Hello. Welcome to volume two of The Fluff Club parody series.
You see, I, Sugarsprite, the President, Dictator, and Keeper of the Wombat Pit, was bored one day, and I put out the idea of making a parody out to my fellow members. They all liked it. You can expect a few more of these evil, evil works of 'art.'
Fear us... fear us...
Fluff club, this is for you.
Disclaimer: I no own.
Marian-Sue brushed out her long flowing blonde locks in the mirror. Gazing adoringly at herself, she tugged at her golden tresses until every tangle was annihilated, and the cascade of hair fell perfectly at her waist, glowing slightly. As she tossed her head, making her curls bounce about at her shoulders, she noticed something...
There was a red, raised bump on the corner of her forehead. The center of the bump was white, and when Marian-Sue touched it with her maincured finger, she flinched with overwhelming pain.
"BERTHA!!!" she screamed.
A maid emerged from the chambers next door, "Yes, Marian-Sue?"
"Bertha, what is this... this...THING on my head?" She pointed to the unidentified ailment. "Do you think I shall die? It hurts me so!"
"For one thing, Ma'am, my name is Llyra Monroe, not Bertha." Llyra pointed out to the beautiful girl. "And for another, you're not going to die from that. It's just a zit."
Marian looked confused, "What's a zit?"
"You don't know what a zit is?!" Llyra asked incredulously, "A pimple?"
"No. I've never had one before... is it fatal, Bertha?!" she asked ever so melodramatically.
"No." Llyra replied in an annoyed monotone. "And I'm Llyra."
"But..." Marian-Sue said, twisting her hair, "My maid's name is Bertha."
"I know," Llyra replied, opening Marian's closet to reveal an unconscious maid. "But you won't be needing her anymore... you'll be needing to come with me."
"Where?" asked Marian-Sue, "Why?"
"SHE ordered it." Llyra then proceeded to take out The Official Fluff Club Human-Sized-Sack and prepared it to hold a perfect little Mary-Sue.
"Who is SHE?" asked Marian-Sue fearfully, while backing into a corner of the castle room.
"SHE? SHE is your worst nightmare. SHE is Sugarsprite, President, Dictator, Keeper of the Wombat Pit, and Queen."
"Llyra... you know you don't really have to do this, right?" Marian-Sue simpered, while Llyra advanced with her Official Fluff Club Sword. "You don't have to kill me."
"Oh no, I'm not going to kill you..." Llyra lifted The Official Fluff Club Human-Sized-Sack over Marian-Sue's head, plunging her into darkness. "I'm just going to take you to Sherwood Forest..."
Marian-Sue screamed bloody murder.
"Quick, Mar-An. We must get to the village before the Light Circle gets low in the Plain of the Sky Hunters."
"Yes, Elder. I'll carry the carcasses of the many beasts that I killed today. You can run ahead to the village." Mar-An took the dead bodies of the twenty-seven animals she had killed that day onto her strong, strong back and ran at full speed. Since she could run faster than anyone else in the world, she was far ahead of the tribal elder, despite the headstart she had given him.
"Since I killed so many beasts today, I can have fun!" she exclaimed, and started attacking the trunks of trees with her katana (a kind of Japanese sword).
"Sh[censored]" murmured the Inspector-of-Good-Fluff, Outlaw Eris, from atop the tree Mar-An was pulverizing. "How am I gonna take her back to Sherwood if she attacks trees for fun?"
"Who there?" grunted Mar-An, Hypersenses tingling.
There was no noise from the trees above.
Mar-An shrugged, her long black ponytail bouncing up a little bit. "Perhaps my katana cracked again with the fury of my blows. I'll practice my archery instead."
She reached back and grabbed her bow and an arrow tipped in pink. She shot the arrow into the tree then took one hundred steps away from it. She shot her second arrow into the perfect center of the first one. The third arrow split the second one.
And it went on and on.
Outlaw Eris was impressed. She waited patently from her nearly destroyed oak until Mar-An ran out of arrows.
Mar-An went up to the tree to collect the one remaining arrow from the midst of destroyed arrows. Outlaw Eris had one of her Evil-Genius ideas...
She dug in her Official Fluff Club Backpack until she found what she needed.
As Mar-An finished fiddling with her arrow, Outlaw Eris let something drop from her high perch. Just as the warrior stood up to go, she was knocked unconscious by The Official Fluff Club Rock.
The Midnight's Magic and Enchantress of the Stars walked together to the castle where the final Marian was to be abducted.
"So, do you think we'll manage to get the last one?" asked The Midnight's Magic.
"I think so..."
"But still." The Midnight's Magic murmured. "Remember all the trouble Outlaw Eris had coming back..."
"Yeah," Enchantress of the Stars replied, comforting her fellow Fluff Club member, "But she was in charge of the abduction of Marian-With-Balls. Our assignment is much easier, and plus, there are two of us."
