Disclaimer: Battlestar Galactica belongs to Ronald D. Moore and the Sci-Fi channel. The song, "Almost Lover" is from A Fine Frenzy, from coexistlove's montage. Song lyrics are in italics. /Spoilers are in brackets/.
Almost
Bill Adama wandered the halls, letting his feet lead him, a grim expression on his face. He was in no hurry to return to his quarters for another round of psychological analysis. Whether she was right or not, he did not want Laura in his head at the moment. He ended up in the Observation Deck, deciding to sit in one of the front row seats. Due to recent events, it was unoccupied.
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
I should've brought the Ambrosia with me, he thought to himself as he stared out at the stars. He tried to set his mind on anything except the last few years. Yet his thoughts would not obey. She would not stay out of his thoughts.
Images
/Let me pin a frakkin' medal to your chest/.
Her voice echoed like the wind and would not leave him alone.
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
/Maybe we should just enjoy this./
Clever trick
In trying to think of better times, his mind strayed to her, to their 'break' on New Caprica. No matter what, the timing had never seemed right, even then. She had tried though, with that exotic red dress. But it had been fleeting. All too soon they found themselves in the thick of tense situations.
I never want to see you unhappy
/Are we willing to sacrifice Lee?/
I thought you'd want the same for me
Why were things always so difficult for them? He rubbed the bridge of his nose, wishing that he had finished that discussion with her regarding New Caprica.
Goodbye, my almost lover
/I absolutely would've built that cabin./
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
That planet, harsh ball of mud that it had turned out to be, had been a break for them. He did not want to risk another ruined relationship though. The ghost of his marriage to Caroline still haunted him, scratching any hopes of good relationships in the future. Who was he kidding? He had too many responsibilities anyway. But her, Laura, she had somehow made him pause. The things she said, what she asked of him, it was not like anything anyone had asked of him before. And somehow she had managed to cheer him up, even when she herself was hurting.
I'm trying not to think about you
/Yes, sir. Okay, sir. Anything you say, sir./
Can't you just let me be?
She just had to go and make me look my problems in the eye today. Why couldn't she have just left it alone? Because she was worried about me, and I threw it back at her. He reflected on their recent argument. What were they really arguing about anyway? It had nothing to do with her, but she was the one he attacked, all because of how good she had become at reading him.
So long, my luckless romance
/You are so bottled up inside. You can't take any more loss. You're son's leaving. This, me. I know it./
My back is turned on you
It was a mess. It was so much of a mess that he did not know where to begin. Nothing was stable anymore. Everyone was leaving him. Kara, he wanted to believe her and it stung that he doubted her. But he had the safety of the fleet to consider. He had waffled on what to do, and as he sat in the Observation Deck, he was still waffling on how to handle everything. He felt incomplete, as if his reasoning had taken leave to another part of the ship.
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
/You're afraid to live alone./
Almost lovers always do
She had been right from the start, he realized. It was time to stand up and set things right, starting with what was closest to him. He rose and headed for his quarters.
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000
He had left her. He had simply walked out and she felt so empty. Finding too much unattached hair didn't help the situation. He had left, and left her. Laura Roslin held onto the sink to steady herself. Not that I can really blame him for leaving. I said all the wrong things. What was I thinking? She sniffed again, trying unsuccessfully to hold back tears as she made her way to the couch. She reflected back on the last time that he had been genuinely upset with her.
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
/You broke your word to the fleet, and you broke your word to me./
Images
She curled up in a ball on one cushion, trying to clear her head. Her thoughts remained on him though. His exterior had been difficult to push through, but in their quiet moments, she had been able to see the man beneath.
And when you left you kissed my lips
/Laura, I forgive you./
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no
But the opportunity was never there. The one spark of possibility they could have had did not last, and they were thrust back into their roles as leaders. This was what fate had handed them, the temptation of something that could never be.
I never want to see you unhappy
/We have certain responsibilities./
I never want to see you unhappy
Perhaps that glimmer of something more was what had kept both of them going. They bated each other, flirting, dancing closer to the lines they had drawn, but never crossing those lines.
