The Spiff Saga
Or: Long Live Stoopedtidtie
Part One: Escape and the Great Cookie Hunt
Spaceman Spiff is a young, slightly midgetish explorer whose greatest dream is to explore every unexplored planet (by popular demand). However, while on the hostile planet Skule, he is attacked by the barbaric `Teechurz' who tie him up so tightly that you couldn't even see his spiky yellow hair. We join our hero as he is taken as a sacrifice to the evil god they call `Nollij.'
1 And then, when they have a meeting with the evil god, Spiff sees that indeed Nollij could be truly, dangerously evil.
He is taken to a boiling pit of Putrid Poisonous Pasta to be "dunked," when he escapes!
He runs down the corridor, dodging the mighty books, which were filled with Nollij's power. Unfortunately, he runs straight into the throne room, where he meets…
A giant dictionary! He knows a dangerous secret now. Nollij is actually a servant to a higher, eviler power! He prays to the god Stoopedtidtie to help him.
"Oh, Stoopedtidtie, mighty Stoopedtidtie, please help me beat the evil dictionary and put an end to this mayham-and-cheese sandwich!" He cries, raising his arms and falling to the floor.
The dictionary leaps at him, throwing its paper jaws wide in anticipation, but suddenly a rubber chicken jumps out of the sky and lands on it, cracking its binding and breaking its spine. The dictionary lies still. The chicken turns to our little hero. "Hey, dude!" it says to Spiff, "I am the goddess they like to call Phunn. I must take you to see Stoopedtidtie at once! The whole Kingdom of Ignorense may depend on your actions today, young Spiff!" And so, Phunn leads him up through a hole in the ceiling, but they suddenly encounter…
A brick wall!
Sadly, Spiff hits his head and is temporarily inconvenienced by severe dizziness. But then, to our readers' great relief, Phunn merely says, "Hey Brickwall! Why did you do that?" The wall says, "My name is Morder. I hit you because I am a hit man …er, wall, actually… and I am being paid a lot for it."
Morder apologizes to Spiff, and Spiff charges again into Morder. "SPIFFERDIFEROUS!" he cries as he leaps over the wall, Phunn falling after him. Morder turns around. "You know, I'm getting paid if I do a good job," he says evilly.
But there's nothing he can do about it, because he is, after all, only a wall.
So Phunn cries her war cry, and with a quackkick she knocks down Morder. Spiff and Phunn travel along until they meet a stuffed tiger. "HOBBES! What are you doing here!?" cries Spiff, "This is no place for a tiger!!" Poof! Hobbes vanishes!
"Aaahh!!!" yells Spiff, "Where did he go? What happened?!" Then suddenly, he hears a noise behind him. He turns around, and standing there are Galaxoid and Nebular, still wearing mild-mannered alter ego Calvin's Christmas stockings as coats. "Location, location, location," says Galaxoid. "Kudos for Navigator Nebular," says Nebular. Galaxoid ignores him. "Huh?" says Spiff, "What do you mean?"
"WE mean WE want food! Yummy cookies to save our planet. The people on out planet, location, are suffering! WE MUST HAVE all the kudos and cookies."
"We have captured Hobbes and will not give him back until you help us." "How can I help you?" Spiff yells frantically, "Anything!" But then, Phunn says, "You need to help save Ignorense, remember?" Now Spiff must make a difficult choice…
After little thought, Spaceman Spiff summons his partner, STUPENDOUS MAN! (Defender of Liberty, etc.) Stupendous lurks in the shadows, unknown to anyone. With Stupendous Man and Spaceman Spiff both, nothing can go wrong- the dynamite duo speed off to rescue Hobbes and save the planet!
Stupendous Man and Spaceman Spiff hurry, in their little red spaceship, to the prison where Hobbes is being kept. Galaxoid and Nebular follow, and give our two heroes pizza, to prove their good intentions. Phunn reports back to Stoopedtidtie to tell him of their quest. When the spaceship gets to the prison, Galaxoid shows Spiff and Stupendous the "Cat Hall" of their comic jail. He opens the first door… And the Masked Avenger leaps at him! He closes the door. "Oops, wrong comic," he says, "You two didn't want Garfield, did you?" He goes to the next door and opens it. "Yello!" says a voice inside. "Shtinky Puddin'?" says Spiff, "What are you doing here? Are you lost?" "I dunno…" says the voice. "Oh, okay, let's move on," Says Galaxoid, and he closes the door. Stupendous Man goes to the next door and opens it, and is immediately attacked by a certain large, stripy, orange furball.
