!" Axel cheered and everyone started grinding and I somehow got shoved into Axel, who caught me and started to sway his hips against my ass.
"What the fuck?" I yelled, secretly loving it, but fearing how hard it would make me.
Axel didn't say anything, he just kept his hands on my hips from behind me and started to grind into me. Right away I could feel myself turning red and getting really warm, so I tried to break free, but he wouldn't let me.
"Don't try to run away blondie, I got you now." Axel pulled my back into his chest as he yelled over the music into my ear.
"Axe, quit it!" I yelled back as he ran one hand down my chest. I wanted it. I wanted it so damn bad. But as much as I hate to admit it, I'm very ….sensitive….and getting hard with so many people around would be horrifyingly embarrassing.
"Shit! Parties over!" A tan guy with silver hair yelled, turning off the music as he yanked the ipod out of the speaker and before I knew it, everyone was running around wildly and then, it was just Axel and me.
"Fucking campus police." Axel grunted as he began picking up trash.
"You're, you're sober?" I asked, since he seemed completely together and clear-headed.
"Yeah. I can handle alcohol really well, but it makes parties super boring." He shrugged with a smile and I turned red with embarrassment. Does that mean that he wanted to dance with me like that, or that he just wanted his friends to think he was as wasted as they were?
"Need help?" I asked, stooping down to pick up empty beer cans and to put his room back in a state of order.
"Thanks blondie." Axel smiled at me and gave me a high five when we finished cleaning almost a full hour later.
"Yeah, no problem."
"Sorry that the party bothered you." He said, not looking at me as he took of his pants and put on basketball shorts.
"It's ok." I said, paralyzed by the view of his tight boxers hugging everything about him; not to mention, I couldn't be mad when he apologized.
"You know, you're always welcomed to come over, even when there's not a party. We can have a party, just you and I." He smiled flirtatiously and I widened my eyes.
"Thanks, but I should get back to sleep." I pointed to the wall that separated our dorms and he shrugged.
"Whatever makes you happy blondie."
"Bye," I said, making my way towards the door. I was about to open it when Axel caught my arm.
"Bye, blondie." He pulled me into a tight hug and I could feel my cheeks turning warm as I grew confused. I wanted to stay in that hug, in that warm embrace where I felt so comfortable and felt so special. But I also knew that the longer I stayed, the more danger I was getting myself into.
"See ya." I broke away and went into my dorm. After I shut the door and locked it, I crawled into bed, not even sleepy anymore. But I was tired. Tired of being alone. Tired of having this conflicting confusion where I wanted so badly to tell him how I loved being noticed; but what tired me out the most, was thinking about how it wouldn't change anything.
Author's Note: In honor of AKUROKU Day, I'm posting this story! I'm not very far in it yet, but after tomorrow I should have more time to write ^_^ Happy AKUROKU Day, may it be filled with fire, key's, and tons of lemons =)
Heart, Sarabellum