I thought you'd want the same for me
/If your quarters become too cramped, there's always room for you in one of my beds./
Goodbye, my almost lover
She took one look as his rack. I guess that was one offer I actually took him up on, she thought wryly. He had let her stay in his quarters, possibly out of guilt for how personally she had taken Baltar's trial. It had given the press another reason to hassle her, and everyone's dirty laundry had been aired. But then even though she had been hurt by it, he was still there for her.
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
/Don't let them see you sweat, Laura./
I'm trying not to think about you
Regarding the problem of Kara Thrace's return, he had let her direct him. But it had not helped is situation. Neither of them was coping very well with the situation of the fleet. The stress, demands, and constant barrage of life-or-death decisions had taken their toll on both Roslin and Adama.
Can't you just let me be?
/You shot her at close range and you missed./
So long, my luckless romance
Perhaps that was why the bullet hit their picture instead of Kara's head. The lives they were forced into made a relationship impossible. She had soaked up what little comfort she could, but it was not sufficient to patch the hole in her heart as she pulled a blanket around herself.
My back is turned on you
/You're afraid to die alone./
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
He had been right. As she closed her eyes, she only hoped that he would not harm himself in the intoxicated state that he had been in when he left.
Almost lovers always do
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The lamp glowed dimly as he entered his quarters. He glanced over to the end table where the decanter of Ambrosia still sat. Then he shook his head, already feeling lightheaded from the more than ample supply of alcohol he had consumed that day. He had eaten little and his stomach was not in the best of shape either that evening. His gaze rested on the form curled up at the end of his couch.
/It just goes to show you, Bill, never give up hope./
He stepped closer to her, then reached out with his right hand to touch her face. "Laura," he said softly. She blinked at him, pulling the blanket closer. "Laura, you can't sleep on the couch like that. You'll hurt your back."
She moved the blanket down to her waist and sat up slowly. "Bill, do you still want me here?"
Without hesitation he sat down next to her. "Yes. About what I said earlier, I'm sorry. You were right, about a lot of things. I just didn't want to face them."
I cannot go to the ocean
Her eyes brimmed with unshed tears as she swallowed. "You're not the only one. I'm sorry, Bill. I should've just stopped. Instead I kept pushing you."
I cannot drive the streets at night
He reached for her hands, noticing how cold they were. He held them in both of his, trying to warm them. "We were arguing for stupid reasons. Let's just let it go at that."
"Why do we do that, push the worst buttons with each other?" she asked quietly.
I cannot wake up in the morning
"We've had to put on a brave front for everyone else. It's no wonder that we lashed out at each other. You can't really lash out against the wall, and I don't think either one of us has an invisible friend," he explained.
Without you on my mind
The thought of holding a tirade to a wall caused her to giggle. Soon she could not hold it back. The sound bubbled from her and it was a much more welcome sound than he had come home to before. He laughed with her. Then she faced him again. "And here I thought you were kicking me out."
He shook his head, slowly dropping her hands. "I like having you here. I went for a walk to think things through, but all of my thoughts came back to you."
"What now then?" she inquired.
Standing, he offered her a hand. "We put you to bed while I take the couch."
She took his hand and he led her to the bathroom. A few minutes later she emerged, wearing her blue nightgown. "I didn't realize that I'd left so much clutter around your sink. You'd better hope Tigh brings the morning reports again. Anyone else is going to think I've moved in," she relayed with a smirk.
He debated telling her, but then thought that it she might find it more amusing than offensive. "Lee thinks we're sleeping together."
She laughed heartily, to the point where it turned into a coughing spasm. He moved to offer her water, but she shook her head as her breathing resumed its normal airflow. "I'm fine. Does he really? Your son has more of an imagination than I've given him credit for."
"I've noticed that you call him 'my son' instead of 'Lee' or even 'Mr. Adama' when he's in trouble," Bill remarked with amusement.
"That's because despite his age, I'm sure you could find some creative way of grounding him," she answered.