"Yeah, I guess." The Members walked in silence for a while when suddenly they heard hysterical sobbing from the bushes...
"That should be us," said Enchantress, checking the reference sheet Sugarsprite had given the pair.
The Members walked towards the source of the sobbing. They saw a pretty girl curled into the fetal position, crying as though her heart would break.
"Yup, that's Psycho-Depressed Marian alright." The Midnight's Magic announced.
"Leave me alone!" Screamed Psycho-Depressed Marian, "I won't marry him, no matter how much you beat me, father! I- I- I'll run away, that's what I'll do!"
"It's okay, Psycho-Depressed Marian. We're not your father." Soothed the Enchantress.
"Re...really?" sniffled Psycho-Depressed Marian, wiping her nose on the sleeve of her silken dress.
"Really." Replied The Midnight's Magic. "And we're here to take you away to Sherwood."
The third Marian threw her arms around the waists of the two surprised Members. "Really?! You'll take me away from this horrible place? Thankyouthankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou ...."
"SHUT UP!" Both girls screamed at the sodden girl.
"Now you have to do exactly what we say." Said the Enchantress firmly.
"And you have to get in this sack, and we'll carry you to Sherwood."
"A sack..." whimpered Psycho-Depressed Marian.
"It's Fluff Club protocol..."
"I don't liiiiiike sacks! They're so daaaark and scaaaaary!!!" wailed the Marian in need of some Zoloft.
"Shut up before they're forced to drug you." Said a voice from the sky. The voice belonged to an enormous dragon, who was flying in the darkening sky. The third Marian curled up into a ball, sobbing.
"Dragonfirechick!" cried the two members to the Secretary of the Fluff Club.
"Hi guys, I was coming to check on you..." said the dragon, transforming into a rather fierce looking girl. "News from Sugarsprite. She says the Robin Hoods have arrived safely, as well as the Allan A-Dales."
"That's great!" said The Midnight's Magic. "Now, if you'll get in the sack, Psycho-Depressed..."
The sobbing girl sobbed some more and shook violently. Enchantress of the Stars rolled her eyes and took a bar of The Official Fluff Club Drugged Chocolate and stuffed it into the Official Fluff Club Human-Sized-Sack.
Psycho-Depressed's eyes lit up, and she sniffed the air. "I smell... I smell... COMFORT FOOD!!!!"
"Yes... and its here in this big sleeping bag!" cried Dragonfirechick.
"GIMME!!!"
Within moments, Psycho-Depressed's substance-induced snores rang through the air.
"Shall we be off then?" asked Dragonfirechick, transforming into a dragon again. "Climb on," she told the other Members, "I'll carry Angsty here with my mouth."
"MIANNE!!! BLACKPIXIE!!! WHERE'S MY HERBAL ZINGER TEA?!" screamed a voice across the Sherwood office building.
"COMING B...[censored]" Cried Blackpixie from the kitchen. "GIMME A FREAKING SECOND!!!"
"DO YOU HAVE ANY CONSITORATION FOR YOUR ELDERS, YOU FOURTEEN YEAR OLD NERD?!" Shouted an exasperated Mianne.
Tensions were running high as the mastermind responsible for the Fluff Club grew more and more irritable. So high, in fact, that her horrible mood rubbed off on her dear friends, the Vice President, and the Treasurer.
When a scowling Blackpixie and Mianne emerged from the kitchen, carrying between them a steaming mug of tea, the ominous black swivel chair synonymous with evil geniuses was facing the window.
"Erm... sorry 'bout that..." murmured Blackpixie.
"Me too." Added Mianne.
"No I'm sorry." Said the swivel chair containing The Dictator of the Fluff Club. "I started it with being so moody. If you'll turn your Fluff Club Handbooks to page 34 under Fluff Club Mottos you'll see the perfect motto for a time like this..."
"Long live Fluff?" asked Mianne.
"Feh?" asked Blackpixie.
"Blame it on PMS." Finished Sugarsprite, turning in her swivel chair.
"Ahhh..."
"We need to talk about the new evil plan." Said Blackpixie, matter of factly. "We've captured the different versions of Robin Hood, Will Scarlet, Allen A-Dale, and now Marian, but we still don't know what we're going to do with them..."
"I shall tell you in a moment, good members." Sugarsprite said. "I just have to do one more thing..."
From a desk drawer the evil girl drew out a raw steak. Holding it at arms length, she walked over to the window and opened it.
A deafening roar of wombat-calls exploded through the room. Sugarsprite dropped the steak into the pit, and an especially large wombat by the name of Big Bob caught it at a leap. Blood dripping from his fangs, he let out a happy cry, and slurped it down in one gulp.
Sugarsprite pressed a button on her desk. All the other fluff club members assembled around her and they talked through the night about what they were going to do with the newly acquired Robin Hood characters.
And what they spoke of wasn't pretty.