Silent Tears of the Sea

Author: StarlightMichi

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It's been three years since Mokona left. Three years since the pillar system—so hated at that time—was erased from Cephiro forever. Three years. Three years can do a lot to a person. We've all grown up, just a little. Hikaru's a little taller; Fuu's a bit prettier, and me? Well, I've changed too. It's hard to see change in yourself though.

I don't love Ascot. I didn't realize this for a long time. We've been together for almost two years, but I don't love him. Maybe I loved him at one point, but I don't now, and that's the point.

I can tell that he's head-over-heals for me, though. Maybe that's why I've put off telling him how I feel. I still care about him, and I don't want to see him hurt. But is leading him on any better?

Ugh, my head hurts! Life's gotten so complicated compared to three years ago. Back then, everything was a big deal, but everything was also in plain sight. We knew what we had to do. First, we had to save Cephiro by becoming Magic Knights. Then, we knew we had to protect Cephiro, to right the wrong we committed by taking Emerauds life. It hadn't been our plan to abolish the Pillar system, but at the time it was the perfect end.

Nowadays, though, nothing is clear. All of my problems and demons are hidden inside of me. And the worst part is that Hikaru and Fuu can't help. We've always done everything together, but this is something they can't help with. Simply because it's about them. Or rather, it's about Fuu, and Hikaru is still too… Hikaru-ish to help.

Fuu. Fuu's the reason I know I don't love Ascot. Fuu's the reason why I have to face these demons alone, and Fuu is the reason I've noticed how different I am. It's actually rather simple. Laughably simple! I love her! It's ridiculous, don't you think? I used to think so. When I first noticed, I laughed—outwardly! I laughed my head off for a good ten minutes before I started crying.

That's the way things usually go. Recognition, denial, depression. I recognized that I was different. I recognized that it was Fuu that made me different, and then I recognized that I would never have her. I denied the change. I denied my love for her, and then I denied the thought of never having her. But in the end, I'm at depression. I'm depressed because I can never go back. I'm depressed because it will hurt Ascot, Ferio, and Fuu to know of this, and at last, I am depressed because I will never have her.

And I will never tell her. Fuu is too happy, to content with her life and with Ferio for me to ever ruin that. I would hate myself—hate myself—if I ever ruined her happiness. Especially for something so selfish.

So she will never know. She will never know that her smile makes my stomach flip. She'll never know that I could look into her eyes for an eternity and never feel like I've wasted time. She'll never know that the only wish I've had for six months has been to touch her, hold her, kiss her. She will never hear me say "I love you" without it being sisterly.

I'll watch from the sides. I'll watch her smile at Ferio the way I want her to smile at me. I'll watch her grow up, and marry, and I'll never tell her.

Maybe someday I'll find another girl—for I know now that I could never love a man. Maybe I'll even find someone to love me back. But right now, Fuu is the one I love, and I will just have to cry alone.

The End

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A.N. Well, what do you think? I see a LOT of Hikaru-Umi stuff, or Umi-Ascot stuff, but I think Umi would make a great lesbian. It just fits. Why else does she shrug off Ascot's advances in both the Anime and the manga. She plays it off as being naïve, but no one is that naïve.

I don't think Umi could fall for Hikaru, though. Hikaru's too much of a little-sister for her to have romantic feelings towards her. Well, that's my opinion, anyways, and I am in no way trying to say people out there are wrong. There have been some VERY well written Umi-Hikaru stories. I just would rather see her with Fuu :)