She settled herself under his covers while he watched her to see if she needed anything else. "Goodnight, Laura," he said."
"Goodnight, Bill," she responded before closing her eyes. He headed for the couch, knowing that whatever the next day would bring, at least he would have one less argument to settle.
Laura woke to the sound of water running and someone gargling in the bathroom. She stretched and left the bed to peak in through the door. Bill stood there, splashing cold water on his face. His shaving equipment was laid out, though untouched. She noticed that the cap on the mouthwash was off.
So you're gone and I'm haunted
"You okay?" she inquired.
He turned and then immediately shut his eyes. "Sorry. Hell of a hangover this morning. Serves me right, I suppose."
And I bet you are just fine
She walked in and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Can I get you something? Coffee?"
Wincing as she said 'coffee,' he shook his head. "Coffee would only make a reappearance."
Did I make it that easy
"Tea then?" she amended.
"That sounds better," he replied.
"I'll just get dressed and then I'll make you a cup," she mentioned.
To walk right in and out of my life?
He turned slowly and glanced at the small clock. "You'd better hurry. Saul will be here in twenty minutes and I think he'd want to finish off a whole bottle of my Ambrosia if he saw you like that."
She glanced down and blushed, having forgotten about her state of dress. "Why didn't you wake me earlier?"
"I was letting you sleep in," he responded. She sighed and he left the bathroom so that she could prepare for the day and he could shave.
Ten minutes later, she found him sitting at his desk, dressed and shuffling a few reports into piles on the left side of his desk. A cup of tea and a saucer came into his vision. He looked over at her as he accepted it. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," she told him.
He took a few sips while she paced the room slowly. After a moment, she walked back to his desk. "I've been thinking, you and I should start off each day on a high note."
Deep in a search for a particular report on algae replication, he did not look up. "It's a good idea."
She stepped closer and sat on his desk, off to the right. "That way, no matter what happens during the day, you and I can have something pleasant to look back on."
"Sounds good." When he set the folder down and looked at her, he had misjudged how tall she was, sitting on his desk. Instead of her face, a different area of her anatomy was at eye-level. It did not help matters that the V of her blouse ran deeper than usual, a button having gone missing.
He blinked, turning his attention to her face. Clearing his throat he mentioned, "You're missing a button."
She glanced down at her blouse. "Goodness, you're right. I was in a hurry this morning."
He heard the wryness in her comment. It had been his fault, after all. "It happens to the best of us," he replied, focusing his gaze on his desk and anywhere but her.
A mischievous grin sat on her face. He's embarrassed. "Were you ogling me?"
His brow furrowed. "Of course not. I just happened to notice that you were missing a button."
This wasn't the high note that I had in mind, but I'll take it. Extending her right arm, she leaned further on his desk, crossing her knees. "You were ogling me. Bill Adama was ogling me."
"I was not!" he protested indignantly.
She chuckled. "I've been ogled by Bill Adama. That makes my day."
"At least one of us is worth ogling," he teased with a smirk.
Her gaze fell to her hands and the smile dimmed. If you only knew. Think of something funny before he suspects something's wrong. The answer came as his right hand touched her face, brushing her cheek with his thumb. "You never know," she said, meeting his eyes. "You do have a rugged charm about you."
He laughed and shook his head, gently letting her go. He held her gaze though, as if to ask if she was alright. She smirked and he folded his hands on the desk in front of him. "Are you planning on sitting there for the rest of the day?"
"I might. I'm beginning to like this angle, being above you for once," she goaded him.
He slowly rose and she watched a spark of mischief enter his eyes. "How about this angle?" he said in that low rumble she loved.
She reached her right hand out to finger the left lapel of his uniform top. "I don't know, maybe you could move a little closer."
As he rested a hand on top of her errant one, his expression grew serious. "There are certain responsibilities to consider."
"Responsibilities that can march themselves out the nearest airlock. We need something to live for, Bill," she remarked with a conviction in her eyes that surprised him.
