Whisper
How had it come to this?
He'd once been so strong, so prestigious, with the world almost cradled in the palm of his hand. His influence had spread whilst the innocent cheered him and the guilty cowered beneath the tip of his pen—
But L was neither, and now Light was cowering beneath him.
L hadn't fitted into his design, which was why he was able to slither up and strangle Light so easily. You couldn't be prepared for something you hadn't expected, and certainly, Light hadn't expected this.
He hadn't expected to be caught.
He'd considered the possibility of it, but not the actuality – and incidentally, the vision of the possibility hadn't been at all like this. He shouldn't have been surprised, really – this was L, after all, and he did, by and large, have a reason for this state of affairs.
Well, two; that was a fairer number. One reason that L would admit to, and one that he wouldn't.
He was L's prisoner, kept in solitary confinement for the most part. L came to see him every day to bring him food, but L and L only. Light hadn't seen another person for months. He supposed he should have been grateful that L even came – the small interaction stopped him from going completely mad – but he dreaded the detective's visits, because L had completely dropped the pretence of being nice to him now that he was sure of his guilt.
That, and the fact that, being L's prisoner, L seemed to view this as an invitation to mark Light as his personal property and use him as such.
L always came in the evenings – Light wasn't sure what time, or if it differed from night to night, because there was no clock in here. He brought him enough food and water to last him comfortably for 24 hours, dominated him to remind who had won and then left him alone to rock in silence for another full day.
He'd expected to be tossed into a cold, damp little jail cell; but L had been well-prepared for his victory over Light Yagami, having had this room originally built-in. By all standards, it was actually quite comfortable – far more so than the tiny cell he'd been imprisoned in during his surveillance – and at least here he wasn't restrained, and nor were there any cameras. It had a proper double bed laden with crimson sheets and pillows, a bedside table with a lamp, a wardrobe, heating and carpeting, with a small adjoined bathroom including a sink, a toilet and a shower.
It was no guest bedroom, though – it had been designed as an imprisonment facility, as was obvious from the lack of windows. The only illumination available 24/7 was from the lamp or fluorescent bathroom striplight – if the lamp wasn't on then the room was plunged into darkness, even if it was midday outside.
For all the months he'd been here, he hadn't seen a single scrap of daylight.
The reason for the lack of windows was the same as the reason for which everything in the room was bolted down, the sink was lightweight aluminium, the shower cubicle was made of plastic, there were no mirrors and nothing higher than his full height was strong enough to support his weight:
So that it was impossible for him to kill himself.
He had absolutely no contact with the outside world – no TV, no radio, no computer. His phone and his mp3 player had been taken away from him months ago, and L had also been very quick to confiscate the tiny green notepad and pencil. L brought him books from time to time, but mostly preferred to leave him to his own devices. More often than not, Light simply lay in bed and gazed miserably up at the ceiling, waiting for L to come.
Still, this was only half of his punishment for trying to make the world a better place; L was always sure to whisper in his ear, every night, just before he left, that he'd been here for five months.
Just four more, and he was free to go to the execution chamber.
"You could always just renounce your ownership of the Death Note," L mused, pausing though he was barely breathless; one hand held Light's wrists above his head and the other was splayed against the boy's stomach. "…But honestly, I think that would be worse for you. You'd forget your guilt, but I would still be forced to take action against you for your crimes. I'm sure you'll agree that it's better for you to go to your death knowing that you're being punished for what you know you did rather than go frightened and convinced that you're being wrongly executed."
Light gave a faint nod, biting his lip; he barely listened to anything L said anymore. Everything that came out of his mouth was vicious, mocking or both. Even the tears and pleas that had once accompanied this act had long ago been worn out of him. L wasn't even doing it for pleasure – it was just a mechanical act of dominance over his captive. Light would never have expected this from him prior to his imprisonment, but it was clear now that either L's emotionless façade previously had been entirely an act, or the fact that Light really had turned out to be Kira had short-circuited something in him, leaving only…
…this.
"Of course, there's nothing to stop me from sparing your life," L crooned, kissing Light's cheek. "Only a handful of people know you're here. I haven't told anybody about… this yet. The ICPO, the FBI, the world leaders… Nobody has to know I caught you, you know. Or I could just say that you were executed in private. After all, now that I've taken your notebook away and had Amane-san sent to prison, the killings won't ever happen again. Kira might as well be dead, for all the killing power you have now."
"You just… want a… fuck-buddy…!" Light hissed breathlessly.
"How unfair of you." L skated his fingertips over Light's belly. "That's only half of it, as you know."
Light opened his mouth to speak again, but L hushed him with a finger to his lips.
