"Seriously Jack, thanks for doing this."

"No need to thank me Lemon, after all you pretended to be mu live in girlfriend and fiancé when we saw Bianca. This is the least I can do in repayment for that chunk of hair she tore out. Are you sure you don't want me to speak to Leo about some of his groundbreaking hair re-growth treatments?"

"I've said no 50,000 times to that offer because Spaceman is a quack. Besides I think that my new restyle hides the bald spot quite well."

"Lemon-"

"Stop calling me Lemon, I'm a Donaghy remember."

"You don't want to be one of those feminists insisting on keeping your own surname? Or having a double barrelled name?"

"Uh, would you want your wife to do that?"

"No, anyone who agrees to marry me would have to agree to have my surname too."

"Me too. I mean, having your surname, because obviously your wife, your future wife she could have it, or not, if she doesn't want too, I mean, I mean my husband. Not that he'd have to have my surname. I'd take his. I've been a Lemon for far too long. Unless of course he had a stupid surname."

"Do you think that Donaghy is a stupid surname?"

"Of course not. I meant, Spaceman or whatever."

"Spaceman.. do you think about Leo in that way then Lemon?"

"Who? What way?"

"Leo Spaceman, are you attracted to him?"

"Eww! No Jack. I just meant he had a stupid surname. God, why are talking about this?"

"You were saying how you didn't want me to-"

"It was a rhetorical question Jack."

"I know, I'm not stupid Lemon. I went to Princeton remember? Only smart people go there, hence why you did not."

"Gee, thanks Jack."

"Anyway, you never specified what you want me to call you instead of Lemon."

"Um."

"Would you prefer I call you honey?"

"Erm."

"Or sweetheart? Babe? Darling? Dear? Wifey?"

"Ok, Ok. Just call me Lemon."

"What will you call me?"

"Jack?"

"Yes?"

"No, I meant.. I meant that's what I'd call you. I don't do that whole pet name thing. It sounds stupid calling a man Stud Muffin or Sweet Cheeks."

"..."

"What?"

"Nothing, I just believe you are correct. If any woman decided to name me any of those things I would break up with her immediately."

"I'd say that's harsh but.. it's you."

"Indeed. Now, who are all these people? Who should I belittle the most?"

"Well, the guy at the end of the aisle? That's the groom, a.k.a Dan, a.k.a my ex-boyfriend the clown."

"You really lost out there then huh?"

"He quit being a clown 2 years later and became a stock broker. So, yeah, actually I did."

"He has huge ears."

"Yeah, helped with the act I guess."

"Ah, the bride."

"..."

"..."

"... Is that.. She.. She looks like one of those dolls that go over loo rolls."

"..."

"Stop sniggering Jack."

"I'm trying not to, but you really shouldn't say things like that."

"Why not?"

"Because it's true. She does look like.. heh.. one of those loo roll covers."

"It's the ruffles."

"And the bows."

"Man that is a horrible dress."

"He was stupid for letting you go Lemon."

"Well, actually I dumped him."

"He should have fought for you. I don't believe your dress sense would ever sink so low as that."

"I think her family can hear us Jack, because they are glaring at us."

"We should go."

"We can't leave a church in the middle of the ceremony!"

"Look, she's not even reached him – god it's even worse from the back."

"Jack."

"Come on. Quickly and I'll take you to that Ice Cream place you like so much."

"Deal!"