"Laura, as much as either of us might want-"
Her left hand touched his face, placing her thumb over his mouth. "Why do we have to keep those responsibilities when it's just the two of us?"
His mind was not thinking clearly, seeing as both of her hands were touching him. Looking into her melancholy, mischievous green eyes, his brain registered one thing: why are we holding back? What does it matter anyway? In that instant, he came to a small, yet triumphant resolution of the heart over the head.
Then he kissed her. It was gentle and warm as she pulled him closer and his hands roamed over her back. She kissed him passionately, fingering the buttons of his uniform top, popping them open. He deepened the kiss and her blouse suddenly became untucked from her skirt. Then his uniform top was open and her hands had slid around to his back. His lips strayed to her neck, causing her to shiver. When his lips returned to hers, she responded hungrily.
And suddenly there was a knock at the door. They tried to ignore it for a moment, but the knock became more insistent and louder. Slowly they broke apart, breathing heavily. "Maybe they'll go away," Laura suggested.
Bill shook his head. "It's probably Tory or Saul. Either way, I have to answer the door. Responsibilities can be postponed, but not ignored."
Goodbye, my almost lover
She released him reluctantly. "In that case, we should straighten a few things and proceed with the rest of the day."
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
He kissed her forehead before buttoning his top again. She fixed her hair and tucked her blouse back into her skirt. As he moved to answer the door, she straightened some of the files on his desk. The hatch opened to Tigh. "Frak, Bill, it took you forever to answer the door."
Adama blinked a few times as he stepped aside for Tigh to enter. "My head's killing me. It's been a long time since I let myself indulge like that," he admitted.
"And here I've been trying to stay out of that stuff. I can't believe Lee's…" he trailed off, noticing Laura arranging the admiral's desk. "Madame President," he greeted.
I'm trying not to think about you
She nodded politely. "Colonel Tigh."
Bill turned toward her. "Sewing kit's in the left top drawer along with some extra buttons."
"Thanks," she replied, turning back to the desk.
Tigh raised an eyebrow, facing Adama. Then he looked from Adama to Roslin, studying their appearances. Nothing seemed out of place to him at first glance, but there was something about Roslin's appearance that he could not place. "Did I interrupt something?" Tigh asked Adama quietly.
Can't you just let me be?
"She lost a button," the admiral responded.
As she turned with the sewing kit and extra button in hand, Tigh realized what was off-balance. "You might want to tell her that her skirt's backwards," he whispered.
Adama gave a brief nod and moved toward her. Tigh watched as he whispered something to her. A blush crept up her neck and she faced them. "If you gentlemen will excuse me," she said before heading toward the bathroom.
Bill's gaze followed her as a brief silence ensued. Tigh spoke again when Adama faced him. "I should've figured it out sooner, with her staying in your quarters and all."
"Nothing's going on," Adama shot back.
Tigh smirked and shook his head. "'Nothing' my ass."
The admiral dealt Tigh the infamous 'Adama glare.' "Do you really thing with all that's been going on that we've had time to… to complicate things like that?"
"Nobody else would have to know," Tigh pointed out, handing him the reports.
"We have responsibilities to the fleet," the admiral replied, glancing through them briefly.
Tigh moved directly in front of him. "Those are just excused. One day, you'll look for her and she won't be there. You'll try to find something with her smell on it, but you'll only find your own regret."
So long, my luckless romance
Adama slapped the reports down on his desk and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "When did everyone on this frakkin' ship become my shrink?"
My back is turned on you
Roslin emerged at that point. "Colonel, I believe that's my job."
Tigh looked from one to the other. "Right. I'll see you in CIC, Admiral."
Adama nodded. "Dismissed."
As Tigh left, Laura walked over to Bill. "I heard what you told him, and you're right. But what now?"
Bill took her hands in his, stroking the backs with his thumbs. "Will you still be here tonight?"
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
She nodded. "Yes, but you sidestepped the question. I know about responsibilities. Is there room for an 'us' here?"
Almost lovers always do
He pulled her closer to him, leaning in to give her a tender kiss. "We live one day at a time, and we remember what we live for."