"Be quiet, Kira-kun. You're distracting me."
Light fell silent for a moment or two, looking away from L as the detective pawed over him with his mouth and his hands; his gasp short and sharp when L's mouth descended from the hollow of his throat to his nipple, pressing unbearable wet heat against it.
"This… is rape," he breathed, tossing his head from side to side.
"No, it isn't," L replied coolly, glancing up at him with his dark eyes. "Rape is when one of the participants isn't willing."
"I… I wouldn't—ah!" The boy cut himself off with a cry, arching upwards off the bed when L's teeth came down on him.
"And you don't seem unwilling to me, Kira-kun," L finished softly. "Still, I suppose this is the only highlight of your otherwise-mundane day…"
"You're… you're so arrogant—"
"And you're Kira." L smiled lazily at him.
"That doesn't give you the right to rape me!" Light screeched, near tears.
The smile on L's face shattered in the same brittle instant in which he lashed out and grabbed Light by the throat. Light panicked, grabbing at his wrist, but L's slender fingers were deceivingly strong and dug effectively into the cartilage of the teenager's neck.
"Shut your mouth, you little murderer," L snapped at him. "Don't you dare tell me what I can and can't do to you. Isn't it a small prince to pay for being kept alive? You should have been executed months ago. You owe me your life right now, Light Yagami."
"It's not about me, though, it's—"
"Be quiet." L crushed his throat more tightly still to accentuate the imperative. When Light's shaky gasping and panicked little noises had hushed themselves completely, the detective finally let him go. "Good. There we are. Don't get yourself all worked up."
Light squeezed his eyes tightly shut, eyelashes catching the tears beginning to leak from them. L reached over and wiped them away with his cuff in a surprisingly gentle manner.
"You're afraid of me," he said, the statement composed merely of blasé fact. "Aren't you, Light-kun? Aren't you afraid of me?"
Five months ago, when first locked into this room, Light would have defiantly raised his chin and met L's gaze and replied that no, he wasn't, he wasn't afraid of L or anything that he could or would do. But now he just squeezed his eyes tighter still and gave a small, timid nod – those five months had worn him down, L's constant subjugation of him had weakened him, fed on threats of execution for his deeds. L generally adopted a nonchalant "There's no-one on my back forcing me to send you to execution, but I probably will anyway" attitude about the whole thing.
Even with L in place as his enemy in the Kira-vs-L struggle, Light had not deemed him capable of this kind of cruelty. He'd often wondered, lying here alone in the dark, if L behaved this way towards every criminal he caught – he came to doubt such a notion.
It surely wasn't because he was Kira – it was because Light Yagami had turned out to be Kira. Because he'd been L's friend, and because he'd been…
"Good. I'm glad."
L tilted his head, then leaned down towards Light again, speaking against his jugular.
"I'm glad you're afraid of me, because Kira should be afraid of L."
"There. It's over for another night." L buttoned his jeans and tugged his white top straight, then leaned over Light, who had curled up on his side, his breathing shallow. "Come on, Kira-kun. You'll have to get dressed because the heating in here is programmed to go off soon. I don't want you to get sick from the cold."
"You don't care… about me," Light whispered miserably.
"Well, alright. I suppose I am laying it a little thick in regards to what you are – a murderer, as you'll kindly recall. Even so, I'd rather you didn't enhance your chances of becoming ill. I'm busy and can't look after you if you're ill."
Light glanced up at L; then gave a defeated little sigh and heaved himself upright.
"You wouldn't look after me anyway," he said quietly.
"Light-kun always sees right through me," L said humourlessly, pulling Light's shirt on for him. "Of course, there's no reason why I should look after you, is there? Except maybe…"
L trailed off, neatly doing Light's buttons for him. He left the top one undone, the second, third and fourth fastened fine, the fifth strained and from the sixth downwards it was a lost cause.
"I really should bring you some new clothes," L mused idly. "It always slips my mind."
Light looked up at him sullenly.
"No, it doesn't," he hissed. "You like this. You take pleasure in the fact that my clothes don't fit me anymore."
"Maybe. I suppose it does serve as a good reminder." L smirked around his thumb after he tried and failed to zip and button Light's pants and buckle his belt. "Even so, you're only going to get bigger. It's probably uncomfortable enough already…"
It wasn't as though Light had only one change of clothes. He had an entire wardrobeful; but they'd started to feel a bit tight around the star of the third month and from the fourth onwards he'd been rapidly growing out of them. All of his trousers gaped and all of his shirts wouldn't button all the way down and all of his sweaters rode up. It didn't help that Light had never gone in for L's 'Wear-it-four-sizes-too-big' look, all of his clothes being close-fitting and flattering of the toned, trim shape he'd had five months ago.