"Well, I suppose since I'm here at the moment, I might as well tell you that… There's a great giant hamster and a gooey kablooey headed this way right nowww!" yells Hobbes, pinning Stupendous down. A silence bigger than Hobbes erupted. "NO. You're wrong. SOMETHING UNDER THAT BED IS DROOLING!" yells Spaceman Spiff, pointing his transmogrifier gun at the cot of the cell.
"Eew!" says Spiff, but Stupendous Man (Defender of Liberty, etc.) grabs the gun away from Spiff's trembling hands and changes the monster into a bowl of clam chowder. Unfortunately, more monsters come out of hiding, and Stupendous Man's gun has stopped working!
"Hey tiger," a loud voice suggests, "We'll give you some salmon if you push the heroes over here." "Is the salmon fresh?" asks Hobbes. "Hold on, I'll check," replies the voice, "Yeah, it's fresh…" "HOBBES, DON'T!" the little superheroes scream.
"Mmm!" says Hobbes, licking his lips. "Nooooo!" yells someone from the next cell over, "Save the Shuper Heroes! I don't wanna be the last of the Shtinky Puddins!"
"NO, HOBBES! Don't go over to the dark side!" yells Spiff! "Hobbes…" says the voice, "I am your father!" "NOOOOO!" yells Hobbes and he sinks partway into the darkness. Pulling out a fish, he starts to fight the monster, complaining that the salmon wasn't even fresh.
Things are looking bad for our furry friend, but just as he's going down for the third time, the fish opens its mouth and eats part of the darkness. "Aach!" says the monster, "My eye! My Wazabauch! I'm missing my eye and my Wazabauch!" Hobbes climbs out of the hole, and in gratitude eats the fish before the remaining monsters can torture it, but the monsters suddenly all evaporate. Nebular appears, and our heroes boldly go where no human has ever gone before, in search of the elusive cookies!
Stepping off the spaceship, Stupendous Man lurks in the darkness, while Spaceman Spiff rolls about in the dust and Hobbes goes to sleep… Little do they know…
The giant carnivorous cookie monsters are watching their every move!
Slowly, the carnivorous cookie monsters reveal themselves, creeping alongside the superheroes. Suddenly- KAPOW! A monster pounces on Stupendous Man, dragging the captives to the prison, where Spiff finds the Cookie Safe…
It looks like this is our heroes' last stand! But luckily, Hobbes is dreaming again. He runs and pounces, all the time murmuring "Fish… Fish… Fish…" After his pounce, he lands on…
One of the two monsters, killing it with his powerful pounce. Pulling out his transmogrifier gun,
Stupendous Man suddenly remembers that it doesn't work. So he throws it at the other monster.
"KWA-PWANG!" The monster starts 'Kwa-Pwanging and running after the heroes, who hide in the spaceship. "Well…" says Spiff, "I guess we didn't get the cookies." "He he he he he!" Hobbes starts guffawing.
"Huh?" asks Stupendous. Spiff stares at Hobbes, who is still laughing his stripes off. Hobbes is about to explain, but suddenly…
"Oh, no- we've got a cling on! It's a red racecar!"
Spiff starts worrying that the car belongs to Hobbes' father, but suddenly out of the racecar steps… Shtinky Puddin'! "Oh, no!" says Galaxoid "Shtinks!" cries Hobbes joyfully, walking towards the car. "NO!" cries Nebular, "YOU'RE trying to kidnap what WE'VE rightfully stolen!"