He felt L's icy hand press once more against the taut skin of his swollen belly; the five-month bump responsible for his imprisonment here.
"Stop touching me!" He snapped, kicking at L; the detective moved aside, but had to remove his hand to do so.
"Why can't I touch it?" He asked with an exaggerated air of innocence. "It is mine."
"And I pity it that misfortune," Light spat. "You've had your fun for tonight, you creep. Leave me alone."
"I wanted to feel it kick."
"I haven't felt it move for a few hours now. I think it's asleep." Light's eyes narrowed. "Stop pretending you care about it, L. I know you don't want it. I'm surprised you're letting me live out the full nine months so that it doesn't die with me."
"It's unfair that an unborn child should be condemned to death because of your sins, Kira-kun. The child will be removed from you when it's capable of surviving outside of your body and then I'll most likely have you executed."
"And you expect me to believe that you'll look after it?" Light hissed, lying down on his side again and curling up to stop L from touching him.
"I most likely won't, but I won't neglect it either, Kira-kun. I'm sure I'll be able to find someone who'll take care of it. Sending it to Wammy's House is probably the best option. Being our child, I expect it will be highly intelligent. Maybe one day it will even be the next L. But I certainly won't raise it myself. I think that's almost as unfair as allowing Kira to raise it."
Light gave a disgusted little snort and closed his eyes.
"Did you even bother checking out how this happened?" He asked coldly.
"I had intended to, but then I decided that I honestly don't really care." And when Light looked up at him in surprise, L went on; "Besides, it would be inconvenient at this point to have samples tested to determine how this has happened. It would draw unwelcome attention to you – most likely media attention in addition to scientific – and I am, as you'll remember, keeping your capture and imprisonment under wraps. It's for your own benefit."
"Yeah, right." Light's eyes closed again. "More like you didn't want anyone to find out that L knocked up Kira."
"What crass language, Light-kun. Unfit for a mother-to-be, I must say—"
"Shut up. I'm not its mother," Light snapped savagely.
"Don't speak to me like that, Kira-kun," L whispered, leaning down close to Light's ear. "I expect more reverence from you, do you understand?"
Light gave another silent nod and L moved away again, satisfied.
"I don't mean to bully you, Light-kun," he said offishly, "but I really can't stand anybody talking to me like that, especially a criminal. Anyway, I was going to say that… there is something that fascinates me about all this."
"Like what?" Light asked, his voice barely audible.
"Well, it's another reason I'm allowing you to live. I find it almost mandatory to allow the child to grow inside you until it can live outside without depending on you, because… the idea of a murderer giving life instead of taking it away is an intriguing juxtaposition, don't you think?"
"…I suppose."
"It's almost something of a natural fitting punishment – a penalty to pay for what you did." L paused. "Of course, only one life won't make your debt even – and I suppose even if, by some miracle of nature greater even than this, you were able to bear a life to replace every single one of those that you took away… it still wouldn't make what you did acceptable."
"That's just stupid, L…"
"I never said it was a plausible state of affairs. Even a woman couldn't bear that many children in her entire lifespan. But I think it's fair to call this a punishment, of sorts. You don't want the child either, Light-kun. It's humiliating, painful and uncomfortable for you, but you wouldn't want it even if you didn't have to carry it yourself. You can't deny that. You cried that you wanted it aborted at the beginning – something I wouldn't allow even if it was possible."
"Well, it's not like I planned this, is it?" Light bit out icily into his pillow. "This isn't even natural, it's some kind of freaky natural phenomenon… though I suspect you know more about than you pretend you do."
"That's nothing but a leap of faith – either that, or wishful thinking. You want to blame me for this."
"It is your fault."
"It doesn't matter – the damage is done, Kira-kun; which I think is a phrase that attributes itself to more than just your current condition."
Light didn't say anything, curling up tighter in the twisted bedsheets. L was quiet for a while too, gazing off into space as though thinking very hard about something, his thumbnail under heavy assault.
"I don't think I would like it myself," he said at length. "Being pregnant, I mean. I have nothing against women, but I've always been rather glad that I wasn't born one, that being one of my main reasons. Perhaps you have always felt the same way?"
"It's not something I've ever thought about," Light replied stiffly.
"Oh. Well, maybe that's a good thing. It probably wasn't as much of a blow to you to discover you had managed to become pregnant as it would have been to me, then."
"I wasn't exactly delighted, L," Light seethed.
"No, I shouldn't expect that you were. Even so, if you haven't given it the thought that I have, then I doubt it would upset you as much."
"And why's that?"
"Because… I really hate the thought of something growing inside me. Babies are living organisms that get bigger and move and kick… I'd hate feeling that inside my body."
"But it's okay to let me feel it?" Light hissed.
"You don't seem to mind as much as I would, Light-kun. I don't think it's something that I would deal with very well, personally. I suppose I have to commend how well you have adjusted to this. Call it self-serving, but I don't have a problem with it having happened to you… but I am very glad that it didn't happen to me. I would hate that. I really would."
"Well…" Light gave a dismissive shrug. "It's unnatural for me to be pregnant, but even so, it is still human nature. It's not like it's a monster or a demon or anything."
"I don't think of babies as any of those things," L said in a low voice. "They seem like parasites to me."
"That's idiotic."
"Is it? Think about it; it's a foreign life form that doesn't belong inside you, which attaches itself to you and feeds on the nutrients and oxygen that you have needs for, and then, to top it all off, grows larger and makes you uncomfortable and then, when it's finally outgrown you, it painfully forces its way out of your body. They're nothing but parasites."
"You were one once. We all were."
L gave a little shudder.
"Even so, the thought of it makes my skin crawl…" The detective glanced down at Light, who was still curled up on his side; his dark eyes gleamed wickedly. "Then again, perhaps Light-kun is used to parasites."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I've always considered your persona of Kira as something of a parasite," L explained drolly. "A demon born of that notebook that buried itself inside you and took over, fed on your ambition and sense of justice, wore you like a mask to conceal itself… Of course, that's just one of my many theories as to why you became Kira. It wouldn't be enough to deplete your guilt either to me or before a court. But even so, I think it's the most interesting given this state of affairs. If you follow that reasoning, the way that our child is growing inside you is comparable to way in which Kira grew in you—"
"Don't call it 'our child'," Light interrupted.
"But it is our child, Light-kun. And please don't interrupt me when I'm talking. I don't like it."
"And I don't like to think that there's a part of you inside me, so… I don't. It's not 'our' child. It's just a child. I don't care what you do with it after it's out of me. You can drown it if you want." Light gave an angry sigh. "Now leave me alone, you sadistic bastard."
"Alright." The mattress shifted as L moved across the bed to get off it. "I'll leave you alone, but stop speaking to me like that, Kira-kun. It severely annoys me. Your meal is over there on the bedside table."
Light gave a silent, tight-lipped nod and didn't move.
"Sometimes I think Light-kun would be happier if I were to put poison in his food," L said quietly, now standing beyond the bed. "…I don't like seeing you so unhappy, you know, but you're Kira, so I'm not obliged to make your stay here a pleasant one. Incidentally, it would be much worse for you in prison."
"I'd be happier if I never saw you again," Light said, feeling tears begin to sting his eyes again.
"You'd starve to death if I never came back. That would defeat the object of the exercise – keeping you here so that new life can be born of Kira's ashes. It may be a parasite, but it deserves a chance at life, at the very least. Besides, your life is still in my hands, you know. It's probable that I will send you to be executed for your crimes, but I may change my mind. It's still four months away."
Light still offered nothing by way of an answer and L shoved his hands in his pockets and slinked off towards the door; he paused before unlocking it, looking back at Light, who was still huddled up in a protective little ball.
"You haven't thought of a name for it yet, have you?" He asked flatly.
"I'm not naming it," Light said, not looking up at him.
"Can I name it, then?"
"Whatever."
"Whisper," L said simply.
"You can't name a child 'Whisper'," Light snapped.
"This coming from the boy with the English word for an illumination appliance for a name," L replied dryly.
"Why 'Whisper'?" Light asked bitterly, ignoring that last jab.
"Because it's our secret, of course, Light-kun," L replied, sounding puzzled; he gestured around the specially-designed room. "Just about everything so far is, for now, at least…"
The detective took the small, slim Death Note from the back pocket of his jeans and swung it to and fro between his fingertips, the movement of it like the pendulum of a clock ticking away time.
"…Our little secret."
Rawr, random mpreg thingy. This is the first time I've ever written a real one. I once wrote a fake one for the Teen Titans section...
Don't ask how Light got pregnant. I don't know and I don't care. I'm not going to go into some kind of bizarre scientific theory that I half made up and half don't even understand. It doesn't matter how he became pregnant. The fact that he is pregant is just a vehicle for me to use to toy around with some ideas I thought were interesting.
This is a one-shot. It will not be continued.
And now that I've finished defending it, all that is left for me to say is that I hoped you enjoyed it!
:)