"But how can I kidnap something you've already stolen? I just want to enlarge my nose some more- it makes me look sooo cute!" "Oh, so vain, are we!" replies Spiff. "Well, now we must give the cookies Hobbes got us to Galaxoid and Nebular- here," and dumping the double brothers and Shtinky in space, our heroes speed off. "Well, wasn't that easy?" says Stupendous Man, "Now we must report back to Phunn- It's been a while since we stopped in…
End of Part One
Or: Long Live Stoopedtidtie
Part One: Escape and the Great Cookie Hunt
Spaceman Spiff is a young, slightly midgetish explorer whose greatest dream is to explore every unexplored planet (by popular demand). However, while on the hostile planet Skule, he is attacked by the barbaric `Teechurz' who tie him up so tightly that you couldn't even see his spiky yellow hair. We join our hero as he is taken as a sacrifice to the evil god they call `Nollij.'
1 And then, when they have a meeting with the evil god, Spiff sees that indeed Nollij could be truly, dangerously evil.
He is taken to a boiling pit of Putrid Poisonous Pasta to be "dunked," when he escapes!
He runs down the corridor, dodging the mighty books, which were filled with Nollij's power. Unfortunately, he runs straight into the throne room, where he meets…
A giant dictionary! He knows a dangerous secret now. Nollij is actually a servant to a higher, eviler power! He prays to the god Stoopedtidtie to help him.
"Oh, Stoopedtidtie, mighty Stoopedtidtie, please help me beat the evil dictionary and put an end to this mayham-and-cheese sandwich!" He cries, raising his arms and falling to the floor.
The dictionary leaps at him, throwing its paper jaws wide in anticipation, but suddenly a rubber chicken jumps out of the sky and lands on it, cracking its binding and breaking its spine. The dictionary lies still. The chicken turns to our little hero. "Hey, dude!" it says to Spiff, "I am the goddess they like to call Phunn. I must take you to see Stoopedtidtie at once! The whole Kingdom of Ignorense may depend on your actions today, young Spiff!" And so, Phunn leads him up through a hole in the ceiling, but they suddenly encounter…
A brick wall!
Sadly, Spiff hits his head and is temporarily inconvenienced by severe dizziness. But then, to our readers' great relief, Phunn merely says, "Hey Brickwall! Why did you do that?" The wall says, "My name is Morder. I hit you because I am a hit man …er, wall, actually… and I am being paid a lot for it."
Morder apologizes to Spiff, and Spiff charges again into Morder. "SPIFFERDIFEROUS!" he cries as he leaps over the wall, Phunn falling after him. Morder turns around. "You know, I'm getting paid if I do a good job," he says evilly.
But there's nothing he can do about it, because he is, after all, only a wall.
So Phunn cries her war cry, and with a quackkick she knocks down Morder. Spiff and Phunn travel along until they meet a stuffed tiger. "HOBBES! What are you doing here!?" cries Spiff, "This is no place for a tiger!!" Poof! Hobbes vanishes!
"Aaahh!!!" yells Spiff, "Where did he go? What happened?!" Then suddenly, he hears a noise behind him. He turns around, and standing there are Galaxoid and Nebular, still wearing mild-mannered alter ego Calvin's Christmas stockings as coats. "Location, location, location," says Galaxoid. "Kudos for Navigator Nebular," says Nebular. Galaxoid ignores him. "Huh?" says Spiff, "What do you mean?"
"WE mean WE want food! Yummy cookies to save our planet. The people on out planet, location, are suffering! WE MUST HAVE all the kudos and cookies."
"We have captured Hobbes and will not give him back until you help us." "How can I help you?" Spiff yells frantically, "Anything!" But then, Phunn says, "You need to help save Ignorense, remember?" Now Spiff must make a difficult choice…
After little thought, Spaceman Spiff summons his partner, STUPENDOUS MAN! (Defender of Liberty, etc.) Stupendous lurks in the shadows, unknown to anyone. With Stupendous Man and Spaceman Spiff both, nothing can go wrong- the dynamite duo speed off to rescue Hobbes and save the planet!
Stupendous Man and Spaceman Spiff hurry, in their little red spaceship, to the prison where Hobbes is being kept. Galaxoid and Nebular follow, and give our two heroes pizza, to prove their good intentions. Phunn reports back to Stoopedtidtie to tell him of their quest. When the spaceship gets to the prison, Galaxoid shows Spiff and Stupendous the "Cat Hall" of their comic jail. He opens the first door… And the Masked Avenger leaps at him! He closes the door. "Oops, wrong comic," he says, "You two didn't want Garfield, did you?" He goes to the next door and opens it. "Yello!" says a voice inside. "Shtinky Puddin'?" says Spiff, "What are you doing here? Are you lost?" "I dunno…" says the voice. "Oh, okay, let's move on," Says Galaxoid, and he closes the door. Stupendous Man goes to the next door and opens it, and is immediately attacked by a certain large, stripy, orange furball.
"Well, I suppose since I'm here at the moment, I might as well tell you that… There's a great giant hamster and a gooey kablooey headed this way right nowww!" yells Hobbes, pinning Stupendous down. A silence bigger than Hobbes erupted. "NO. You're wrong. SOMETHING UNDER THAT BED IS DROOLING!" yells Spaceman Spiff, pointing his transmogrifier gun at the cot of the cell.
"Eew!" says Spiff, but Stupendous Man (Defender of Liberty, etc.) grabs the gun away from Spiff's trembling hands and changes the monster into a bowl of clam chowder. Unfortunately, more monsters come out of hiding, and Stupendous Man's gun has stopped working!
"Hey tiger," a loud voice suggests, "We'll give you some salmon if you push the heroes over here." "Is the salmon fresh?" asks Hobbes. "Hold on, I'll check," replies the voice, "Yeah, it's fresh…" "HOBBES, DON'T!" the little superheroes scream.
"Mmm!" says Hobbes, licking his lips. "Nooooo!" yells someone from the next cell over, "Save the Shuper Heroes! I don't wanna be the last of the Shtinky Puddins!"
"NO, HOBBES! Don't go over to the dark side!" yells Spiff! "Hobbes…" says the voice, "I am your father!" "NOOOOO!" yells Hobbes and he sinks partway into the darkness. Pulling out a fish, he starts to fight the monster, complaining that the salmon wasn't even fresh.
Things are looking bad for our furry friend, but just as he's going down for the third time, the fish opens its mouth and eats part of the darkness. "Aach!" says the monster, "My eye! My Wazabauch! I'm missing my eye and my Wazabauch!" Hobbes climbs out of the hole, and in gratitude eats the fish before the remaining monsters can torture it, but the monsters suddenly all evaporate. Nebular appears, and our heroes boldly go where no human has ever gone before, in search of the elusive cookies!
Stepping off the spaceship, Stupendous Man lurks in the darkness, while Spaceman Spiff rolls about in the dust and Hobbes goes to sleep… Little do they know…
The giant carnivorous cookie monsters are watching their every move!
Slowly, the carnivorous cookie monsters reveal themselves, creeping alongside the superheroes. Suddenly- KAPOW! A monster pounces on Stupendous Man, dragging the captives to the prison, where Spiff finds the Cookie Safe…
It looks like this is our heroes' last stand! But luckily, Hobbes is dreaming again. He runs and pounces, all the time murmuring "Fish… Fish… Fish…" After his pounce, he lands on…
One of the two monsters, killing it with his powerful pounce. Pulling out his transmogrifier gun,
Stupendous Man suddenly remembers that it doesn't work. So he throws it at the other monster.
"KWA-PWANG!" The monster starts 'Kwa-Pwanging and running after the heroes, who hide in the spaceship. "Well…" says Spiff, "I guess we didn't get the cookies." "He he he he he!" Hobbes starts guffawing.
"Huh?" asks Stupendous. Spiff stares at Hobbes, who is still laughing his stripes off. Hobbes is about to explain, but suddenly…
"Oh, no- we've got a cling on! It's a red racecar!"
Spiff starts worrying that the car belongs to Hobbes' father, but suddenly out of the racecar steps… Shtinky Puddin'! "Oh, no!" says Galaxoid "Shtinks!" cries Hobbes joyfully, walking towards the car. "NO!" cries Nebular, "YOU'RE trying to kidnap what WE'VE rightfully stolen!"
"But how can I kidnap something you've already stolen? I just want to enlarge my nose some more- it makes me look sooo cute!" "Oh, so vain, are we!" replies Spiff. "Well, now we must give the cookies Hobbes got us to Galaxoid and Nebular- here," and dumping the double brothers and Shtinky in space, our heroes speed off. "Well, wasn't that easy?" says Stupendous Man, "Now we must report back to Phunn- It's been a while since we stopped in…
End of Part One